Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
Written by Whitem with edits by KiY
Title taken from a song in Ruddigore
Chapter 7 - You Must Stir It and Stump It and Blow Your Own Trumpet
KiY stood and announced, "And now a presenter who needs no introduction," and sat down.
A number of presenters looked at each other. Wondering who he meant. A couple started to get up, when Whitem bolted to the front of the theater and got on stage.
Given the dimness of the theater the dark glasses made seeing difficult, but they were too cool to remove. "Ladies…" Whitem pushed his sunglasses down a bit as he tried to look over the audience. "Or is it Lady? Anyways… Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to present to you the award for Best Self Promotion. There really wasn't any competition here, when I thought of this award, only one person popped into my head.
"Since there were no other contenders, I'll skip the customary reading of all nominees. Be that as it may, the individual who is to receive this… wonderful? award came onto the fanfiction writing scene quite literally by storm. He's written so many stories that I really don't have time to list them, plus I'm sure y'all know about them from his… err… shameless self promotion. I will say that I think I've inadvertently, along with a few others, promoted at least one of his stories myself."
Whitem shuffled his notes and dropped an 8x5 card. "Oops…" He picked up the card, and looked out at the crowd with a surprised look on his face. "See… I just did it again, and I didn't even mean to. Any way, enough about me. How about we get the one man out here who never lets us forget him in some of the most… interesting ways? So without any further the winner of the Best Self Promotion… a man who needs no introduction, but will get one anyway… Cpneb!"
Some real cheers, some groans, and mock cheers came mixed from the 'crowd' as 'Neb came out down the aisle wearing a sandwich board. The front of the sandwich board read: 'Have you had your grapes today?' While, on the back, it read: 'I love strawberries...seriously.'
Those reading the rear-facing board and knew 'Neb, and/or had read his stories, roared with laughter. Others, reading the front-facing board, and had been on the forums, chuckled at the 'grapes' joke, while some sat and looked confused.
'Neb removed the sandwich board, placed it on the ground, and turned to face the audience. He was wearing a navy blue MeeZod shirt with a BlazeIT! Search and Rescue logo in white on the left breast. He had khaki slacks and a pair of loafers.
"I could have worn shorts, but KT and Akinyi have done nothing to deserve being forced to see these legs," 'Neb quipped, and he looked out over the audience when he heard stereo raspberries coming from the direction of the two young ladies.
'Neb reached the microphone, shook Whitem's hand, and gingerly accepted the 'award'.
"I got your self promotion right here!" he laughed. "I guess it's about time I got 'officially' recognized for doing what I started in early 2007, when I all I wanted was to gain some recognition and possible votes for the Fannies. It must have worked," 'Neb laughed, "since many of you who swore that self promotion was 'uncivilized,'" and several individuals squirmed in their seats, "are now following 'the path of the 'Nebster' and performing self promotion also: and, in public!"
'Neb laughed as KT covered her dad JA's ears. Star laughed, and PRT just rolled his eyes.
"Now, threads such as 'toot your own horn' have become acceptable, and folks campaigned for Fannies this year. Heck, some even campaigned for these Fonnies. Hard to believe, isn't it?"
KT shouted across the room: "Path of the nebster: now, there's a path that Akinyi wants to follow!" The room burst into laughter as Akinyi blushed, thinking about following 'Neb...and she blushed even more.
"I got'ta lay off the grapes," she mused inside as calmed down and the red began to gradually left her face. She deliberately did not look at 'Neb for a few minutes: she just knew that he was going to do something to make her blush even more.
But then, Akinyi had an even more evil thought: "Hey, KT!" she yelled back across the room. "Is that anything like the path you're making, following Star around?" The room erupted again as it was KT's turn to blush and Star and PRT exchanged fist bumps.
"My original thought," 'Neb continued with a grin after the laughter died down, "was to publicize in order to attract readers to my stories, since JADE wasn't well known or exceedingly popular when I started. That worked-" Several writers took notes on arms, legs, and shirts of people in front of them. "-especially at award time. I had a major surge of hits on my profile page both years, so something must'a worked.
"Anyway, since y'all don't want to hear me talk about what I did or am doing currently, I won't mention the upcoming chapters of Define, Hell IV, Reality Happens, and Will I, not to mention the upcoming completion and after Fannie scenes from Road Trip," 'Neb smiled.
"Aren't you mentioning them when you say you won't mention them?" someone shouted.
"There's a writer with a future," 'Neb told the crowd.
Pharaoh Rutin Tutin groaned. "Even in the award for self-promotion, he's self-promoting!" Several in the audience jeered both PRT and Cpneb.
"Hey, blame Whitem and yourselves: he gave me the award, but you folks continue to feed it and the monster in others, including yourselves...so there," 'Neb took his award, grabbed his sandwich board, and left the stage in silence. "Shame on you!" Akinyi told 'Neb when he got back to his seat next to her.
"What did I do?" 'Neb whined, but Akinyi never told him, choosing to sit back, cross her arms over her chest, and smile knowingly.
"What?" he continued to ask, but she continued to smile and say nothing.
"What?" he whined, but she turned away with a redheaded heroine's look in her smile.
"Make him suffer," she laughed inside as he continued to pout.