This is it guys...the one chapter that's I've been building up for since day 1. Put on your hard hats and buckle your seatbelts!
Chapter 15
Jasper still hated me; nobody was surprised.
I tried talking to him, but he just scoffed and ignored me as if I were an infinitesimal insect; I was hurt by the blow off. He really despised me, truly and deeply. How could he develop this utter loathing? What did I do to deserve that?
Aside from that, Emmett is still loyal, which makes me feel a little better; but it makes me wonder how they're even related.
Showering was so much easier with short hair; I almost praised it. It took less than half the time and it dried quite quickly, maybe there was an upside to this whole hair thing.
But I didn't feel at ease, as I should have been; I feared this whole situation is teetering, barely balancing and that a fall is inevitable. It didn't feel wrong though, which confused me to no end. I tried to dismiss it, for things were going pretty well.
Edward walked into the room, holding a small bag in his hand; I looked up curiously. He appeared to be going somewhere, with a determined look in his eyes.
"Where are you going?" I inquired, not able to take my eyes off the bag.
"Taking my shift at the hospital."
"Alright, don't kill anyone." I murmured, picking up the book I had been reading and turning the page, I secretly patted myself on the back for coming up with a witty comment so quickly; I was usually not good at those. At least, not before anyone ticked me off as much as Edward could.
"No promises." He chuckled. "Oh yeah and my dad wants to talk to him later about accommodating things around here for you." He said that as if he didn't understand why it was so important, and what accommodations had to be made; I was secretly glad that Carlisle knew just a little more about women than Edward, that way I wouldn't have to tell him about the more— ahem, lady like things.
"Sure, now go away." I shooed him by waving my hand, and continuing to read; I keenly waited for the sound of the door opening and closing. When it clicked shut, and I was sure he was far enough away, I took out my father's journal I had been sitting on.
I relished the feeling of how the diamond fit perfectly into the key hole, and the clicking sound it made, indicating I was able to delve into the man I dreamed of knowing.
"Hey Bella!" Emmett greeted boldly, coming into the room. "Whatcha reading?" He smiled, completely unknowing; I gasped, pitifully covering up the book with my hands.
"Nothing." I quickly hid it behind my back and laid back on it, smiling to distract him.
"Have you seen Edward around?" He asked, twisting around, his eyes searching the room.
"You just missed him; shift at the hospital." I nodded, looking out the window. His face contorted in casual confusion.
"Huh, I thought today was Tuesday." He rubbed his chin, as Edward does, his eyebrows came down; what did the day matter?
"It is Tuesday." I said in a quiet, careful voice; what was on Tuesday?
"Oh nothing, it's just… Edward doesn't go to the hospital on Tuesdays."
What? Was it really Tuesday? Could I be wrong?
"But how…?"
"Oh, don't worry about it, he probably just took another shift or something; he does that sometimes." He reassured me simplistically; he had such a one way track of thinking.
I sighed apprehensively and nodded in forced agreement, "Yeah, that's probably it." I tried to convince myself, but I couldn't shake this felling of awful foreboding over my head. He must have taken another shift, as Emmett said.
"Well, I'm going outside to wrestle with Jas." Emmett started, rolling up his sleeves until they rested on his shoulders. "Wanna watch? You can be the referee. Jas likes to cheat a lot and I hate it when there's no one else there to tell what really went down."
I was sure some words had come out of his mouth, but they slurred as I stared at his blank forearms.
"Emmett," I began slowly, searching for the tattoo on his arms. "Where is your…have you ever gotten a tattoo before?" I was sure Edward had said he and his brothers got a tattoo.
His face twisted in surprised confusion. "No…not that I can remember…or see." He murmured, examining his forearms. "Why ask?"
I laughed nervously, trying to cover up my uneasiness. "Oh no reason; it was hypothetical, really." I brushed it off.
After Emmett went to go wrestle, my suspicions grew exceedingly hard to ignore. They grew more and more pronounced. I decided to lose myself in the writings on my father; hoping to shake these doubts.
He must have taken another shift, maybe another worker got sick or something; I didn't see any reason why he would have to lie. And Emmett seemed like he had a tendency to be absent-minded sometimes. I delved into the journal:
After The Wall goes up, they're going to keep disguised agents on the male side, instead of armed and ready officers as per the women's side. They think it will be easier to catch crime that way. Or their definition of crime.
