Well... I'm offended. Only TWO reviews last chapter? Are you kidding me? You guys are better than this!
Here's a chappie, be grateful you got it. I might not be so generous next time. I might even send the evil flying monkeys after you. Who knows?
A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates
Chapter 8
Leah
"How the hell did you get the Pirates of the Caribbean actors to come to your house?" Brett hollered. He had run up to me and was screaming in my face. He was the only one of the guys who really liked Pirates of the Caribbean all that much. Jeremy watched it whenever he had nothing better to watch, and Mark only watched it because we forced him to, but Brett, Brett was hooked.
"They're not actors, they're the real thing."
"I find their being actors more believable."
"Well, sorry. They're real."
"Am I dreaming?" He scrutinized everything in the room, trying to decipher whether they were real or not.
"No, you're not."
"Prove it."
I was about to give him a good hard pinch when Julie came behind him and gave him a good smack in the back of the head. "OWW!" He clutched the back of his head angrily.
"Are you dreaming now?" Julie asked, smirking.
"Well, no. But that doesn't prove anything! They're still actors!"
Julie sighed. She walked over to Jack, who was looking rather uncomfortable as she fiddled with his sword belt. "Um, missy? What're you doin?"
She unsheathed the sword and grabbed the undead monkey. I will not give all of the gruesome details of what she did to the poor monkey, but I will have you know he most certainly did not die.
By now, Brett, green in the face and a hand over his mouth, was rushing to the nearest toilet. He did not have the strongest stomach, but he for sure agreed that no actor-monkey could do that kind of trick.
Julie handed Jack the sword, and turned to Sam, Mark, Jeremy, and me. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go help my boyfriend puke his guts out."
She walked away, and the rest of us just stood there dumbfounded. A muffled "It's ok, babe," could be heard at the end of the hall, as well as some really gross sounds.
"So, um…" There was an awkward silence. "Who wants breakfast?"
No one spoke. "SCREECH" came from the undead monkey.
3rd POV
"So, when did you have your freak out?" Mark asked, not looking at her. He said it briskly, business-like. Only the glint in his eyes showed him to be truly curious. Unfortunately, Sam couldn't see that glint. He was looking away.
They were standing a ways off from everybody else. Leah, Jeremy, Brett, and Julie were conversing in low tones in the corner, probably planning on what to do with the characters first, deciding on what was most important. The characters stood around the table, conversing similarly. The only difference was that the real people were still dealing with taking charge, and the characters were dealing with giving it away. The difference was evident on their faces.
Sam and Mark weren't over there because they just didn't end up in that conversation. The conversation had begun with checking if Julie and Brett were okay, and neither Mark nor Sam particularly cared, so when the conversation took a turn to the pirates, they weren't part of it.
"When did I what?" Sam asked, unsure of what Mark had meant.
"When did you, Julie, and Leah freak out? You know, over these characters suddenly appearing in this house?" He asked again, coldly, still not looking at her.
"What does it matter to you?" She asked him, turning to him nd crossing her arms.
"What does it matter to you what it matters to me?"
"What does it matter to you what I matters to me what it matters to you?" Sam asked, her voice rising.
"What does it matter to you what it matters to me what it matters to you what it matters to me?"
"WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU WHAT IT MATTERS TO ME WHAT IT MATTERS TO YOU WHAT IT MATTERS TO ME WHAT IT MATTERS TO YOU?"
"WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU?" Mark broke the chain and yelled at Sam.
"WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO ME? IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" Sam yelled at Mark.
"OH YEA?"
"YEA!"
"REALLY?"
"REALLY!"
"WELL YOU CAN JUST TAKE YOUR COMEBACKS AND…"
"WELL YOU CAN TAKE THAT SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND…"
"I WOULD WORRY MORE ABOUT YOURSELF IF I WERE YOU…"
"I WON'T HAVE TO WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU…"
"GUYS!"
The yelling stopped. The whole room was staring at Mark and Sam's fighting. They were both red in the face and heaving breaths after yelling do loud.
Leah walked over to them. "I think now would not be the best time to start yelling at each other. Maybe you should stop worrying about each other and start worrying about our house guests. While you two were yelling, you interrupted my setting down ground rules."
The pirates had all moved from the kitchen to sitting on random chairs that had been found around the room. They were all chuckling at Sam and Mark's misbehavior.
"Now everyone, that is a perfect example of what not to do. Now I know most of you are pirates and you're manners and moral values might not be as strict as modern society's, but please be decent enough to keep you're tempers!"
