Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
Written by Lxk, edits by KiY.
Title from The Continuing Story Of Bungalow Bill by the Beatles.
Chapter 11 - So Captain Marvel Zapped Him Right between the Eyes
"Well, if we gave out awards at the Fonnies for the presenter who traveled the farthest I think it would go to our next presenter." KiY said, looking over the gathered writers and trying to remember which of them it was.
In his seat a young, dark haired Swede, dressed in black pants with a black turtleneck and black shoes (the God of colors had taken a day off, it seemed) squirmed, "How badly will he mispronounce my pen name?"
"Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the award for Weirdest Crossover, the Fannie and UFO award nominated, LXK!" KiY paused between the initials.
"Did he just call me 'Elle Echskay?" The Swede asked Mace. "By the way, nice dress." But the only reply he got was a shove toward the stage.
The shove meant that his entry wasn't as graceful as it should have been. Combined with his squinting at some lights in his eyes, it appeared as if the presenter was quite inebriated. In truth, he wasn't. Well, as least not that much. He was currently in a state where the Absolut Vodka had affected him enough to make mistakes when he spoke, but not enough to make him not care. Lxk grinned and stepped up to the podium, getting out his notes as he reached it. Thank God he had memorized it, because the words seemed to be moving around on the card. He took a breath.
"If we compare fanfiction to any other artistic endeavor, the cover song seems to be the best analogy," he began. "To take another's work, not passing off as your own, but showing it from a different perspective, maybe in a different setting, is what crossovers are all about."
"Some stories are good, even great. They become like Johnny Cash's version of 'Hurt' or Jimi Hendrix 'All Along the Watchtower', almost transcending the original. Some stories are bad, becoming like Fred Durst's version of 'Behind Blue Eyes' or anything by Michael Bolton, almost making us wish there had never been a Kim Possible to write about." The presenter grinned a bit at that. Take that, Bolton and Durst!
"What then, is the crossover? It is, in fact, perhaps the hardest form of fan fiction. Combining two different series into a working story presents entirely new problems... but also different rewards. If we compare to music, the crossover is like Johnny Cash performing 'Hurt', in the style of Elton John. Reaching two audiences, not just the one. But, as with everything, some crossovers seem more likely than others, more easily adapted." "Should I have gone with Cash again? Well, too late now," lxk thought.
"Those nominated for Weirdest Crossover are not nominated because the content is weird. The Weirdest Crossover award is handed to the writer who has, by concept alone, made us wonder 'Just what in the name of all things holy were they thinking when they came up with this one?' I leave it too you to determine the content. The nominees are:
Molloy's Until the End of the World – which crosses Kim Possible with Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow
Wade was more than a little disappointed. All of the W.E.E. systems he could hack into (which were, in fact, ALL of them) had absolutely nothing cooking about Kim and Ron. Even his trump card—the blog/forum website outside of W.E.E.'s internal server where agents secretly went to etantrum about Gemini's less than exemplary people management skills, proved devoid of anything remotely related or interesting.
On the positive side, his contact at the Allied Intelligence Archives had turned up something of interest concerning Tyrone Slothrop. Although official records still could not verify that Slothrop had been employed by ACHTUNG or had even been enlisted in the Army, the contact did dig up hard evidence that Slothrop had, in fact, been in London at the time of the V2 rocket attacks. A series of letters (okay, two) placed Slothrop in a hospital ward in December of 1944. Wade's contact IH'ed him that he would be faxing the letters over shortly.
As he swiveled in his chair to check on the fax, Wade's eye just happened to catch the monitor on his far right. It was still channeling the feed from the security camera on the San Narcisco University rooftop. Despite the blackness of the night and the long shadows cast by the security light positioned directly in front of the camera's line of sight, Wade caught some movement in the frame.
He cocked an eye at the monitor and, with a few quick keystrokes, maneuvered the camera so he could get a better look at the whateveritwas that was continuing to move in the shadows.
It lay hidden in the shadows of a utility door on the far right of the roof. A utility door that Wade, just at that second, realized had not been open earlier. As he attempted to lighten the image so he could "see past" these shadows, Wade began feeling the first onrush of anxiety. Please, don't be what I think you are.
As the screen lightened, he realized, to his chagrin, that once again he was correct.
"Shoot! Why am I always right?"
Wade immediately contacted the San Narcisco PD and, almost as instantly, tried to radio Kim.
Acosta Perez Jose Ramiro's The Missing Colors – which crosses Kim Possible with Rugrats.
"Doctor… oh, my!" Stu brightened as a kid in Christmas. "Doctor Possible? THE Doctor Possible?"
"Stu…"
"Sorry, Didi, but… this man is a genius! When NASA has a doubt, he's the one they call!"
"Well, I don't like showing off," James smiled slightly. "Are you somehow connected to the scientific community?"
"Actually, yes, I'm an inventor myself… nothing on your level, sir, of course. I design and invent toys, and once in a while domestic appliances, and animatronics for parks and special events."
"M… now I know where I heard your surname! You weren't the one who designed a robotic dinosaur that ran rampant at Paris like, ten years ago?"
