Chapter 19

Melissa had been pacing her house in Richmond for the last hour and it was still only 7 a.m. She had decided to spring her surprise visit on Ryan and Nate this morning. At least she told herself it was a professional visit. In truth, all she wanted to do was talk to Ryan and ask him some questions. Her dream of the night before had been played like a movie in her mind as she had sat up for the rest of the night. She thought that her subconscious had placed the first man she had been attracted to into her personal nightmare. The only way she was going to find out was to talk to him, and it had to be face to face. 'Sooner rather than later' she thought to herself as she grabbed her keys and walked out the door.

Ryan had been up all night working on his laptop researching. He had pulled up every single piece of information on the crash eight years earlier and printed what he thought was most relevant. Now he just had to wait for Sandy to get back to him.

It was now almost 7:30 a.m. and he needed more coffee. He was sure Nate would be sleeping for a while longer, so he proceed downstairs to put some more coffee on. As he got to the bottom of the stairs, the doorbell rang. He thought it must be Sandy coming to deliver the information he had asked for so he didn't think twice about opening the door in just his pajama pants and a white wifebeater shirt.

He swung the door open, excited to hear what Sandy had found out, except it wasn't Sandy. There stood Melissa or Marissa…Marissa, definitely Marissa.

"Hey, uh, this is a surprise." He said a little embarrassed. "Uh, Nate's still asleep so there's not much to observe at the moment, and I thought we were doing dinner."

"Um, yeah," Melissa said nervously. "I actually wanted to clarify a couple of things and I pass right by here on my way to work so I thought I'd just stop by, but I see you're really not ready to receive visitors so I'll just..." She shuffled her feet and indicated towards her car trying not to look Ryan in the eye.

Ryan sensed something about her demeanor this morning. "It's fine, did you want to come in for some coffee?"

"No, it's ok, actually, I just have one question, and it may seem to not be relevant, but I like my file to be as complete as possible." She knew she was rambling. "I just need to know the name of the girl who died in the car accident." There she'd said it. Now she could breathe again.

Ryan stood in his doorway looking at her trying to edit quickly in his brain what he was going to say. This is not how he wanted to do this with her. He needed more time, more information.

"Uh, I, uh, yeah, that doesn't really seem to be relevant. I just uh…" he stumbled

"Yeah, ya know what, forget it. I don't need it, I shouldn't have come." Her voice trailed off and she turned and ran toward her car.

In a split second Ryan decided that he had to do this now or the moment was gone.

"MARISSA!!!" he shouted after her.

Melissa stopped dead and turned around. "What did you say?" Tears were forming and she thought she wouldn't be able to talk with the lump in her throat.

Ryan walked down his front steps towards her in his bare feet. He stood facing her and took her hands gently in his. "Marissa was her name, Marissa Cooper, and I think you and I need to talk. Come inside. Please?"

Melissa nodded and smiled weakly as she processed what she had just been told. That was the name in her dream. She allowed Ryan to lead her by the hand into his house.

When they got inside Ryan led her to the living room to sit on the big couch. She seemed frail all of a sudden and all he wanted to do was take care of her.

"I'll get you some coffee" he said turning toward the kitchen.

"Thanks." She said when Ryan returned with a steaming hot cup of coffee. "Mmm, perfect. You made it just how I like it." She smiled as she finished her first sip.

"Well, that's what I need to talk to you about" started Ryan hesitantly "and I'm getting a vibe this morning, that you might actually have some idea about what I'm gonna tell you, so I'm just going to come out with it, and then you can ask me anything you want, or hit me, or leave, whatever you want. Just let me get it all out first 'cos I'm not a huge talker. Ok?" He smiled and gave her a look that only a man looking at the woman he adores can give.

It didn't go unnoticed by Melissa, and it made her feel a little uncomfortable, but if Ryan could put some pieces of her life together for her, she wasn't going anywhere.

"Go ahead, I'm listening." She said quietly.

"Ok, here goes. The girl from the car accident, her name was…is…Marissa Cooper and I was…am in love with her. I always have been, since the first moment I saw her, and when she died in my arms at that car accident I didn't tell her. We weren't together then, so it seemed wrong. But that is something I have regretted every day for the last eight years, and has really stopped me from allowing myself to really love anyone else, including my recently ex-fiancee."

