Chapter 18

Ryan and Nate had had a great afternoon together just getting to know each other better. Ryan had taken Nate to the batting cages as he had said he loved baseball. Ryan had tried to focus all his attention on Nate, but as Nate stood in the batters' box and Ryan stood watching, he found the rhythmic pitch of the ball hypnotizing.

He was replaying his meeting with Melissa Hooper in his mind. But who was he kidding, that was Marissa! So many questions and regrets ran through his head. The first question that replayed over and over again was how? How was Marissa there? How had she survived? How had Julie not known?

The next question was why. Why did she not recognize him? Why didn't he just tell her who she was, who he was, how he felt? There had been moments during their interview that afternoon when he had almost blurted out everything, and others when he just wanted to get up and leave. He wanted to run away and hide and not face what was actually happening. The questions she was asking seemed to be inviting him to tell her. That afternoon had been the biggest battle he had ever had inside his head. Finally, the side of caution had won. Do not alarm her, do not throw her world into a tail spin. Do not tell her she's not who she thinks she is. The overriding voice in his head surprised him though. 'Hold it together for Nate. You can get through this for Nate. Take care of Nate THEN take care of yourself.'

Ryan was snapped out of his trance by Nate.

"Ryan? Ryan?" Nate was waving his hand in front of Ryan's face "Man you were zoned out there."

"Yeah, sorry, just thinking" Ryan smiled "Let's go get something to eat. There's this great diner that does awesome cheeseburgers and chili fries and I haven't been there in forever. Taylor didn't like it, so now I'm gonna let loose."

Ryan focused all his attention on Nate for the rest of the evening. He talked more than he had in his entire life. He thought that as long as he was talking and his mind was occupied, he wouldn't think about Marissa and what he had face up to. After dinner he and Nate had gone home and played video games. When Ryan had gone upstairs to change, he noticed that Taylor must have been there at some point as all her clothes were gone. He felt a sadness that she was gone, but also a sense of relief. He didn't have to pretend anymore…to anyone.

It had been after midnight by the time they had gone to bed and now Ryan lay on his back staring at the ceiling. His worst fear now come true. He was alone with nothing to distract him, and all he could think of was her. He got up and went to his closet. High on a shelf at the back was a box. He brought the box down and opened it. Inside was Marissa's Harbor sweatshirt along with a small number of pictures and a letter. He had thrown every other memento away a few months after her 'death'.

He spread the pictures out on the bed and stared at them. There was one of them dancing at Julie's wedding to Kirsten's father Caleb. They were so close and so sad as Ryan was leaving to go to Chino with Theresa that night. There was a picture of them lying in the Tiki Hut where they had made love for the first time, taken with Ryan's phone. He had his arm around her as she lay on his chest and they both had that unmistakable post-lovemaking glow. Finally, there was a picture of the four best friends on their graduation day. Summer, Seth, Marissa, and Ryan. The last day they were all together and all happy. Ryan then picked up the letter Marissa had written when she was going to be with her dad in Greece, and read it for the zillionth time. She loved him, but her leaving was the only way they could move on with normal lives. Their constant coming together and breaking apart had taken its toll on both of them and they needed to be away from each other for a while.

Ryan picked up the sweatshirt and breathed in deeply. Even after years of being boxed up and moved from closet to closet, it still had a faint aroma of her perfume. He had smelled that scent again this afternoon. Sitting there alone in his room among the pictures, the letter, and the smell of the sweatshirt, the weight of what had happened today came crashing down on him. His body began to convulse with sobs, sobs unlike anything he had experienced before. He had never grieved for her in the conventional way, never shed a tear and now that she was alive and didn't know who he was, he was grieving all over again.

Ryan brushed everything off the bed flinging it across the room, turned his light out and laid back with his hands over his eyes. He desperately wanted to talk to Julie to find out what she knew, but lying there in the dark, he came to one overriding conclusion. Tomorrow he was going to tell Melissa Hooper that she was Marissa Cooper.

It was 2 a.m., but there was one person he needed to call.

"Hello?" a groggy voice answered

"Sandy? Hey, it's me. I need your help." Said Ryan. He was now as wound up as if he had drunk a gallon of coffee.

"Ryan? What is it?" Sandy was suddenly very awake. "Is it Nate? Are you in trouble.?"

"No, no, it's not Nate and I'm not in trouble, but something's come up that I really need your help with." Ryan went on to explain about Melissa Hooper, the scar, the smell of her, everything that convinced him that she was actually Marissa, and then he asked his favor.

"Of course, I can do that" said Sandy hardly knowing what else to say. "I'll call you in the morning when I know more. I'd say get some sleep, kid, but I know that's not on the cards now. Are you sure you want to do this again?"

"I've never been more sure of anything." Ryan said hanging up the phone.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sandy hung up the phone and got out of bed.

"What is it, honey?" said Kirsten sleepily.

"Go back to sleep, I have to do something for Ryan"

Kirsten was awake all of a sudden. "What is it? Is he ok? Is it Nate?"

"Yeah, he's ok, sort of and no, it's not Nate. It's bigger than that. Julie Cooper has some explaining to do, and I need to call in some favors. Marissa is alive." With that hanging Sandy got dressed and went downstairs.

Kirsten sat up in bed stunned. Going back to sleep was impossible, so she decided to go downstairs and see if she could help Sandy. It was going to be a long night, and they would need lots of coffee.