Author's Note: Gack. I am so sorry for the (second) delay. I've decided that this story will be taking top priority. I'll try not to start anything new until this is done, which is going to be a bit of a challenge for me. But I promise you...this fic will be finished!

Part two of Tobi and Zetsu's adventure. Enjoy!

Wading down the hallway, his torso above the linoleum floor and legs paddling unseen underneath, Zetsu found himself contemplating his very bizarre situation.

He had a pair of doctors after him. They had been very specific when they announced that they wanted to remove the plant-like appendage from his body.

He had to find Tobi, who had apparently been sedated after an episode which had garnered him the label of "hysterical". Zetsu gritted his teeth. Tobi knew too much information—who knew how long he could last before announcing that he was from the Akatsuki?

At this point, the notion of getting the leader's information was laughable. There was no way in hell that Zetsu or Tobi could approach a doctor without a red alert sounding.

"There he is! There's the man with the growth on his head!"

"Quick! Get him!"

The two doctors, their expressions alight with frantic triumph, were hurtling down the hallway towards him. With a grimace, Zetsu prepared to dive into the floor and finally be rid of this talk of his unusual body. It was rather damaging to his self-esteem.

Zetsu melted into the vomit-colored linoleum, easing himself through the bedrock. The footsteps were still far away. He was going to make it.

"Got him!"

…Maybe not.

Letting out a surprised yelp, Zetsu found himself being hoisted out of the floor by a gigantic hand. A beefy man clad in a too-tight bleached uniform held up the startled missing-nin like a trophy. Zetsu tried squirming away, but to no avail. The man had an iron grip.

"Nighty-night, veggie man."

A needle not-so-ceremoniously slid underneath Zetsu's skin. He was dimly aware of the pain as he began to lose consciousness.

"Get him to the operating room, stat!"

As his vision descended into darkness, a single thought crossed his mind.

He was screwed.

"Where are they!"

A frantic female medic-nin who looked as if she belonged in a jazzercise video skidded to a halt at the front desk. The receptionist looked up, bored.

"Can I help you, ma'am?"

"Yes!" the medic-nin raised her voice. "All of the ladies at my Lamaze class just disappeared!"

The receptionist did not look troubled. "And…?"

"Some man in a swirly orange mask was herding them like…like…" the woman struggled to find an apt way to describe it. "…sheep!"

"Swirly orange mask," the receptionist repeated. She fixed the medic-nin with a hawkish glare. "Look, lady. I don't have time to play games. Go bother someone else."

The medic-nin took a deep breath.

"Fine," she said, her voice sliding up an octave. "See if I care when you're pregnant!"

And with that, she turned on her heel and stomped off.

"Crazy schmuck," the receptionist muttered.

All was calm and quiet in the lobby. But that peace was short-lived.

"Come on, ladies! Onward!"

A man wearing a swirly orange mask ran past the front desk. Shredded remains of a straightjacket hung loosely around his waist; the rest of the fabric was tied around the many foreheads of the pregnant women following closely behind him.

A loud whoop rippled across the crowd of females and shot forward to the strange man, who let out the noisiest whoop of all.

"Let's go!"

And the peculiar group was off.

The receptionist didn't even spare a glance. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, after all.

Where am I?

An intense white light was searing into his retinas.

Am I dead?

"Gloves," an impatient, yet familiar male voice ordered. "I need my gloves, Ayumi!"

"I heard you the first time!" a female voice retorted. "Here."

"You don't have to be so pushy," the man grumbled. He cleared his throat. "Scalpel?"

"Scalpel," answered Ayumi, handing the surgeon the item.

With a sudden jolt, Zetsu realized where he was. He was in the operating room.

Being operated on.

"We might be able to surgically remove the foreign object from his head," Zetsu recalled a lanky doctor saying.

Oh…shit.

Zetsu tried moving his arms, but they refused to budge. His body was immobilized, weighed down by the anesthesia.

At least they could have given him some more, so he wouldn't wake up during his operation. Like now.

Zetsu silently flashbacked to all of the good times he had had with his plant-like appendage. They had grown up together. It had been party, with the three of him—his white half, his black half, and the flytrap. It had been a regular fiesta.

…You can't have a fiesta with two.

Swallowing his dismay, Zetsu found half of him wanting to look at the positives. Grudgingly, he obliged.

Well, without the plant on his body, he wouldn't have to invest in fertilizer anymore. That was a plus. He wouldn't have trouble fitting through doors, and he could go to that New Year's party without feeling like a schmuck. He could even go to restaurants and not have to wait for Pein to bring back a doggy bag full of soggy ribs.

The more he thought about it, the more Zetsu was convinced that this operation wasn't so bad after all.

…He could use some more anesthesia, however.

"I am about to make a lateral incision along the growth," the male doctor declared dramatically.

Zetsu squeezed his eyes shut. He was ready. He could feel the cold blade of the scalpel pressing against his petiole.

There was a sudden commotion. Something metal clattered to the ground a few yards away.

"I'M HERE TO SAVE YOU, ZETSU-SAN!"

Zetsu inwardly moaned. Could it be…?

"Tobi came back for you!"

Yes. Yes it was.

"I'll be right back." Konan stood up from her post beside Pein's sick-chair.

"Mrerarugwin?"

Konan extended her arm. Paper was peeling off her forearm. "I'm going to the convenience store to get a glue stick." She tucked her arm back into her sleeve. "Need anything?"

"…Gnroe."

The man jumped as the doors to the OR burst open. His scalpel went flying in to the air, bouncing against the wall and landing uselessly on the ground.

