Disclaimer: Kubo is god. Kubo is king. Tite Kubo owns everything. Except the quotes used at the start of each chapter. They were all found on the internet, and if they have an author I say who it is.

AN: See all author's notes in part one. Thanks to all the people who have reviewed and PM-ed with me, you've made my entrance into the Bleach fanficdom fun and entertaining. This part is dedicated to all of you. You finally get a full explanation of the title of the story! (And yes, I had it planned this way all along. My question about whether or not souls retained their memories in the last chapter was merely to see what people thought of the idea without giving anything away.) One more part to go after this. (at least I'm almost sure there's only one…)

Oh, and my apologies to all for the slowness of this update. I know you were used to two parts a week, but my grandfather had a stroke a few days after that last part posted, and I've been dealing with family stuff and not really in the mood to write serious drama. But he's finally starting to do better, and I needed to get this written for me as much as for all of you. I have so much invested in this story, and I thank you for your understanding in the delay.


No Warm Memories

By Lady Callista

Chapter 12: Fire and Ice

OoOoOoOoOoO

In fire there is the spark of chaos and destruction, the seed of life.

In ice there is perfect tranquility, perfect order, and the silence of death.

-from a Magic the Gathering card

OoOoOoOoOoO

Toshiro did not sleep. Nor, despite his comment to Karin about falling asleep with her in his arms, had he really expected to. As she slept peacefully in his arms, his mind kept running over the events of the past day. And sometimes much further back.

He let his fingers trail lightly up and down her spine, ghosting over the back of her bra in favor of the warm skin on either side. He was careful to keep his touch light enough to not disturb her, but he just couldn't stop touching her.

And judging by the fact that she'd been asleep for almost six hours, and the only time she had moved she had cuddled closer into him, she seemed to feel the same way.

He gazed down upon her face for the umpteenth time, still barely able to believe she was in Seireitei. In his arms. In his bed.

Despite the casual way she'd agreed once she understood he only wanted to hold her, this was the first time they'd slept in the same bed. She'd fallen asleep in his arms once in the underground room under Urahara Shoten, but that wasn't the same thing.

He'd almost borrowed a page from Ichigo's book and choked on air when she'd started removing his gi, and then her own top, saying that she wanted to feel her skin on his. Not that he had objected in any way, for he not only understood her need but felt the same way. It had just surprised him that she had been the one to do it, probably because she knew he never would have suggested it.

It had been so easy in the dark, easy for what should have been such a huge moment to seem casual and normal. Because it had been about comfort, and reassurance, and just closeness. Now, as the early morning sunlight filtered into the room, he struggled to keep it that simple. For the sun cast the room, and the bare skin of her back, with its warm, soft glow. She looked so radiant…

He rarely complimented her about her looks, knowing she preferred being praised for strength, or bravery, or athleticism, but he'd slowly been getting her used to accepting compliments of a more romantic nature.

She was getting used to receiving them about as slowly as he was growing comfortable giving them. She didn't accept them gracefully yet, but at least she'd stopped snorting in laughter and telling him not to be cheesy.

He had just dropped a light kiss on her forehead when he felt her begin to shake.

"Yuzu…no…no…"

Toshiro shook her, gently at first then slightly more forcefully as she didn't wake up. "Karin. Wake up, Karin!"

Karin jolted awake, sliding partly off of him as both her hands flew to cover her stomach.

Toshiro just held her tighter, whispering quickly, "You're okay, Karin. You're in Soul Society with me. Everything's okay."

"Toshiro." Fully awake now, she whispered his name as she threw her arms around him and buried herself against his chest. "I…I was dying…over and over…"

He stroked her hair and back gently as he murmured anything he could think of to try and calm her down. Inwardly, he was cursing.

Dying was the most traumatic thing a soul could go through, and to remember it fully…

Someone should have thought that this would happen. He, of all people, should have known.

Karin slowly quietly down until she lay still and silent in his arms. Several moments passed with them just holding each other before she said quietly, "This is why we're supposed to forget our lives, isn't it?"