However, there will be more armed and ready officers, then after about twenty years, when all of the women who are old enough to remember what it was like, are dead or too weak to fight, they're going to take away a good deal of the officers. The Volturi isn't stupid; they know that more than anything the women side will need a lot for stifling and throttling in the beginning.
Disguised agents? That thought was more bloodcurdling than the Hawks; there was no way to tell who you can trust. I wondered just how many undercover agents there were on the women side; was there anyone I knew that could be one?
I've discovered a loophole though, to be able to tell who the undisguised agents are; the Volturi loves their mark, their indication that someone belongs to them; and also to protect them and enforce their power if needed, like a police badge. I predict that they will mark their undercover agents—but I just don't know what with.
I prayed my father was right, and that the answer was somewhere in here; who knew, Jacob might have been an undercover agent. But then again, this was written so long ago, maybe this fact changed; things can change in the blink of an eye.
Next entry:
The days and nights blend together into one endless, tedious length of time; the construction of The Wall is almost complete, I fear of what might become of our world.
When the agents are undercover, they must report at few times a week to the closest Volturi branch. They're planning on marking specific individuals at a young age, perhaps preteens, to become agents. Which means they will aspire to become a Core member of the Volturi; it's too private, for all of them. So they must dedicate their life to the Volturi to be considered, they must show survival skills, patience, and ability to lie thoroughly if needed be.
I slapped my hand on top of the words, so I wouldn't have to read them; and my breathing got struggled, along with my heart rate.
Survival skills, the memory came flooding back to me like a tidal wave:
'That's not the point.' His voice had no inflection. 'The point is this is a serious situation, and we can't afford the luxury.'
I threw my hands up in the air. 'And you think this is just a walk in the park for me? I'm sorry but I think I have the shorter end of the stick here.'
He turned to me, eyes ablaze. 'From what you told me, you've never had wildlife experience; am I correct?' Where was he going with this?
'Yes…' I admitted carefully, cocking an eyebrow.
'That means you have different ways of surviving on your side than on mine.' He leaned closer to emphasize the point. 'On this side, however, you have to put in a little effort to make it through the day. As in, if you hesitate, wait, or panic, you die. If you have the time to doubt yourself, you're already too late.' He explained as if it were basic math.
'I'm not following you.' The crippling bewilderment angered me.
'I'm saying, you have to keep moving and never doubt yourself, to stay alive. To just go on your instincts.'"
Well that could mean anything; it's not hard to learn survival skills when you live on this side. I needed to stop being so paranoid…
Patience.
"I had no idea why he was suddenly being so sympathetic and not hesitating to carry me as I let myself break down; I didn't have the strength to question it. I just knew I needed it; needed him. I was ashamed, taking advantage of him like this; but, I couldn't do this by myself… I was grateful for his seemingly infinite patience."
I trembled; well patience was a hard quality to come across, but it wasn't a specialty or anything…
The ability to lie.
"'Where are you going?' I inquired, not able to take my eyes off the bag.
'Taking my shift at the hospital.'…
'Have you seen Edward around?' He asked, twisting around, his eyes searching the room.
'You just missed him; shift at the hospital.' I nodded, looking out the window; his face contorted in casual confusion.
'Huh, I thought today was Tuesday.' He rubbed his chin, as Edward does, his eyebrows came down; what did the day matter?
'It is Tuesday.' I phrased in a quiet voice; what was on Tuesday?
'Oh nothing, it's just, Edward doesn't go to the hospital on Tuesdays.'"
He didn't go to the hospital on Tuesdays. My whole body shook at the thought, I tried to deny it, but the doubt kept growing like a weed inside my heart.
Edward couldn't be…it's wasn't possible… No. I refused to accept this stupid notion; it was just my paranoid nature.
I took my hand away from the paper tentatively, and read the next entry.
Eureka, I've made a breakthrough! I have discovered what they use to mark their undercover agents, this could can act as an edge to the Resistance…if there is one; an intricate, and bizarre tattoo on their forearm! I got to get a glimpse, and I drew an illustration below.
