Chapter Eight – The Mood Killer
Muttering obscenities under his breath, Logan reluctantly swung out of the bed. Peeling off the condom, he retrieved his sweatpants from the floor, dragged them on and stalked across the room. He abruptly yanked open the door and successfully startled Jean on the other side.
"This better be life or death, Jean – and not Scott's." He glared at her furiously, not even attempting to disguise his anger at being disturbed.
She just stared at him, not understanding his conspicuous fury, until she glanced over his bare shoulder and observed that Marie was in his bed, clutching a sheet around her probably naked body. Jean immediately felt a flush come over her, as she realized exactly what she must have interrupted.
A puzzled look swept over her delicate features, as she stood there too stunned to know how to proceed.
"I'm so sorry, Logan. I didn't realize you weren't alone," she finally managed to offer, a slight tremble evident in her voice.
"Well, I'm not. So what's so damn important it can't wait until after breakfast?" he snapped, still glaring at her.
Jean wasn't quite sure what to say now. She'd come to Logan's room because of her suspicions about Scott and Rogue. To do what? Get his opinion? Revenge for some perceived injustice? No, she wouldn't sleep with Logan just for revenge – the two-wrongs-don't-make-a-right principle. Rogue being naked in his bed, suddenly changed everything.
If Rogue's here, she couldn't possibly be doing anything with Scott. Could she? No, this is Rogue we're talking about. She's been crazy about Logan since they met, she wouldn't have settled for anyone else. No, I've made a horrible mistake. Now what do I do? Damn, this is so embarrassing.
"I'm sorry. I've made a terrible mistake," she managed to squeeze out, before turning and bolting down the hall.
Logan closed and locked the door. He turned to find Marie with an incredulous expression plastered on her face.
"You know what that was probably about, don't you?" he asked.
"Lucky me. I guess she doesn't think I'm capable of being a total whore," she said quietly.
Logan walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. Marie just sadly gazed down at her hands resting in her lap, appearing to be on the brink of tears. She looked so lost, so dejected, so defeated.
"Marie…" he began, reaching out to take her hand, which she pulled away out of his reach. She'd never refused the offer of his touch before and it scared him.
"Well, that's the truth isn't it?" she started to say, "Jean obviously came to you because she suspects something. Then she sees me here with you and figures I can't possibly be screwing you both at the same time, so she must be imagining things. Is that about it?" It was more of a challenge than a question. Whatever Logan said next, would be wrong at this point.
He settled for, "I'm sorry, baby, I don't know what to say." It was the truth.
Damn Jean for killing the mood. Some psychic she is.
Marie climbed out of the bed and retrieved her discarded t-shirt off the floor. She was just about to lift it over her head, when Logan gently took a hold of her arm. She wrenched out of his loose grip and slipped the t-shirt on anyway. Being naked around Logan was the last thing she wanted at this moment. She felt dirty and unworthy of him.
"Don't leave. Please don't go," he said quietly, almost pleading.
"You don't want me, Logan. I'm soiled goods." There were tears in the corners of her eyes that were threatening to spill out at any moment.
"You're not soiled goods, Marie. Don't ever think that about yourself."
"I should have waited for you. It was you I wanted. Only you. Ever. I was just weak. Weak and stupid." The tears were escaping now, trickling down her ivory cheeks.
Logan reached out to wipe the tears away with his fingertips. It shattered his heart into a million pieces to see her so distraught. He wanted to offer something to comfort her.
"The past that I can remember is littered with plenty of my own mistakes. I don't exactly come to you with a clean slate. I don't give a shit about Scott. It doesn't matter to me what happened between you two. It's not worth losing you."
"Do you mean that? Really?" she choked out between sobs. The tears were leaving little wet trails down otherwise flawless cheeks.
"You're the one bright spot in my whole goddamn shitty life. I never cared about anything or anyone until you. I love you, Marie. I have ever since the moment I saw you in Laughlin City," he offered, hoping his confession wouldn't be too little, too late.
She collapsed into his arms and muffled sobs against his chest as he held her to him tightly. He clung to her with a fierce desperation, as if letting her go would allow her to fall into some irretrievable abyss. He stroked her hair lovingly and kissed the top of her head gently. It would be so easy for him to use this moment to his advantage, to make the reassuring hugs and touches segue into caresses that could turn into… No, he couldn't do that to her, because then that would be confirmation he was a selfish bastard. He desperately wanted to turn back the clock for her, to the time before she became involved with Scott. Not simply because he wanted to lay claim to her innocence himself, but to eradicate the guilt and the pain this predicament was currently causing.
Of course, Logan blamed Scott entirely for the whole mess. He was the adult after all, the responsible one –the exalted Fearless Leader. He should've exercised some of that infamous restraint, not taken advantage of a trusting young girl. If Logan could keep his desires in check, then it should've been effortless for perfect Scott to do the same. He'd picked the wrong person to lose his inhibitions to and he would pay for that error in judgment. If Scott weren't suffering emotionally, too, then he'd just have to make sure he suffered physically at least.
He would have to come up with a plan to inflict bodily harm on him without raising suspicions about the real reason. A 'friendly' football game on a Saturday that got a little too rough just wouldn't cut it for Logan's satisfaction. He'd have to give this one some careful consideration. Thinking of new ways to beat the shit out of Cyclops could be fun he decided – a benefit from this whole miserable situation.
Marie was pressing kisses to his neck, making him refocus on the immediate situation. She obviously wanted to be loved and to be made love to. Would expressing his feelings for her in a physical way right now do more harm than good? He wanted their first time together to be about them – not the need to erase the presence of someone else. For once in his life, he was willing to put someone else's emotional needs before his own physical ones. Marie's influence on his sense of chivalry was astounding. He wanted to be everything to her, all encompassing, and that included putting his own selfish desires aside – for once. He pulled away from her enough to cup her delicate face in his hands. She was so damn beautiful and he had to suppress all his natural urges so that he could do what was in her best interest, not his.
"I want to be with you, Marie, to make love to you, but it's not the right time now."
He couldn't believe he was turning her down – again.
"You're rejecting me?" she sniffed, with liquid eyes that asked a thousand questions.
Uh oh. That's not what you meant, dumbass. Think fast. Say something.
"I'm not rejecting you, baby – never. It would just be wrong for me to take advantage of you when you're so vulnerable." Good, blame yourself. It's not her, it's you.
"Oh." Was all she whispered. He could see she was processing that piece of information, turning it over in her mind to understand and accept it.
"I want to make it special for you," Logan continued, hoping to allay her fears that he didn't really want her; which was about as far from the truth as possible. He was struggling with his inner demons not to simply say, "To hell with it" and throw her down and ravish her. Patience would pay off with a better relationship in the end, one that would be mutually satisfying on all levels. He was making the right decision, he was certain of it. Spending time beating the crap out of Scott should prove distracting enough. He leaned down to Marie, tilting her chin up and capturing her mouth in a slow, passionate, heated kiss that he hoped would convey all the emotions he had welled up inside for her. They clung to each other, seeking solace, redemption – love.
Marie may have her mutation under control, but he prayed she could feel the connection he was trying to open up between them. He'd ask her to turn on the switch and risk any amount of pain, if he thought it would help in any way.
When they finally tore themselves away from each other, she quietly walked out of his room and returned to her own across the hall, leaving the door to his standing wide open. He stood there staring at her closed door, quietly contemplating his next move. Just then, Scott appeared at her door. Without bothering to knock first, he slipped into her room, quickly shutting the door behind him. Logan's sensitive hearing picked up the sound of the lock sliding into place.