Name: MIRAGE
Author: Sdfreeze
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
This story was last published on 6/18/10.
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Chapter: 8
Pretty Pretty Princess
Edward had been gone for three weeks and I felt so lonely. Living in his home was haunting and made me miss him all the more. Everything was in its place and so organized that I felt like a stranger. My own paranoia made it impossible to feel at home.
My phone rang and I didn't recognize the number, "hello," I said softly.
"Bella?"
"Edward, is that you?"
"Hi love, you can't imagine how good it is to hear your voice," he said with emotion.
"Are you coming home?" I asked him.
"No, but I need you to come here. I'm in over my head," he admitted.
"What's wrong," I asked in fear.
"I can't deal with this little girl for another second. I'm afraid I'm going to shoot her," he said in frustration.
I began to laugh and could only image what was going on where ever he was. "Is she eating with her fingers?" I laughed.
"She is pure evil, Bella. I need your help."
"Okay, tell me where you are," I conceded.
"Pack summer clothes and I will email you the flight info. I can't thank you enough for coming. I feel better already."
"I love you, my big strong James Bond."
"Just get your ass here, and quickly," he laughed.
"I am so excited to see you," I said seriously.
"Oh Bella, I love you so much," he sighed making my heart pound.
I began to pack and was stunned when the flight information came to see I was going to Brazil. I had a hard time sleeping and wished Edward would call again so I could get more information. I made it to the airport the next morning and spent the day on airplanes. By the time I finally got to Brazil I was exhausted.
I searched for Edward but only found a young man standing with a sign. "I'm Bella Swan," I told him.
He nodded and led me to a waiting car. I got in hesitantly and felt nervous as he drove to the seafront. He handed my luggage over to a water taxi and I felt sick to my stomach. Edward left out a very big detail and I was going to strangle him.
I was shaking as I put on the life jacket and tried not to look at the water as we flew at great speed into the vast ocean. We only traveled for about forty five minutes but it felt like hours to me. The boat pulled up to a small dock and I searched the place for any signs of Edward.
I climbed out just as Edward came out of the house. I ran for him, slamming into him and unable to hug him due to the bulking life vest. He laughed and began unhooking it for me. He returned it to the boat and grabbed my two small bags.
When we got to the house he finally kissed me big time. I melted against him and couldn't believe he was actually in my arms. "So what is going on?" I asked him.
"Come on, I'll show you," he moaned and took my hand.
We walked to a small room where a little girl with long golden hair was sitting in a chair playing on a computer. "Jane," Edward called to her, "this is Bella."
The little girl didn't even turn her head and continued to type. I walked up to her and said, "It's nice to meet you, Jane."
"Get out of my room," she said hatefully.
"It's not your room," I responded.
She finally lifted her heard and began to scream at the top of her lungs. A loud earsplitting shrill rang off the walls and I only smiled at her. When she finally stopped and turned back to the computer I began to laugh. She glared at me in spite.
"I'm going to tell you a little secret," I smiled at her narrowed eyes. "Edward is afraid of you, but I'm not. In fact, I think you are a spoiled little brat."
She began to scream again and I just waited for her to stop. "And the reason I know you are a spoiled brat, is because I was one too."
"I hate you," Jane said without any emotion.
I just shrugged and said, "So?"
"I'm telling my dad to fire you," she added.
"Sorry sweetie, your daddy didn't hire me," I pointed out.
"I'm hungry," she threw out.
"So am I, come show me what you want and I'll fix some dinner."
She stared at me for a moment and finally got off her chair and headed out of the room. Edward raised his eyebrows at me and smiled. "How did you do that?" he asked.
"It's not over, by a long shot," I told him.
We followed Jane to the kitchen and she opened the fridge and walked away. She opened every cupboard door and just walked away. I jumped up onto the counter and waited. "I'm hungry," she said again.
"Yeah, I got that. Now tell me what you want to eat," I said to her.
"Just make me food," she yelled.
"If you don't tell me what you want, I am making liver and onions and you can go to bed hungry," I said.
"I want a hot dog," she said quietly.
"Okay, that sounds good, I'll have one too." I jumped off the counter and began making dinner. Jane leaned against the sink and watched me get to work.
"Do we have any chips?" I asked her.
She went over to a cabinet and pulled out a bag. "Watch this," I giggled to her and took a chip from the bag.
"Here Edward," I said handing him the chip. Right before he took it I quickly bit the end. His hand recoiled and his face scrunched up, "Gross," he yelled.
Jane and I both began to laugh and I said, "Who's the little girl, now."
We sat down to eat and I noticed the tension between Jane and Edward and could only imagine the drama that had been going on while they were stranded here together. "Are there any games, here?" I asked.
