oMg.... I am so lazy...

So, um, I made a few references to...um.... The Hillywood Show, Avatar the Abridged Series, Footie Pajamas, SUVs, etc. Five Stars if you can catch them!

A Teenager's Guide to Living with Pirates

Chapter 9

3rd POV

"So, you and all of the guys will go and… get guy clothes. Us and the girls'll head and get… well… girl clothes. Kay?" Leah asked Jeremy.

"Sure."

"Wait! Wait a minute. Where does cost fit into all of this?" Sam walked up to them. "Buying new clothes for seven people? It's expensive enough buying clothes for me!"

Leah thought for a moment, and then smiled. "How much do you think people will pay for a really good Jack Sparrow…impersonator… to show up at their child's birthday?"

Sam nodded.

"You can take the guys in your truck-" Leah continued, to Brett.

"It's not a truck!" Brett interrupted. "It's a seven passenger sports car!"

"It's a truck." Leah repeated. "Anyways, it's big enough for all of the guys, including you, Jeremy and Mark, to pile into. Me and the girls will take my car. Let's head to Lynnhaven Mall, and then we can go to Abercrombie or Macy's and you can go to Kohl's or something."

"Or something…" Brett rolled his eyes. He began marching towards the front door, yelling "If you are not a girl, or a fan of cross-dressing, follow me!" And the guys all marched out the front door.

"Okay! Everyone in the garage! We're off to the mall!"

…

"I am not putting a foot in that contraption!"

"It's just a car, Jack. It's not some kind of sea monster or anything." Brett said, climbing into the front seat.

The truck was very big. It was tall, it had a square-ish frame, it was shiny black, and the seats were heated. That was really all Brett cared about, so he had chosen this car. Not to mention the third row of seats flattened and he could practically store a bed in it. When he turned the key, his car purred to life.

The pirates jumped back in fear of the awakened beast.

"Ok, seriously. It's not gonna hurt you! It's a machine!" Mark cried out. He really wanted to leave, as the girls had left fifteen minutes before.

"Will said machine leave, with me in its belly?" Jack asked, skeptically. He knocked on the metal, experimentally.

"Well… yes."

"Uh-uh. Not going to happen. Being eaten by a monster is not something I would like to experience again." Jack crossed his arms for emphasis.

"Okay, you know what? Fine. It is a monster, a very scary… I don't know, Transformer or something. And it is very angry, and it'll attack you and the rest of this town with it's fire-breathing powers if you don't get in the car right now." Mark tried to shove them in the car.

"Ooh… will there be rum?"

"Um… yeah, happy rum… From the…uh… happy company. Just get in the truck." Jeremy backed up his friend's story.

Jack looked back at his friends and enemies warily, then grinned. He straightened himself up, as if preparing to make a great sacrifice. The other pirates straightened up to, as if to honor Jack's sacrifice. "Friends, acquaintances, and enemies. If, when, and should we ever return to our wondrous world, let it be known that the first person to sacrifice his safety and enter the possibly deadly machine, for the safety of his friends and allies, was in fact, Captain… Barbossa." And he shoved Barbossa into the car, who didn't have enough time to protest. After discovering that nothing extreme happened, the rest of the pirates piled in.

"To infinity, and beyond." Jeremy said sarcastically as the car finally began to move.

The doors closed and the car sped off into the distance, leaving a very confused monkey locked out of the house and sitting in the driveway. Silence spread, making it all too easy for Jack the Monkey to hear a feral growl from the bushes…

…

"Nah, I don't like it. It's too… teenager." Julie told Tia Dalma as she walked out of the Dressing Room. Tia Dalma was wearing black Hot Topic clothes from head to toe. It… it wasn't working out.

"I can't believe you dragged me into this hellhole. This store is for creepers. Creepers, stalkers," she glanced at the life-size poster of Robert Pattinson, "and vampires." Sam sat mumbling in the corner of Hot Topic. She, obviously, did not like stores with spider webs in the windows.

"I think we should move on to another store. I mean, we can find some more general clothes in Kohls." Leah agreed.

Julie was staring at a Twilight life-size poster of Robert Pattinson to notice anyone. She looked at the poster, then to the sleeping teen cashier, and back again. Grinning, she grabbed a red Sharpie out of her purse, and started drawing. Over the course of three minutes, Pattinson had fangs, horns, a spiked tale, and a pitchfork.

"Okay, I'm ready to go." She proclaimed, walking back over.

"I must admit, Julie, you are quite the artist." Sam smirked.

Leah could only raise an eyebrow and ask, "You carry a red Sharpie in your purse?"

"You never know when you're going to need one!" Julie said, shrugging.

…

Jack came out of the dressing rooms dressed like a gangster.

Gibbs came out of the dressing rooms in a t-shirt and boxers.

Barbossa came out of the dressing rooms in a black leather jacket and sunglasses.

Will came out of the dressing rooms in footie pajamas.

Norrington came out of the dressing rooms dressed in women's clothing.

"Fail! FAIL! EPIC FAIL!" Brett yelled, laughing. "I can't believe you people are WEARING that!" His laughs echoed through the Dressing room, turning a few heads. All of the men in the dressing room were at least chuckling.

Jeremy, realizing the pirates didn't really know any better, glared at Brett. He spoke to the pirates. "Ok, here's the deal. We're going on a treasure hunt. Everyone needs to find clothing that is similar to what… that guy is wearing." He pointed to a mannequin that was wearing a nice t-shirt and jeans. "It can be different colors and styles, but it has to look similar to this guy. Then, we'll head to a shoe store, and we'll also get a few pairs of sunglasses. Go."

And the pirates, after changing back into their weird pirate clothes, went off looking for clothes.

Mark, Brett, and Jeremy sat on one of the benches, then Mark stood up.

"Where are you going?" asked Brett.

Mark rolled his eyes. "To get myself some footie pajamas!" he declared, and he walked off in the general direction of PJs.

THAT WAS SO LAAAAMMEE

Feel free to disagree, tho!

Free virtual cookies for reviewers! Coal for flamers! Twilight fans: I love Twilight, but it's so fun to bash.

This chapter really made me want footie pajamas...

-F8tey