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Chapter 9: Of Plot Zombies and Anti-logic

Brambleclaw; because the voices told me to

The Life and Times of an Antagonist's Son

Amongst the battle and would-be emotional strife that happens in the first arc, about halfway through the series, we learn that, not only has naughty little Tigerclaw murdered many innocent cats, attempted to kill his clan leader so that he can take over the clans, worked in cahoots with the evil former Shadowclan leader that was in charge of running WindClan out of their own territory and the murder of innocent kits, scaring the crap out of his apprentice, and not loving Fireheart (le gasp! The treachery!) but he also did something so shocking, so completely uncalled for, so disgusting that of course it could only be a result of the sick twisted mind of the Erin Hunters(notice, how I did not make mind plural there) in an effort to try another plot twist to bring in more money.

Tigerclaw had babiez.

And thus enters Bramblekit, the more than slightly emo (for crying out loud, how many characters in this story are they going to make emo!) son of Tigerclaw who, coincidently looks exactly like him, forever earning him the spite cast upon his father.

Yeah, because that makes perfect sense. StarClan knows because all evil cats are dark brown tabbies! You can't trust them, especially not this innocent kit that doesn't even freaking know his exiled father and just so happens to have inherited amber eyes and a dark brown pelt from his father! Of course that inspires hate, especially since up until his exile, the entire clan had loved Tigerclaw, and now that he's gone they need someone to hate so they decide to despise the tiny innocent kit.

Darn you Bramblekit! How dare you exist!

Honestly, why don't they scorn their mother, Goldenflower? She's the one that mated with the tyrant. Or better yet, why not scorn Bluestar; she made him deputy. No, it's not even Bluestar's fault, it's their faults for idolizing him when they should have been swooning over how awesome Fireheart is. The world is a sick, disturbing place.

But, ThunderClan needed a scapegoat, and since Bramblekit looked like his father he might as well have been the clan's miniature Tigerclaw voodoo doll. In all reality though, Fireheart never hated Bramblekit for looking like his father; that would have been shallow and imperfect. No, the real reason Fireheart despised Bramblekit, wasn't because he had dark tabby fur; it was because he didn't have dark ginger fur. ThunderClan needs more ginger furred cats! Honestly, the world would be a better place if more cats were more like Fireheart!

So Bramblekit grew up in a scary, scornful world with only his sister Tawnykit for comfort and a mother who wouldn't tell them what the heck was going on.

Gotta love family.

Plotlines: Recommended for Ages Twelve and Up.

By the time Bramblekit was made an apprentice, he had already gone through most of the major emotional stress that a full grown warrior could ever hope for. And it wasn't just because the clan hated him simply because they were prejudice. It wasn't that ThunderClan's true racist ways had become apparent to him, while some warriors still weren't fully aware. It wasn't because all of the hate speech and scathing looks he got injured his pride.

No, it was because of all of these things put together.

Thanks his father's heroic stands to stop the oncoming plotline, the Erin Hunters, in an act of punishment, decided to submit his look-alike son the a form of torture so diabolical that only the Erins could be responsible.

They gave him a plot role.

Bramblekit joined the small group of very young characters to be shoved into the plot line. Among this group you would also find Cloudkit, Bluekit, Dovekit, Ivykit, Jaykit, Hollykit, and Lionkit.

Yeah, and we all know how well they all turned out. One's an atheist, one went prematurely psycho, one's a little she-demon, one's a robot, and the other three are prophecy induced. It's just sick I tell you. It's bad enough to give an apprentice a plot role; heck, it's bad enough to give a warrior a plot role. But this, this monstrous idea, shoving little kids into the mix before their character has had enough time to actually develop, that's just sick. And those hypocrites actually dared to call Brokenstar evil!

The sad truth is, since Bramblekit (and yes, most of the other poor young saps that fell victim to the plotline) never saw it coming. His young character was too young and naïve to see what was coming.

