Treasures
A/N: The story is set in that pleasant interlude between "Edelweiss" and "The Ländler". It takes place after "Underneath her wimple", and it begins about one week before the ball.
This is it - final chapter!
Disclaimer: I absolutely do not own "The Sound of Music".
The soul that can speak through the eyes can also kiss with a gaze.
Gustavo Adolfo Becquer
In the sanctity of her room, Maria was able to examine the anchor brooch. She stared at it, laying inside its satin bed, in dismay, turning it this way or the other, watching how the little stones glittered with the light.
Unfortunately, there was no way she would be able to keep it – it had to be returned to the Captain. It should be given to one of the girls, probably Liesl, who would soon make her debut in the Viennese society, and would then be allowed to wear jewelry. It was too valuable too… precious. And even if she kept it, it would not be allowed in the convent. Even if she were able to keep it, she would have to give it up once she made her vows.
I must return it. It was the right thing to do, and yet the thought of parting with it caused a dull ache and an awful sense of guilt.
It is only metal and stones, Maria, she tried to convince herself, but in vain. It should not matter to you, you vowed to lead your life guided by higher purposes. If she had seen it on a window display, she would probably feel that way, and it would be very easy to accept its loss. She would find the brooch pretty, and forget about it as soon as it was out of her sight. But this one was different.
Did the Reverend Mother know it would be like this? Maria thought. Did she know that after only a couple of months away from the Abbey, I would be coveting diamond jewelry? No, it is not the diamonds. It can´t be the diamonds, Maria admitted. It is…
A knock at the door startled her, interrupting the dangerous path of her thoughts.
"Come in." The door opened revealing the elder housekeeper. "Yes, Frau Schmidt?"
The woman´s eyes quickly searched Maria´s dress for the anchor pin. By then, the news had reached the servant´s quarters, and there was little talk of anything else.
Of course he did not pin it on me, Maria thought. Why should I expect that he would do that? Had the professor won, he would not pin the brooch on his lapel, would he?
"The Captain asked me to remind you that he is expecting you in his study." Maria´s left hand went to her head. "I would run if I were you – Franz told me he is in a foul mood."
"Oh yes, of course. I had forgotten that. I will be down in a moment."
"And Fraülein?"
"Yes?"
"Very well done. Congratulations!"
"Thank you, but it was the children who…"
"If you say so," Frau Schmidt said with her mischievous smile, just before walking away.
Why did she have the nagging feeling that people were congratulating her not for winning the brooch, but for something else?
Maria knocked, but she did not wait for his answer. Her right hand clutched the blue plush box almost painfully. She had made up her mind to do what she had to do quickly. Like ripping off the bandage from a wound, she thought. The faster it was done, the less it hurt. But first there was something else she had to say.
She ran up to his desk. "I did not mean it. Forgive me."
He looked up irritably at her. "Isn´t knocking ever required at the Abbey?"
"I did knock. I didn´t wait for an answer because I was told that you were expecting me, and that I should run. So I did."
He accepted her feeble answer and asked for clarification from her. "What was it that you did not mean to do?"
"I did not mean to make you… I… I didn't realize… your wife…" He smiled at her inability to find the right words. "There was so much to choose from. Had I known, I would have chosen something else."
"You had no way of knowing, there is no need to apologize. You were hardly at fault."
"You should have told me, Captain. You could have said not that one, Fraülein," she said, mimicking his tone lightly.
"Well, in my defense, Fraülein, I did say that it was not original."
"Yes, but you never stopped me from choosing it."
"Please, don´t torture yourself. Apart from being an anchor, hers was very different."
"I know - sapphires. Captain," she hesitated. Do it, she urged herself. "I am sorry, but I can´t possibly keep it." She flushed hotly under his intense gaze, and lowered her eyes to the tiny jewelry box she was holding in her hands.
"Because… it reminds me of my wife?"
"No," she answered immediately, which was enough to tell him that she was being truthful. "It … it is far too valuable." Carefully, she set the box in front of him.
He looked from the box to her mockingly. "Fraülein… forgive me, but I have no notion of how valuable a gift must be before it is acceptable by you."
She shook her head furiously. "I cannot keep it. Nuns don´t usually wear diamond pins. It wouldn´t be of any use for me at the Abbey."
"It's not because you don´t like it, you chose it yourself. What was it that you said then? Well grounded hope, a seaman´s last resort in stormy weather" he chanted dramatically. "Not to mention the diamonds – don´t bother to tell me that you are immune to them because after seeing you playing dress-up with Peggy Schneider I know that you are not – Your Royal Highness," he added mockingly.
Her stomach did a summersault at the mention of her dress-up party. "Oh, no, I mean, the brooch is absolutely lovely. But although the Reverend Mother may roll her eyes like she does when I do anything… unusual, afterwards she would make me take it off and give it up." He found amusement in her babbling.
"To the poor?"
"To the poor, and you must agree, Captain, that it would be of little use to them either. The other nuns would also be scandalized. Sister Margaretta might laugh at first, but Sister Berthe would not find it amusing, and I would probably end up scraping the floors with my toothbrush again".
"They made you do that?"
"Just once, when she found curlers under my wimple." He raised his eyebrows. "Besides, even if I could accept them, Captain, I... Where would I wear such a thing?"
"I thought you might wear it to the party."
Maria´s eyes widened. She did not even have a dress for the party. And even if she had one, it would do the delicate pin no justice. His mention of the party led her to another conclusion: he was not going to fire her. At least, not that day, she conceded. She felt like a ton had been lifted off her shoulders.