"He did?" Ron, Kim, and Rufus (who popped his head out of Ron's pocket at that moment) gave Stu a puzzled look.
"Yes." The other adults and the threesome chorused as Stu blushed in embarrassment.
"It was something for a theme park, and, well, made it so easy to control a baby could do it."
"And we did." Chuckie said as he and Tommy chuckled nervously.
"Don't know what's so funny; you dumb babies almost dropped me from Eiffel Tower." Angelica frowned slightly at the boys.
Didi and Stu finally lead Ron and the Possibles to the living room, James finally noticing Lucy.
"Hey, Lucy, what're you doing here?" The scientific gave her a friendly smile.
"Hi, James… how is Ann and the twins?" Lucy chuckled nervously as her friends looked at her.
"They're fine, thanks for asking. Ann wanted to come, you know, for the medical and anatomical aspects of this, but she had a programmed surgery today, so it's just me here."
"Hold it!" Drew, Angelica's dad, addressed Lucy. "You two already knew each other?"
"Well, his wife is one of the country's best brain surgeons, and met her in a congress some time ago. I still see her once in a while when going to conferences and since sometimes James here goes with her…"
"So, you're basically saying you know the parents of a famous teen hero, and never told any of us?" Chaz asked her.
"Well, we're mainly professional acquaintances, nothing more."
"Uh, Doctor Carmichael, no offense, but that's as much as being Robin's classmate, and never visiting Wayne Manor." Chuckie pointed.
"Thanks for the comment, Captain Geek." Angelica rolled her eyes and then addressed Ron and Kim. "Don't let the name fool you; he's not really a captain."
"Are you sure your surname isn't Rockwaller?" Ron arched an eyebrow at the blond girl, who simply shrugged, obviously not understanding the question.
AlexanderGodslayer's Incurable – Kim Possible and House, MD.
Much his dismay, he had been given an order an order! by his sidekick, and as much as he wished to disobey, he knew he would regret it if he did. He was just near the exit when something, a cane, suddenly hit his knee making him misstep and almost fall to the floor.
"Still short tempered, Drew?" He heard his attacker saying.
Some encounters were just meant to occur, not by destiny, but by mere irony. This was the case.
"Who the!?" He started when he suddenly saw the person standing right beside him. It took him a second to recognize him, but when he did, indeed he was surprised "Greg!?"
Gregory House, a person whom Drakken, much like Chen, James and Ramesh, had never expected to see again, yet… it seemed like fate liked to disagree with him.
"Wow! Look at you, feeling blue?"
"Oh, how funny!"
"So… it's true what I heard? You finally became a mad scientist? Or are you still making sexy robots?"
"Seem like you haven't changed since college!"
"Nor do you"
The quick conversation because of the reunion of two old "friends" was suddenly interrupted by one thing one doctor was used to and the other had no idea about: A green blast that passed right between them and smashed against the first wall that was on its way, leaving a irregular black stain and some burning smell.
If it wasn't because there was no one here appropriated to listen the comment, House would have said something about Cuddy going to get really mad because of someone ruining the decoration.
"DRAKKEN!" A female voice screamed though the area, strong enough to make a child cry "WHATtheHELLareYOUlosingTIMEwith!?" Now, that's a woman. Greg though while whistling.
Samurai Crunchbird's So the Reality: Judge Judy - Kim Possible and, rather obviously, Judge Judy.
"Now…as for the rest of you in the 'courtroom' seating area, I realize the… uniqueness… of these proceedings will mean several changes to my usual courtroom style…
"First, I usually do not approve of kimonos or naked vermin in my courtroom. However, all of these appear to be allowed under the rules of Intergalactic Law.
"Second, it also allows for anyone in this 'courtroom' seating area to 'speak up' if they have something to add that is pertinent to the case. This is why all of you in this section had been sworn at the same time as the litigants of this case. However, be careful what you say. If your remarks do not have anything to do with the case, I am well within my rights under Intergalactic Law to have Petri vaporize you instantly! Do I make myself clear?"
Nods of approval swept through the 'courtroom' seating area, including the Lorwardians.
"Third," she said, glaring at Jim and Tim Possible, "I have that friend of yours, Wade, focusing extra cameras on the two of you…especially because of that lawsuit a while back when you knocked out the entire power grid west of the Rockies with those strings of 150 megawatt bulbs…so you two better behave yourselves!"
"Excuse me, your honor," one of the Lorwardians interjected, "but according to our research, such technology does not yet exist on this planet. Are you sure you don't mean 150 watt bulbs?"
The entire Earth delegation glared at the Lorwardian, as if to say, 'We wish she did mean that…we really wish she did!!'
Bailiff Petri Byrd pointed his gun and fired at the chair where the Lorwardian was seated. The chair took a direct hit from the gun's beam and quickly vanished. Without so much as saying a word, staff members from the arena replaced the chair as the judge scowled at the Lorwardian. "That," she barked, "is your final warning! If anybody else has something to say, it had better be about this case!"