The whole world stopped; my mind went black, and suddenly, the room got very cold.
My subconscious blocked the terrible impending pain that was barreling towards me at the speed of light; I could literally feel the iciness as all the blood drained from my face. My eyes were wide, as I stared at nothing.
An intricate tattoo on the forearm; the illustration below my father's entry was the added insult to injury.
It resembled the one perfectly painted onto Edward's arm, to a tee. My body went numb, and for a few moments, I felt absolute nothingness. Those were the last remnants of anything besides gut wrenching, heart clenching pain; I would feel for awhile. The calm before the storm.
Like a punch to the face, like a kick to the gut, like a stab to the heart; the sheer, excruciating pain of betrayal and realization fell onto me like a ton of bricks. A ton of bricks that have been falling from the heavens ever since I first laid my eyes on his face.
I couldn't deny it any longer, there was my solid proof. I couldn't pass this off as paranoia.
Edward was an agent to the Volturi.
As soon as I thought the words, another wave of torment washed over, and choked me; my hand raced to my chest as I doubled over, and gasped for air.
How? Why? How could he do this to me? I'd put all of my trust— all of myself in him; and it was being spat back in my face. How could he be part of the Volturi, the evil, sadistic organization that made The Wall; how could he aspire to be a part of that?
The knife of betrayal sank into my heart, and I felt myself slowly start to die inside.
In one second, every single time, every single lie, he had told became clear to me; hidden by my own ignorance, now shined brightly with this new information. The world around me collapsed, an illusion shattered; and I found I was all alone.
Now that I fit the pieces; it made sense. He'd been lying to me from the very beginning; about everything.
Desolation whipped at me, as I was being violently awoken from this dream I'd been living.
All of the small fibs, and monstrous deceptions blended together to form one big lie; everything I'd known since coming to this side was a lie.
How could I be so stupid? It was as plain as day to me now.
I brought my hand to my cheek, and I realized I was crying. And there was this awful howling sound that kept ringing in my ears; it took me a second to realize, that wailing was me.
I was rocketed back to reality, and I looked at my surroundings. Everything that was around me, the room, the clothes, the couch, felt tainted and wrong; as if I had just realized I was being poisoned this whole time. I couldn't stay here, he could turn me in at any time. It was what he was trained for anyway.
Another sob ripped through me, and I thrust myself off of the couch, and found my legs pushing me toward the door. The pain of betrayal stung deep and plunged deep, eating away at me like acid.
"Hey, just where do you think you're going?" Ugh, not now! This was the last thing I needed.
Jasper stood, in all of his royalty, with a bag slung over his shoulder across the lawn; I just glared at him, feeling the tears rain down my cheeks. Why in the world would he of all people find me now?
"What's with you?" He snarked, with a hint of curiosity under his sarcasm; the sight of him, the sight of this man, who held so much hatred for me, broke me down even more. Being reminded of how much he despised me was something I could live without.
I stole one last glance at the house; the house that I thought would be my home, the house I once thought was heaven. Then, I spun around and pushed my legs toward the only direction I could think to go.
I ran toward The Wall.
My thoughts were in an emotional jumble— this was the last straw. I had been wrong about my father's death, for that was merely the teaser push toward the cliff. This, oh this, thrust me crudely off the cliff face.
As I pushed my legs harder and faster the only thing I could think was— why? Why would he do this to me? I felt it would have hurt less if he had revealed himself from the beginning; I wouldn't have fallen for him as hard as I did.
As I ran, it dawned on me that I cared for him much more than I had thought; it was much deeper than I had originally intended. It was so much more delicate, so much more serious; my heart was shattering into a million pieces. I was crumbling within myself.
I was so angry at myself. How could I possibly let myself get this deep? How could I have done this to myself?
I was sick of being deceived, and tired of being disappointed. Edward had been the one holding onto me when I came over here. He was there when I realized my father's death. Now, I had nobody, I was all alone in myself. He was never real.
It was all an illusion; he was an illusion. I never loved him, I loved the lie; it was awfully true. Who was he really? He never cared for me. I was just his way to getting into the Core.
The Edward I knew had never truly existed.