"What in the—"

An orange-masked man wearing a ravaged straightjacket like a grass skirt was occupying the doorway. He was backed by a large crowd of pregnant women. His breathing was heavy and ragged.

"It's that hysterical man!" Ayumi shouted. "The one with the maracas!"

With the word maracas, Tobi let out an anguished howl. The women gasped.

"You upset our leader!" a woman snarled. Her pregnant stomach quivered angrily.

"Get them!" another bellowed.

As a team of expectant mothers assaulted the doctors, Tobi staggered to his partner's operating table.

"Zetsu-san!" he cried, a fat tears sloshing down his mask. "Are you okay?"

Zetsu, his eyes still screwed shut, released a rueful sigh.

"No," he said glumly, thinking about the rest of his life as a human abomination.

"Well, Tobi's glad that you're still alive!" the plucky nin announced cheerfully.

Zetsu clumsily sat up. His limbs were still numb, but he thankfully had his wits about him. He took in his surroundings. A cluster of women, their bellies greatly distended, were swatting at a group of cowering doctors.

"Tobi," Zetsu said slowly. He rubbed his eyes. "Why the hell is there a group of pregnant women beating up those doctors?" He took a double take. "And why were they following you?"

His subordinate shrugged. "They said that they were drawn to Tobi. Something like that."

Zetsu continued to stare. An expecting woman was attacking the main surgeon with her shoe.

"Let's go, Zetsu-san," urged Tobi, tugging at his sleeve. His superior swung his legs over the side of the operating table with a grimace.

"OOOIII!"

Zetsu and Tobi whipped around, startled. One of Tobi's followers was doubled over in pain.

"It's coming!" she gasped. She had a pained expression. "Help me!"

Zetsu felt himself growing nauseous.

"What's coming?" Tobi asked, panicked.

"The baby!" the woman choked out. "You have to help me…deliver it!"

Tobi turned to his partner. He was very confused. "Zetsu-san…what…?"

"She wants us to catch the baby when it comes out," Zetsu said slowly. His face was the same color as his hair. "Haven't you ever watched TV?"

"Tobi doesn't watch that sort of thing!" wailed Tobi. He was terrified. The woman was screaming now; she sounded like she was in intense pain. "Zetsu-san…"

And Tobi slumped forward. He was unconscious.

"You have to help her, friend-of-leader!" a woman prodded Zetsu's shoulder. "It's coming!"

Zetsu looked stricken. "Like hell."

"You have to!"

"You selfish monster!"

Moving as one, the women quickly swarmed over Zetsu and began whacking him with their shoes, leaving the doctors out cold in the corner.

"Fine, fine, fine!" Zetsu said hastily. The assault of shoes instantly stopped.

Zetsu, albeit shakily, struggled to his feet. He was pushed over to the sink, where he scrubbed his arms with soap and warm water. A pair of rubber gloves was handed to him; he gingerly put them on.

"Why can't one of you do this?" Zetsu was still fighting back nausea.

"I'm squeamish."

"It'd beawkward."

"I'd rather not."

Another loud shriek sounded through the room. Zetsu sighed. He settled into an catcher's stance.

Play ball.

Tobi groggily opened his eyes. Through rapid blinking, the room slowly came into focus. There was a quiet urgency about the room. Anticipation.

And suddenly…a cry rang out, interrupting the swollen silence.

"It's a boy!" Tobi could hear Zetsu announce.

Tobi willed himself to sit up. His joints were unbelievably stiff, but somehow, he managed.

Craning his neck, Tobi looked over in the direction of his superior's voice.

He was met with a most unusual sight.

Zetsu, tenderly holding a newborn in his arms, had a joyful expression upon his face. He handed the bundle to his mother. She looked both exhausted and delighted.

"You did it!" the women flocked to Zetsu. "You're a hero!"

Zetsu beamed. Thank god for television.

The new mother cuddling the baby close. "I'm going to name my little boy 'Zetsu' after his godfather." She gave Zetsu a grateful smile.

A warm blush spread up Zetsu's face. He decided that he had half a mind to quit the Akatsuki and become an obstetrician.

The woman held out her child. He squirmed in her arms. "Would you like to hold him?"

The newborn was warm in Zetsu's arms. The small being looked up at his namesake with impossibly large, adorable eyes. Zetsu felt himself melt.

"You're just too adorable," he murmured. "I could just eat you up."

A grin spread across Tobi's face. He had never seen Zetsu-san so happy.

"HEY!"

Everyone turned to the corner of the room. A team of doctors, fronted by Ayumi, and the main surgeon, were on their feet, looking very displeased.

"It's the hysterical man!" the tall, lanky medic-nin accused angrily. "And his disfigured friend, too!"

"Get them!"

The new mother looked up at Zetsu. "We'll form a human shield, but we can only hold them for so long." She took her baby from his arms. "You and the leader…run!"

Zetsu and Tobi nodded. With one last farewell, they were off, dashing for the front door.

The pregnant women formed a wall. They held up their shoes menacingly.

"Just try and get through us!" one growled. "Just try!"

The doctors shrank back, fearful of another beating.

"That's right," the main woman said with a smirk. "Don't mess with motherhood!"

As the mothers-to-be advanced forward, the doctors collectively gulped.

Author's Note: I hope I didn't offend any mothers-to-be...

Reviews would be much appreciated. Please?

I'm just getting over a long period of writer's block, so there may be some mistakes in this. I proofread it, but I could have missed something. If you find a mistake, could you please let me know? Thanks!