CaptainKodak1's The Mythbusters meet Team Possible – Kim Possible and, again rather obviously, the Mythbusters
Ron took one step forward and his pants fell to pieces. His Fearless Ferret boxers were slightly singed. Adam and Jamie stood staring as Kari turned red. Grant and Tori could barely control their laughing. Kim stood in front of Ron.
"Ah, is there a place where Ron could change?"
Jamie pointed back to M5. "There's a clothes closet on the far wall and a changing room."
Kim stood in front of Ron as they retreated to the garage door. Ron slipped into M5 as Kim rejoined the group.
Jamie scratched at his beret.
"Is he just lucky or is he incredibly resilient?"
Kim just smiled and just waved her hand. "Oh that? That's no big. Ron has taken a worse beating by Shego and Monkeyfist and still was able do what he wanted."
Adam picked up one of the fire extinguishers.
"Well let's get back inside and make plans for the grapple thingee and let Tori and Grant make plans for the rocket car."
Kim joined the group around the table as they waited for Ron to join them. Kim heard Ron's footsteps as he approached.
"Did you get changed okay Ron?"
Kim turned to see Ron approaching wearing a pair of farmer's overalls.
"Sorry KP, I guess I forgot to put another pair of pants in our bags. But I found this neat pair of overalls hanging in a metal cabinet back there. They are a little stiff but there is a good pocket for Rufus."
Grant got a good look at Ron's pants.
"Everybody, back up! He's got on those fertilizer pants!"
Lxk fished out the envelope as he finished with the list the nominees. He now held it up in his right hand. The crowd had applauded each of the nominees, and now, all eyes were on him. "And the award for Weirdest Crossover goes to..." He slowly opened the envelope and gently removed the card. He looked at it and couldn't help but grin.
"It's a tie!" Lxk shouted. The eyes of the crowd seemed to be synchronized as they all widened at the statement, awaiting the next utterance.
"The winners are... Captainkodak1 and Samurai Crunchbird!"
The crowd cheered as the two winners got to their feet. An already acclaimed writer and a relative newcomer sharing the price seemed unusual. The two men walked towards the stage, shaking hands and receiving congratulations from others. Finally, they reached the stage, where lxk welcomed them with a handshake and an awkward straight guy hug. The Samurai gestured to the Captain to take the podium first as the same time as the Captain did the same in return, but neither of them had a chance to step forward before lxk stepped back to the podium.
"Ehh... due to the bylaws and uhh... general... feel of this award... And I do realize this seems a bit strange... Captain, you will deliver Samurai's acceptance speech and, uhm... vice versa."
The Captain and Samurai stared at lxk, then at each other. "Deliver the what for whom?" one demanded.
"Just... go with it", lxk muttered as he backed away from the microphone. This time, Samurai Crunchbird managed to gesture to the Captain first. CaptainK sighed, took a breath and stepped up.
"Ehh... I guess... I want to thank.. my friends and, uh, my family... I don't know them, but... Eh, anyway... I also want to thank all those who read and reviewed So the Reality, all of its different parts... Those were the ones like The Amazing Race and the other stuff, right?" He looked over to the Samurai, who nodded with a sort of "Yeah, that sounds good enough" expression on his face. He hastily scribbled note for CaptainK, who consulted it and looked back at the audience.
"Uhh... I want to mention... lxk especially here... along with cajunbear73, Darkon Shadows, karenstern05, Ran Hakubi, JAKT, Captain IT and Comet Moon. Again, thank you for reviewing, thank you for this award and uh... " CaptainK looked at the paper again. "Review me, email me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!" The Captain stepped away to the roars of applause. He stepped over and shook the Samurai's hand. Samurai grinned as he stepped up to the podium to accept the award for Captain. He bit his lip, but since the Captain had managed to transfer his notes in the handshake, he wasn't too nervous.
"Well... I also would like to thank my friends and family... Especially my wife and children for their support and love." The Captain smiled. "Thanks guys, I love you", he mouthed along as Samurai spoke.
"To mention all those who eh... reviewed or read... eh... this and my other stories... eh..." Samurai flipped the piece of paper around. Son of a Sooner! The notes were not written out in sentences, just phrases to jog the Captain's memory. But they didn't help Samurai's memory. "Well, I am the Crunchbird, time to wing it," he thought. The Samurai looked out into the crowd once more and said, "One other thing... CaptainK and I have been working with Snapbang on When Heroes Fall. It's rated 'T', but well worth it."
A groan erupted form the crowd with mutters of 'What? More self promotion?' and 'Didn't we hear enough of that already?'
Samurai smiled and countered, "Hey, it's better than telling you to spay and neuter your pets...AGAIN!"
While everyone in the room nodded in agreement, he turned to the Captain, who shrugged. "Do I say 'right hand salute' or do I do an actual one?" He mumbled.
The Captain grinned, "Do whatever you feel like, man", he whispered. Samurai turned and did a sharp salute to the audience, then turned and did another one directly to CaptainK. As the winners walked off stage, the audience cheered for them.
Lxk gave the recipients of the Spiny Normans a minute to return to their seats. "Finally," he sighed, "time to empty that vodka bottle." He turned and stumbled into the hole on the stage and disappeared from view.