Sam gave a "Hmph!" and walked into the kitchen.
"She always eats when she's angry at me." Mark thought to himself, bewildered that he would even know such a thing.
Jack sat on a round chair.
Now the chair wasn't exactly round. It wasn't even remotely spherical, it had the same basic structure as any normal chair. There was a backing, made of extremely comfortable black cloth, and there was a cushioned seat. The only big difference between this chair and a normal chair was that it had only one leg, that wen't straight down from the seat of the chair and then broke off into five different spokes, each with little wheel-y things on the end. This chair moved on wheels. And if that wasn't genius enough, it turned. Now what he means by turn, it is hard to say. The little spokes at the bottom don't move, but the seat and the back do. It spins around, in a perfect round circle. So, for lack of better words, Jack called the contraption a round chair.
His chair was behind Will's and Norrington's chairs. They had round chairs to, but didn't care. Will sat on the left, Norry on the right. They, unlike him, were at least trying to listen to Leah yammer on about respect, cleanliness, and rules, and a bunch of other stuff that Jack could care less about.
Jack was only trying to amuse himself. He never really meant to cause harm!
Whoosh! Whoosh! The round chair spun to the right, around and around. After he kicked off from the floor, Jack began to feel dizzy, so he stopped the chair. He chuckled to himself. "That was fun."
Norrington gave Jack a look that in short meant "Shut up."
Jack stuck his tongue out at Norrington, who had turned back to paying attention to Leah.
Jack began spinning the chair in the other direction. As the chair picked up speed, Jack stuck his boot out, hitting the back of Will's chair, which in turn spun around as well. Will glared at Jack and went back to listening.
Jack grinned and scooted his chair forward. He put his hands on the outsides of both Will and Norrington's chairs and pulled them together. Both chairs went spinning. Jack laughed. Leah looked annoyed that he just couldn't listen.
Norrington stood up, Will following, and they both turned around to glare at Jack. "Do you think this is funny, pirate?" Norrington yelled.
"Yes, quite." Jack replied snidely
"Don't you think it's a bit rude?" Will glared at Jack.
"I DO!" Leah yelled from the front of the room, but was ignored.
"All I'm trying to do is give myself a little fun in this dump of a place! I mean, really! Where's the swords? The sea? The RUM?"
Leah walked up behind Will and Norrington, and crossed her arms at Jack.
"I was just annoying you. It was all in the name of entertainment! Is that a crime?"
Leah growled, "It wouldn't make a difference to you if it was."
Jack opened his mouth to give a retort, but all that came out was, "You know, mate, you're probably right on that one…"
Leah glared. "Sit." She commanded Jack. He sat down. Will and the Commodore took their seats in relief.
"Stay. Don't move." She said.
Jack nodded.
"Now, here are the ground rules of my house. Do not go in my room. Do not go outside without telling me, or any of us," She gestured to her friends. "Do not draw sword against each other, don't use guns…ever. Don't eat ANYTHING that does not look like food. Do your business IN THE BATHROOM. No smoking, no excessive drinking, don't play on the furniture. Do NOT answer the phone. Do not take it upon yourselves to fix anything that you don not know how to fix, or isn't broken. And finally, DON'T TOUCH WALDO! Any questions?"
Gibbs asked, "Who's Waldo?"
"The neighborhood raccoon. It has rabies. You touch it, it bites you. And he's almost impossible to catch." Julie answered for Leah. "It all started with the neighborhood pit bull. He had rabies. He bit the neighborhood cat, who in turn bit the neighborhood rat, who bit the neighborhood opossum, who then scurried into the trash and bit the neighborhood raccoon, Waldo. They all ended up foaming at the mouth for a week or two, and then dying. It's a never-ending chain. Who knows? The neighborhood PIRATE might be next?" Julie gave a weird growl for emphasis. The pirates shuddered.
"Oh Julie, stop scaring them. It's just a raccoon." Jeremy stepped forward.
"Wait a minute, there really is a half-dead deranged contagious rat running laps around your house right now?" The commodore asked skeptically.
"Yup."
The commodore yelped in terror.
"Well. I'd like to keep chatting, but I think it might be time to get these pirates some real clothes." Leah said.
"OFF TO THE MALL!!!!"
So like it? Hate it? I expect at least 4 reviews. If I don't receive that number, who knows what I'll do? I might send WALDO after you!
Just kidding. I love my readers.
-F8tey