Who was I kidding? This wasn't my side, this wasn't where I belonged; I was not meant to be in that family. I once thought I found myself here; the truth was, I lost myself in all the excitement. It came with a heavy price.
I didn't want to die— I wanted to never have been born. I could only take so much heartbreak in one period of time; any human being could only take so much.
The trees whizzed past me, and I could feel the pain of the cuts they made on my arms as they scratched me; I was flying through the ever encroaching forest. I used all my pain and anger to push myself, harder and faster.
I couldn't be anywhere near here when he got back, he would surely catch me. The agents were trained well in physical abilities after all.
I never wanted to see his face, his eyes; I fear I might turn to dust if I did from the pain. I thought of his bright smile, and almost tripped over my own feet.
I was running impossibly fast, faster than I have run before; my heart was immersed in a blaze that burned as hot as hells flames from the sudden physical exertion.
A flash of color, caught my eye, and I came to a halt. I stood, completely motionless in my own dying heart and saw something that only poured the acid into my injury.
Edward stood in front of a small building; the very same Edward I'd seen before.
The way he looked now, the way he always had, almost made me want to believe that what my father had wrote was a lie. I mean, how could he do something like this? It just wasn't in his nature.
Suddenly, I was corrected. A man dressed dangerously close to how the Hawks dress, stepped out of the building, standing tall and proud in his own authoritive position.
What was this? What had I found? Like a mouse, I scampered to hide behind an enormous tree.
I watched Edward's expression, to see if he knew this man.
Terribly, he smiled a weak smile in familiarity toward the hawk dressed in black; and he did the same. They knew each other.
"When are you going to bring that thing you said was so important that you found by The Wall, to The Head Quarters?" The agent asked, scouring the trees for any sign of intrusion.
"Soon." He replied casually, with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Well Aro, Caius, and Marcus are waiting for you to bring it, they're growing impatient; you said you were preparing it before you brought it right?" The man inquired, glaring at Edward warningly.
Wait, were they talking about me?
"I know but it's not… mended, yet." He said back to the man.
Great. I was an 'it' now.
"You might just have to bring it in broken; you don't want to upset them." He said in a mature, knowing way.
"I know." He uttered cold unfeeling. My heart collapsed even further; I never thought such a thing could be possible.
This was the real Edward, this heartless, callous monster who was nothing more than just another hawk.
I didn't want to believe it, I wanted to deny it more than anything; but I couldn't reject what I was seeing. He had to put on the act; he must have known that I would love his act to keep me from being suspicious. He must have—
Let no one else in the world read this; everything is not as it seems. My father had written that in the front of the journal.
I almost let out a hysterical laugh, a one full of insanity and lunacy. My father had been far wiser than I expected. I was so relieved I had listened. For without it, I would still have been under Edward's spell.
Then, the agent put his hand to the ground and started feeling around.
Almost miraculously, his hand came back up, holding a handle; he grunted in exertion and opened, something.
He had opened a door, leading into the ground.
Edward then stepped down through the hole in the ground, and he appeared to be walking down a flight of stairs; it was an underground tunnel! Then the agent shut the door and the pathway became invisible once more.
My fears were realized. It was no lie, it was no dream. This was real, horribly real; Edward was a member of the Volturi; or attempting to become one.
The vision of the one person I thought I could trust on this side, disappeared.
Turning on my heels, I spun around and sprinted away; I had to get as far away as fast as my weak legs could take me. I continued to run.
I wasn't sure if I was running home, or running away from home.
My vision blurred as the tears began to build up, when I smacked into something. Big.
Along with the hit, I was also slammed with a big heap of the strangest déjà vu. Like I'd been running before, and I ran into The Wall…
The scene changed.
I was on my own side, my hair was back (more like it had never left), this piercing pain was spreading through my head, and my face tickled. I realized it was blood trickling down my nose. I was wearing my terrible dress, with the ruffles on the sleeves. My eyes were rimmed red, and the walls around me began to spin.
As soon as the vision had started it ended with a flash of light; I staggered back away from The Wall, my eyes wild.
I stared up at the dark clouds looming overhead; sightlessly. Thunder clashed above me so loud I almost had to cover ears; a single raindrop fell right on where the blood had been in the vision.
It hadn't been a vision; it was a memory.
