Chapter 2: Matthew and Mary
Matthew had been sitting away from the group when Lord Grantham had made the announcement, but not too far away to not hear the words that signalled the end of life as they all knew it. Already thoughts were running through his mind about how he would play his part in this war. He had to go and fight, of that he was certain. It was the only proper and moral thing to do. As his father had always said, you have to earn your place in this world, and right now Matthew truly believed this was how it should be done.
He had wanted to leave the party and head back to Crawley house so he could be alone with his thoughts and right now he had plenty of those! However fate it seemed always had other plans and instead of safely locked away in his office he found himself stood with Lord Grantham and several other men all discussing what was the happen next.
Matthew wasn't taking much note in the conversation, he made all the right noises of agreement and nodded and sighed in all the right places but if you had asked him what had just been said, Matthew would have failed to answer.
Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of a familiar figure. She was gliding across the lawn like a ghost, clutching her champagne flute in both hands, lost in a deep reverie. Instantly he was drawn to her and without making his apologies to the group he moved towards her, drawn in like a moth to a flame.
"Cousin Matthew." Her voice was curt and her gaze icy as he came to a stop in front of her.
Was it his imagination or had she been crying? He found that hard to believe of her, she always seemed so in control, so….cold.
But then there had been that night, the night he'd saved Sybil, she had kissed him with such passion and he had been so sure she would accept his proposal. How wrong could he be?
"It's a dreadful business, all of this." Matthew could have cursed himself; out of all the things he could have said he says that?
For a moment Mary looked confused before it dawned on her he was meaning the war.
"Oh, yes. A terrible business. Mama is quite beside herself." Mary agreed. She glanced around the garden, people had all begun to disappear either home or into the house.
"It will change the lives of all the men here forever." Matthew said, what he really meant was it would change his life forever.
"No doubt the young men downstairs will sign up to fight." Mary fiddled with her pearls as she thought of the young servants who worked at Downton.
"And upstairs." Matthew added, Mary's head snapped up and she looked at him harshly. When she spoke though, her voice was tinged with panic.
"Whatever do you mean? Papa is too old and you…." He met her eyes and realisation dawned. "You intend to sign up don't you?"
"I have to do my duty." His reply was simple but there were so many hidden messages within those words that even he was surprised.
Mary gave a stunned nod; she seemed to be trying to digest what was happening. "Of course…I understand."
"I have to earn my place here; I want to return to Downton knowing I have truly earned my place here." Words are cheap, Matthew knew that but he was determined to prove himself on the battle field.
"Would you have gone if I had agreed to marry you?"
The words were out there, free in the cooling afternoon, swirling around them both. Matthew felt as though he'd been slapped. He had to think carefully before he answered.
"I…well….I'm not sure….." Matthew was stammering and he hated that. "But you didn't did you?" He finally snapped.
Mary threw her head back in exasperation, "Oh Matthew! I never said I wouldn't marry you!"
"But you never said you would either and your silence was pretty clear to me!" Matthew's retort was perhaps sharper than he'd intended.
"So because of me you are going to take yourself off to God knows where and fight?" Mary looked tormented; she pulled harder on her necklace and paced about on the spot.
Matthew calmed slightly and his voice was tender as he said, "Don't think like that Mary. Whatever your answer, I'm sure I would have still wanted to go and fight."
Mary stopped and faced him, "Don't go."
"What?" Matthew met her gaze, he scanned her face for some sign of mockery but he found nothing but honesty.
"Stay here, with me." She replied simply. "I was a fool and I see that now."
Matthew shook his head, his blonde hair falling slightly out of place. He walked away three steps before stopping; he turned back but checked himself. He took a step away before finally walking briskly back towards her.
"I really do not get you Mary!" He cried in exasperation, "One minute you reject me and push me away, the next you are pleading me to stay! What is it that you want? Why are you so afraid to speak the truth, your real truth?"
Mary shook her head and closed her eyes, he was pushing her to the limit and she hated feeling she was losing control.
"I don't know!" The words escaped in a strangled cry. "I don't know what I want! I want you and I don't! I want this house and I don't! All my life it's always been about "The Great Matter", all my life I've been talked about and planned for without ever asking me if it is what I want. And now….now you come along here with your noble ways and your moral duties to everything and you ask me what do I want? And I don't know! I don't know what I want, I'm afraid of what I want and the worst thing of all is that it scares me that I may have lost you because I can't make up my mind!"
Her words died away like the end of gunfire on a battlefield. Silence descended upon them both as the words sank in.
Matthew sighed and stepped towards her, "You haven't lost me, I will come back."
Mary looked up at him, "How do you know?"
Matthew smiled softly and took her hand, "Because if you are waiting for me, I will do everything in my power to come home to you safely."
Mary smiled and said, "So you really must go?"
"Yes, I owe it to my country." Matthew replied.
"Then I shall remain here and wait for you." Mary's response made Matthew smile.
"Then even in my darkest days, I shall think of you and that will keep me going."
Mary gave one of her coy smiles and said, "I can think of another way for you to remember me…."
She was so close to him now he could smell her perfume and slowly she was leaning in towards him. She didn't really care that it wasn't perhaps ladylike to act in this way but for now all she could think of was kissing him.
Matthew leaned in towards her and softly their lips brushed against each other. His hand moved to the side of her face as the kiss deepened. They remained there, locked in a passionate embrace until the sound of approaching footsteps disturbed them. They pulled back, their eyes still locked onto each other.
"There you are my dear, we were quite worried!" Mrs Crawley announced her arrival. She took one look at them before quickly adding, "I'll be just inside, let me know when you are ready to leave."
"I'm coming now Mother." Matthew replied. Mrs Crawley smiled and retreated to a respectful distance.
Matthew turned back to Mary, "So do you know now what you want?"
Mary smiled softly, "Yes….I simply want you."
Matthew walked away with his heart soaring as high as the clouds. Bring on the war! Throw everything at me, I will fight it all and I will return! Matthew walked towards his destiny and he was not afraid.