XLV: Illusion

Characters/Pairings: Canada, France, Kumajirou. One-sided Franada?

Genre: Crack? Romance?

Rating: T, just to be safe

Warnings: Human!Kumajirou, Human names used, France in David Bowie getup.

DISCLAIMER: I own neither Hetalia nor The Labyrinth. I thank IMDB liberally for my abuse of their quotes section of their Labyrinth information.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young boy whose stepmother always made her stay home with the baby. And the baby was a spoiled child, and wanted everything to himself, and the young boy was practically a slave.

But what no one knew is that the king of the goblins had fallen in love with the boy, and he had given the boy certain powers. So one night, when the baby had been particularly cruel to him, he called on the goblins for help!
"Say the right words," the goblins said, "and we'll take the baby to the castle, and you will be free!" But the boy knew that the Goblin King would keep the baby in his castle for ever and ever and ever, and turn it into a goblin! And so the boy suffered in silence, until one day, when he was tired from a day of housework, and he was hurt by the harsh words of his stepmother, and he could no longer stand it...

"Goblin King, Goblin King, wherever you may be, I wish you'd take Kuma away from me!"

Matt was never making another wish out loud ever again. If he'd known that some French weirdo with way too tight of pants was actually going to take Kumajirou away when he'd made the wish, he would never have said anything.

"You're him, aren't you? You're the Goblin King!" Matthew cried.

"Oui, I am. And what is it to you?" Francis asked lazily, absentmindedly twirling a set of crystal balls in his hand.

"I want my brother back, please, if it's all the same."
"What's said is said, mon chou. You cannot have him back."
"But, I didn't mean it!" Matthew yelled.
"Oh, you didn't?"

"No!"

"Well, I suppose I can oblige… you have thirteen hours in which to solve the labyrinth,mon cher, before your baby brother becomes one of us... forever."

So far, he'd been dropped down tunnels, forced to choose between doors, been twisted round and round until he felt like he was already half-mad for trying to get to the castle, and fought off bizarre creatures who could detach their heads. He was tired, and dizzy, and if his parents wouldn't kill him for giving up his brother to the crazy goblin king - well, he'd obviously make up something relatively believable, or they'd lock him away and then kill him - he would just give up and go home.

Unfortunately, he had no such luxury available to him – not unless he wanted his brother to stay here, forever, and become a friggin' goblin.

So he kept running.

Kumajirou gurgled happily as Francis gently bounced him up and down.

"In nine hours and twenty-three minutes, cher, you will be mine," he told the baby, grinning evilly.

Kumajirou blew a spit bubble at him in response.

He was at a masquerade, wearing the finest clothes he'd ever seen. Everyone else was looking at him like he was something special, someone who was worth watching, as he danced with the king. It went on for what felt like hours, until a little voice in the back of his mind started shouting at him.

Wake up, Matthew! This isn't real! WAKE UP!

As he struggled to break free, the dream shattered into a million pieces, leaving him dazed, and with 2 hours left to solve the labyrinth.

Shit.

"So, tell me, Matthieu, what do you think of my labyrinth?"
"It sucks. And I want my brother back, you hoser!"

"Beware, Matthieu. I have been generous up 'til now. I can be cruel."

"Generous? What the hell have you done that's generous?" Matthew yelled.

"Everything! Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that the child be taken. I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Is that not generous?"

"But I didn't ask you to do any of that! Now give me my brother back!"

"And why should I? I am tired of your whims."

"Because…" Matthew sighed, trying to recall the exact lines. "Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom is as great... and you have no power over me."

"So be it, mon cher. Adieu."

The last thing he saw before the world started swirling around him was Francis.

AN: Crap writing is crap, and I apologise for it. I really had no idea how to paraphrase the movie, especially since I haven't seen it in a long, long while.

Review, please, even if it's to tell me you hate me forever and ever and ever for putting the image of Goblin King!France in your head... because you know you can't unsee it.