I must say, when I was reading through reviews, looking at all of the suggestions, I was surprised by how often Ferncloud's name came up. I was going to wait till later to do her but…*shrugs* why not?

Chapter 7:

Ferncloud; because every clan needs babies!

A Story Role? Hahahah! That's a Good One…

The universe of Warriors has always been pretty clear on its rules and regulations; every cat has their place in the story, and no one, no one, steps out of line (for fear that the author overlords will alter the plotline to actually include them.) Some are warriors, brave cats who fight to keep the clan safe, add to the drama of the story, introduce blood and action that would otherwise be desolate and have a general life span of about three to five books to make way for more important characters. Others are around to give the story a light-hearted sort of feeling and make witty comments at random times then die when the plotline gets bored and needs something interesting.

The point is, every cat has their place, and StarClan help you it you go against yours.

For Ferncloud, this has always been a simple fact of life. Being the unfortunate child born into a family of second rate background characters, she spent her kithood completely unrecognized by the rest of the world except as "one of Brindleface's kits", and was left with only her brother for any real company. Of course looking at how Ashfur turned out that's a sad life.

Her apprenticeship wasn't much different. Seriously, Ferncloud and Ashfur were mentioned during their apprenticeship, what, five times? Maybe a few more. And even then it was only in fleeting moments when the plot needed filler. Oh yeah, and of course there was the part in A Dangerous Path where their mother died a brutal death and her brother went so emo that he volunteered them to lead a pack of blood thirsty dogs away from the camp on a possible suicide mission. That part had many lolz.

But, apart from the brief moments in the almost spotlight and her moment of great triumph, Ferncloud lead a quiet, unprivileged life. And why would she expect any more? She's not even mildly related to Firestar in any way possible, she's just lucky that she gets to breathe the same air as the ThunderClan hero; why by any means would she have the audacity to ask for a bigger role? Realizing this, Ferncloud was forced to keep silent, snatching moments where she could and staying out of the way of the greater story.

So what is it then that Ferncloud does? She sure isn't out their defending her clan or serving the main characters, that's for sure. No people, Ferncloud has a much more important role to this story than fighting to keep her clan safe, or making the other characters look better. No folks, Ferncloud has a role so important, that the entire clan feels the repercussions of her contributions.

Ferncloud makes babiez.

The Baby Factory

Shortly after Ferncloud is introduced as Fernpaw during the first arc, we're not quite sure what Erin Hunter has planned for her. What does Fernpaw have going for her? She's not related to Firestar, not very pretty, not a dead medicine cat or a crippled medicine cat apprentice, not a wimpy apprentice with an evil mentor (though she comes pretty close; I mean come on! She had Dark-freaking-stripe as a mentor! Now that guy is freaking scary!) She doesn't have a deformed face and she isn't blind or holding the power of the star in her paws. She doesn't even have a prophecy for crying out loud; how could anyone care about her?

So, seeing all of this epic failure that was Fernpaw, the Erin Hunters got bored and just decided to bring in one of the old slightly more well known characters to help patch things up and add a few more interesting factors to the story. That's right, after his heart break of Sandstorm, Dustpelt is resurrected from the plot rejects world of ultimate normalness and falls madly in love with Fernpaw.

Really? Seriously? To be quite honest I didn't want to believe that this was even a possible pairing when I first started reading Warriors. But, as if there's one thing I've learned from Warriors, it is, if I could even come mildly close to a pairing, it will be.

Fernpaw, alone in the world and disturbed deeply that a full grown warrior pedophile had targeted her, had no choice but to submit to the Greater Plotline.

And yeah, that's pretty much it for her role in the first arc. She becomes an apprentice, distracts a pack of bloodthirsty dogs (In other words, she acts as meat-shield for Firestar) rats out Swiftpaw's epic plot/ failful suicide mission, and falls in love with the biggest pedophile since Pinestar himself.

But, let's admit it, it's not her next to nothing role in the first arc that we all frown upon Ferncloud for (okay, except for the DustXFern thing. That's just WRONG!), it's the role she plays in all of the books afterward.

Making babiez.

At first, we don't think much of Ferncloud's new lot in life. When she comes in at the beginning of the New Prophecy, sure she has had one litter of kits with Dustpelt (ew!) and has another on the way. Plenty of queens have several litters, I mean look at Goldenflower; without her we wouldn't have half our main characters!

So then she has her second litter, bringing her to a total of five kits: Shrewpaw, Spiderpaw (gay name), Hollykit (lol foresight), Larchkit, and Birchkit. Then of course Shrewpaw doesn't look where he's going before he crosses the undergrowth and get's killed by a monster.

*sniff* RIP Shrewpaw.

Then Larchkit and Hollykit (lol foresight) die of hunger.

*sniff* RIP Larchkit, we may not have known you well but you were so dang cute in the two chapters you were mentioned.

Hollykit, for all we know you were reincarnated into Hollyleaf, and even if you weren't, you share her name which is bad enough. Good riddance!

Okay, so some of her first kits died of starvation and one of her oldest kits died out of stupidity, does this say much about Ferncloud's mothering techniques?

After that, there's actually only Foxpaw and Icepaw. That's a grand total of seven kits, if you count the three that died. Only four successful. That's not so bad actually. I mean look at some of the queens in Bluestar's Prophecy and the original Warriors arc. They were in and out of the nursery so often that sometimes we forgot that they actually knew how to hunt for themselves!

So, if Ferncloud really isn't that unique, why do we hate her so much?