"What is that supposed to mean," Edward said angrily.
"Board games, Edward, you know, Chutes and Ladders, Operation, things like that?" I rolled my eyes and Jane smirked at him.
"Oh, um, I think there might be some in the hall closet."
"Pick which one you want, Jane, and we'll play with you."
She jumped from the table and ran to the hallway. I looked at Edward and winked at him, "You're amazing," he smiled.
"You need to stick with playboy models," I teased him.
"I was on the verge of hating the female sex, you saved me," he laughed.
"She's a child; you have to give her as many choices as you can, but hold firm on the big stuff," I explained.
"I was waiting for her head to start spinning," he whispered as Jane came back to the table.
"Can we play this?" she held up a Pretty Pretty Princess game and I began to laugh.
"That is perfect, Jane," I said and nodded toward Edward.
"What?" he asked.
"You are going to make such a pretty princess," I said to him as Jane giggled.
Edward made us bowls of ice cream as I set up the game. We played for over an hour and Edward was such a good sport, putting on his ring and earrings. We made sure to let Jane win and she wore the jewelry all evening. Edward even began to relax and they had a pretty decent conversation.
At bedtime I made her a full bubble bath and found a book for Edward to read to her. I lay next to her on the bed as we listened to Edward read. It was an amazing feeling and I began to fantasize what life with Edward would be like. I wanted him home for our children, to read to them at bedtime, not off with some other woman.
"Bella," Jane called out when I went to shut the door.
"Yeah," I whispered.
"I'm glad you're here," she said in a sweet voice.
"I'm glad I'm here too, goodnight Jane."
Edward was waiting for me in our room and I walked over to hug him tightly. "Is she in danger?" I asked him.
"Her father is a dignitary and her mother's family to threatening to have her kidnapped."
"Why?" I asked in shock.
"For money, they just see her as a way to gain money from the fortuitous marriage of their daughter."
"That is so sad, how long will you be here?"
"They are in negotiations with the family now. As soon as they make the exchange it will be over."
"They are giving Jane to them?" I asked in horror.
"No, but they will pretend to give in and arrest them at the exchange site."
"Oh," I said dumbly.
"So you have been having a power struggle with a little girl?" I teased.
"You have no idea. What is with that screaming, it is so damn annoying."
"Little girls have tons of stuff in their arsenal, be glad she didn't choose biting."
"How is it little girls grow up to be such tantalizing women," he said as he pulled me onto him.
I kissed him passionately and tried to make up for the weeks we were apart. I was sound asleep in his arms when I felt a small hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see Jane standing by the bed.
"I had a nightmare," she said softly.
I got out of bed and walked her to her room and snuggled up next to her. "What was your dream about?" I asked her.
"Dogs were chasing me," she cried.
"Oh that would be scary," I told her. "Do you have a dog?"
"No, I wanted a puppy, but my father said no."
"When I was your age I had a giga pet. Have you heard of those?"
"No," she said in confusion.
"It was this little hand held devise you would carry around and have to push buttons to feed the electronic dog. You had to exercise it and give it naps. If you didn't take care of it the animal would die. Mine always lived about a week and then I would forget about them," I laughed.
"Do you still have it?" she asked me.
"No, but I bet I can find one on eBay. I'll look tomorrow."
She scooted closer to me and put her hand on top of mine. As soon as she was sound asleep I snuck back to my bed. "Is everything okay?" Edward asked sleepily.
"Everything is wonderful," I told him.
This became my life for almost a month. I spent the days with Jane and the nights with Edward. We began to feel like a weird family. I adored Jane's sweet spirit and Edward learned to come down to her level to interact with her. I couldn't imagine things being more perfect.
Our blissful little world collapsed one night when we heard a knock on the door. Edward jumped from the bed and grabbed his gun. I sat up and he motioned for me to get Jane and hide. I was shaking as I ran to her room and pulled her sleepy body from the bed and moved us into the closet.
I tried to listen to any noise, but all I could here was muffled talking. I waited for over half an hour as I shook with fear. I was imaging all kinds of things and had no idea how I would protect Jane. I picked up a shoe, knowing it wouldn't do me any good.
When Edward came back and called out for me, I crawled from the closet and ran to him. He could feel how much I was shaking and tried to comfort me. "Bella, we're okay, try to calm down."
"I was so afraid for Jane; if something happened to you I wouldn't be able to protect her. I was so scared, Edward," I cried into his chest.
"They just needed gas for their boat to get back to the mainland," he explained.
"I can't do this," I said to him in anger. "I know I said you could keep your job, but I can't do it. Rosalie was a trained agent and she couldn't. You have to choose Edward. Do you want a family with me, or to keep your exciting job?"
