Dear Diary,
It's been a six days since the talk, I'm still replaying the ordeal over and over again. I can't comprehend how someone could be so cruel. He pretended to like me and kissed me, just to turn around to say that he didn't like me that way. Why were boys so confusing? He played me, that is what happened; he played me to...to what? He told me that he only played along because he felt guilty, so did he feel guilty or was he just saying that? Why did he kiss me and tell me that he "wanted" me, if he doesn't? Why didn't he just say, when he found out that I liked him, say: I'm sorry Maya, I don't feel the same way?
But no, he had to go mess up my head by kissing me and telling me he fancied me. Now my self esteem has rocketed...down. Perhaps he is laughing about me now, with his friends. With Pansy. Oh Merlin, I would be so hurt if that was his plan from the start...
But anyway, nothing else has happened really. I think that I'm drifting in a dreamlike state because I can't remember what has happened in classes for the past week, or even what I had for dinner just an hour ago. All I know for certain is that Draco hasn't spoken to me, looked at me or shown any sign that I exist. Perhaps this time, I am completely and literately invisible.
Isn't that odd? How before when I was invisible, I was kinda alright with it, if not a little put out, but then I got some attention, and now that I'm going back to invisible, it hurts awfully.
Perhaps it's time I made some friends. Now that's a scary thought...
I sighed as I put my diary down. Everyone was still down in the Great Hall at dinner. I had grabbed something to eat in the kitchens earlier so that I could avoid the crouds. So now I had the dormitory to myself. I swiftly got changed into my pyjamas (a baggy t-shirt and shorts), hopped into my bed and pulled the curtains around.
Perhaps I could take that seriously and actually make some friends.
The next morning, I woke up and bit my lip nervously. I had been dreaming about making new friends but everyone just turned around and laughed at me. I prayed to Merlin that didn't happen in real life.
I looked over at my muggle alarm clock. It was charmed so that it could work at Hogwarts and at home; I'd had it since I was about 8 and loved it dearly, Lizzie thought it was hilarious that I could like a clock so much, but she just didn't understand my affection to the simple pink alarm clock. The yellow hands showed that it was 6 am; I cringed. Ugh, I wouldn't be able to get to sleep again now.
I decided to have a long hot shower. As I used up all the hot water, I, once again, thought over what Draco said to me just before he walked out of the Sunset Room, as I had started to call it. I had visited it often in the past week. It had become my haven and I had been lucky enough not to have come across Draco...uh-hum, I mean Malfoy.
I washed my hair with my favourite apple shampoo and conditioner. The familiar smell relaxed me and set me off the day with a smile on my face.
As I turned off the water, I thought through a game plan. I would start off in my safety zone, the Library, of course. Once I was dry and in my muggle clothes, which consisted of my favourite denim jeans and another one of my cousin's huge sweaters, it was 7 am. Wow, I must have used up quite a lot of the hot water, I hoped my dorm mates wouldn't be wanting a shower this morning...
I wandered down to the Great Hall for breakfast but just as I was walking down the stairs to the Entrance Hall, I tripped on one of my destroyed laces. I tumbled down the last dozen stairs until I came to a painful stop on the flagstones of the floor. I had a wave of deja vu as I laid on the cold stone, waiting for my head to stop spinning.
Ouch, I thought, thank goodness that it was early and there was no one around.
"Oh Merlin, are you alright?"
I take that last thought back.
I pushed up into a sitting position to see a boy and a girl kneeling beside me, looking concerned. They were both really similar, not just in looks but in expressions and the way they moved. They both had black loose curly hair, the boy's was down to his shoulders and the girl's down to her waist. Both pairs of eyes were a startling blue and seemed to sparkle.
They helped up and I found that it was just my head that I had hurt.
"I'm fine, thanks. Are you new here?" I found myself echoing Dr-Malfoy's words all those weeks ago. But I could ask this question without hesitating because in all my years of invisibility, I had learnt to put a name to every face in my year and the one above and this pair looked my age or older. And anyway, I would remember their faces if I had seen them before; they had the ability to catch an eye and keep it there.
"Yes, we are new here. My name is Will and this is my twin sister, Savannah." The boy, Will, answered.
"Well, then, welcome to Hogwarts, my name is Maya. It's nice to meet you. What houses are you in or don't you know yet?" I asked politely. This could be good for Operation Time-To-Make-Some-Friends. I doubled my efforts to get to know them better and anyway, even though I fancied someone else, Will was extremely good looking.
"Well, I'm in Gryffindor and Will is in Ravenclaw. What about you?" Savannah asked.
"Gryffindor."
Savannah grinned and I smiled back just as widely. This is good for Operation Time-To-... Well, you get the gist.
"Shall we go grab some breakfast? Or do you need to go see Professor Dumbledore first?"
"I think we should have breakfast first as we are a bit early for the meeting with the Headmaster and we could get to know eachother better, yeah?" Will suggested.
"Absolutely."
Here I was now, an hour or so later, outside Professor Dumbledore's office, waiting for the twins. Over breakfast, I had learned that they were purebloods but were not prejudiced against muggle-borns or half-bloods. They had been home schooled by their mother until now. They came to Hogwarts because their parents thought it would be best for them to have a normal teenage life and get some friends. They were sixteen like me and they had a older brother, Thomas, who was nineteen years old. In the end, I felt like I could write a whole book about them; but they were really nice people so I thought that they were keepers.
My high, from making friends, was starting to fade and my mind started drifting back in the direction that was blond, Slytherin and good looking.
I shook my head furiously against those thoughts, forcing them out of my head. I have to live for now, not then and not him, I kept telling myself.
Just as my mind started to disobey me, Will and Savannah came down the spiralling staircase. They were probably enough to keep my mind from that path.
