Chapter 9
Taylor sat in her office staring out the window at the San Francisco skyline. She had been at work for nearly two hours and had accomplished nothing. Last night and this morning were playing over and over again in her head. She had never doubted how Ryan felt about her, well, at least not since she thought he was 'breaking up' their non-relationship and then he proposed. That beautiful speech, and then he said 'I love you, Taylor Townsend. Will you marry me?' Taylor couldn't believe that it had taken her until last night to think about Ryan's words, and now she thought she might have been reading too much into it. Maybe he thought it was cute to use her full name, but would he change it to Taylor Atwood when they got married?
Her and Ryan had been happy, really happy, when they saw each other for a day or two at a time every few months or so. They did that for five years, both completely satisfied. Every second they could muster over those holiday breads was spent together, and if they weren't expected at some family gathering or other, the time was spent in bed.
When Ryan finally got to experience the Taylor that her ex-husband had written about in his steamy romance 'A Season for Peaches', he was addicted. It was raw and powerful and they used every moment the best way they could.
Now, they were happy in a very mundane, 'how was your day, honey?' kind of way. They made love often, or perhaps, average, two or three times a week depending on who was tired and had to get up early. The passion that exploded after they spent months apart during those five years, really wasn't there anymore. Taylor was trying to remember the last time, they had torn each others clothes off and been swept away in the moment, making love for hours until they were both exhausted. It was two days before Summer and Seth's wedding when her and Ryan saw each other for the first time in five months. They had seen each other every day since. No mystery, no real passion, just love, she thought.
"How has it come to this?" she said out loud to herself and realized how strange that was and went back to thinking silently. Taylor was pondering her insensitivity now. Why hadn't she been more supportive when Ryan brought Nate home. She was just as likely to do something as impulsive and selfless as that, wasn't she? Why had Nate's arrival triggered this wave of doubt over Ryan's feelings for her? Then she came to a question that seemed to come up for her too often. The giant elephant in the room throughout her relationship with Ryan whether they were together or not. How would Marissa have reacted? What would Marissa have done? Gone for seven years, never spoken of, except during Ryan's proposal speech, but still so present in everyone's lives. Even her relationship with Summer suffered the same way. How would Marissa have talked to Summer? How would Marissa have been as Summer's maid of honor? Taylor wanted to call Summer right now, but there were larger issues apparently, that she couldn't discuss with her because of the 'Marissa factor'.
The insecurities she'd had as a teenager, born from her mother's torturous criticism, were flooding back. The only time in her life where she felt unconditionally loved, body and soul, was when she was briefly married to Henri-Michel Moumorant after high school. The man that Ryan had helped her divorce, the man she had ultimately decided she didn't want to be with to be with Ryan.
She really needed to talk to someone about this. Taylor opened up her address book and found the number she was looking for. She picked up the phone and dialed the number, and it seemed to ring forever on the other end. Finally, someone answered.
"Allo?" said a young male voice.
"Bonjour, monsieur. Puis-je parler avec Henri-Michel s'il vous plaît?