Ryan stopped for a moment and took a breath. Tears were running down Melissa's face, but there were no sounds coming from her. They had been sitting sideways on the couch facing each other. Ryan now reached out and took her hand again.

"I believe with all my heart that you are Marissa. From the moment I heard your voice on the phone I thought you were her, and then when I saw you, there's no question. You sound like her, you look like her, you even have a scar on your temple where she hurt her head in the accident, and I want to do everything I can to help you remember who you really are."

Melissa pulled her hand away uncomfortably. What he was saying rang true with her and explained her dream, but it was incredibly overwhelming to have someone she, for all intents, had just met, profess their undying love for her.

"Ryan, I don't know what to say. I mean, I know who I really am. I'm me, whether it's Melissa or Marissa, I am who I have made myself over the last eight years, and you don't know anything about that me." She wiped the tears from under her eyes and got up to walk around.

"But some of what you don't know, I'm going to tell you now, and I'd like it if you could help me make the puzzle pieces fit. I only just met you, so I can't tell you that I've loved you since I first saw you, but I can tell you that I felt a connection as soon as I saw you yesterday, and you have made me dream like I haven't dreamed for years." She smiled and sat down again.

"Eight years ago, I was in a car accident…in Riverside. I hurt my head…" she reached to touch her scar "and I lost my memory. With the help of my mom, and my Aunt Julie," Ryan raised an eyebrow " I gradually remembered the people around me, but never really recovered any memory from before the accident, and I never really felt connected to my mom again after that. My Aunt Julie was my rock until she got tired of me, and I've been on my own ever since, building my life and my future and not dwelling on the past."

"Marissa…" Ryan started.

"Please, don't call me that, at least, not yet. Let me finish. I used to have a dream about the accident, but it was in flashes and made no sense to me at all. I hadn't had the dream for years until last night, and this time in my dream, I heard voices and I was talking. Although, I didn't see any faces, there were two things that stood out. I screamed your name, and I heard your voice calling Marissa over and over."

Ryan smiled weakly and went to reach for her hand again. Marissa began to pull away, but then just let her hand rest in his.

"Last night" she continued "I thought that I was crushing on you so hard that you had superimposed yourself into my dream, but I couldn't explain, Marissa. I remembered the story you'd told me about your…er…friend in the crash and things started to make sense in my muddied mind. As I read your file and remembered my dream, the two seemed to fuse together, and that's why I came here this morning. I had to know the name of the girl."

"Marissa," Ryan couldn't continue to call her Melissa. "I don't know how things came to be like this, but I have a pretty good idea. My dad, well, Sandy, you remember I spoke about him yesterday has been doing some leg work for me and he should be able to help you remember more. If you want, I can show you some stuff I have now that might help you?"

"Ryan, it's 8 o'clock in the morning, how much legwork can he have done?"

"Uh, I called him at 2 a.m. and we've both pretty much been up ever since. I lost you once, I wasn't going to risk it again." As soon as the last words came out of this mouth, he wanted to take them back. Marissa was obviously overwhelmed and confused and looked extremely uncomfortable after those words. Luckily, the uncomfortable silence was broken by the doorbell ringing again.

Ryan got up and went to open the door. He barely had a chance to get it open when Sandy came striding in with Kirsten following close behind carrying a bag of bagels.

"Hey kid," Sandy seemed quite hyper, "we dropped off Sophie at school, and picked up bagels, and now we can get…" Sandy stopped in mid-sentence as he saw Marissa sitting in the living room. "Oh my god" was all he could find to say.

"Sandy, Kirsten, this is or was Melissa Hooper, Nate's social worker. Melissa, uh, Marissa meet Sandy and Kirsten Cohen, long time neighbors of yours in Newport Beach and best friends to your parents." Ryan deliberately omitted the name of Marissa's parents. He wanted to see what Sandy had before he dropped that bomb on Marissa.

"Hi" said Marissa sweetly "I heard a lot about you from Ryan yesterday during our meeting."

"Oh my god, sweetie" Kirsten couldn't control herself any longer. She strode up to Marissa and gave her a long tight hug. Marissa did not return the hug at first but it was so genuine and intense that she couldn't help it. Slowly she felt Melissa Hooper slipping away from her.