Toshiro sighed deeply, still playing with her short cap of hair. Now that none of the humans were around, he could finally tell her what none of the Shinigami had been able to say while they were in the real world with the others. "Everyone knows that souls lose all memory of their lives when they come here. That is not, however, entirely true. Most people remember bits and pieces, some remember more. The stronger and more intense the memory, the better the chance that it's retained."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Karin propped herself up with her arms on his chest so that she could look him in the face. "I was so worried…"

"It's forbidden to speak of it outside of Soul Society, or in the presence of anyone who is still alive. Souls are told this once, and then it is never spoken of again." Toshiro replied quietly, glancing down at her as he finished speaking. He blushed and then immediately glanced away.

Karin was confused for a second, then glanced down to figure out what he had seen and realized that with the position she was in the top half of her chest was clearly visible, especially as it was held up by an under-wire.

She turned even redder than he had, spinning away until she sat on the bed with her back to him, her arms crossed over her chest. It had seemed so easy in the dark. So easy to cuddle up skin to skin, his warmth a reminder that he was with her.

She hadn't considered what would happen in the morning.

Karin felt the bed move, and a moment later shivered as his lips touched her shoulder blade lightly. The next thing she felt was cloth, and she tilted her head just enough to see his black gi sliding over her shoulders.

Toshiro settled the garment around her gently, unable to resist leaving his arms loosely around her waist. He knew she was slightly uncomfortable, and he was as well. Yet as hard as he tried, he couldn't get the vision of her out of his mind. "You are so beautiful."

Karin was silent for a moment, and he was about to move away and give her some space when she shifted enough to slide her arms into the gi, and then wrapped her arms over his where they wrapped around her.

"So what do you remember of your life?" She asked quietly, praying that he would allow her to change the topic. Her emotions were riding a roller coaster. Part of her wanted to beg him to let her go, the other part of her wanted to beg him to touch her everywhere. She knew she wasn't ready for that and would regret it later, but every time he touched her everything else slipped from her mind.

Toshiro couldn't stop himself from tensing at the question she asked in complete innocence. He accepted the change of subject, and had known this was a question she would ask, but he still had to try and steady himself for what he knew was about to come. "That question is the reason we say we have no memories." He whispered. "As I said, the strongest memories are normally the ones that stay with you. For most people, that means the happiest and saddest moments of their lives. No one wants to be reminded of the happy ones, because they are about a life and people who are lost to us. They are something we must move on from. And obviously no one wants to remember the most painful moments of their lives either."

"So most people remember their deaths?" Karin asked the obvious question, thinking back to her nightmare.

"No. We don't know why, but most are spared from that."

His voice was so quiet she could barely hear him, and his body had tensed to the point that she quickly realized he himself was not included in that 'most.'

"I'm sorry." Karin said quietly. "I…I can see why no one speaks of it."

Toshiro squeezed her tighter for a moment, then withdrew his arms from her and stood, walking over to the window and putting his back to her as he stared out at nothing.

"I don't remember much of my life thankfully, because I don't remember anything happy. I know I lived in a small village high in the mountains. It was always cold - we never had enough money for proper clothing, or firewood, or food. I don't remember a single moment when I did anything other than work. Not a moment where I played with friends, or laughed, or hugged my mother."

His voice broke, and Karin rose and crossed over to him, hesitating only a moment before wrapping her arms against his bare torso and leaning against his back. "You don't have to tell me…"

He wrapped his arms around hers, an exact reversal of how he'd held her only a few moments ago.

"Except for one memory." He whispered. "I had a sister a few years older than me, and one spring afternoon her and I were outside playing with some of our friends. It's the only time I remember laughing and having fun. It's such a good memory at first. I don't know exactly what happened, but one second we were playing and running and laughing, and the next second Onee-chan was screaming. Somehow she'd gotten onto the river, and the ice had broken beneath her. I went out after her, and I pulled her out…I got her out…but I got wet, and the current was so strong. It was so cold, and it stole the breath from my body, made it so I couldn't move. The current carried me downstream, pulled me under this ice… I'm sure it was only a few moments, but it felt like forever. It was so cold… And then I tried to scream, and I was choking on the ice water, and…"

His voice broke again, and this time Karin was silent, although she held him as tightly as she could. Tears streamed down her cheeks in sympathetic pain, and she knew from his voice and the slight tremors running through his body that he was crying as well.

