The trio stared, stunned at the taunting message on the paper.
"He's toying with us!" Carter exclaimed, staring in the direction of where the creature had gone. "That… That… Repli-kirk is toying with us!"
"Repli-kirk?" LeBeau asked, looking at Carter as though he had lost his mind.
"Short for Replica Newkirk," the sergeant said. "What do you make of this, Peter?'
"I think I'm going mad," Newkirk hissed. "I should've sorted that impostor out the moment I saw 'im, not stand there like a fool as 'e jumps off with that loot and I get the blame for it!"
"Well, we know one thing—he's not going to stop until you're out of town," Carter said. "So we do know that he'll strike again—"
He was cut off by a woman—the theft victim, no doubt—dragging a policeman behind her.
"I saw him, Constable! That monster went that way!" she said. "Oh, he jumped straight into the air, and he had the ugliest face you ever saw!"
Newkirk scowled.
"Did you three see this bloke as he passed by?" the constable inquired of the trio, neither he nor the lady giving a second glance at the in-disguise Newkirk.
"Well, uh…" Carter began, not sure how much he wanted to reveal. "We saw something go past here, jumping off of trellises. I didn't get a very good look at him, but maybe my French friend here did?"
"Ah, oui!" LeBeau said, and he gave a detailed description of the attacker—in French, which the constable could not follow.
The constable ignored him after he realized that he wasn't going to be of any further help, either, and surveyed Newkirk.
"And you? Would you be able to describe the attacker?"
"Nein," Newkirk said, in the gruff German accent he had used so many times during the war. It had saved him then, and it would hopefully save him now.
"I would say he's beyond description," Carter said. "When you see a guy jumping higher than an Olympic athlete and breathing fire, you're paying more attention to that than, say, his eye color or hair color. You know, I remember once when I was in Bullfrog, North Dakota, which is where I grew up—"
"Forget it," the constable said, heading off in the direction that the thief had taken.
The woman proceeded to head to the nearest police station to file her report, leaving the trio to themselves again.
"You know, if he catches that Repli-kirk, that'd put you in the clear," Carter offered, trying to offer some positive thoughts.
"And if 'e doesn't catch it, then I'm done in; someone will 'ave seen that the Springheel Jack looks like me," Newkirk said, reflecting on the irony of how he had been forced to use his German accent in his hometown, of all places. He couldn't quit the team now; it would only be a matter of time before his doppelganger committed more crimes.
"Well, we should get a better disguise for you," LeBeau said, thinking about the situation. "One that will keep you out of trouble should they come looking for you."
"Maybe be would dress you up as Frau Newkirkberger again," Carter suggested. "You don't happen to still have that dress, do you?"
"Are you mad? I got rid of that thing and that ruddy skirt I 'ad to wear the time Louis, the colonel, and I impersonated those three girls. Blimey, that skirt was the absolute worst!"
"Oh, I don't know," Carter said. "You could've imagined that it was a kilt."
"Shut up," the Englishman countered, swatting Carter on the head with his hat before placing it back on his head.
But LeBeau snapped his fingers; the banter had just given him an idea.
"Of course! We can disguise him as a Scotsman!" the Frenchman exclaimed. "I still have those fake 'Jock McPhearson' dog tags from the Stalag 4 affair!"
"And I saw a kilt in that storage room at the theatre!" Carter added. "We can change him into that when we get there—maybe add on a beard on him, too!"
Newkirk slapped his forehead, quietly bemoaning his plight.
Hogan knew there was trouble when the trio failed to arrive at Newkirk's dressing room on time. Kinch left the room to see if he could pick up any information, and soon filled Hogan in on the rumor going around the theatre that the Springheel Jack II had struck again only minutes ago and had been last seen heading for this area.
"So now I have to hope that those three weren't detained—or worse," Hogan said. "If it really is Newkirk they're after, they could've easily waylaid him while he and the other two were on their way here. And we don't even know what those communist agents intend to do with them—swap our Newkirk for the fake? Have our Newkirk framed and behind bars? And what will happen to LeBeau and Carter? They just might be considered expendable."
"They wouldn't go down without a fight, Sir," Kinch said. "Even if they were ambushed on their way here—"
"There wouldn't even have been a fight if that impostor had just a little bit of chloroform," the colonel said, shaking his head. "I never should've suggested that we come here separately."
Kinch was about to reply when the door to Newkirk's dressing room opened, revealing the trio. Newkirk was in his old disguise, but the Frenchman and the younger American were carrying a kilt, a false beard, and other parts of what was clearly a new disguise for the Englishman.
"Colonel, we saw him!" Carter exclaimed, his eyes wide. He launched into his story, showing Hogan the written taunt.
