Okay, I know it's been FOREVER and for that I am SO sorry! I am trying my best to balance this, school, and my trilogy that I'm working on. I'm close to finishing my first book so I will definitely take a break after that and focus on this. Please bare with me and review. Kind of a short chapter so I'll try to make the next one longer(: Thanks so much for the support!

Chapter Eight: The Then and The Now

"Jake…Jake, please say something," I begged. He hadn't uttered a word or even looked at me since he'd placed me into the car, walked around to the driver's seat, then sped off without looking back at his pack talking to Carlisle and Alice. I felt like I was choking on his silence. His eyes were flashing but focused on the road ahead of us. He was afraid to meet my unwavering gaze. I looked at his face, screaming realization and heart break. He hadn't known I remembered Edward. But…why was it so traumatic? What was he so scared of? My voice shook and I squeezed my eyes closed, praying for something to shield me from his pain. But I was immersed. "Jake…please.." He seemed unaffected by a voice that could break a pro WWF wrestler. He was immovable.

With the silence killing me slowly, my thoughts took over. Scenes of me and Edward together, in his house, in his room. I was remembering everything; every single missing strand in the fabric of time that had disappeared from my grasp was coming together. The voice I'd heard in my head when I'd jumped. The face I'd seen under the water. Edward. The name Jake had said in my room that first night of the day he'd saved my life. Edward. My life. My lover. Edward.

I remembered Alice and Carlisle, members of Edward's slightly large and unusually bound family. Couples bound by a common curse they all had to bare. Vampires. I hadn't been afraid of them, because I knew they wouldn't hurt me. I knew Edward couldn't, though every bone in his body, every ounce of thirst he endured, wanted him to. There were times-possibly all the time-that he wanted to. But he didn't, hadn't.

I remembered the wolf pack, fully. Those days I'd been too heartbroken to be able to stand solitude, I'd stuck to Jake because he was my sunshine in the dark. He made it possible to draw a breath without my body quaking in pain and agony. He made me want to live. He and his brothers were my protectors against Victoria. I remembered me and Emily would wait, pacing her home, for them to come back-or for the dreaded news of one of them never coming back.

I looked at Jake beside me, seeing what he was so afraid of. He knew where my heart had been. Denial hadn't spared him from the truth though he'd refused to give up hope; he knew.

Where my heart had been. Not where it was now.

My truck screeched to a stop, reaching multiple octaves only dogs could hear. Jake immediately got out the car, walked around to the passenger seat and opened my door. His eyes were dark and purposely focused on looking straight through me, but not seeing.

"Go inside. I have to patrol the area with the others. I won't leave Forks," he promised.

"Jake, talk to me." His guards came up. "Jake, if this is about me remembering Edw-"

"I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I?" I looked at him in disbelief. "That bloodsucker practically destroyed you!"

"And you brought me back," I choked out, slowly slipping out of the car. My feet landed on the solid ground, millimeters in front of his; our chests were less than a foot apart; my face so close to his, I could see every speck of chocolate brown in his irises even with him fighting to darken them.

There was no pain in my chest, no ache in my bones as I stepped towards him, closing the nonexistent distance. Time stood still, waiting to witness something historic. I wanted to prove to him, he had nothing to worry about. Yes, I remembered what had been and what had happened. But I'd also remembered what had happened and hadn't. He didn't step back, but let me place a hand on each of his blazing cheeks and press my lips to his. It was like kissing flames without the burn but not lacking the sensations. It was simple, basic. Lips to lips. I felt his arms snake around my waist as he hungrily deepened what had already been waiting for him since the day he saved me. Maybe before then. His lips were tender and soft against mine; he was slowly taking what was given to him in hopes it wouldn't be snatched away forever.

Moments of heated pleasure ended reluctantly.

"You're more than enough," I whispered. His eyes held mine, searching for the sincerity that was there, taking in what was happening, what had happened.