Freeloader be Thy Name

Yeah, the subheading makes it a little obvious, doesn't it?

For those of you who are blind or just plain clueless, I'll explain anyway.

Well folks, the biggest difference between Ferncloud and the other queens of ThunderClan is that, unlike most she-cats who quickly returned to their warrior duties after raising their kits, Ferncloud…well, didn't. Really.

Instead she stays in the nursery full time to 'help the future queens of ThunderClan' along with her free-loading friend Daisy. Wow. What, does she just not trust the future mothers of the clan to raise their kits, or is she just so terrified of taking an actual step into the plotline?

Going with the first of those two theories, why would Ferncloud have a right to tell future queens how to raise their kits? After all only four out of seven of her children actually survived, and we all know how Spiderleg turned out! Do we really want more cats like that in ThunderClan?

Now the latter theory would defiantly be reasonable. I mean, after looking at what happened to her brother, Graystripe, Brambleclaw, Leafpool, and so many other unfortunate souls, we all might be a little scared to leave the nursery too!

So, in all reality, Ferncloud might actually have a good reason for sitting in the nursery all the time without contributing to the clan except for keeping them supplied with future characters that will more than likely just die at the beginning of their warriorship because the Erin Hunters want to create the allusion that life moves on and cat's do die as is the natural order, when really they just don't want to kill of their original warriors that are now pretty much ancient (*cough* Mousefur, Longtail, Firestar, Graystripe, Sandstorm, and Dustpelt*cough*!)

In reality though, is Ferncloud really a free loader or has she seen something we haven't? Is there some elaborate, greater plan at work here?

And They Never Saw it Coming

I can guess your skepticism at that last sentence in the previous subheading and imagine most of you shaking your heads and thinking "Oh wow, what now? Why can't we all just accept that Ferncloud is a stupid freeloader with no life that deserves all of our scorn and our contempt that burns for her like a thousand grease fires?"

And on the off chance that those were your exact thoughts and I have developed keen trans-cyber mindreading abilities (sweet) here is my answer:

Now where would be the fun in that?

So, once again, it is time for… (dramatic drum roll)

EPIC THEORY TIME!

Today's topic: Ferncloud; Starclan's perfect queen or mass murdering psychopath?

Hmmmm… a tough decision as always, so let's take a look at the facts in the fictional story of who Ferncloud really is!

Have you ever noticed that Ferncloud hardly ever associates with the other clan cats besides Daisy? Seriously, she doesn't even talk with her acclaimed mate Dustpelt, though frankly I wouldn't blame her. No one cares about Dustpelt these days.

I'm going to skip any psychological mumbo jumbo about how this behavior could be caused by a mental condition and put it out there as plainly as I can.

What would be the point of making friends when she's just going to annihilate them all in the end anyway?

Yeah, you heard me. Go ahead, back up and reread that sentence a few times, and let it all soak in. Now, before you click the back button while laughing nervously to yourself, let me explain the reasoning behind this seemingly insane possibility that Ferncloud might be a sick, evil person.

It all starts in the first arc, during A Dangerous Path, when Fernpaw, driven by a lust for revenge against the author overlords for pairing her with a pedophile, decides to retaliate.

Oh that foolish, naïve, misguided soul.

I'm going to tell you a secret my readers, a secret that the Erin Hunters never meant to get out. In A Dangerous Path, I'm sure that you all can recall how Brightpaw and Swiftpaw went to attack the dogs and how Swiftpaw died and Brightpaw only survived because Fireheart found out from Dustpelt and went and saved her from the brink of death because he's all perfect and junk.

That was never meant to happen. Brightpaw wasn't supposed to survive the dog attack; in the Erin Hunters minds both apprentices were to die a brutal death that would spice up the plotline and leave Cloudtail heartbroken.

But Fernpaw rebelled and told Dustpelt about what had happened and Brightpaw lived, causing a confusing complex element in the story that was actually interesting to read about. The audacity!

The Erin Hunters would not stand for such a thing, and so, to teach her a lesson, at the end of the book they make both Fernpaw and her brother Ashpaw be the ones to act as bait for the dog pack, a situation that would have killed them if the Erins saw fit.

Oppressed and alone, Fernpaw submitted to a life of motherhood, forever in the shadows of other characters, too afraid to fight back…

Or is she?

Out of all of the past queens of Thunderclan, Ferncloud does seem to be the most eager to have kits. She's always ready to supply more babiez to raise under her teachings and complete influences, and now she's wanting to influence the other young queens' kits as well! Why is this?

Can you guess? Do you think you know the answer to what is really going on here right underneath our noses?

FERNCLOUD IS RAISING AN ARMY OF HER OWN BABIEZ!

And one day, out of the shadows they shall rise, unanticipated and unmatched and Ferncloud shall rule the clans!

ALL HAIL FERNSTAR! ALL HAIL FERNSTAR! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

…

*Ahem*

A Quick Lesson on Character Judgment

So what have we learned today folks?

Well, some appropriate answers would be:

A pedophilic mate can lead to a scarred life.

Don't challenge the author overlords.

If you do challenge the author overlords you must accept that there are consequences to pay.

Today's freeloaders are tomorrow's dictators.

When life gives you lemons, make babies.

The point here people is don't judge a book by its cover, because who knows, the one you call a bum, freeloader of no importance may someday rule the world (if Jayfeather or Hollyleaf doesn't beat her to the punch) and when she does, you might be on her list.

Hmm, this is a shorter chapter than usual. My apologies; there isn't that much written about Ferncloud in the books so I sort of had to improvise…