Run, the voice commanded in a sudden burst of existence, and I didn't hesitate. Although my legs burned, I continued to sprint frantically along the side of The Wall. My subconscious was searching, scouring for something, but I didn't know what that was.
More and more rain droplets fell until I running through a light sprinkle; I was sure Jasper had told someone by now. I had to be quick. But where could I hide?
The only truly safe place on this side was the place I could never return to.
A break in The Wall caught my eye, I propelled myself toward it as the frantic relief built up inside me; when I got close enough to see, I was pounded with another memory.
I was behind a chain-link fence, losing consciousness, when hidden behind a yellow construction tape, a large opening in The Wall shone; from the yellow tape I could tell it was about to worked on.
Funny, I remembered the opening bigger.
Examining it closer, I saw that it was being repaired, and that it was almost too small for me to squeeze through. Thunder cracked over head and a burst of lightening illuminated the now darkened sky, I knew I was running out of time.
There was a way to my side this whole time. If only I'd insisted on coming here earlier, it would have saved me a lot of stress and time.
It had been completely in my grasp this whole time, it was what I wanted; what I needed.
But a small, insignificant voice in my heart wanted to go back and hear it from Edward's lips; for him to explain himself. And possibly work it out.
However, he would know you know his secret; he will no longer have to lie, the delusion would have broken. He would turn you in.
I sucked in a deep breath; no. I cannot go back now; I was now on a major exodus, I couldn't return. The road back was gone, there was only forward.
I looked under my feet and saw a deepening in the grass, where someone had been laying not too long ago. Another memory followed the last.
I couldn't lift my head; I was too tired, too broken. A shadow loomed over me. I was barely able to register their being, let alone their face. They bent down, and suddenly, I was airborne; my head lolled back and the rocking began. I was being carried away.
It was Edward. My subconscious shouted; with that name, I was knocked to my knees, clawing at my chest absently.
You can do this, just get to your own side, and you can break down affectively, then. I prepped myself. I glared determinedly, before I started crawling pathetically through the mud.
The Wall had to be at least twenty feet in thickness, and I was amazed I didn't become claustrophobic; to have the product of the evil Volturi directly above me, ready to crush me wasn't a settling thought. I had to persevere.
I cried softly into the gravel on which I crawled on.
I'd had my whole life set up, now it was lost; it was stupid and careless. Not just the life I'd set up here, but the life I'd set up on the women's side.
I wasn't anything like Eve. I was nowhere near her caliber, and our story wasn't like that. Ha, I was a fool to think that this could be real.
I poked my head out from under The Wall, and stared at the women's side— my side. My home.
Exasperatedly, I scampered out, eager to drown my sorrows in any way possible. To forget I was ever there, that Edward ever existed. That any of it ever existed. I craved the ignorance of the constructed society we had; I was suddenly able to understand Mother's intents much more clearly.
The rain was pouring down like a waterfall now, but I ran straight through it; in an effort to get lost in my old life and away from the delusion.
When I broke through the alleyway and into the cobblestone street; I was hit by a sense of familiarity. This street; the street I grew up on. My home, I knew every inch of this avenue like the back of my hand. It was the first thing I saw when I walked out the door, and when I returned home.
Yet, it seemed so eerily foreign.
Slowing to a walk, I let the strange feelings of being home crash upon me, to layer them on top of the pain. To smother it. I still couldn't believe I had so easily made it home, yet my memory hadn't returned fully, it had flashed back in fragments.
I took in the common scene of Frieda's Vegetable Shop, along with Agatha's Beauty Parlor, then Alexandria's Antique Store; it didn't give me the same dull feeling it gave me before. It appeared refurbished, a slightly off look to the old.
As I took in the new, old environment, I compared it to how I used to see it, and I realized it wasn't home that had changed. I had changed.
I didn't want to be different! I wanted to fit back into my old life, not come back changed! Just another slap to the face on top of it all.
Well, I certainly knew more than anyone that memories came and went. Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, Father, and Jacob. They will fade in my mind, as they should.
I stopped dead in my tracks as I remembered something; when I left that house, I left my father's journal lying open on that couch.
Let no one else in the world read this; everything is not as it seems.
