Shades of Grey
2. Not Caring
Disclaimer: I definitely do not own any of this. It's all JK Rowling's. :)
Author's Note: It's taken a bit more than a week to do this. I really hope I can get into it and start getting these out quicker, because the summer seems to be going by rather fast.
For as long as she can remember being at Hogwarts, Rose never recalled waking up on her own in time for class. The benefit of living in the dungeons is that the annoyance of sunlight streaming through the window in the early hours of the morning was never a problem. The dark is also advantageous in making her roommates too tired in the morning to be loud as they get ready, which decreases the chances of noise waking her up. The dungeons were the perfect place to sleep in late, and Rose made sure to take full advantage.
On their very first day of school six years ago, Daphne took it upon herself to wake Rose up for class every morning. She found this task to be increasingly more difficult as the years went on. As she got older, Rose began staying up later and becoming more stubborn about not waking up in the morning. By this point, it took a good five minutes of convincing every morning to make any progress. The promise of food was the only thing that kept Rose from laying down and falling back to sleep once she had already woken.
So, why, after all these years, did Rose suddenly find herself wide awake at…HALF PAST FIVE?! She couldn't possibly imagine what would make her wake up so early. She guessed it might have had something to do with the nightmare that left her pores sweating and her heart racing, but this was just a guess. She couldn't even remember having a nightmare. There were no axe-wielding murderers or horrific creatures. She wasn't being chased by inferi, her soul wasn't being sucked out by dementors, there were no grindylows dragging her down to the deepest parts of the ocean.
Yet, when she closed her eyes to go back to sleep, anxiety rose in her chest, causing her to sit up in bed once more. She tried to shake off the bad feeling, but when that didn't work, she gave up. Rose got out of bed and walked out to the Common Room. She laid down on the sofa that her friends normally occupied and tried closing her eyes there. Panic shot up her spine.
"Please," she pleaded out loud with herself. "It's five-bloody-thirty in the morning. I swear, I won't ask you for anything ever again, just please, for the love of Merlin, go to sleep."
"Who are you talking to?"
Rose sat up so fast, she lost her balance and fell off the sofa. She lay on the ground, hoping that she gave herself a concussion, and would pass out. Yeah, she was that desperate for sleep. Unfortunately, she had no such luck. With a groan, she used the edge of the table to push herself up to her feet and face Draco Malfoy.
It was almost hard to recognize him at first glance. His hair was messy, like he had run his hand through it at least a hundred times within the past hour alone. He had his robe slung over his arm, and his shirt was wrinkled as though he had thrown it in a pile of clothes somewhere and only put it on before coming into the Common Room. She could see where the shirt clung to his sweaty body. It would have been enough to shock Rose at just his appearance, for Draco had always carried himself well, but that wasn't the worst of it. His face was the worst of it. Hair stuck to his sweaty forehead, something that looked like dust or dirt was smeared across his face, he had a cut on his cheek, and his eyes were haunting. The bags under them suggested that he hadn't slept for days. The silver colour had distilled into nothing but a dull grey. It was horrific to see.
"Draco, what happened to you?" Rose asked in genuine concern.
"What? Oh, nothing. Who were you talking to?" he asked again.
"Oh, I was trying to convince myself to fall asleep," she replied lamely. "Answer my question. What happened to you? You look an absolute mess! Have you been out all night?"
Draco shrugged and started walking toward the Dormitory. Rose stood in his path. He tried to walk past her, but she stood her ground, not letting him through. She stared into his cold , grey eyes, searching for an unspoken answer to her question.
"Draco, what happened?"
"I already told you; nothing happened," he insisted. "Now, can I please get to bed? I'm tired."
"You're bleeding," Rose pointed out casually, stepping aside.
"Oh, bullocks, am I?" He wiped his hand across his cheek and examined the blood. "It better not leave a scar, or I swear I will…"
He continued to mutter to himself as he pushed past Rose and walked down the stone passageway to his Dormitory. She stared after him, completely thunderstruck by what just occurred. The look that flitted across his face when she had asked what happened to him really worried her. She never before felt concern for anyone by the likes of Draco, but her gut went cold at seeing him tonight. She couldn't place whether he was panicked, upset, worried, or scared. But something, whatever it was, made his nostrils flare and his pupils dilate when she pressed the issue. Some part of her wanted to find out what was going on, but another part wanted nothing to do with it.
She decide to go with option B, and, instead, return to her attempt at sleeping.
. . .
Draco wasn't in class that morning. If it weren't for the simple fact that his annoyingly-blond head always sat in front of her, Rose might not have noticed. Or so that's what she told herself. She refused to believe that she had kept her eyes out for Draco all morning, very worried for his well-being. She really wasn't close enough friends with him to care. Yet she couldn't rid the vision of his empty eyes and ruined appearance from her mind.