By the time Bramblekit was made and apprentice, the plotline was already spinning into action. Fate (which is actually a synonym for Erin Hunter) made it so, not only did the entire clan shun Bramblepaw, but he also got Fireheart for a leader.

Oh yeah, they went there.

Anti-Logic

Having already screwed up with Cloudtail and Cinderpelt, Fireheart decided to take on another young mind to mold with his evil, perfect little conniving paws. Why not, he deserved it, being the great so-totally-not-Mary-Sue that he was.

So, Bramblepaw, already having been subject to enough emotional strife, was forced into servitude – erm, I mean, apprenticeship, under Fireheart.

Oh, come on! Hasn't this kid suffered enough?

So, Fireheart taught young Bramblepaw all of the important skills he would need to learn in order to serve ThunderClan: how to hunt, how to fight, how to not be evil like his father, how to use the force, how to be a so-totally-not-Mary-Sue, and, more importantly, how to fulfill a plotline!

(The following is a peek into a training session between Bramblepaw and Fireheart – since they never really mentioned any in the book – read at own risk.)

Fireheart looked down at his naive little apprentice. "Now Bramblepaw, you must always remember, the most important rule of ThunderClan: honor the warrior code. There is nothing more important…"

"But, Fireheart." Bramblepaw asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion."Don't you break the warrior code?"

Fireheart gave him a baffled look. "Of course not, silly little truffle! I'm clan deputy; I would never do such a ridiculous thing!"

"But what about the time you fed RiverClan with ThunderClan prey? Or went behind Bluestar's back to talk to Tallstar against her orders? And when you didn't tell anyone about how Cinderpelt was secretly using ThunderClan herbs to help ShadowClan? And what about how you keep meeting with your kittypet sister, and brought her son Cloudtail to the clan just out of your own selfishness? And what about how you hid Graystripe's relationship with Silverstream?"

Fireheart purred in amusement, seeing how his ignorant apprentice could easily be fooled. "Silly Bramblepaw. That's different."

"Different?"

"You see Bramblepaw, those were just instances when I was helping EVERYBODY! You know, for the good of the Greater Plotline."

"Greater Plotline?" Bramblepaw tilted his head to the side, confused.

"Yes, the forces at work that bind us all together and bend us mercilessly to their will."

"Oh, well, if the plotline makes you do things that go against its own rules, why follow it?"

Fireheart sighed patiently. "Because, Bramblepaw, it builds drama and makes loads of money! Why else would any author overlord write anything?"

"But what's in it for us?" Bramblepaw asked, still not following.

Fireheart looked at him as if he were an idiot. "There isn't anything in it for us. We become mindless zombies that feed off of the plotline."

"Then why would you follow it?"

Fireheart sank his claws into the dirt, frustrated. Oh, this kid was way too much like his father. "Because it's beneficial to the overall story in some way. It all goes back to that plotline thing…"

"So we're becoming mindless zombies just for the sick entertainment of the Greater Plotline? And we're supposed to enjoy it? That makes no sense!"

"Of course it doesn't." Fireheart said patiently. "Just like how a heartbroken WindClan warrior would suddenly fall in love with a ThunderClan medicine cat as she's dangling off the high side of a gorge, or how a cat can die at some point in the plotline but magically reappear, perfectly alive later on in the story. It's this little thing called anti-logic!"

"Anti-logic? But that's stupid!"

Fireheart let his claws slide out threateningly. "Alright, quiet you! You want to join your father in his punishment for going against the plotline?"

"Heck no!"

"Then shut your trap and accept the anti-logic!"

Sad, isn't it? For his entire apprenticeship, Bramblepaw had to undergo this level of brainwashing in order to become yet another perfect plot device.

Personally, I think it was a great slap in the face to Tigerstar and his fight for justice.

Prophecy FAIL

Other than enduring his training in order to become part of the greater plotline, Bramblepaw's role in the Warriors series doesn't really come into play until the second arc, where he faces a major rite of passage for every plot device in the wide world of Warriors.

Brambleclaw gets a prophecy!