But, I left it there, for anyone to read. No! Edward will find it; I'll never get to finish it—
I thought you wanted nothing more than to forget. The voice whispered; I could have strangled myself just to kill it.
I'm not in the mood, to deal with you, just leave me alone. I fought limply, and it left. I never believed it would actually do what I said. That was a good sign I supposed.
"Hey, you!" An overwhelmingly wonderful female voice called out.
I spun around; shock and excitement blindly rushing through me. But when I saw who it was, I wanted to spin right back.
It was a Hawk that had called out to me, while the other stood silently beside her; they were forever menacing in their black armor and look of malice in their eyes.
Run! The voice commanded, urging me along; I jerked back, resisting its strong influence.
No, that'll make me seem guilty! I fought, keeping my feet planted to the wet ground upon which I stood.
You are guilty.
My hands trembling slightly; I brought the hood of the cloak up and over my head, and quickly closed it so my male clothes could not be seen. I just wanted to return home so I could get rid of them forever. But how to get them past Mother was an almost impossible feat.
"Yes, madams'?" I choked as soon as they got closer, I shivered, but not from the cold. Two hawks, looked nastily at me, as if I were just a piece of trash. Useless and dirty. I was sure I looked dirty, but I was positive they looked at everyone they could catch a glimpse of that way.
"Why aren't you inside? It's raining." They commanded, no inflection in their hard voices; they looked down on me; showing their authority quite well.
I'd never been in trouble before; I'd never had to answer to a Hawk. I was a good girl, or I was supposed to be.
"I was walking home." My voice cracked in a few places, and I slyly tried to cover my face a little more with the hood. They glared upon me with a look that could strike fear into anyone's soul; their weapons glistened in the rain.
"What's your name?" She asked suspiciously; I was ready to answer my real name, when I stopped to think for a second.
In a rash decision, I decided to lie.
"Mary…" I wracked my mind for something; only one other last name came into my mind. I wanted anything in the world not to say it, but they were watching me. I had to keep my composure. "Felton. Mary Felton."
The name stung and threatened to bring me to the ground again from the ache. They didn't seem too convinced at my pathetic answer.
"Well Mary," She dug through her pocket and took out a folded piece of paper. "If you see this girl, let us know. Do you know who she is?" She held the paper in front of my face.
I nearly staggered back.
It was me.
It read in huge letters 'WANTED' at the top, and gave my full name; I was extraordinarily relieved at my barely dodging that. It even had a reward. It gave my description as 'pale, long, thick brown hair, and brown eyes'.
Why weren't they arresting me? Throwing shackles on me? As I reread the description, I realized just exactly why I was still a more or less free woman.
I was safe; safe because I no longer fit that description.
My hair was short, and my face was as more tan now that I have been exposed to the outdoors. My decisions on the other side helped cover my hide on this one.
"No… but sure, I'll keep an eye out." I almost lost my guts, I almost ran; but I kept my restless body firmly in place.
I looked upon the Hawks, and all I could was Edward; how they were associated. My tears were constantly flowing, but you couldn't tell form the rain; watching them, the tears threatened to turn into obnoxious wails. I had to turn my head roughly to the side, to stare at an insignificant puddle and watch my own horrified, weak expression I had unknowingly put on my face.
"You be sure to do that, we'll be watching you. Goodbye Mary." They both turned slowly, keeping their eyes glued on me for as long as the rain had allowed. They eventually turned fully around and began patrolling the road. I didn't start to run until I was positive they were out of sight.
My heart raced as I let the staggering fear finally set in; I had nearly been caught.
But why was I 'wanted'? What had I done? I wasn't just 'missing'; I was 'wanted'.
I was so close. I wasn't welcome on my side; I wasn't welcome on the other side. I belonged nowhere.
By some hunch, I decided to lie, and by some miracle, I had decided to cut my hair; all in an effort to survive. They had worked better than I had originally planned.
Disappearances were a scarcity in Hollow Wood, but when they did occur, it was like opening Pandora's Box.
It made sense that they would go all out to secure the order of our community. But the Hawks didn't seem worried, not that I expected them to be. But it seemed like they were looking for me to do something to me, not just to find me. A fleeting feeling of nausea overtook me.
