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(I own nothing! Suzanne Collins owns the hunger games and all the characters...I just make them do naughty things :p !)

I was sitting at home watching the games...other than hunting it's the only thing I've been doing since they started...well actually since Katniss had taken Prim's place at the reaping I've been watching more tv then I had in my whole life! First the other reapings so I knew who Katniss would be up against, then her a Peeta's entrance! She looked amazing! "The girl on fire" that's what everyone in the Capitol called her! Then the interviews...oh god the interviews! I didn't think I could have felt any worse! It wasn't bad at first just weird and a little funny with Katniss spinning around giggling and being all smiley and bubbly! She did look beautiful in her dress!

But then Peeta...he gets up there and confesses his live for Katniss! I mean everyone in the district knows but Katniss, she has always been completely oblivious! ! So of course she's genuinely shocked when he says it, but there's something else in her eyes...I think it might be curiosity like the possibilities were staring her in the face!

I know I should thank Bread boy for his declaration of love because it fuels tons of crazed Capitol sponsors into a bidding war for Katniss! She will have what she needs, but I knew it would be at a cost! She would figure it out eventually...she'd need to "perform" for her sponsors to get what she needed! It killed me not to be able to talk with her! She must have been scared about the games the next day and confused about Peeta! I feel like Katniss and I have a deep connection! I've loved her for years now, but I thought she wasn't ready to love anyone or be taken care of!

When the games started she was on her own hiding mostly, suffering from dehydration! It was so hard to watch! Peeta had joined forces with the careers but no one in district 12 was fooled like the careers and the people from their districts, we all knew it was to protect Katniss! His love really did know no bounds! I know that the whole point is fighting to the death but as I watched him knife that dying girl from district 8 I knew he was the real deal!

Then Katniss got burned pretty badly which was terrible to watch! I was at her house with her mother and Prim then, I had just dropped off food and money when Prim begged me to stay! had slipped back to a semi comatose state she had been in when her husband had died ever since Katniss left for the Capitol!

I eventually convinced my mother that it would be easier on me if they both moved in with us until the games were over. So every night and most of the day we sat and watched the games!
Kat was doing well...keeping out of trouble responsible for a few deaths although not directly by her hand...with the dropping of tracker jackers nest! She had made an ally from district 11 named Rue who I suspected reminded her alot if Prim because it did me and mostly everyone else who was watching including the commentators!

When Rue was killed was the day I finally seen the real Katniss Everdeen and her two sides, the huntress I knew well , She took down the boy from district 1 without hesitation, and then the sweet, kind and caring catnip I had only seen when it came to Prim, She sang to Rue as she died and put flowers in her hair, everyone in our house and probably most of Panem were weeping at this act of kindnessand love during such a brutal game! I thought it was probably better this way, because when it came right down to it she would have never been able to kill the small girl who reminded her of Prim! I felt same way about Peeta! I didn't think she'd ever be able to kill him and I was so relieved when they said they could pair up and both win! I was pretty sure she would die so that he could win and come home and the night in the cave only assure me of it.

That night my life was thrown upside down, my heart ripped out and stomped on! I don't know why I sat and watched, I guess I was just in shock!

Katniss and Peeta crawled into the cave they'd been using as a Hide out for some time, they crawled into her sleeping bag as always...this just made sense to me, two bodies huddle together equals great body heat to combat cold nights! Just good survival sense!

But this night was different...they kissed like they had before (I had told myself she wasn't into it, that she'd figured out "love" equals sponsor gifts!)But This kiss was different though her body wasn't rigid her eyes flutter closed, she had her hands in Peeta hair! It was like slow motion torture! Her clothes came off and then his, she said she wanted it and I knew by her tone she meant it!

Then she said "let them watch!"

Didn't she know that her Mother, Prim and I, were all watching! How could she have sex the bread boy!

I listen to her moans of pleasure as he sucked and licked her clit and then finger fucked her, then she sat up and I thought that she had realized they'd gone too far, but no she laid him back and sucked his dick! On national live tv! I couldn't believe it! By this time everyone else had left the room, Mrs Everdeen had taken Prim out and not come back and my family slipped out without my realizing! So I sat there alone watching in horror as the girl I loved lost her virginity on tv for the whole nation to see!

I thought momentarily maybe they'd done it before on the train, or in the posh rooms in the Capitol where they were kept before the games, but when Peeta finally got on top of her and began to rock his hips I could tell by her face and the tears that escaped her eyes that was the first time!

Eventually she moaned and rocked with him, and then they screamed each other's names as they came! I realized I had gotten up and was standing with my face just inches from the screen and I tears were streaming down my face. Then the final blow... she said she loved him...I turned and threw up right on the floor then I slid down into a sitting position and sobbed!

I don't know how long I sat like that before I could feel my mother and Prim lifting me off the floor and helping me into bed! I just cried and cried until I had nothing left, until I was empty. After that I couldn't watch the games anymore, I caught the updates at night! The brief highlights of the day's events and who had died! In the end however when there were only Katniss, Peeta andCato left I was back to watching as much as possible! There was a real possibility now the two from Distrcit 12 could win!

Her and Peeta might be able to pull it off and if it came down to it Peeta would fight Cato to the death for Katniss at least he could wound him enough so she could finish the job! But of course the Capitol is cruel and when Cato was dead and it was only Peeta and Katniss in the end they change their minds and there could only be one winner! But then Katniss did the unthinkable! She pulled out poisonous berries and gave some to Peeta they were both going to kill themselves leaving no winner!

Of course the Capitol couldn't have that and reversed their decision and they both won! At first I was so excited I kissed Mrs Everdeen square on the lips! And all of district 12 celebrated! Katniss had defied the Capitol and lived!

But the next day I started thinking about what had happened! She was really truly going to kill herself! She was so incredibly selfish! What did she think that would do to her mother and Prim! To me! Was she just going to leave us to fend for ourselves so she didn't have to lose someone she had only really known for weeks! She knew I would look after her family as best I could! She'd taken me for granted!

I didn't even want to see her when she got back! She could go move into her new house next to Peeta and live happily ever after for all I was conceded!
Of course now it's been a few weeks and I'm not really feeling as angry as the night she won, I still love her and can't wait for her to come back! I know she'll never choose me now, especially that she and Peeta have all the money they'd ever need and I'm just another worker in then mines! Still I can't wait to hug her and tell her I'm glad she made it! She really has defied all the odds and I'm so proud of her for defying the Capitol the way she did! I'm even hearing rumblings of rebellion! Which is my dream! Her act of defiance could be what pulls the districts together against the caption! I guess time will tell!