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"I hate her," Claire sniffles. "I hate Olivia. I can't believe that she was my friend. I promise you though, I will never speak to her again. I mean, who sleeps with their best friend's boyfriend?"
We're sitting in the Pool House during freetime that afternoon, just relaxing in the bubbling hot tub with a box of tissues, a bag of Double-Stuffed Oreos and bottles of water. I murmur something sympathetic.
"Mass," she says, wiping her eyes. "I really loved Josh. I still love Josh. I know it's weird since I'm only fifteen, but I've loved Josh since I was eleven and he was my buddy for GS."
My heart breaks for Claire, even if I think Josh is a total player. Maybe Olivia really isn't that great a friend. I mean, she so willingly pretended to be Nikki's friend, then she actually ditched us and she slept with Josh. Dylan's not that good a friend either actually. She's totally overreacting and being so...bossy. She doesn't get to be the alpha all the time –I'm just as good an alpha as she is!
"Have you noticed Todd and Dylan getting closer?" she glances around the room, as if someone could be listening. "I swear, I'll kill him if they start dating."
"I don't think Todd's really her type," I shrug nonchalantly.
"Massie," Claire whispers, looking down at the swirling bubbles. "Do you think we're really done?"
"You and Josh?"
"No, you and me and Olivia and Dylan. It's only July third and we're already not friends. Do you think we still won't be friends next year at this time?"
I shrug sadly. "I dunno, C. I don't want to say that we'll never be friends again, but I don't want to say that we'll be back to normal by next week either. I just...don't know."
"Happy birthday, dear Nikki! Happy birthday to you!" Olivia is the only one who sings. The rest of us sit, arms crossed, mouths turned into frowns.
The boys come in a few minutes after Nikki blows out the single candle on her chocolate cupcake. Josh and Claire meet each others' eyes then awkwardly look away. As Claire reaches for a vanilla cupcake, I notice Josh watching her with sad eyes. That's a little strange...
"Massie."
The familiar scent of Axe deodorant, Tresemee shampoo and fabric softener hit me hard. Derrick. I turn around, somewhat shocked that he's so close to me. "Hey."
"Uh, hi," he mumbles, looking down.
A sigh escapes my lips. "What do you want?"
He looks taken aback, as if my rudeness is uncalled for. "Uh, I wanted to know who you were watching the fireworks with tonight?"
My thoughts immediately drift back to last year's July fourth. We had sat in each others' arms, watching the fireworks. It was perfect. "No one," I say. "Well, probably Claire."
"Wanna sit with me?" he mumbles. "Claire can too, but Josh may be there."
"We broke up, Derrick," I tell him. "You dumped me. For Nikki."
"It wasn't for Nikki," he says. "I just don't want to be in a relationship right now. Nikki is just my friend –just like I hope you are."
"You want to be my friend?" I snort.
He shrugs, looking down. "I just feel bad, you guys are having your problems and I dunno you probably need a friend. I do love you, Mass."
I want to scream that if he loves me, why'd he break up with me? Ever since he has, an empty feeling has been in the pit of my stomach and a dull ache has been in my heart. But instead, I offer him a small, shy smile. "I do need all the friends I can get."
He lets a relieved smile creep onto his face. "So, fireworks tonight by the barbeque pits?"
I quickly shake my head. Dylan will be there, since Landon mans the barebeques. "How about near the big oak tree? Like where we sat last year?"
He nods. "'Kay sounds good. You wouldn't mind if Josh sat with us, right? It'll be the first time he hasn't sat with Claire since...god, since they were like eight!"
"He slept with Olivia, Derrick," I whiper, not wanting our conversation to be overheard. "You can't do that and then expect your girlfriend not to break up with you! Besides, he's always checking out other girls."
"Everyone makes mistakes, Mass," he says. "Besides, Claire slept with Danny," –news sure travels fast around here- "I think that maybe they could just...I dunno, forget that stuff and go back to being happy. But anyway, I should go, I don't think Josh or Danny really want to be here right now."
"Are they like fighting? Claire and Olivia aren't even like looking at each other. Claire just pretends that Olivia's not even here."
"Josh stormed out of the cabin when we found out, and I'm assuming he went to talk to Claire. But I don't know if anything big will happen."
After he leaves with Josh, Claire rushes up. "What was that? Are you guys back together?"
I shake my head. "Just friends. But who knows, maybe after a while he'll figure out that we're better off dating. Besides, as long as I'm the friend who hangs out with him, Nikki isn't."
"Smart," Claire nods. "Uh...did he say if Josh was sitting with anyone at fireworks tonight...?" her eyes drift over to Olivia.
"He's sitting with us, I think. But I know that'll be uncomfortable for you so—"
"Uh, I'll just sit with Layne Abeley or something. I may hate that bitch, but I can't sit with Josh."
"Maybe it would be for the best if you did," I tell her what Derrick says, only because I know Josh makes her happy.
She shakes her head, her blonde waves hitting her in the chin. "I can't Massie. I can't be with him after finding out he slept with Olivia, but I still love him. And sitting with him would hurt too much."
I give her a big hug. "I'm sorry, C."
She smiles slightly. "Yeah, me too."
