Saiyan Jabs

Author: Edward Tudor

Rating: K+ to M

Warnings: Yaoi, homosexuality, m-preg, AU, crossdressing, etc, etc; you HAVE been warned

Summary: Quick one-shot stories randomly written prompted by one word. Goku/Vegeta only (seme/uke)

Stockings

T

Christmas was always such a merry time in Chichi's household. Even though it wasn't as busy as in Capsule Corp, it by no means meant that there wasn't plenty to do! Chichi had to do the cooking, the cleaning, wrap the presents, decorate the tree; she sighed. It was times like this she wished she had pushed Goku into marrying her! He would have been of some help. Not that her father wasn't, but it would have been nice to have such a strong man as a husband.

They could have had the biggest tree, the biggest meals, better presents…she sighed again. Surely she would have pushed him into pursuing something that would have made him wealthy, wouldn't she? Well, she let this one get away and now he was gone.

Gone into the arms of the alien prince who had tried to kill him once!

She didn't understand how he could keep telling her that he didn't want to marry her; her of all people! She was a beauty, she knew that! What with her long, inky black hair and her pink lips and dark eyes. She hadn't forced him; oh no. She believed he was just too immature and would, eventually, come around one day and see that she was just perfect for him.

But, instead, he had somehow fallen head over heels for that Saiyan brat prince and was doing his damndest to woo him! Chichi, unlike Bulma, hadn't thought that the Saiyan Brat had done anything to him. She had seen how the smaller, spiky haired man often hid and ran from Goku as though he came bearing the bubonic plague. She had seen his frantic looks whenever Goku did something nice for him and his confusion when Goku openly proclaimed his sincere affection for him. In a way, it broke her heart to think that he had never been treated with affection before and to receive such positive attention now was both confusing and overwhelming. Everyone deserved someone to love them.

But still…

…how did he fall for him?

"Chichi!" she heard a familiar voice cry. She looked up to see Goku come barrelling into the kitchen, looking very panicked.

"Goku! What's wrong?"

"It's Vegeta!" he whined. "I don't know what to get him for Christmas!"

Beat.

She stared at him; conflicted between falling over in exasperation and smacking him in the face with one of her trusty frying pans. Instead, she mentally count to ten, counted backwards from that, took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"You…you don't know what to get Vegeta for Christmas?" She asked slowly. Goku nodded, not noticing her incredulous look.

"It's his first one and I wanted it to be special!" he said. "He's never had Christmas before, or any sort of celebration! He's never gotten a present before and I'm scared I'm going to mess up!" Chichi blinked at the admission. Goku scared? Well, she supposed if he wasn't terrified of the power of his enemies then it was bound to be something more trivial.

…other than needles…

"Okay," she sighed. "What did you have in mind?"

"Huh?"

"Well, surely you must have had some ideas before you found out this was his first Christmas?"

"Well, yeah," he admitted. "I first thought of getting him some weights, but I realised he's never used any. Not even mine. Then I thought about a box of chocolates and some roses, but then I wouldn't have anything special to give him next year on Valentines. Then I thought about getting him some new Saiyan armor, but then I got scared he may think I was bringing up our first battle and was mocking him and I don't want him to think that!"

She sighed. She certainly had her work cut out for her.

"Okay, what about a bath set? You know, with lavender oil and battle bath and all that?"

"But isn't that too girly?"

"It's just a suggestion," she huffed. "What about a book?"

"Naw, Vegeta's only just learnt how to read Japanese," he said. "Besides, I don't know what kind of book he'd like."

"Okay, well, how about a scarf and glove combo for the cold weather?" Goku's face turned deep red at this.

"I…already got him six sets when he complained that he was cold," he admitted, sheepishly. Then he perked up. "The blue and black one is his favourite!" She sighed, rubbing her temples.

"Did you ask anyone else for ideas?" he nodded. "What did they suggest?"

"Bulma suggested a dildo," Chichi growled. Just because Vegeta didn't look twice at her when she was wearing her skimpiest outfits, she thought it gave her all the right in the world to be mean to him! She had to have a word with that woman…

"No," she said immediately. "What else?"

"Well, Krillin suggested I get him a board game like Risk, but I thought that was a little impersonal. A good idea, but only something to fall back on. Piccolo didn't know what Christmas was, but suggested that I maybe take him out. It was a pretty good idea, but, again, only something I'll fall back on. Roshi suggested a porn DVD…"

"NO!"

"I wasn't going to!" he howled in defence. "And all Yamcha could think of was a greeting card! You're all that's left!"

Chichi had to admit that getting a Christmas gift for an adult experiencing their first Christmas was challenging. Getting a gift for someone you love who is experiencing their first Christmas and who would more than likely lynch you for an indecent gift is even more challenging! But she was up to it and wracked her brains for an idea.

"Hey! How about his first Christmas Stocking?"

"Huh? Really?"

"Sure, why not?" she enthused. "It's his very own stocking which definitely has to be filled each Christmas, and if you want you could put in some of the things the other guys suggested. That way, it appears a lot better than just giving him a gift in a box because he'll be able to use it next Christmas." At his confused look, she rolled her eyes. "Think of it as a way of telling him you want him around so you two can spend many more Christmas's together."

"Yeah," he nodded, getting the idea. "Hey, yeah! That's a brilliant idea, Chichi! And it's not sexual to make him think all I want is his buttocks!"

"Umm…yeah," she squirmed.

"Thanks a million, Chi!" he jumped over and gave her a hug. "You're the best!"

He flounced out the kitchen and took off back to his home. Chichi stood by the kitchen counter; face bright red and heart hammering a mile a minute. But after a few minutes, she calmed down and mentally berated herself for being so silly. There was no way she could keep dreaming about Goku the way she always did. She really had to stop hoping that some day he'd come to his senses and come running to her with arms wide open. He loved Vegeta, and nothing was going to change that.

Again, she didn't understand how a psychotic alien could capture his affection where she couldn't with her brilliant culinary skills, but if Goku came running to her for advice on how to show the Saiyan Brat that he loved him then there was nothing she could do about it.

She only hoped that, along with the board game, he wasn't going to shove Bulma and Roshi's suggestions into the stocking!