An image intruded in his mind. Maria – Fraülein Maria at the party, wearing that blue dress of hers, the diamond anchor pinned to her breast… looking at him while he made the official announcement of his engagement to the Baroness. His mind envisioned that her expression would be similar to the one he had seen earlier that day. As Elsa had wiped the lipstick from his face earlier, he had caught her reflection in the gazebo's windows. The look in her eyes haunted him even now.
I can´t do it, he thought. Not while she is around. What is it about this girl that has turned my world upside down? Why do I feel like I'm walking on eggshells every time Elsa and I move our relationship further? She's made a mockery of our social classes, she gives me a dressing down when she thinks I deserve one. I should be relieved when September comes, I should be glad to see her go. But I cringe every time she mentions Nonnberg. I cringe when I think she won't be with us… she won't be with me.
Why?
"Fraülein, I have a – a small favor to ask of you."
"Yes, Captain?"
"Keep it," he said simply. She made a motion to speak, but he silenced her with a gesture. "At least while you are with me – with us. You don´t have to take it to the Abbey when you return, if you don´t want to." She was about to protest, but he silenced her. "You have been good to the children – you are much more than a governess to them. Please, find it in your heart to accept it as a gift of appreciation, even it is a – uh – a temporary gift. It would make us all very happy. Does that make it acceptable to you - Fraülein?"
She was silent for a few moments. "I – I don´t know what to say."
"Then I will take it as a yes." He smiled at her – that same odd smile she never fully understood, because it seemed to hold so many meanings. She was afraid to try to understand.
Reaching for the navy blue box, he stood up and walked around his desk. He took the delicate anchor, which appeared infinitely smaller and more delicate in his large hands. "Allow me, please," he said. His voice became softer, more intimate. "I realize now that I should have done this at the gazebo. It was terribly ill mannered of me. Forgive me." And he began pinning it to her dress.
She froze at his proximity, like the marble statue in the antique shop. The memory of seeing him with his hand on the statue's naked breast flashed before her. Her body quivered as his fingers fumbled with her dress to fix the brooch just over that part of her body. His fingers never touched her skin, never touched anything other than the coarse fabric of the dress she had made herself – but she could feel his warmth on her skin just as she was as nude as the marble statue.
Dear God, what is happening? Why is this thing happening to me? Am I ill? She was too emotionally disturbed to think straight.
"Thank you," she whispered as his hands dropped to his side.
"You're welcome." He replied in a quiet tone. She was so close to him. He looked down at her just as she raised her eyes to his. He searched the blue depths for answers, and found only questions in her eyes. He leaned forward, closer to her.
She stepped back, afraid of what she was feeling, afraid of what she was seeing. "I…I better go see about the children." She whispered and quickly hurried out of his study.
As he watcher her leave the room, he was struck with a sudden sense of isolation. He had called her there to clear his doubts, and yet he ended up with more questions than before.
Once back in her room, Maria saw things in a different light. She studied the brooch in the mirror. Yes, she would keep it.
Forever.
I will make this my final transgression at the Abbey. Even if it was only to remind her, when she was an old nun, that once in her life she had been a rebel, and that one day she had outsmarted one of Austria's greatest naval heroes. Maybe then the memories attached to it would help her to guide other Maria´s who would certainly cross her path, just as the Mother Abbess had guided her. She would pin it to her underwear, where no one would ever find it. No one would be ever able to take it away from her. Just as Sister Clara´s bead had never been taken from her.
Sister Clara was one of the eldest nuns in Nonnberg. She passed away only months after Maria became a postulant there, and she had been assigned with the gruesome task of helping to dress her for the funeral. It was something that would give young and impressionable Maria nightmares for months to come. Pinned to Sister Clara´s undergarments, she found a single, ordinary, green Murano bead. It was attached to a narrow ribbon of the same color, and its state indicated that the nun had carried it with her for many years, possibly since before she became a postulant. Since Sister Clara had made a vow of silence, and had not spoken a word since she had taken her vows, no one ever found out the exact meaning of that green bead. No one had never seen it before. It would forever remain a mystery, but she could not help making up her own theories about it. Maria always believed that it was something of her former life that the nun was not able to let go.
A memory.
If Sister Clara was able to carry a memory for over sixty years, so would she. She would carry something of her life before the convent walls closed forever around her. Something that would always remind her of who she had been one day.
She tried to hang on to those thoughts, tried to convince herself that this was the one and only reason why she wanted to keep it with her forever. The only other explanation was outrageous to be considered rational.
I must have imagined things, she concluded. Stop thinking about him this way, Maria, you have no right. It is a sin – it is … wrong!! Remember the Abbey, remember your purpose in life, remember what you decided to do when you were barely fourteen years old, remember your promise.
But all she could remember were his eyes.
She never wanted to forget the look in them as he had had said "you're welcome." The look of something so tangible and yet so unidentifiable that she would wonder what it meant.
She wanted to remember everything about her time at the von Trapp villa. She wanted to remember how the Lord had guided her here for a purpose – to help the children prepare for a new mother.
She wanted something to remind her of this time, this place, his children, him.
She wanted to remember it all and never forget.
THE END – for now.
A/N: That is it, another story ended. Next stop - "The Ländler". Thank you for all those of you who read it and reviewed it, encouraging me to keep going. And to my beta, for helping me find my way through the Captain´s riddles!