A/N: Yes, this story was originally called "soldier song", but I found so many unfinished song fics on my computer and I'm recently writing them out. Starting a new story for all of them would be a little stupid. So, I'll just put them all up here.
A song fic situated after the 100th episode but before Booth's so called 'moving on' . 'This ain't a love song' by 'scouting for girls'
Just something I wrote directly after the 100th episode but didn't find his way up here until now.
Enjoy.
Disclaimer: If I owned Bones, this was how things would have ended.
This ain't a love song
Every night I remember that event
Booth sighed as he turned around and put the light on his bedside table on. Irritated he rubbed his eyes and watched the hour blinking on his radio clock. 06:03. Frustrated he opened the drawer of his night table and took out a frame that had been standing next to his bed until a few weeks ago. Until he gambled again…and lost…again. He stared at the picture of him and his partner, Dr Temperance Brennan, Bones and a sigh escaped his lips as he remembered that night.
The way you looked when you said you were leaving
The way you cried as you turned to walk away
He had laid his heart out for her that night. All she had to do was take it. Instead she had left. Left him to bleed. Every time something emotional and big happened, something she couldn't put apart or explain with her precious science, she had left. She hadn't run off to Guatemala or New Orleans this time, just to the safety of her own apartment. And still he felt further removed from her then ever before.
The cruel words and the false accusations
The mean looks and the same old frustrations
He would never forget when she pushed him away, pushed him literally out of her life. She had told him she didn't have his kind of open heart, and all of that old bullshit. Like she didn't think herself worthy of him. But all he wanted to do was give it a shot. And again, she had told him, like always, she was a scientist. She couldn't change. Not in the way he wanted her anyway. But why didn't she understand he didn't want her to change? He just wanted her. If only she would let him.
I never thought that we'd throw it all away
But we threw it all away.
Besides his heart he had laid out everything he had in this world, apart form his son: their partnership. Their friendship. "Can we still work together?" she had asked. He remembered himself nodding, saying "yeah", while his heart screamed "no!". That wasn't enough. It would never be enough. And whatever they said, everything had changed that night. They had changed. He had said 'yes' because he didn't want to lose her all together, but no matter what, they had lost something. They had lost that natural behavior, the way they could just be their selves around each other. He had put everything at risk, put everything on the line. And he had lost.
And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This aint a love song this is goodbye
This aint a love song this is goodbye
He sighed again as he practically threw the picture back into the drawer and shut it. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and made his way to the bathroom, to get ready for another day of pretending and putting his brave face on. This was eating him up inside. He knew he couldn't keep up with this, being close to her like this, and still not close enough. But he didn't see another way, without completely losing her. He knew he had to move on, but he just couldn't.
Thirty minutes later, he was still under the shower. It had recently become his hideout, the place where he could just let the hot water take his misery down the drain. The only place where he didn't have to pretend he was fine.
I've been lost, I've been losing
I've been tired, I'm all hurt and confusion
I've been mad, I'm the kind of man that I'm not
Only yesterday Angela had come to him, demanding what was wrong between him and Brennan, saying they both acted off. And he had just snapped at her, saying to "mind her own fucking business for once in her life". He had regretted it the moment the words had come out of his mouth. Angela had just stared at him, confused, shocked, not believing what had just happened. Booth never yelled at anyone like that. Ever. Certainly not to her.
I'm going down, I'll be coming back fighting
I may be scared and a little bit frightened
Without saying another word she had turned around and taken him to her office. "I'm sorry Ange." he had said as they both sat down on the couch in her office. "It's just…I'm tired. I haven't slept in days and I know it's no excuse but…" he sighed. "It's just something I said to Bones, and… I don't know what to do or say, or how to act around her anymore. I just… I'm afraid I'm losing her." Angela looked one of her best friends in the eyes and could see how much he was hurting over this. Booth he wished he hadn't pushed her, hadn't told her, asked her. And sometimes he knew that he had needed that. He had needed to know, so he could move on.
But I'll be back, I'll be coming back to life
I'll be coming back to life
"Have you tried talking to Brennan about this? I mean, you guys are like, joined to the hip or something, I'm sure she'll…" "No Ange. I'll be fine." He had stood and smiled at her reassuringly. "Really. Just give me some time, and I'll be as good as new." Angela had just nodded, not at all convinced.