NO! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

Since apparently absolutely nothing gets done in the clans unless some super natural force demands a deeply complicated prophecy to be involved, Brambleclaw, Feathertail, Crowpaw, and Tawnypelt (chosen for her deep sense of foresight after fleeing ThunderClan to join her father's fight to stop the plotline) were chosen to go on a pointless journey to save the clans. And heck, why not send Squirrelpaw and Stormfur too?

Seriously. Okay, I guess I sort of can understand the prophecy of the first arc. Fire alone will save the clan. Okay Bluestar, some random kittypet that conveniently looks like fire is going to take your job and do it a hundred times better because the plotline demands it. Why not? A lot of stories have that kind of cliché crap in them.

And then came prophecy two, because, frankly? The Erins just wouldn't let it go.

So Brambleclaw and the other three chosen cats were sent on a mission to find a random badger who was supposed to tell them there was great danger coming to the clans and they had to move.

…

…

…
FAIL PLOTLINE! FAIL!

Okay, what? Did Starclan not know what was going to happen to the forest? Wasn't it the reason they sent a prophecy in the first place because they knew what was going to happen? Why the heck did they choose four cats to go on a journey that would take two books and cost the life of one of them to go on a long, painstaking journey while the clans suffered when they could have just told the leaders in dream 'Hey guys? Trouble's coming. You're all going to die if you don't move.' What were they afraid of, the clans not believing them? I think they would have gotten the hint after the first moon or two of chaos and destruction. Besides, aren't the clans more likely to believe their leaders than a few stray warriors, two of which (Brambleclaw and Crowpaw) are kind of loose cannons?

Allow me to offer this possible, alternative scenario as a replacement for the first two and a half books in the New Prophecy:

Firestar stood next to the other clan leaders gathered under the full moon, looking down at the gathered clans.

"I have received a sign from StarClan!" he yowled loud enough for all to hear. "There is danger coming to the forest in moons to come. We must all seek a new home."

Outraged yowls of protest came from the gathered cats.

Ignoring them, Blackstar came forward. "I have also received this message. We must leave."

Leopardstar looked startled. "I too have had this message. At first I was unsure, but now…"

All eyes turned to Tallstar, who stood, staring at the moon with glazed eyes, unresponsive.

"Uh, Tallstar?" Leopardstar poked the Windclan leader with a hesitant paw. "Tallstar!"

The old tom blinked at her, as if shaken out of a trance. "What?"

"Did you get a sign from StarClan telling you to leave?" Firestar asked.

Tallstar tilted his ancient head to the side, a senile look in his eyes. "You hear the voices too?"

Silence.

"Erm, okay then." Blackstar said, turning away from the ancient leader uncomfortably. "I guess we should all leave then."

"Of course." Leopardstar said dutifully. "StarClan demands it!"

"We leave at sunhigh tomorrow!" Firestar said, very leader-like.

"I like cumquats!" Tallstar cried out happily.

And there you have it. A short conversation that would have saved paper and effort and made the all too twisted plotline a little simpler. Not rocket science here people.

But, the author over lords thought not, and Brambleclaw was thrown into his own prophecy.

OMG TALKING BADGERZ

After a very disturbing dream of drowning, Brambleclaw discovers that it is his duty to embark on an epic mission of failful purposes to keep the clans safe. So, he and five others journey to a strange place where the sun drowns at dusk (lol what?) to figure out whatever the heck it is that 'midnight' has to tell them.

So, they travel for a long time across fields and towns and other treacherous places and face challenges that would have killed less important characters. They see some strange sights and meet a senile, half crazed cat who likes to hear himself talk.

Oh author over lords why? Was the prophecy itself not bad enough on its own?

Apparently not.

So anyway, they all make it to the 'sun-drown place' and discover that 'midnight' isn't really midnight. Midnight is a badger. A talking badger.

A freaking talking badger that explains to them in a matter of two minutes all they need to know to save the clans and all that StarClan could have told them just as easily.

So why could Midnight, a strange, talking badger, explain their quest to them but StarClan, their wise ancestors, could not.