"Here's good," I tell Derrick, who drops the blanket onto the sand without dropping his uber-burnt hotdog. Landon insists on cooking all the food on July fourth, and he tends to burn everything.
"This isn't going to be awkward or anything, right?" Derrick mumbles, sitting beside me on the blanket.
Instantly, whispers start around us. Are they dating again? Didn't Derrick just dump her? What about Derrick and Nikki? It all annoys me.
I shake my head, nibbling on my blackened hotdog. "Idon't think so."
"Good," he looks relieved. "I hope you don't mind, I invited Josh to sit with us."
"No worries," I say as Josh drops down on the other side of Derrick. He nods toward me and I give him a half-smile. He's not worthy enough of a full smile.
"Derrick!" Nikki calls over from a few blankets over. "Come here!"
"You know, you wouldn't be being a good 'friend' if you ditched me for her," I narrow my eyes at Derrick.
"Don't worry," Derrick stands up. "I'll go over there for a few minutes. But I'll be back, promise."
After he's gone, Josh and I sit there in awkward silence. After a few minutes, Josh slides over towards me. "Don't you dare sit near me," I hiss.
"No, Massie, please listen," he sounds so desperate I actually listen to him. "You need to tell Claire how sorry I am. Please."
"She doesn't want your apologies," I tell him. "You slept with Olivia. That's unforgivable."
"But I wasn't sober! Me, Derrick and Cam had...you know, smoked, before going in."
"Smoked...?" I look at him blankly.
"Smoked...you know, weed," he whispers the last word.
"JOSH!"
"I know! I know! It was a one time thing, I swear! It was gross! But we were all high! That's why Derrick went to bed at like seven-thirty the first night –he didn't want you to know. And Cam just disappeared."
"So Olivia was drunk, and you were...high," I murmur. "Josh, you're not good for Claire. I'm sorry."
His face crumples slightly and I feel really bad for a second. But Claire's probably better off without him. Josh draws in a shaky breath and rubs a hand over his face.
"I do really love her, Massie," he mumbles. "Even if I don't always show it. But I love her more than anything in this world, and I guess losing her was what made me realize that."
I would call him a liar, since that's the corniest confession ever, but he has tears in his eyes. Poor Josh. Who would have thought I would ever be sympathetic towards Josh. "I'll talk to her," I hear myself saying, even though I don't really want to.
"No, don't," he shakes his head quickly. "Please, don't. You're her best friend, you'd know if she was better off without me or not. Clearly, she is. So please don't talk to her. I want what's best for Claire."
Wow. Is Josh actually acting...like a human person capable of having feelings? Derrick comes back before I can think about this any longer. He glances between a defeated-looking Josh and me. "What'd I miss?"
"Nothing," I assure him, even though this is anything but nothing. The fireworks start, which silences everyone. The fireworks this year are spectactular, but I can't seem to concentrate on them. Maybe it's because I'm sitting so close to Derrick that I can feel the heat off his left thigh. Or maybe it's because what Josh just said is the first time I've ever seen him with feelings.
Or maybe it's because this summer only just started and it's already sucking.
The next night at freetime, the boys return to our cabin. Olivia and Nikki –as usual- are gossiping on Olivia's bed. Dylan's single is full of magazines and letters to friends back in DC. Claire's below me, painting her nails a cheery bubblegum pink, hoping to improve her mood.
The boys just kind of mill around, not really knowing what to do. Derrick shoots me a smile before going to sit with Nikki and Olivia. I sigh. That smile makes me weak in the knees, even though it's now just a 'friendly' smile.
I glance down at Claire, and then at Josh. I wonder if that's how it is for them; even though they're no longer dating, certain little quirks or memories can still worm their way into their minds.
"Hey, mind if I come up?" Cam Fisher appears below me.
"Uh, sure," I wiggle to the left, making room for him.
After he's up, an awkward silence hangs above us. I study Cam's profile –he's good looking in a dark, silent type of way. The complete opposite of Derrick. I barely got to know him last summer, instead focusing all of my attention on Derrick.
"So," I sit so my feet dangle over the railing.
"So...wanna play twenty questions?"
"Sure," I grin. As long as there are random questions rolling, there will be no time for silence.
"'Kay..." he taps his chin. "Any siblings?"
"None," I shake my head. "You?"
"An older brother, Harris," he says. "He's in his first year of college."
"Lucky, I want a sibling," I say.
"Nooo, you don't," he replies. "Especially Harris. 'Kay next question...what's up with you guys?" he glances around the room. "You were so close last year!"
My shoulders slump. What was up with us? We were all liars, and it tore us apart. I'm the only one without a secret...well, except that I know all their secrets and didn't tell them. That's actually a pretty crappy thing to do.
"Well?" Cam nudges my knee with his.
"I...don't know," I mumble, wishing he would leave. "Look, I'm really tired, I'm just gonna lie down to the rest of freetime," I shoot him a 'get out of here' look.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up. But I know when I'm not wanted," he creaks down the ladder.
He goes over to join Olivia, Nikki, Derrick and Todd Lyons. I notice Dylan and Danny are now laughing over something on her bed, sitting so close there knees are touching. Olivia's definitely noticed –her pink lips are pursed and her jaw is clenched.
I sigh and lie down, pulling my pillow down over my head. This is going to be one long summer.