"So, did it go ok?" I asked whilst falling into step with them.
"Yeah, it did. Could you give us a tour of the castle?" Savannah asked.
"Actually, could you show me to the Ravenclaw Tower so I could go find my dorm and get settled in please?" Will asked.
"Sure then I'll give you a tour, yeah, Savannah?"
"Of course."
It was now dinner and I had spent the whole day with Savannah. I got to know her so much better, she was so out-going which I felt was good for me as I might 'come out my shell' as the saying goes. There were many people coming up to us and got to know Savannah as well, whilst also learning my name. I thought it was ironic and I know it didn't go unnoticed by Savannah.
But not only were we both Gryffindors and currently friendless, we shared many interests also. We both liked Jane Austen's novels, for example, and we spent quite a lot of the afternoon talking about theories about the book and quoting some of the lines.
I was sat at the Gryffindor table next to Savannah, munching happily on lasagne. My happy bubble was burst when Savannah started asking questions though.
"Why didn't anyone know your name today? You aren't new too, are you?" She said after finishing her spaghetti bolognaise.
I paused chewing, then swallowed some lasagne that wasn't ready to be swallowed. That's what explained the stinging in my eyes, I lied to myself.
"Nope, I'm not new." I answered flippantly all the while ignoring her first question.
"So how long have you been coming to Hogwarts?"
"Since I was 11." I answered shortly. It may have sounded rude, but this wasn't a subject I took lightly to.
"Oh, c'mon, don't make me drag it out of you, please. Unless you don't want to talk about it... " Savannah whined. I normally thought it rather amusing but now I just needed to think.
Should I tell her that I have been invisible and that she was the first person to have talked to me since Malfoy, apart from the teachers, since I first came to this school?
Well, if I wanted her as a friend, then it might have to be necessary, you know, honesty, no secrets and what not...
"Well, I haven't really spoken to anyone about this so you'll be the first to know. Well, I started coming here when I was 11, so that was...um...five years ago and you and Will are the only people who know my first name apart from one other person. I've been invisible since first year. The people who I asked my name today would have forgotten it by now, I assure you." I told her grimly.
Did I do the right thing? Because she hasn't answered... Perhaps she's having second thoughts about wanting to be my friend now that she knew that I'm a freak and no one knows who I am... Ugh, she still hasn't answered!
But just as I was about to jump up to flee from the Great Hall, Savannah answered.
"That's awful."
That's all she has to—
"Well, who was the other person?"
Ok, I take that back.
"He isn't important." I answered swiftly. Unless she wanted to know that as well?
Savannah took hold of my shoulders and turned my so that my whole body was facing towards her. She gave me puppydog eyes.
"His name is Draco Malfoy." I sighed. Defeat is evil.
"Oh, a Malfoy, huh? I've heard of them..." Savannah said with a sly grin.
"Why are you looking like that?" I asked but my mind was elsewhere. I felt eyes on my back.
"Is there someone looking at me?" I asked before she got chance to answer the first question.
Savannah scanned the Hall not too discretely; I kept my head down, pretending to be engrossed in my dinner. I jumped and yelped when she elbowed me in the stomach after a few minutes.
"Scare you?" She sniggered. I playfully glared at her in response.
"Well, apart from my brother, there's that blond kiddie over at the Slytherin table, and that's it."
Blond? Slytherin? Before my mind caught up to tell me not to, I had swivelled round in my seat to search out the grey eyes, unless it was another blond kid in Slytherin... But my mind wasn't thinking logically.
My eyes locked onto a pair of silver sparkling orbs that were staring straight back at me. Once eye contact was made, I was sucked into the silvery grey. It took another little nudge from Savannah to pull me out of the trance I'd fallen into.
"You're staring!" She whispered into my ear and giggled. I shook my head.
"Are you finished?" I asked desperately trying to forget what just happened.
"Yup, let's go!" She replied and proceeded to drag me out the hall by my hand.
On the walk to the Tower, there was a comfortable silence. My thoughts were wandering as I looked out of the old windows, out to the dark grounds. It was starting to get darker earlier now as it was now the end of October. There was going to be a Halloween Ball this Saturday but, of course, no one had asked me to go with them yet abd there probably won't be any offers either. My thoughts soon went to the inevitable: Draco Malfoy.
I really was trying hard to get over the feelings I harbored for him but it was so difficult because everytime I saw him, even if he blanked me, I got butterflies in my tummy. But why couldn't I just forget about him? Or couldn't I just forget when he was kind to me and just remember how much I had been hurt when he left me? Try to blank him that way, by remembering the pain.
I stumbled through the portrait hole into the beautifully decorated common room. During my years at Hogwarts, I hadn't really spent much time in here as it was usually somewhere you go and hang out with mates; I rest my case.
I showed Savannah around the common room, she seemed pleased that she was sorted into Gryffindor, if not for the fact that we were a very honourable house, it was for the common room. We made our way up the stairs that led to the girls' dorms; when we walked in, I noticed the extra bed next to mine with a trunk at the bottom.
We both decided that we should retire to bed early so once we were both in pyjamas and sat on my bed with the curtains were pulled around with a silencing charm in place, conversation flared up again.
"So are you gonna tell me about Mr Malfoy or do I need to guess?" Savannah asked.
"Well, I may as well tell you, I s'pose but are you just gonna drop once you start making other friends?"
"Of course not, you're cool, Millie May." She answered and pushed me playfully.
"Millie May?" I asked through my giggles.
"Yeah, I've been wanting to call you that all day."
"Okay and I've been wanting to call you Savvie."
We looked at eachother and burst out laughing. It seemed a bit silly to be laughing over just that so perhaps it was the relief that I had made a friend.
"Right, I'll tell you about Malfoy..."