I levitated my bag up to the dorm like he said and then made my way back out the portrait hole. I had to hobble as my back was still hurting. I wonder what he wanted to tell me. My mind wandered off into its' own fantasy. One where Draco was telling me that I was his dream girl... I really must stop this! I mean sure he was gorgeous and most girls in Hogwarts fancied him, but did I, Maya Moore, fancy the Slytherin Prince? I couldn't! But as I approached said Prince now, my heart started beating faster and I almost lost my breath when he flicked his fringe out of the way of his stormy eyes...
I do fancy him.
I kept a calm facade as I walked up to him but inside, I was on mode MELTDOWN. As I reached Draco, I could feel a slight blush working its' way up my face. It all slipped into place now, I understood why I like spending time with him, why I was so upset when Pansy said those things, why I felt so relieved when he came to my rescue, why I was so happy he was there when I woke up...
But what if that was what he wanted to talk to me about? That he had recognised that I fancied him before I realized myself and that he didn't return the feelings. Perhaps he was going to laugh at me then tell the whole school how weird I am.
The whole time that Draco was leading me somewhere, these thoughts went from speculation to absolute certainty. I was very scared and hurt and was trying very hard not to cry. I may have just realized that I fancied him but now I know that I have fancied him since that very first conversation in Potions.
"Where are we going Draco?" I asked in a quiet voice.
I realized my voice sounded like a whisper, but I had said it now so I couldn't change it. I saw him turn his head to look at me but when I turned to meet his gaze, he quickly looked straight ahead. This did nothing good to my whirlwind of hurtful thoughts of "he doesn't like me".
"We're going to a place where I go to when I need to be alone."
Was the only answer I got. So what did that mean? Merlin, boys were so cryptic! They never make any sense! I know that they would say the same about girls.
We were now in a part of the castle I had never seen before. I didn't even pay attention to how we got here as I was so busy with my thoughts. We were in a deserted stairway that was spiralling up and up. By the views from the window, I could tell that we were high up. Perhaps in one of the towers. I stopped at one of the windows to give my legs a break because they were hurting worse now.
I admired the view; it was beautiful from this angle. I could see the Forbidden Forest that was shimmering with its' leaves, they were gold and bronze. The Black Lake was a dark blue and looked like a huge sapphire. It really was a stunning picture. It reminded me how much I loved Hogwarts, I never wanted to leave.
"Maya?" Draco called.
"I'm coming, just give me a minute!" I called back. I heard his footsteps retreating back to the spot where I stopped.
"What's up? Why did you stop?"
"I could barely walk because, in case you forgot, I only just left the Hospital Wing!" I playfully snapped.
"Perhaps you shouldn't have left then, c'mon, it's not much further." He replied, deadpan.
That was odd; usually he would have laughed it off. Hmmm, what's going on in that head of his?
But he was right; it wasn't much further, just a little way of perhaps 200 stairs! I was quite grumpy by the time we got to where we were going (which to me just looked like a decrepit door), of which I still had no clue. Apart from the fact that it was basically Draco's "private place". OH! No no no no, not like that! I was blushing profusely once I arrived though. I forbid my thoughts to go in that direction. I couldn't help giggling at that.
Draco shot me a wary look; I suppose he heard me giggle. That just made me giggle more.
"Can I hear the joke?"
Oh no! He did not just ask that! If you haven't noticed yet, I have a tendency of saying what I think and blurting the truth around Draco. I looked at him with my eyes wide. Great, get ready with the cringes...
"I was thinking of this," I gestured to the door, " as your private place, but then thought of the other ways that that could be understood and well..." I trailed, blushing even more now, if that was possible.
It looked as though Draco had a faint flush to his cheeks. Then I did the worse thing possible and over thought what I just said. Ooops.
"Not that I think about...that part...of your body, it was a complete accident!"
Nope, over thinking wasn't the worse thing I could do, saying that was. I couldn't believe I said that! Perhaps if I spent more time with people and less with books, I probably wouldn't have said that. The look on his face, though, almost cracked me up!
His eyes were wide and his mouth was agape. He was stood, frozen to the spot. I laughed at his reaction.
"Having troubles, mate?" I asked innocently then punched his arm lightly.
Draco quickly rearranged his features and licked his lips. He pushed and held the door open for me.
"Shuddup" He growled. I laughed.
As I walked through the doorway, my breath caught in my throat. This had to be the simplest yet most beautiful room I had ever seen.
The room was bare apart from an old couch that was so used you couldn't see its' original colour. The walls were a pale blue that was just as faded as the couch. But what made it beautiful was the large arch, glass-less window that showed the setting sun in all its' colours. I wished I had a camera so I could show my parents. I wonder if anyone knew about this place apart from Draco, and now me.
While I was inspecting the room, Draco was pushing the sofa so that it was in front of the window. He then proceeded to gracefully lounge across it.
"Come sit with me?" He asked.
I walked towards him but hesitated at the edge of the couch. Draco grabbed my wrist and pulled me down so that I was sat on his lap. My heart was fluttering so fast that I was expecting it to tear out from my chest and fly around the room. I started to shiver from, what I kept telling myself, the cold. Draco wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. I kept thinking: I just died and gone to heaven.
"So you wanted to tell me something?" I managed to ask once my voice was, once again, steady.