I just needed to get home, then everything would be alright; the search would be called off, everything would be fine again.
` You say that as if it was fine before. The voice said, in a mocking way. I pushed it to the back of my mind and trudged to where I truly belonged.
This experience was to be forgotten; the time I let my guard down.
I always told myself I wouldn't ever let that happen, except with Alice, for she never hurt me. Now I was aching in places I never thought existed, I was feeling emotions I never believed were there. Such a display of stupidity, I should never let it be known.
And yet, I felt like I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die, not go back to my life as if nothing happened; I knew that was what I had to do, but I didn't want to.
The wound was still burning with a ferocity that no one should ever have to feel; I almost dropped to the ground to just disintegrate. I had to pull it together for everyone, as if nothing happened; how was that possible? Because, no matter how much I wanted to deny it, something did happen.
I was back to my side, the illusion and now it was destroyed. All fake. I felt like I had taken off a blindfold I had been wearing my whole life, and everyone else around me was smiling, wearing their own.
The illusion was broken, but I wanted it back. For with the changes, came him— his face, his eyes, his very essence. I despised it.
My feet pounded harder on the stone of the road, as I quickened my pace. What was I to tell Mother of my absence? The truth— or parts of it? That I had woken up in a strange place with no memory of how it happened? That was halfway true. It wouldn't be a lie; it would be an easier story to tell. But how did I get back? Such a complex problem; I decided I would improvise; I just needed to get off the streets.
In the distance, the glimmer of Mother's lawn ornaments acted as a beacon to home; I ran for it.
It felt like I'd been freshly slapped in the face; the worst part was I had welcomed it. I had allowed it to happen. I had let him passed my own wall I'd put up. That was inexcusable. I just hope nobody who mattered found out; I wanted that part of my life to be a grey empty space.
The voice jumped to life, and was suddenly longing to be home too; a flash of shock ran through me. The voice was eager too. I passively noted how strange it was that the voice and I were in agreement.
I was dashing through the deserted street, my feet getting soaked by puddles, the cold whipped viciously at my face. The weather had turned from relatively warm, to wickedly cold; ironic.
Just get home, it will all be okay from there. A feeling of beautiful familiarity enveloped me in its grasp, home. It sounded so enticing. My feet carried me to the wooden, arched doorway, elegantly designed.
I raised my fist up, to knock on it, when a sudden, terrifying, blood curdling feeling of raw indecision and doubt shot through me like an arrow.
It was like I was being choked when I was whammed with the last memory; all the grey area I'd been missing. The last piece of gruesome puzzle.
A flood of emotions blocked out all of my other senses; that day at school. Miss Garratt, her breakdown, my awareness, Alice and her talk. Waking up to the curtains; Mother's room—
Mother's room. The pictures, the necklace, the ring; that's how I got the necklace. I let out a garbled cry as I grabbed my short hair; so this was the memory that had eluded me! Such cruel fate! Mother, discovering me…and then, the fall.
I seethed and touched my now pounding head at the recollection of the injury.
The Hawks were after me, but for a much more horrifying reason.
I wasn't supposed to come back, it wasn't safe here! I suddenly felt very vulnerable and very naked; I brought my hand away from the door and turned on my heels to run in the other direction. As if a fire were at my heels.
I had been so close to letting myself be known; this was the memory I'd been longing for. And the whole time on the other side I wished to come back?
I had been so foolish, so utterly and completely stupid! I wasn't welcome anywhere, I could be yanked and dragged off to jail right now. This was the reason I had run to the other side, and now I could never go back.
I couldn't go home, I couldn't go back, and I couldn't stay outside. Where was I safe?
I found my body already knew; it was walking in one direction; to the only salvation I had left.
Lucinda's Fabric Shop.
Lots of drama happening; review please? I want to hear all of your initial reactions!
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"What? What's wrong?" Alice's voice dropped along with her eyebrows.
I sniffled, and dove straight into the emotions. "He was my friend once, and then I found I liked him much more than that." I started, getting prepared to talk about the lies. She just sat there, as confused as ever.
"What do you mean 'more than a friend'? Like a… best friend?" She muttered scandalously.
I groaned and rubbed my temples; she didn't understand. I would have to spell it out for her.