Something that has been on my computer for way too long.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bones
Soldier song
Booth opened the bottom drawer of his dresser and sighed when he saw the mess in it. He never used this drawer, unless he was trying to get rid of something. That's probably the reason he had waited until the very last to empty it. He sighed again before he started to throw the stuff into the boxes next to him. "Oh what the hell." he murmured as he pulled the drawer out of the dresser and turned it upside down so all the junk was falling into the box. He'd sort it out later. He put the drawer back in the dresser, pleased with himself for doing such a quick job, when he saw the thick yellow envelope that had fallen next to the box. Curious he turned and opened it. It turned out to be an envelope full of old pictures. He sighed while he sunk to the ground, looking at the first one, a picture of him, his mother and Jared. He didn't remember when this was taken. They looked… happy. He noticed the man he had to call his father was not on the picture.
Mother, I'm fine, everything's ok
It doesn't help to worry anyway
He was wearing a long sleeved shirt, like he did most of the time, even when it was warm outside. After all, it's not hard to explain bruises caused by hockey practice, but it's hard to answer questions from your hockey coach. He remembered his mother coming to his room once after his father had a hard day at…well whatever he did. She had been worried about him. As always he had soothed her, told her he was alright.
I'll be back before you know
You will be so proud to know
I was strong, I didn't let you down
But most of all she had been scared. She was always scared. Not only of his father, 'cause he tried to protect her the best he could. He could take her blows. He was strong. She hated it when he did that. But his father saw it hurt her more when he hurt her son, then when he hit her herself, so it was fine by him. As long as he got the hit someone in the end. To take out his own failures at someone.
But most of all his mother was afraid of losing her children. Of someone finding out about everything and taking her kids from her. Every day, every single day she would hug him and Jared before they went to school and tell them how much she loved them, that they had to be careful and come back to her. She would tell them how much she needed them. That her life would be useless without them. He had found it embarrassing and annoying at the time. Now he thought back to it, he didn't know what to think. He had always thought his mother loved him. She took care of him, patched him up after every blow, walked him to school until he told her it was 'embarrassing'. But wasn't that normal? Wasn't he just thinking his mother loved him so he had at least one loving parent? Did he just want her to love him? Did he just want to believe the things she said to him before she killed herself? To make him feel better. She had told him that she would always be there for him and his brother, but that he had to be strong and look after Jared. He had to promise her to be a good man. To protect the ones he could, and punish the ones that should be punished.
Mother, I lied, this is not for me
I've seen so many people die and somehow I'm still here
And I don't know why I should be
The lucky one who gets to see
Another morning through these tired eyes
But there had been so many times he could not protect the ones he loved. And not only Jared from his father, but also later, in his Ranger-years he had lost people he hadn't want to lose. He had paid prices he had never been willing to pay. Teddy Parker being one of them. And in those times he had felt bad. Not only for letting the people down that he was supposed to be protecting, but also for letting his mother down. And on the other hand he had felt mad. Mad at her because, why should he keep his promise while she obviously didn't? She promised she would always be there for them. But if she really loved him and Jared, why did she kill herself and take the easy way out? Or why didn't she take him and Jared with her? It's not like he wanted to die or something. He was happy now. But there were times he really asked himself those questions. Times when he wasn't happy.
Mother, I'm dying, nothing more to give
My body breathes, but I don't want to live
And the bullet that's supposed to go
Inside some poor son's back
I hope it blows up in my face, so I can say
In those times he thought the casino was the place to be, gamble was the thing to do. After all, the perfect way to forget your trouble is by making new trouble. So he searched for it, every time he could.
Mother, I died, and you won't have to know
There's nothing left but anger in my soul
I never found my truth out there
I never knew why we were there
I lost my youth, but no one seemed to care
It was only one day after he had lost a lot of money pops had come to see him and had looked at him like he assumed people used to look at his father: pitiful. Afraid of what might become of him. That's when he had come to senses. When he realised that there were still people left who did love him, who did care. Because no matter how bitter he was, no matter how many debts he had, his grandfather was still there for him. That was the first time he felt ashamed of who he was back then. The first time he didn't want anyone, least of all his grandfather to see him like that. And still pops did not back away. He helped him trough it. Every step of the road, he'd been there.
Mother, I'm fine, everything's ok
It doesn't help to miss me anyway
I'll be in your heart you know
And you will be so proud to know
I was strong, I didn't let you down
In the end he had stopped worrying if he was living like everyone else wanted him to live, being the man everyone wanted him to be. He just started to live the life he wanted. To be the man who he wanted to be. It had turned out to be harder and it asked more courage and strength to do that, instead of just following the path others laid out for you. But it had worked for him. And who knows, maybe the man they wanted him to be and the man he was would turn out to be one and the same.
I didn't let you down
A man who was happy. A man who had people who believed in him, cared for him, loved him.
I didn't let you down
He sighed and looked around one more time. "Booth, c'mon the kids are getting impatient. They want to have their room settled before the evening." When she saw he didn't react she went to stand next to him and put her hand on his arm. "Booth? Are you okay?" "Yeah." he sighed. "I'm a good men, right? A good father?" She looked at him questioningly then saw the pictures he was holding. Pictures of his mother and Jared, pictures of him and Teddy. "No." she said as she put her arms around him, forcing him to look into her eyes. "You're a great man. You're the best father Parker and Emily could ever have. And you're the best husband I ever dreamt of." They stood there like that for a while, her arms around him, in complete silence. After a while, she took the pictures out of his hand and put them in the box in front of them. "Let's go Booth." she said, taking the box and waiting for him by the door.
I didn't let you down.
"I'm coming Bones." He said, flipping the lights off and taking the box from her. "We're going home."
I didn't let you down
That's it!
Now I read it over, I realize I could have gone a whole different way with this… Well, maybe next time. :)
What do you think? Another chapter with the same song but in a different setting?
Anyway, thanks for reading everyone! Please leave a review on your way out!
Also, you might have noticed English isn't my first language. So, any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!