When McGonagall asked her for the answer to a question she had not heard, Rose mumbled something about a headache, and requested permission to go to the Hospital Wing. McGonagall looked sceptical, but after seeing the look on Rose's face, granted her permission, and turned to Daphne, seeking the answer Rose had failed to produce.
Rose strolled lazily through the halls, hoping to clear her head and calm down. After about ten minutes of aimless wandering, she decided to go to the Common Room, and prepare for her afternoon classes. On her way, she saw Draco sprinting out from the dungeons, heading toward the marble staircase.
"Draco!" she called after him.
He seemed to hesitate a moment, probably wondering whether to ignore her and keep going. Then, he slowed down and turned to look at her. He looked better now. Showered, clean. The bags under his eyes weren't any lighter, which meant he probably wasn't very rested, but he at least appeared better.
"Yes, Roselyn?" he asked.
Rose looked around to see if they were alone, wondering why he was being so formal. "Can we talk?"
"No," he said, "I have places to be."
"Just for a minute," she assured.
Draco cast a few looks over his shoulder, and then nodded. He continued up the staircase; Rose followed. When they had reached the second floor, or maybe it was the third, he turned abruptly and led her into a remote corridor, away from anywhere that would be walked in on purposely, or probably even accidentally. Rose didn't see the need for the secrecy; everyone was in class at the moment.
"Go on," he whispered urgently. "Talk."
"Well, uh, I want to know what happened to you last night. You were a wreck."
"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied stiffly.
"What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about? It was just a few hours ago. Draco, what's going on?"
"I don't know what you're up to, Martell, but stop it. You don't care. I know you better than that. Drop it, alright? I had a bit of a rough night. Now, if you don't mind, I need to get to class. Goodbye."
He left, then. He walked away, leaving Rose to stand in the small, deserted corridor alone. She herself wasn't quite sure what she was up to. He was right; she didn't care. Or, well, every character trait she had would suggest that she couldn't. A familiar anxiety rose in her chest, and she shook it off. Who cares, right? It was probably nothing.
. . .
For the next two days, she ignored Draco. Not once did she examine his eyes, which were now completely bruised from lack of sleep. She didn't pay attention to the way he always seemed to be a mile away, thinking about something else and not hearing the conversation around him. The worry that constantly creased his eyebrow was never of concern to her. She failed to notice his sudden disappearances during lunch and dinner. She never glanced at him during class, wondering why on Earth he was acting this way. Not a single thought about Draco Malfoy crossed her mind.
That is, not until Friday.
"Ready to go?" Blaise asked, standing over her.
"Go where?" Rose retorted, looking up from her game of Exploding Snaps.
"To Slughorn's party," he replied, as if it should have been obvious.
"I already told you I'm not going."
"You should go," Daphne muttered lazily. "Maybe it'll be fun. And, in any case, you can always enjoy yourself by hexing a few of those Gryffindors. Much more fun than sitting around here, anyway."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, go ahead," she nodded before the cards in front of her blew up.
"Give me five minutes," Rose sighed.
Blaise's smug look didn't make the arrangement any more pleasant, but she ran into her dormitory to change. Without really deciding to put much effort into it, she threw on a pair of lavender dress robes, and ran her fingers through her loose curls. Not that it really mattered; she probably wouldn't stay.
"Ready," she announced as she entered the Common Room. Blaise's smirk widened. She ignored him.
The party was nothing interesting to be held. The decorations were of the plainest variety. Emerald, crimson, and gold hangings adorned the ceiling and walls. Real fairies fluttered in a lamp, producing a golden light over the large room. Everyone in there was, as Rose as had guessed, a Gryffindor. Okay, well, not everyone, but she really could barely tell the difference anymore.
"Butterbeer?" Blaise asked, handing her a bottle.
"Sure, thanks," she replied absently. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Go right ahead," he nodded.
She thought for a moment, then shook her head. "Nevermind."
He raised his eyebrow, but clearly decided he didn't care enough to ask. He took a chug of his butterbeer, and looked around the crowd. He was probably searching for someone he knew, but Rose had a funny feeling that he wasn't friends with anyone here. She bit back a laugh. Apparently, he gave up, and turned back to Rose.
"So, you're seventeen soon, eh?" he asked.
"Er, yeah, in April," she replied.
"So, you and I, we're going to be pretty nice together, don't you think?"
"I'm sorry?"
"You are choosing me, aren't you?" he asked. A split second of hesitation crossed his face, but it was quickly replaced by a smirk. "Of course you are."
She gave him a disbelieving look, then decided to ignore it and said, "This party is terrible."
"Let's leave, then," he said.
This shocked her, but she nodded, seizing the opportunity. Blaise led her out of the room. They hadn't gotten more than a few steps away from Slughorn's office when Rose stopped.
"Can we go somewhere private? I need to talk to you," she said.
For a second, the look on his face worried her. "Sure, thing," he said, and started leading her down the hall. They passed several doors before Blaise pushed open a plain wooden one at the end of the corridor and led them into an empty classroom. He closed the door behind him and motioned for her to sit. She planted herself on top of one of the desks.