"The worst part is that I don't even know if I saved her." He said after a moment. "We didn't have a doctor in the village, and the water had been so cold… I was never warm after that. From the instant I arrived in Soul Society, I was always cold inside. I don't know if it's because I was cold in every memory I had, or if it's because I froze to death, or…"

This time his voice cut off in a sob, and Karin moved around him to hug him tightly, her face tucked into the side of his neck. He cried quietly in her arms, the shaking of his body and the tears she felt sprinkling down her cheek the only indicators of his pain.

As his tears began to lesson, she offered quietly, "I said you didn't have to tell me."

"I don't ever want to keep anything from you." He offered quietly, his arms still latched around her. "I want you to know everything about me, to understand me as no one else can."

Karin pulled back just enough to look up into his eyes, surprised that he was still several inches taller than her. Although he had grown a bit over the past few years, whereas she herself had barely gotten taller, so it made sense. And whenever she looked up into his eyes, she found she didn't mind being short.

She just stared into his teal eyes for a moment, in some ways still awed that she got to see his feelings in them even though almost no one else ever did. Then she gently reached up and wiped the vestiges of tears from his face. "I love you so much."

"I love you." He whispered back. "You're the only one who has ever made me feel warm inside. When I thought I might lose you…"

Karin sighed, and then rose up slightly to kiss him.

Their lips locked together with more intensity than either could remember showing. The kiss spiraled out of control quickly, her hands sliding up into his hair even as his locked around her back. Their tongues tangled wildly, which was not new for them. But what was new was that he was shirtless, and with his gi untied around her and hanging loosely she was nearly so as well.

Karin's hands were the first ones to move into untouched territory as she pulled her body away from his enough to run her hands up his hard stomach to his chest, marveling at the feeling of his muscles moving and shifting under her hands. He gasped for her as her fingers brushed over his nipples, and he broke the kiss enough to pull back and look into her eyes.

She held his gaze as she pulled her hands from his chest to let her arms fall to her sides, shrugging her shoulders enough to make his gi fall off her shoulders and to the floor.

Toshiro kept his eyes on her face as she shifted her shoulders, although he did remove his hands from her back enough for the gi to slide off. "Karin…"

"Shhh." She whispered, and her voice was steady although her cheeks were flaming pink. "You said only I made you feel warm. Let me make you feel more…"

TBC...

AN2: Yes, I know I'm evil...

Omake: Friday Night Drinking Group

"I know I should warn them, but it's just so funny." Rangiku laughed along with the rest of her friends. "I almost wanna start betting with the other seats about how many new Shinigami will call him a kid."

"But this one wouldn't believe him when he said he was the taicho?" Renji laughed as he refilled cups for everyone. "Surely the haori is a dead giveaway..."

Rangiku giggled as she reached for her cup, overturning two empty bottles in the process. "He told Hitsugaya to stop playing in his father's clothes...he thought he was the taicho's kid."

"Oh, I wish I could have seen that." Ikkaku was laughing so hard that he was holding his sides.

Momo laughed suddenly. "I went to see Shiro-chan a few hours ago, and these was a Shinigami sitting seiza in front of his office with three different binding wards on him. Toshiro wouldn't say what he'd done, just that he was an example..."

Rangiku laughed all the harder. "Yeah, that was probably him..."

Glossary:

Onee-chan: A term of address used for an older sister.

Seiza: Now considered a formal way of sitting, it was once much more common. Ever seen anyone kneeling with their legs completely under them, their feet under their butt and their back perfectly straight? That's seiza. It's very uncomfortable at first, and takes a bit of getting used to if you want to stay in it for more than 5 or 10 minutes. At least if you want your legs to be awake enough to be able to walk once you stand up.