"Bella-" He stopped abruptly. "I have to go. But I will be back okay?" I nodded. He'll be back. He said he'll be back. He wrapped me in a hug, allowing me to bury my face in his chest as he kissed my hair. I absorbed his warm, comparing it to the memory of Edward's frigid skin. It reminded me too much of the arctic waves overlapping one by one over my body; I forced myself not to flinch and pushed the trauma away.

"Be careful," I told him.

"It's them you should be worried about." His overconfidence had recovered ahead of him which gave me a bit of reassurance. He was still processing the kiss, as was I. I knew he was analyzing our past with our present, as was I.

But that was the then. And this is the now.

Charlie is sitting on the couch with a newspaper in one hand, and a beer in the other. He maneuvers the newspaper to his lap and picks up the remote, while bringing the beer to his lips for a long drag; he turns up the volume of the TV, watching the game. He seemed content with that pattern, and I recalled it being the usual.

"Hey Dad." I walk into the room and hug him with my arms, catching him completely off guard. But he managed to break free from the TV's hypnotism.

"Bells…" There was hesitation due to the fact he didn't know if my memory was restored or not. He'd taken into account I had called him Dad and not Charlie, or given him any of the weird looks I'd been giving him while I was here since Jake saved me.

"It's okay dad. I remember." His face flushed with relief.

"Thanks goodness Bells. I was beginning to feel like a stranger." I shook my head, wiping the doubt from his mind. Apparently, I was a cloud of doubts to the people I loved most.

"You were never a stranger dad." I knew of his discomfort when it came to showing emotion. Charlie was a typical male. But instead of his usual handshakes or short response before focusing on something else- he hugged me again. And I didn't push him away.

"Glad to have you back Bells. Don't ever scare me like that again."

"I won't. Promise."

As I walked up the stairs to my room, I let my hand brush against the wall, remembering Edward carrying me down these very stairs countless times. Then the image of Jake carrying me up dawned on me. Both Jake and Edward were supernatural, warped creatures…but one gave me the hope of being normal, with as little pain as possible while the latter would take me away from not only my family, friends, and death…it would take me away from humanity. I had to give up so much for someone who just left me here. Voices in my head were waging war, screaming at each other from opposite sides.

He left to protect you!

Him leaving almost killed me!

If you weren't so psychotic, maybe it would've worked!

I had another epiphany. If Edward left to save me…maybe the safe thing to do was be with Jake. He'd get what he wanted, which was my protection without the guilt holding him back. Because it was the guilt that was holding him back. Nothing else. He never loved me. All those words he'd whispered in my ear turned to tin, falling soundlessly into the dark hold that was burrowed into my heart. The hole Jake was healing. I needed him. I can't stand to be on my own. Not now.

All I kept thinking when I thought of Jake was: I need him.

The only thing that came to mind when I envisioned Edward's perfect face and his signature crooked smile was: He left me. The pain of abandonment was numb, but still there. Solid.

I'd reached the top of the stairs and looked around. My room no longer looked like a hallow shell missing its soul. It was broken, yes, but healing also. It just took a moment of absence for the both of us to realize what we needed to get ourselves back to being. I walked into my closet and pulled out the box of all things that reminded me of Edward. The music, posters, life, and soul I'd stripped from this room out of feeling of abandonment.

I was going to give it back.

My room was tired of feeling hallow and abandoned-and I couldn't agree more.

"Bells? Just wanted to check on ya. I heard music." Hours later Charlie opened the door, not expecting to see color and hear the familiar sounds of my playlists. The surprise gleaming from his face matched the light shining on the surface of a lake.

"It's okay dad." I was stationed on my bed, restoring my photo album, given to me as a birthday present. I had a reason to mark my memories though before I hadn't because I planned to live forever. Was life suppose to be eternal? It lacked it's purpose that way.

Charlie was still awestruck. "Wow…I like what you've done to the place." I smiled. My posters were up; music blasting the medication a doctor couldn't prescribe; I'd even added color, digging up the baby blue rug that was buried deep inside my closet and the purple comforter I'd once thrown in there because it pierced my heart with all the nights me and Edward had laid on it, or beneath it snuggled together.

I wasn't saying I didn't want to remember my past with Edward. I just wanted something different for my future.