The colonel looked at the taunt, and then at Newkirk, who was staring blankly at the floor to avoid eye contact. It wasn't just the fact that someone was running around as him, maligning his name; the fact that there didn't seem to be anything in his power to strike back and regain his honor was humiliating.
"And I was saying that it's a safe bet that this Repli-kirk is going to try again," Carter finished. "So Louis had this idea of getting Peter a better disguise, and I got this Scotsman's outfit together from stuff in the storage area. Sorry we're late…"
"Better late than never, in this case," Hogan decided.
"Did you three happen to run into that Spanish lady when you arrived here?" Kinch asked.
All eyes turned to the staff sergeant, the trio shaking their heads.
"You saw her?" Hogan asked, frowning.
"In the lobby," Kinch agreed. "She was the one who said that the Springheel Jack was last seen in this area, and that she had seen the composite sketch from the last issue of the paper. She thought it was ridiculous that a member of the Royal Air Force would be involved in such a scandal. She says she's covering this story to get the truth out."
"How convenient," LeBeau said, darkly. He turned to Newkirk. "So, do you still think she has nothing to do with this? Under the disguise of someone trying to clear your name, she is the one sullying it!"
"Hey…!" Carter said, his eyes widening. "Why didn't I see it before? It was right here under our noses all along! Maybe that lady reporter is really Gretel! Hey, Kinch, you didn't happen to get a really close look at her, did you? Did she have blond roots in her hair, or maybe just a few stray blond hairs?"
"Why don't you make a ruddy list of the people you think are Gretel in disguise?" Newkirk asked. "I suppose you'll be saying that the real 'ochstetter and the real Gretel switched places just to throw us off!"
"Hey, we've got to look at all the possibilities, don't we?" Carter asked.
"Right, I'll grant you that we 'ave to find out who Gretel is disguising herself as," the corporal replied. "But you can't go around accusing everyone of being Gretel without proof. We'll take it one candidate at a time. We came 'ere to observe Pandora, so I say we stick with him for now. We'll move on to other suspects later, and just to satisfy you, Louis, we'll even scrutinize that reporter."
Newkirk was not about to admit this to LeBeau, but he was now beginning to doubt Miss Sandiego's integrity even more. But there still was a slim chance, of course, that she was telling the truth, and she really was trying to clear his name. If that was the case, then he needed all the help he could get.
Hogan was sensing that Newkirk's poor judgment of women was beginning to cloud his mind again, but this wasn't the time to discuss that. He was right about one thing—that they had to focus on one suspect at a time.
"Newkirk has a point," he said. "We came here for a reason, and we'll stick with Pandora tonight. The way she's been asking for interviews, I doubt we'll have trouble getting ahold of that reporter once we're ready for her. Newkirk, here's what I want you to do. Before you get into this new disguise, I want you to find that woman."
"Right, Sir," he said, baffled at the colonel's decision. "But I don't see—"
"Let me finish," Hogan went on. "You'll find her, and you'll tell her that you'll agree to have that interview with her on two conditions. One: the interview will be in one of the conference rooms at the hotel where Kinch and I are staying. Kinch will have a chance to make sure that there are no listening devices before we begin. And two: as your commanding officer during three of the five years you spent at Stalag 13, I have to be present and will order that questions will only be answered by you at my discretion. If she doesn't agree to those terms, then there will be no interview."
"How does that help us figure out what she is up to?" LeBeau asked. "And where do André and I fit into this?"
"I'll get to that later; first, let's have Newkirk set up a meeting with her first; we only go forward with step two if she agrees to our conditions."
"And what about the Springheel Jack, Colonel?" Kinch asked. "It's going to be tough having Newkirk around and in the open with his double running around."
"His fire-breathing double," Carter added. His eyes suddenly widened again. "Hey, wait a minute! Maybe Repli-kirk is—"
"Andrew, if you say that you think me double is really Gretel, I swear—"
"Well, we already established that Repli-kirk clearly has it in for you," Carter said. "And after you take into consideration that you were partly the reason why Gretel was disgraced, it is possible."
"Possible, but highly unlikely; it's difficult enough for a man to impersonate a woman and vice-versa," Hogan said. "But trying to impersonate a specific member of the opposite gender is even more difficult. I still don't know how LeBeau, Newkirk, and I pulled it off that night, impersonating those three USO girls. Even Schultz saw through that one."
"It didn't 'elp that you chose to call 'im 'Fresh' in your real voice, Kathy…" Newkirk said, wryly. He wiped the smirk from his face as Hogan gave him a glare. "I'll go find the girl, Sir…"
He hastily exited the room, prompting LeBeau to turn to Hogan.
"I do not understand, Colonel; what do you hope to gain by having that girl interview Pierre? Why must we oblige her?"
"Because while she's busy interviewing Newkirk, you and Carter will be investigating the lady's residence," Hogan explained.