"Um, yeah... but first are you hurting anywhere?" He asked from behind me.
Yes, I wanted to answer, my heart because you don't feel the same way about me.
"No, not really, I'm just a bit achy, that's all."
Hmmm, perhaps I could lie in his presence if I needed to.
"Ok, well, I'm just gonna have to get to the point because this has been bugging me for a long time now..."
...this has been bugging me for a long time now...
Bugging him? He basically just said that I've been bugging him for a long time. Tears sprung to my eyes and I struggled to get out of his hold. I knew he didn't feel the same way about me like I did him.
I doubled my efforts to get out off his grasp but he wouldn't let go. I had to get out of here before I started crying! A sob ripped through my throat.
Too late.
Almost so quickly that I couldn't register it, Draco had spun me around to face him. His face was grim and I could see hints of worry and pain in his eyes.
"What's the matter with you?" He asked and I could hear that he didn't want to know the answer.
"I have to go somewhere." I said while quickly wiping away tears.
"Look, I know it must be hard for you to hear this. But I thought you would be ok with it. But I don't understand why you're crying! I feel like crying myself and as a Malfoy, that is wrong for me to say so!" He burst out.
He couldn't understand why I was crying. He really must be immune to feelings then, but this upset me so much that I got mad. But he felt like crying. Was the thought of a filthy Mudblood fancying him that repulsive to him? A fresh wave of tears came and poured over my cheeks.
"You don't know why I'm crying? You don't? Then you really must be as heartless as they say you are!" I practically screamed at him.
"Heartless? Well, that's the whole reason why I wanted to talk to you in the first place! To prove that I'm not heartless!" He was shouting back at me.
"You what? How on earth do you figure that out?"
"Hang on a minute, what are you talking about?"
"Are you trying to be funny?" I asked menacingly. I can't believe that he thought that now was a time to be funny. But I'd answer the question anyway.
"We were discussing how you think it is so revolting to have a mudblood fancy you."
" What?" He asked.
"Oh, don't play games with me Malfoy!"
"No no, wait! Do you mean to say that you fancy me?" Draco held my face between his hands and carefully wiped the tears away. He seemed genuinely surprised.
"Yes, but what did you think we were talking about?" I asked.
I didn't get an answer. Draco had leaned over and was kissing me gently. I had never felt such sparks. There were tingles running up and down my back. The kiss was gentle and loving; I couldn't help myself, I wrapped my arms around his neck and my fingers wound themselves in his hair. Draco had one arm around my waist and his other hand was holding my cheek. He gently pulled me closer and I was really starting to lose all sense of reality until there was a sharp pain in my ribs. I pulled away to gasp. I regretted it almost instantly but the pain still hadn't gone away.
"What's wrong?" Draco, breathless, still, from the kiss. But when he saw my expression, which I could only guess was scrunched up in pain, he grew anxious. He grabbed my shoulders and laid me down on the sofa.
"Maya, please, what's wrong?" He asked worriedly as he knelt beside me.
But by then, the pain started to subside, I sighed and sat up.
"I'm alright; it's just a little twinge in my side, that's all." I reassured him.
"I really think you should go back to the Hospital Wing, angel."
That's so cute! He called me angel! But back to the situation at hand...
"NO! Of course not! I'm fine..." I told him.
"If you insist then but really Maya, if it's too much, you go back, promise me?"
"So, Draco, where does this leave us?" I asked timidly but dodging his question.
"Look, Maya, I brought you up here for a completely different reason than what just happened but I now know that you aren't going to like the what I have to say..." He said grimly.
"What is it?" I asked and gripped his hand, which was still on my cheek, tightly.
He pulled his hand out of mine and removed all contact from me. It seemed too...cold, informal... for me, how we were sat. He was sat at one end of the couch and I was at the other end.
"Well, I think its best, for you, if we're not involved in each other. With what happened with Pansy, I really feel like it's my fault, which it is, and I worry that if there is a next time, the person may be bigger and stronger and will hurt you worse than Pansy did..."
I could see what he was doing. He was trying to convince himself into staying away from me. Well that definitely not gonna happen, I wouldn't let it happen, even if it meant tying him up and hiding him in my trunk, I wasn't going to let him go now that I had him.
"Do you like me Draco?" I asked simply.
He turned to look at me in the eyes and scouted closer, taking my hands in his.
"I do, I have wanted you since the moment I knocked you to the ground, Maya".
"Then why are you adamant on pushing me away?"
"Because you will be safer away from me. I'm not sure if you know, but I am the son of a death eater and I am going to be one soon, too. I don't want you involved with someone like me..."
"Don't be foolish, and I know you don't want to be a death eater, if you do become one however, it would only be because you think that that is what is expected of you." I told him smartly.
But Draco was still sceptical and tried scouting away from me again; I just held on tighter. He took a deep sigh.
"I was just trying to let you down gently because I felt guilty that I was the reason you got hurt so I thought I'd play along and pretend to like you back so that you wouldn't be too crushed. Maya, I don't want to be involved with you..." He stood up and started to make his way to the door.
"Draco..." I pleaded. I felt like crying all over again.
He stopped halfway there and turned back, kissed me on the forehead then walked away. Away from me, away from the room, away from the tower. I felt so alone.
I sat, motionless, for about an hour and then the floodgates opened. They remained opened until they were bone dry.