It had been a 6 weeks since Peeta and I got back from the games, we've moved into our new houses in the victors village. I moved Mom and Prim into my house and I had been staying with Peeta in his. Life feels very easy right now but I don't dare trust it. Peeta keeps telling me to relax but how can I? I had only seen Gale once since I got back, he'd given me a stiff hug and said he was proud of me...then he had to go to work. He worked down in the mines, it scared me so bad, both of us lost our fathers in the mines and I didn't want to lose him to. I'm pretty sure I already have though, Prim told me what happened when Gale seen Peeta and I in the cave. It tore me up when she told me how he had laid in bed and cried for hours, I'm not sure what my feelings for Gale were before I went to the games, he was my best friend and I had a kind of school girl crush on him. I didn't in a million years think he had such strong feeling for me. He'd never showed them, at least not that I noticed. But I obviously wasn't good on picking up on those kinds of things since the whole district knew Peeta's feelings for me and I didn't have a clue!
Peeta, now that was something I was sure of. I loved him... I really truly did, I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost him in the arena.
At first we both had nightmares but it seemed that sleeping together held them off so that's what we did, we haven't spent a night apart since we were reunited a couple days after the games.
We didn't have much time to enjoy our new lives and new house though! We had to go on the victory tour starting tomorrow! That's probably why I was laying here not sleeping. I didn't want to be paraded around Panem going to all the districts where I had a hand in killing their tributes, I was sure they'd understand but still, I didn't want to look in the face of the parents whose children I had a hand in murdering.
Peeta sighed beside me and rolled onto his back
" can't sleep either?" I ask turning over so I'm draped over his upper body my head resting on his chest
"no, I guess I'm not looking forward to having to share you with everyone again" he leans his chin down and kisses the top of my head. This is one of the reasons I love him so much! Just the simple little ways he shows affection fills my heart with such live and joy. Even though we went through a terrible thing together we are blessed, it brought us together.
We never talk about the games, nothing, ever. We don't even talk about the night in the cave, even though we've slept next to each other every possible night since that's all it's ever been , holding each other while we sleep. I don't really know why we haven't, neither of us has tried anything so there's been no one turning down the other..it's just not the right time, our bodies might have been healed by the Capitol but our minds are still fragile, they'll never heal completely but we need to wait for them to at least scar over.
I don't know how long it is before I fall asleep but the next thing I know my alarm is going off. I quickly shut it off and get dressed in my leathers, I kiss Peeta on the cheek and head out. Now that Gale is working 6 days a week in the mines he doesn't have much time for hunting so I go out every morning and I give all of what I catch and trade to his family, mine doesn't need it anymore. Gale's mother told me I didn't have to, but they looked after my family while I was in the games and Gale would have kept it up if I didn't come home. It's the least I can do for them.
I slip under the fence and start doing the rounds to check the snares, I'm going slow this morning I'm not feeling well my stomach is upset, I'm sure it's because I'm nervous about the tour starting today. I try and pick up the pace but my body won't allow it, I feel more and more nauseous the quicker I try and go. So I just check the snares, no hunting or gathering today...I brought some money with me so I'll just give Hazelle that and tell her I traded a wild dog to greasy sae for the money.
By the time I'm back to the house Peeta's all ready showered and dressed, making breakfast. I give him a peck on the cheek and go upstairs to shower. I strip off my leathers and jump in. The water is so hot, I keep making it colder and colder until it's so cold I'm shivering, but if I turn it up again I am rocked by waves of nausea again so I just bare with a cold shower, it's not like bathing in cold water most of my life.
I get out and towel off, I just throw on a robe because I know Cinna will be here with my other stylist soon so what's the point. I head down stairs where Peeta's just finished breakfast and is making us both plates. Eggs, bacon, waffle, fruit and a big glass of orange juice.
"It looks delicious" I say sitting down and un folding my napkin
" thanks it's just a little something I whipped up! I figured you'd be hungry after going out, and who knows how long before you eat again today with Cinna coming." he smiled and sat down across from me filling his plate.
Cinna...I was so excited to see him! He was an unexpected plus to this whole mess, he was brilliant, and understanding. He gave me the confidence I lacked and the advice I needed. He also kept my other stylists in line and from going to crazy on me, which I appreciated so much! Breakfast was delicious as usual and I had two helpings, 4 biscuits right out of the oven which were amazing and a slice of berry pie Peeta had made last night with various berries I'd gathered. I was completely stuffed when I got up from the table. Peeta looked up at me from the dishes he was washing a cocked his eye brow. "What?" I asked defensively I hated that questioning look
" nothing love...go get ready, Cinna will be here in a few minutes" I had a feeling he was questioning the amount of food I had just devoured but he thought better than to comment on it.
I drug myself upstairs to our bed room and started packing some clothes.
It hadn't been more than 5 minutes before I heard a wonderful sound..
"Your a mess...as usual."
"Cinna!" I exclaimed turning to see him casually leaning up against the door case skiing sarcastically back at me.
" I'm still packing, I haven't packed anything but bras and underwear." I said laughing a turning back to my dresser.
"Don't pack another stitch of clothes, I have so much for you already. Just pack your toiletries." Cinna smiled kindly and I knew there was no point in begging for my own clothes, he would have everything I needed and so much more.
We were chatting about life since the games while I packed up my bathroom stuff, hair brush, toothbrush, tooth paste, tampons. I froze...tampons...tampons...I was staring down at them in my hands suddenly panicked but not really sure why