Worse Than Worse

Cooper's eyes were dry.

She wanted to cry more tears, she felt she had to, but she couldn't. It was too much, all of this. She scribbled down eleven-thirty in the morning on the file in front of her, next to that heading she hated with all her being. Time of death.

Jane was patient four. A completely wonderful young woman of twenty-eight, Jane's pregnancy had come as a shock. The poor girl had been terrified, knowing the history of mothers on the island. Cooper went through her usual routine; telling Jane she would be fine, that she would find a way to make sure she and her child were safe. It hadn't been a lie; but it sure as hell wasn't the truth, either.

Jane had made it to week twenty-two of her pregnancy before she'd fallen victim to the same symptoms as all the women before her. Cooper never gave up hope... until Jane slipped into a coma. Once the patient was unconscious, their vital signs plummeted. The only question remaining was how long until they would die. The answer varied. With Lexie, it had been three days. Maureen, only two. With Casey, Cooper had thought maybe they were making some headway, she was in a coma for five days, but a sudden seizure put an end to whatever chance at recovery Cooper had been hoping for. And Jane had been the quickest death yet. Within hours of her falling into a coma, she flat-lined and died with Cooper clutching her hand.

Jane had been all alone in her pregnancy. The father, Leo, had been shipped off on the submarine that left a week after Jane told him about the baby. Jane had confided in Cooper that she knew he'd volunteered to leave, that their fling was nothing more than that to him and he wasn't ever going to stick around and raise a child with her. So Cooper had tried to step in and help where she could; she even let Jane sleep in the spare room of her house.

Perhaps their friendship was what spurred Cooper's confidence that Jane would be different; that she would be the one to be saved. When her nausea hadn't been as severe as the others, Cooper took it as a good sign. When her shortness of breath came and went within a week, Cooper considered this an improvement. Now, she knew the truth. Jane's illness had been progressing much faster than the other women. The sooner she got sick; she sooner she died.

There was no reason for it. Every death was different than the one before. Though the stages were the same, the frequency and intensity of each one differed for each patient. Cooper felt like all she could do was keep track of the spiral towards death.

Four women, four unborn children. All lost in the almost two years she'd been on this island. She ran tests, of course, spent hours upon hours in The Staff testing and re-resting her patient's blood samples, noting that each sample differed for each stage of the pregnancy. It was as close to a breakthrough as Cooper had come to. The foreign invader; something Cooper could only attribute to the island; changed the blood sample. It was a virus; and through her microscope Cooper could see it eating away at the blood cells. The virus spread throughout the pregnancy; until it won.

After filing Jane's report along with all the others, Cooper retreated to the second bedroom of her house. The bed was still unmade, as Jane had kept it. Her clothes were in piles all over the floor. And the book she was currently reading, one of Cooper's Agatha Christie novels, Absent In The Spring. Again, wishing she had tears to cry, Cooper just shut the door to the room, closing it off. She'd deal with it later.

Instead, she thought she'd drown her sorrows in something that would help her forget all of this, even just for a few hours. She didn't have alcohol in her home, so instead she headed out into the evening breeze towards the cafeteria where she knew she had seen bottles of rum and vodka.

However, when she was in there, slouched in her seat, having decided that she'd rather drink here than at home, Cooper was joined by someone else.

"It's late, Cooper." Ben said as he edged into the room.

"I'm aware of that," Cooper mumbled as she swigged from the warm, half-empty bottle of white rum she'd uncovered.

"Burying Jane today was hard," Ben mused as he sat across from her. "Please, feel free to take time to grieve."

"I want to go home, Ben." Cooper said suddenly.

"I'm sorry?"

"No, I'm sorry," Cooper smiled lazily. "I'm sorry that I haven't been able to help. Nothing I've done has helped, Jane died faster than any of the other women." She wiped a tear from her eye, the ingesting of alcohol apparently fixing her ability to cry. "I'm not doing what you brought me here to do."

"There'll be more women." Ben said firmly. "You'll have more chances."

"There's nothing I can do, Ben." Cooper said helplessly. "I'm a midwife, not a specialist! There is some kind of virus or disease that infects these women here," She said tearfully. "And I don't have the skills to be able to find a way to stop it."

"I can find you someone to help with that." Ben said efficiently. "I don't think now is the time to give up on all your work."

"My work?" Cooper repeated. "My work has done nothing! My work is useless! I can't stay here and watch mother after mother die. I won't do it."

Ben mouth pursed into a firm line. "Why do you want to leave the island? What is it you so desperately want to get back to?"

Cooper furrowed her brow at him. "I had a life. I had a-a purpose. Here I have nothing."

"Here you have everything." Ben corrected her.

"I want to go home." Cooper said again. "I want to see the children; I haven't seen them since I came here!"

"You've been kept up to date with their progress," Ben cut in quickly. "That was the agreement."