Well folks, it all goes back to that little thing called anti-logic that we talked about earlier…

So, the 'heroes' go back to the clans, taking a terribly long short-cut through the mountains just for the purpose of creating another book in the series, Feathertail dies very anticlimactically, another emo is born in Crowpaw, and Brambleclaw, the dubbed leader of the group, gets them all home nice and safe.

Great job Brambleclaw! You make your author overlords very proud.

And once they get home? Yeah, they leave. Like, the next day almost. No complicated explanations needed, just a bunch of unneeded deaths in their absence.

So Brambleclaw (and the others) proves his use as a plot device and leads the clans back over the mountains and through the woods to a magical lake.

And yeah, the plotline kind of dies after that.

The Bramble and the Squirrel

On his pointless journey, Brambleclaw faces many challenges. Among those challenges? You guessed it:

Lo0o0o0o0o0o0ove!

Because what is the use of a plot device without a love story?

That's right folks. In all his journeying, Brambleclaw falls in love with Firestar's daughter, Squirreflight. Not only because she's the obnoxious tag-along who followed him on his special journey in order to learn the ways of a plot device, but because of her charming personality, despite her prejudice against him being Tigerstar's son.

More proof that ThunderClan still remains racist.

In the chaotic absence of a plotline of the later second arc, Brambleclaw found himself drawn to her in what could only be the workings of a plotline. And heck, since Leafpool and Crowfeather already had the FORBIDDEN LOVE thing down to science, why not?

So, basically the rest of the New Prophecy is nothing but an angst fest between the two, loving each other and then hating each other and then Squirrelflight ditching Brambleclaw for Ashfur (another older warrior) and then ditching Ashfur for Brambleclaw again.

Yeah. Nice. So Brambleclaw chose the prejudice, hot-headed, daughter-of-a-so-totally-not-MARY-FREAKING-SUE that uses people to get what she wants.

He must be so happy.

But happiness in the relationship later turned to betrayal when it was revealed that Squirrelflight had been lying about Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf being their kits, leaving Brambleclaw confused, heartbroken, and very much reduced to nothing once more but a simple plot device.

While this pairing remains a reasonably popular one on the archive, it has died a considerably agonizing death after the author overlords decided to do away with it.

Why did it fail?

Well, there are several reasonable arguments that could be used to explain that point, but personally, I believe it was because it lacked a single element…

FORBIDDEN LOVE!

Doom to Thee

Besides becoming an emotional train-wreck, hearing voices in his head that belonged to his dead father, murdering his half-brother, and being the center point of a prophecy, Brambleclaw accomplishes a great feat in this arc.

Having proved his use as a plot device, Firestar decides to dub him CLAN DEPUTY!

So, even though he had yet to have an apprentice, and even though we all know Brackenfur or someone else would have been a much more logical choice, Brambleclaw achieved a great place of power in the clan, rewarded for obeying the author overlords and shunning the guidance of his father.

Good job Brambleclaw. Great job.

And we all know the real role of the clan deputy… TO STRIKE FEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF ALL CLAN MEMBERS AND KEEP THEM IN LINE!

Because, while the Clan Leader may call the shots, it's the deputy who keeps everything together, organizing the clan members like the worthless pawns they are and ensuring that the greater plotline will always have first priority.

Think of it in another way maybe: clan leader says what's to be done. Deputy makes sure it gets done. And if it isn't done… StarClan have mercy on your soul.

The Legacy of a Plot Zombie

So what can we take away from this? Is Brambleclaw a good warrior? Yes. A skilled deputy. Sure. A good little plot zombie? Heck yeah.

But is it really his fault to have fallen victim to such an existence? Being introduced to the plotline at such a young age did have some influence…

But, aside from his roles in the greater plotline, I think quite a few people over look Brambleclaw for the great warrior he was.

And, even if you don't respect Brambleclaw for all he's done, just remember…

He's clan deputy. He owns your soul.

Live with it.

Up next: Hawkfrost