As soon as Booth had left, Angela had gone up to Brennan's office, to give her best friend a piece of her mind. But instead of finding her best friends working, like she expected, she found her best friend staring into the void, clearly thinking about something else. "Sweetie?" Angela had called when she had reached the door. "Ow Ange, you startled me." She had said. "I can see that." Angela had answered as she made her way to Brennan's couch. "What's the matter?" "Nothing." she had said as she had turned towards the file on her desk. "Don't give me that Brennan. First Booth is all humpy dumpy, and now you?" "Booth was here?" Brennan asked, her eyes snapping back up from the file. "Yes. And he had that exact same look in his eyes as you are having right now." "What look?" Brennan asked, although she knew what look Angela was referring to. She saw it every morning when she looked in the mirror, and she was pretty sure that if she had the guts to look Booth into his eyes, she would see it as well. 'The look of a broken soul' she would have called it, if she had believed in such a thing. Scientifically, she could explain it because of all the nights she hadn't been able to sleep.
And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This aint a love song this is goodbye
This aint a love song this is goodbye
Ever since that time she and Booth had left Sweets' office and Booth had told her he wanted to give it a go, and she had brushed him off, she would relive that night. His confession, his proposition had taken her off guard. And she had backed out, she had hidden herself behind her old walls, telling him it was just not who she was, that she was a scientist and she couldn't change. Now, more than a week later, she regretted her decision to crawl back into that shell Booth had freed her from. Now, more than a week later, she realized he didn't want her to change. He was the only one that had stayed with her, no matter what she had said or done wrong. He was the only one that had stayed by her side, even after all those times she had stepped on his believes or hurt him in any other way. He was the only one that had never left her, not even now.
Angela's voice had suddenly brought her back to the present. "Look sweetie," she had started "I don't know what happened between you and Booth, but you've got to fix it." "I know Ange. And I want to, I just… I just don't know how." Angela had sighed, smiled and gotten up. "You'll find a way Bren. You've been through to much together to let this, whatever it is, break you up. You'll find a way." And with that she had left Brennan's office, leaving a broken doctor behind.
And you can try (you can try)
And you can try but you'll never keep me down
That night Brennan had been working late again, like she had done most of the week, when her mind inevitably wandered back to her partner. She tried to put those thoughts and her feelings out of her mind and out of her heart for a while. It wasn't like she could do anything about it now, and she was already behind at work. She would not let those irrational feelings for her partner influence her job in any way. She was Dr Temperance Brennan, the super-rational over-compartmentalizing forensic scientist for crying out loud!
And you can try (you can try)
And you can try but you'll never keep me down
So she had just stared at the file in front of her again, trying to understand Wendell's notes, while all she saw was some writing on a piece of paper. An hour later she had irritated closed the file, knowing she might as well call it a night, since she couldn't get anything done anymore. She had turned the lights off and made her way out of her office.
And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This ain't a love song this is goodbye
In the meanwhile, Booth had been home, tossing around, doubting his actions before he would eventually turn the lights on and watch the hour at his radio clock. 06:03 Frustrated, he would open the drawer of his night table, and he would take out a frame that had been standing next to his bed until a few weeks ago. He would stare at the picture of him and his partner and he would sigh. Then, eventually, he would put the picture back in the drawer and he would make his way to the bathroom.
It's alright (It's alright) cause you can try but you'll never keep me down
There, he would get himself ready for another day of pretending and putting his brave face on.
It's alright (It's alright) I may be lost but you'll never keep me down
Thirty minutes later he would still be under the shower, trying to hide from his problems, that awaited him outside that bathroom door.
You can try (you can try) you can try but you'll never keep me down
He would let the hot water cleanse his head, his face, his mind, and he would hope his misery would disappear with the water into the drain.
You cant try (you can try) I know I'm lost but I'm waiting to be found
you'll never keep me down
He would suddenly hear a knock on his door, and he would curse as he turned the water off and reached for a towel. He would hit his big toe against the bathroom door and he would curse again while walking towards the front door. He would open his door and stumble back when his partner would throw herself into his arms, her lips crushing his. He would look at her as they would finally break apart and she would say "I wanna give this a shot." He would let her in, and close the door behind her. He would gamble…and he would win.
you'll never keep me down
never keep me down
I know, I know, I'm being optimistic, but I just can't see them not come together in the end… xD
I hope it wasn't to confusing with the skipping from Booth's pov, to Brennan's.
Thanks for reading everyone! A review would be even nicer ;)