Cooper's eyes flinched. Did he think monthly updates on paper of the children's progress was enough? "You're a real bastard, you know that?"

Ben looked angry; but his anger turned into a small smile. "Come by Mikhail's house tomorrow." He said rising to his feet. "And you'll see." With that; he left her to drown her grief in aged liquor.

xxx

Nursing a hangover the following morning, Cooper trudged through the jungle trail towards Mikhail's house. She didn't spend a lot of time there; in fact she'd only visited it a handful of times since she'd arrived on the island. He wasn't a friendly man, having been a former Soviet soldier who had lost an eye some time ago, and now wore a menacing eye patch. He kept to himself; and everyone seemed to be happy with this arrangement.

The first time Cooper had been shown to Mikhail's it had been by Ben, and he had approached with some caution. She soon found out that this was because Mikhail kept an armed shotgun at his side at all times. He always looked at Cooper as though she was about to lunge at him or something; he made her uncomfortable.

Drawing on Ben's approach, when Cooper saw Mikhail's shack of a house in her sights, she slowed down to a slow walk, and made sure she made as much noise as she could; stepping on twigs, kicking rocks along, so she wouldn't take anyone by surprise.

"Cooper!" Ben exited the house and waved jovially at her. "It's ok, come right on in."

Tense, but relaxing to a degree, Cooper exhaled a tense breath and jogged up inside. She needn't have worried about being watched, Mikhail was behind a set of three computers typing away at the keyboard; he barely seemed to acknowledge that Cooper was there.

"What's going on?" Cooper asked; eyeing the wall of six computer monitors to her immediate right. They were all on, but showing nothing more than black and white static.

"Communications are down." Mikhail answered, not looking up from his computer. "The satellite was damaged in last week's storm..."

"Do you need any help?" Cooper offered. "I worked the communications in two aid camps in Africa. All the equipment was second hand but I know the basics."

"I have it under control." Mikhail replied, again without looking at her.

"Never mind that," Ben took her elbow and turned her so her back was to the wall of monitors. "You told me last night you would need help, a specialist to continue your work, correct?"

Cooper shifted her weight from one foot to the other; grief and alcohol tended to make her a blabbermouth. "I... ah, yes." She said. "I don't have the scientific skills or knowledge to do the kind of research you want me to."

"I've been looking for someone, a fertility specialist, to help you."

"I told you I want to go home." Cooper reminded him. "My mind hasn't changed, I want to leave. And considering you haven't let me see or even speak to the children... I have no reason to stay."

Ben didn't say anything, his beady eyes grew narrower and he took a step towards Mikhail. "Show her."

Mikhail rose from behind the trio of computers, and gestured Cooper towards the seat.

What she saw broke her heart. The twins, Deka and Deyo, dressed in pink and yellow summer dresses, holding hands with huge grins on their faces, skipping down a warmly lit neighbourhood street. And behind them, jogging to keep up, was their Aunt Imena and little Emeka, who wasn't so little anymore.

"Oh!" Cooper's hands flew to the screen; reaching for the children. "Oh, they're so big," She whispered through gleeful tears, he fingers running across the grainy images of the children she'd cared for in Africa what seemed like a lifetime ago. "Oh; they're so beautiful!"

Ben peered over her shoulder. "Beautiful and healthy. Imena's treatment is going splendidly." He handed her a file. "Her latest results. She's responding well to the HIV drugs. And the children are all perfectly healthy." He slid another file in front of her.

Cooper's eyes drifted down, and saw that the file on top was not a file at all; but rather pictures. Drawings, scribbled by the children. And underneath them, photos of the twins smiling and playing on a school playground, Emeka in a sandpit laughing with a young friend, Imena, looking bright and peaceful, walking the three children to school.

"All the other families are doing just as well." Ben continued, shovelling a handful of folders over to her. "All of their information is here. And your friend Ryan, his wife gave birth to a daughter; Olivia."

Cooper was hugging the photos and drawings to her chest like a life-vest. "Oh, please let me see them!" She begged, eying the giggling faces on the computer screen. "Please let me go and see them."

"No, Cooper, you need to stay here until your work is finished."

"No!" Cooper cried. "I've tried to help you, Ben, you know I have! They keep dying! And they will keep dying because I can't stop it!"

"I've told you I will get you help." Ben repeated firmly. "And when you have that help, you can get back to work." He nodded once at Mikhail; who hit one button that clicked off all three monitors.

Cooper tearfully watched as the images of the family flecked away into nothing more than a black screen baring her silhouetted reflection of despair. Her heart had sunk so low in the last few minutes. Ben could bring as many people has he wanted to the island; Cooper feared they would never find a cure. Or perhaps it was that she was just sick of this life; this strange isolation, unable to meet with friends for coffee, see a movie or visit the library.

Her life in Africa had been much like this; but she'd felt more freedom there than she did on this island.