Authors Note: Forgive me if I made any mistakes. I went over this HUNDREDS! of times to check the spelling and grammar. So until my beta goes over it, I guess it'll be this way. Forgive me! Oh and sorry if I made you guys what so long.I have decided what way I'm going to take this! Hope you enjoy this chapter!
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Let's not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.
~Vincent Van Gogh
Love
It was a celebrated emotion, was it not? Others bathed in this emotion like it was the sun. Then others shied away from the emotion, but even then they have dream about it. Hoping and fantasizing about the day, when they would find their significant other, and then it would be happily ever after.
Innocent visions. You always had dreamt of that. You wanted a loving family that would take care of you when you were sick. Or when you had fallen down to pick you back up and dust you off. Tell you to keep your head held high and keep walking
One
Step
At
A
Time
Even when the path is rocky, and unstable. Keep walking, because good times are going to be coming, and they will find you.
You just had to trust yourself, and others, and when bad times come along, trust that you will get out of the situation.
That philosophy had worked the first few times around...but what about now?
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Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy.
~Sigmund Freud
The next thing I could sense was darkness. Nothing else. I couldn't feel anything. My body was numb like I hadn't used it in a long time and it was trying to reboot itself.
I had no sense of time. So I don't know how long it's been since I was last not like this. I couldn't see anything or maybe my eyes were just closed.
They wouldn't open. Trying not to jump to conclusions(Conclusions was such a weird word. Con-clue-shuns) I calmed myself down to try to see what was happening. It was hard though because I was numb and couldn't feel anything.
It was absolutely terrifying to not be overflown with emotions. Just to be blank and have nothing,absolutely nothing to be anchored to. But then something else was wrong.
Have you ever had a feeling that something was really, really wrong but you just didn't know what was wrong. Like you could sense that something terrible was happening somewhere but you … couldn't grasp what was wrong. And you know that. That you had known what was wrong, but your brain was to scrambled to make out an answer, and you were too tired to go searching for one,scared as hell that all you would get in return was more questions. It was like you knew the answer, and it was on the tip of your tongue,but it would not come out. It was torture. For me not knowing was usually a blessing and I have never volunteered to know exactly what was going on. It was one of my defense mechanisms. To block anything and everything from ever getting to me. Because if I don't know what was going on, how was I supposed to put any of my time/effort and emotions into it. And by shutting down and drawing into myself, that was the only way I could deal with things I couldn't usually deal with.
But I knew something was was wrong. Something in the pit of my stomach was making me aware of that and I couldn't ignore it any longer.
But I was scared. I obviously couldn't deal with whatever was wrong,because I felt numb and maybe a little tense. Like I knew once I was out of whatever this state was, I would have to deal with a flood of emotions.
That's how my brain felt at the moment. It was like trudging through a really thick substance,like mud or molasses,and I kept getting stuck a certain thoughts. I couldn't make out what happened next, and I don't know what had happened before this. I could feel myself sinking back into the darkness and there was a flash of light and I'm gone.
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Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again. ~Rosa Parks
His gaze had always been piercing. I can feel his gaze a mile away, and right now I can feel his presence in the room. It was lingering on me now and NO! NO! NO! I didn't want this anymore. His touch,hissick touch, oh, how it was sick. I didn't want to be touched anymore, I didn't want him to make 'his beautiful happy' by touching me in my private places. When that happened I knew I've done somethinghorrible. Given a snappy reply. Or looked at him wrong. Maybe replied to slow to his question-but how slow is to slow?- or maybe I didn't a reply at all?
Then he's breathing down my neck and I curse at myself for not realizing he was approaching and damn him and his silent feet! Now his hands were caressing my back through the cloth and why! Why did it react to his touch! Why did my body arch and tingle from his hands.
God his hands were blessed! And wonder of wonders, how could I ever feel love for this man?
And I know his love really isn't, and my own? Well, it must be Stockholm descending, because I really didn't love him..did I? Funny how I call it Stockholm,when others never realize it's the disease.
I tense, because he-no it, because it didn't deserve such a title- was back and I knew what it wanted this time. Last time I was lucky and didn't get a punishment. I had escaped his burning touch and the sick pleasure I-my body received when he did punish me. Why,I asked myself,did my body betray me like this. Why did my body crave his touch when he was around?
But it was simple, my mind and body were two separate things and even if I did keep building up those walls he will just keep coming back again and again. Just to see my wall crumble right back down.
And who was I to stop him?
CRUMBLNG
DOWN
FALLING
F.O.R.E.V.E.R
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Authors Note:
I Do Not Own The Quotes Above! I do own the plot and ummmmm the character...
Anyways hoped you enjoyed the story! If you have any objections,email me!
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