Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

This chapter was written by KiY, with editing by KiY. Produced and directed by KiY, who appears in the starring role and, under elaborate makeup, in the roles of Campy and MrDrP.

Chapter 6 - Whose Line Is It Anyway?

KiY moved quickly to the stage and, in a booming voice, addressed the (small) crowd. "All right, for a little better idea of why the Fonnies should not be confused with the Fannies we present a castoff from the Fannies. Zaratan dropped the option on Best Line this year, and we picked it up.

"Actually, I suspect the Fannies Rules Committee regrets having dropped the Best Line category. The award was dropped for two reasons, first there was a philosophical debate about how much individual lines mean out of context. Which relates to the second, more practical concern. Some of last year's nominated lines just didn't mean much by themselves. In several cases it appeared voters nominated them for the quality of the story in which they appeared rather than the lines themselves.

"And now we come to this year, where we have some outstanding lines nominated for the Fonnie award. I'm pleased to have two nominees in the final four. From Double-Minded, my… Well, words fail me. Check it out for yourself. The nominees, in alphabetical order, by author, are:

"From Campy's Mating Games we have Tara's last line in chapter 11:
"Haven't you noticed, G-man? You can't spell 'Tara' without 'T' …" she purred. Then she stood and, turning slowly, added over her shoulder, "and 'A'."

From King in Yellow's Double-Minded:
Ron had lots of ideas, but they involved both Kims, Shego and a bottle of Wesson oil and he wasn't going to share the thoughts with Kim and Monique. "Uh, missed the question KP, could you repeat it?"

And also from King in Yellow's Double-Minded:
The Drs. Possible heard the crashing as they watched television in the family room. "Would you break that up, Dear?" Anne asked her husband. "I don't know why Kim can't play nicely with herself."

"Finally, from MrDrP's Epic Sitch: Big Monkey on Campus
Wally looked out at the sea of reporters, suspecting they were hoping for an explanation of the unfortunate incident involving the Ferrari, the two circus girls, the case of whiskey, and the dwarf.

"And the winner is…" KiY mentally kicked himself as he reached down to take off his shoe, "I can't even rig an election right. I Classic Cowboyed myself getting two of my stories in the final four and ended up tying with Campy for the win." He pulled the envelope out of his shoe - prompting a few calls of 'Put it back on' from the audience. He knew what the paper read, he'd typed it himself. Unfolding the sheet of paper he ignored it, and pretended to read, "And the winner of the Fonnie for 'Best Line' is MrDrP." He looked out in the audience where other writers were tapping MrDrP on the shoulder, urging him to go forward and accept the Spiny Norman.

MrDrP appeared stunned as he approached the stage, "I really wasn't expecting this award," he explained as he reached into a pocket for his standard three page acceptance speech form. "I didn't even memorize any spontaneous and unrehearsed comments." He accepted the Spiny Norman from KiY, nodded to the cutout of Zaratan, and addressed the crowd. "When I was a young boy, growing up in a log cabin in Kentucky…"

As KiY left the stage his ring tone sounded, a clipped British voice announced, "Sir, your telephone is ringing, again." He hurried behind the thick, crushed velvet drapes which covered the exit to the west of the stage.

"Yes?" he whispered.

A cold, inhuman voice hissed in his ear, "You did an acceptable job, Mr. Yellow."

"My wife and daughters?"

"They're fine. They will be home when the ceremony is over. You know why you and Mr. Campout were--"

"Campy."

"Pardon?"

"His name is Campy, not Campout."

"You know why you and Mr. Campy were not allowed to win, don't you?"

"Not really, I--"

"Then I shall remind you. The two of you wrote borderline smut. Here at Disney Corporation we--" From the corner of his eye KiY watched two of the giant spiders trying to sidle up towards him in an a nonchalant manner. One of them might have been trying to whistle a Cole Porter tune, but the mandibles made it difficult to tell for certain. KiY quickly hit the volume button and held the phone out for the spiders to hear. "--wholesome family entertainment. We will not brook seeing our image dragged in the mud by--" The spiders fled to the darkest reaches of the exit corridor, chittering in stark terror. KiY almost smiled to himself, in a showdown between malevolent, blood-sucking monsters and eight legged creatures the corporate lawyers had proven more frightening. He returned the phone to his ear, "--not all we might like, we could allow the award going to the third nominee."

"Yes, sir," KiY assured him, "just like you directed."

"Good, because if there is any repetition of stories like Double-Minded you'll be learning what the phrase, 'It's Goofy time' really means. Is that clear, Mr. Yellow."

"Yes, Sir."

"Remember, don't mess with the mouse." The phone clicked as the corporate lawyer hung up.

A quiet KiY moved from the exit back into the theater, at least his family was safe. On stage MrDrP had almost finished the first page of his acceptance speech. Campy beckoned for KiY to come over for a minute.

"I thought for sure I'd win," Campy admitted. "I had people stuffing the ballot box for me."

"I know the feeling," KiY admitted, "I planned on winning when I volunteered to give the award. I was stuffing too."

"And we still lost to MrDrP? No justice."

"Hey, his fan base is bigger than both of ours put together."

"You suffering from fan base envy?" Campy demanded.

"What makes you ask?"

"Well, to begin with, you've given him a really stupid acceptance speech."

"Hey, if it doesn't get enough good reviews he can always take it down later."

"Definitely fan base envy."

"Okay, maybe. Hey, great line, by the way. If I hadn't been stuffing the ballot box you'd have probably won."

"Yeah, well remember I was too," Campy reminded him. "Maybe MrDrP really did deserve the award."

"He got it, anyway."

"Just as a matter of question, how long are you going to leave him rambling up there on stage?"

"Probably for an hour or so until the next chapter gets posted."

Campy shook his head sadly, "Fan base envy."