"Brilliant!" Carter said. "We can look around and see if she's involved with this plot to frame Peter!"
"There's just one thing," Hogan said. "I don't want anyone telling Newkirk about that part of the plan."
"But why, Colonel?" LeBeau asked. "I agree that Pierre sometimes does not use the best judgment when it comes to women, but I still do not think that—"
"It's for his own sake," said Hogan. "We're dealing with a highly organized group of spies; I recognized some of them in the pictures that von Schroeder showed me. I don't want that lady to realize that we're onto her—if she's involved."
"So you think there's a chance she might be trying to help out after all?" Carter asked. "Though, I guess we couldn't even tell her anything if she really was on the level—not that she'd be able to help, anyway."
"I honestly don't know what her real motives are," Hogan said, though the entire scenario seemed fishy. "That's what you and LeBeau are going to find out—assuming she goes for this arrangement. I know Newkirk will never reveal anything about the operation, but I'd still like to be there to see how this reporter works. I want to see if she'll try to hide anything while I'm around."
LeBeau and Carter exchanged glances and nodded.
"Kinch, after you make sure that the conference room is clear, I want you to stand by," Hogan went on. "Carter and LeBeau will call you if anything comes up. Use your code names in case she has listening devices in her place."
"Right, Sir," Kinch said. "But do you know where this lady is staying?"
Hogan responded by handing him a slip of paper.
"I looked into it after seeing the sketch in the paper this morning," he said. "I had a hunch that she was affiliated with this paper and I called them to ask about her; it turns out that she was just transferred here, but has rented a small house in Epping."
"If she's renting a house just outside of London, then that means she's probably got a lot of money already," Kinch said, handing the address to Carter and LeBeau.
"But if she's doing her reporting here, wouldn't it be cheaper to get an apartment in London?" Carter wondered aloud. "Either she's got a lot of money to throw, or someone's paying for her."
"And why anyone would have that much money to throw in post-war Europe is beyond me," Hogan added. "While it's possible that she had some benefactors, it's also possible that she's being paid by other employers."
"Well, I brought my camera for sightseeing," Carter added. "I can use it to capture evidence—"
"Colonel?" Newkirk asked, returning to the dressing room. "Colonel, she's right outside; she says she's willing to agree to your terms, and can schedule an interview as soon as tomorrow, if you like."
"Tomorrow will be fine," Hogan said. "We'll make it for 1500 hours, and we'll tell her which conference room to go to after she arrives."
Newkirk turned to the reporter, who was standing nearby.
"Tomorrow at 3:00?" he asked.
"That will be fine," she said. "I will meet you at the hotel."
She didn't stop to chat; after the time was set, she took her leave.
"Well, she didn't act like she had anything to hide," Carter said, prompting LeBeau to nudge him to keep him quiet.
Luckily for Carter, Newkirk wasn't even paying attention; the Englishman was dolefully gathering the pieces of his new costume, keen on disappearing into the crowd as quickly as possible.
"Newkirk?" Hogan asked.
"The police 'ave started searching the area," the corporal explained. "That double of mine really was seen 'ere. They might come looking for me if they were able to match me name to 'is face."
"We won't let them take you," the colonel assured him, wondering how none of them had seen the ersatz Newkirk here. "General Barton can pull enough strings to keep you out of jail until we clear your name."
"And even if he could not pull the strings, we would not let them lock you up," LeBeau agreed. The Frenchman was feeling slightly guilty for not being able to tell Newkirk about the assignment that he and Carter had been given.
Newkirk didn't seem to notice the Frenchman's expression, though; the Englishman was mulling over his own problems, which seemed to be growing by the minute. Being forced to wear a kilt was the least of his worries. Come to think of it, the fact that this Springheel Jack II was running around trying to pin these thefts on him wasn't even the greatest; it was the fact that there was no telling how far his impostor would go. And that was what worried the Englishman the most.
If Gretel was behind this, then her main objective was going to be to isolate Newkirk from his teammates—one way or another. And the Englishman seemed to be playing into her hands; he had been, after all, reconsidering his decision to rejoin the team. He knew he was going to see this mission through now; whether or not he continued depended on the assurance that Gretel would not lay a hand on the others. As long as she was at large, Newkirk could not rest.
The Englishman knew that Gretel would not be satisfied with trying to ruin his name. Once General Barton pulls the strings as Hogan promised, it would only be a matter of time until she—or whoever she is working with—takes things to the next level and targets his comrades.
It didn't matter if the deed hadn't been done yet; even with the very notion that such a thing could happen, it had now gotten much more personal.
Author's Note: The kilt bit must be credited to Kirarakim. Also, the "Stalag 4 affair" LeBeau is referring to is episode 21, "The Great Impersonation," and Newkirk and Hogan are both referring to episode 28, "I Look Better in Basic Black."