"What did you need?" he asked, stepping in front of her.
"I was wondering…," she began, then stopped.
Was it okay to bring this up with someone else? Draco didn't seem keen on sharing his issues with her, so would he mind if she went blabbing it all to someone else? She hesitated for a moment longer, then decided that she didn't care. When she opened her mouth to continue her question, Blaise's face was suddenly right in front of her. Before she could move away, he crushed his lips to hers. She tried to push him away, but he held the back of her head securely. She kissed him back instinctively, and he took that as an invitation to continue. Blaise suddenly pulled away.
"Do you hear that?" he whispered.
"Hear what?" she spat, wiping her mouth.
"I think someone is coming."
Sure enough, voices sounded outside of the door. Rose grabbed Blaise's hand and pulled him into the broom cupboard to their right. She shut the door just before the classroom one opened.
"Get in," hissed a familiar voice.
"Is that Snape?" she mouthed. "Blaise, stop touching me."
"What the hell were you thinking, Draco?"
"I don't know what you mean," Draco replied crossly.
"You're messing up Draco. These are juvenile slip-ups. First you curse Katie Bell, and now you're caught wandering around by Filch! Have you no brain?"
"I didn't curse her," Draco cried out.
Snape seemed to have ignore him as he continued. "We cannot afford mistakes, Draco, because if you are expelled—"
"I didn't have anything to do with it, all right?"
"I hope you're telling the truth, because it was both clumsy and foolish. Already you are suspected of having a hand in it."
"Who suspects me?" said Draco angrily. "For the last time, I didn't do it, okay? That Bell girl must've had an enemy no one knows about—don't look at me like that! I know what you're doing, I'm not stupid, but it won't work—I can stop you!"
There was a pause and then Snape said quietly, "Ah…Aunt Bellatrix has been teaching you Occlumency, I see. What thought are you trying to conceal from your master, Draco?"
"I'm not trying to conceal anything from him, I just don't want you butting in!"
Rose shot a questioning look at Blaise, but he seemed just as shocked as she was to hear this.
"So that is why you have been avoiding me this term? You have feared my interference? You realize that, had anybody else failed to come to my office when I had told them repeatedly to be there, Draco—"
"So put me in detention! Report me to Dumbledore!" jeered Draco.
There was another pause. Snape said, "You know perfectly well that I do not wish to do either of those things."
"You'd better stop telling me to come to your office then!"
"Listen to me," said Snape, his voice so low now that Rose and Blaise pressed their ears up against the door to hear. "I am trying to help you. I swore to your mother I would protect you. I made the Unbreakable Vow, Draco—"
"Looks like you'll have to break it, then, because I don't need your protection! It's my job, he gave it to me and I'm doing it, I've got a plan and it's going to work, it's just taking a bit longer than I thought it would!"
"What is your plan?"
"It's none of your business!"
"If you tell me what you are trying to do, I can assist you—"
"I've got all the assistance I need, thanks, I'm not alone!"
"You were certainly alone tonight, which was foolish in the extreme, wandering the corridor without lookouts or backup, these are elementary mistakes—"
"I would've had Crabbe and Goyle with me if you hadn't put them in detention!"
"Keep your voice down," spat Snape, for Draco's voice had risen excitedly. "If your friends Crabbe and Goyle intend to pass their Defence Against the Dark Arts O. W. L. this time around, they will need to work a little harder than they are doing at pres—"
"What does it matter?" said Draco. "Defence Against the Dark Arts—it's all just a joke, isn't it, an act? Like any of us need protecting against the Dark Arts—"
"It is an act that is crucial to success, Draco!" said Snape. "Where do you think I would have been all these years, if I had not known how to act? Now listen to me! You are being incautious, wandering around at night, getting yourself caught, and if you are placing your reliance in assistants like Crabbe and Goyle—"
"They're not the only ones, I've got other people on my side, better people!"
"Then why not confide in me, and I can—"
"I know what you're up to! You want to steal my glory!"
There was another pause, then Snape said coldly, "You are speaking like a child. I quite understand that your father's capture and imprisonment has upset you, but—"
Rose wasn't sure why Snape had stopped until, two seconds later, the door to the classroom opened. She heard Snape mutter something, but it was too low for her to understand. Her and Blaise stayed in the broom closet for another five minutes, ears pressed against the door, listening for anyone still in the room. When they finally thought it was safe, they stepped out. The room was empty, the door left open.
"What the bloody hell was that?" Rose breathed.
Author's Note: Hope everyone enjoyed that. We're going to be launching into Christmas holiday in the next chapter, which is going to be very nice, so I hope to see you there!
Additional Disclaimer: Everything from the line "'...cannot afford mistakes, Draco, because if you are expelled—'" to the line "'I quite understand that your father's capture and imprisonment has upset you, but—'" was directly taken from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Chapter 15, Pages 322-324), with a few minor exceptions.