He was enrolling me into a college in New York. He didn't even think to ask me about it. I wasn't particularly bothered if I'm honest. He told me over the Chinese.
"You still got that English accent, huh?" he asked me after I had been in New York for over a week. Our relationship was developing slowly, but we was now managing to have some civilised conversations. I could see he was trying hard but there was some part of me that thought it was too late for him to bother. I was sixteen. He had wasted thirteen years.
"Well that's what happens when you live in a place for a whole thirteen years. You pick up the accent" I said as I picked at the omelette. Dad shut his eyes and went back to picking at the omelette.
"Guess I deserved that" he said and then that was the end of the conversation. But I wanted to ask him something. I needed to ask him something.
"Why don't you have any photos of mum around?" I suddenly asked as he took a gulp of his beer. He nearly spat it out but he recovered and placed a hand over his mouth and loosened his tie and top button. He looked straight in my eyes and I saw pain for the first time.
"Because it hurts to look at them Hannah" he simply said
"So you have some?" I checked and he nodded. He dropped his cutlery onto the plate and stood up before looking down at me.
"Come on...I'll show you" he said and I placed my knife and fork down onto my half eaten noodles and followed him into his room. It was simple, with a bed and wardrobe along with some bedside cabinets. His gun was lying on top of the cabinet next to an alarm clock. Dad opened up his wardrobe and pulled out a large clear box and placed it on the woollen carpet.
"Your mum's in every one of them" he said and he pointed down into the photo albums which were in the box. I nodded and dad sat down on the floor. I sat opposite the box and watched dad pull out one album and open it up. She was there. Her brown hair was curling into her face as she smiled into the camera. Her sunglasses were perched on the end of her nose and she was looking straight at the camera. I think the photo was taken in a park or somewhere.
"We was walking through Central Park...it was three weeks before we married" dad said and he handed the book to me. I lingered my hand on her cheek and looked over at dad.
"Do you think she's up there..." I asked him and he nodded.
"I know she's looking down on us..." he said and I flipped the page and couldn't help but spit out a laugh at what I saw. There was dad with long floppy black hair and sunglasses on the top of his head; he was wearing the cheesiest grin ever imaginable.
"You don't need to see that" dad said and he flipped the page over onto another one of mum. She was wearing a long black dress and must have only been at least twenty. She had an agitated look on her face and she had a raised brow at the camera.
"We were just about to go to the gala for my work...she was worried she didn't look good enough" he said and shook his head in disbelief.
"She was beautiful" I whispered
"She was...she looks like you" he said and I looked into his eyes. I looked back down at the ground and smiled. He had paid me a compliment.
"Is that why you didn't want me back...because I look like her?" I asked him and he shook his head.
"No...I was worried that I wouldn't be able to be a dad to you after what had happened. I was worried that because we had been apart for so long that I wouldn't know how to look after you...I guess I kept delaying having you home" he said honestly and I nodded and turned over the page.
"You do look like a bit of a nerd in this one" I said and dad laughed. He laughed heartedly.
"You have the same eyes as me you know that? It's the only thing of mine you do have" he said and I agreed.
"I think I have your temper" I joked and he began searching through an album.
"That too" he agreed. I had argued with him over the phone plenty of times.
"And this one...is of your mum on the wedding day" he handed me the book. I placed the one I currently had on my lap and looked at the book. She was wearing a white dress which was simple and just went below her knees. She also had a bouquet of roses in her hand, her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and she wore a nervous smile.
"She didn't want a big wedding. Just some of her family and some of mine" dad explained as I continued staring at the picture.
"And this one is when we took you for your first walk" dad handed me a piece of A4 paper with a baby in a pram and then there was dad knelt by the pram, one hand resting on the side and one on the top of my head.
"You were a good baby...always slept when we did...hardly cried" dad whispered. We spent another hour looking at all the photos, some we laughed at and some we almost cried at. Eventually I began to tire and dad noticed.
"You should go to bed" he said and began putting the photos away.
"Okay" I agreed and stood up. Dad did the same and walked back into the kitchen and began clearing the plates away.
"Do you want any help?" I asked but he shook his head.
"You go to bed" he said and I nodded before I did something I hadn't done before out of choice. I kissed him on the cheek.
"Night dad" I said and I began to walk into my room.
"Sweet dreams Hannah" dad said when I had shut the door.
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