At 23 my life is everything anyone would want. Money, power, family, love, I have it all.

But, in all honesty, I'm not happy at all. It's not the situation I'm not happiness but it's this overwhelming feeling of guilt that suffocates me. All this joy, happiness and good fortune, it doesn't seem to be coming with any price and I just want something bad to happen to me to feel more balanced.

I don't understand why I can't just be happy with this life, I don't feel it can get any better but I just feel like everything I do is take and nothing takes from me.

This feeling of dreaded guilt seems to be taking over my whole body, even though I am not the cheeriest of people those close to me can see the happiness in my heart, but now… Now I feel they can see I'm unhappy and I'm afraid that if they do see it they'll think I'm unhappy with them.

This life is too good for me. All those people I've hurt and the very few I feel like I've helped, even if I did help someone a good percentage of it was either for self-gain reasons.

Am I being selfish with this life? I don't want to give it up and I don't want to get off my cloud 9 but I just feel that if something awful happened to me then I'd feel more at ease. I deserve misery and bad.

Maybe this is my misery; maybe this is the bad part of my life? To every action there is a reaction, to every good is a bad, maybe my bad is that I can't handle my good? And with every fortunate thing that happens to me another pebble of guilt built upon my head?

Why is it the things I adore most are the things that upset me more than anything?

When I look at my wife I don't think of it as how lucky I am to be married to her but rather how unfortunate she is to be married to me.

When I look at my son and think about how he has the good and pure blood of his mother running though his veins, then remember he has the unfortunate name of the Tao follow him though life.

If I never break this path of though I'll never be truly happy, this is my punishment to having such a good life. I will never allow myself to feel true happiness.

I will always be emotionally alone, even if I am surrounded by those I love and who love me, it'll still hurt for me to smile.

If only I wasn't so selfish, I would have left them to be happy without them, but I'll take 1000 years of these bad thoughts for just one minute in this situation.

The only reason I am sad is because I am too happy.

This is the fate of me, so happy… That... it just... hurts.