"My job is important to me, Bella," he said forcefully.
I smiled softly at him and nodded as I headed back to Jane's room. I carried her from the closet and climbed into bed with her. She moved around a bit and quickly settled against me. I ran my hands through her hair as I cried.
I could hear Edward in the other room and the tinkling sound of liquor bottles. I knew he was hurting because he didn't want to make a difficult choice. I was hurting because I didn't think the choice should be difficult.
The following morning I fed Jane and was playing with her in the sand when Edward came out to sit in a chair. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked awful. It was so unusual for him to be so un-kept and it hurt my heart to see him that way.
"Are you sad, Edward?" Jane asked him.
"I have a lot on my mind," he smiled at her.
"My daddy says that, a lot," she giggled.
I looked away so she wouldn't see my watery eyes. "Jane, Bella might have to leave soon," Edward began to explain.
"No," she interrupted, "I don't want her to leave; she's nice, like my mommy."
"Bella goes to college," he tried to explain.
"I want to go to college too," she cried.
I reached out and hugged her tightly, "It's okay, Jane. I won't leave until you go home," I promised her.
"Bella," Edward said with a warning voice.
"She's a child," I said as I tried to control my anger. "She doesn't deserve to be left here with an agent."
We both glared at each other and I was happy Jane was there to keep us both calm. I only saw Edward hovering in the distance for the rest of the day. When I had Jane down for the night he called me from her room.
"Bella, you have to go. I won't let you miss another semester of school," he said adamantly.
"If I leave she is going to freak out, you want to be stuck dealing with that alone?"
"It's my job," he said.
I stared at him in disbelief and finally said, "Okay, arrange a boat for me tomorrow night, after she goes to bed."
He nodded and I turned to walk away, "Bella," he called out.
I stopped, but I didn't turn to look at him.
"I love you," he said softly.
I stood still and shook my head lightly. "Just not enough, Agent Cullen," I said and I walked to Jane's room for the night.
A Day and Years
The next day was torturous. The minutes ticked by at an alarming rate. I kept vacillating between telling Jane I was leaving so Edward could witness her tantrum and ask me to say, and leaving and letting him deal with all the drama on his own.
I made a special dinner and we all ate quietly. Jane finally looked at us and said, "You guys are fighting."
"Why do you say that?" I asked her.
"Because my mommy and daddy eat like this when they are fighting," she offered.
Edward picked up his plate and took it to the sink. I smiled at Jane and tried to ignore the sickening feeling in my stomach. He washed off his plate and put his hands on the counter and let his head drop. I had to force myself not to run over and pull him into my arms.
"What's for dessert?" Jane asked.
"I made a cheesecake," I told her as she clapped her hands in glee.
Edward opened the fridge and pulled out the pie plate to cut us all a piece. He brought the small plates to the table and sat back down on his seat. "This looks great, Bella," he tried to smile, but his eyes showed the pain he was feeling.
"Thanks," I said and had to cover my mouth with my napkin to keep from sobbing.
Jane took a bite and said, "You are a good cook, Bella."
I smiled and said, "Jane, you are such a sweet girl. Will you promise me to always be a sweet girl?"
She nodded as she took another bite so I added, "You will always be sweet to Edward?"
She looked at him and he winked, causing her to giggle. I ran from the table to the bathroom and broke into tears. I turned on the water to cover my crying, but Edward picked the lock and came in the room and re locked the door.
I turned my back to him and tried to wipe my tears.
"Bella," he called softly.
I ignored him but he put his arms on my shoulders and I began sobbing loudly. He easily turned me and pulled me to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist and wanted to believe we could work it out, but I knew we couldn't. My resentment would grow and we would end up hating each other.
"I wish I could be stronger," I told him.
"You are the strongest person I know," he whispered.
"I wish I could be the person you need me to be," I cried.
"I wish I could be the person you need me to be," he said back to me.
I held him so tightly hoping my love could mold him into someone different. I heard him sniff a couple of times and knew his heart was breaking too. I vowed not to be angry at him anymore. He had the right to live the life he wanted. He shouldn't give up his dreams for me, but I had to look for a man who could be with me, and not off saving the world.
"Should I tell Jane?" I asked him.
"No, I will tell her something tomorrow. I think I can handle her now. Thank you for coming," he said and kissed the top of my head.
"Can you play a game with her, so I can pack?"
"Okay," he said softly but didn't let up his tight hold.
We stood there clinging to each other unwilling to do the one thing we both knew we had to do, let go. Jane finally knocked on the door and we jumped. Edward walked out as he said, "How about a game, your choice?"
She ran down the hallway to pick one out, so I snuck into the bedroom and began packing my bags. I tried not to focus on the fact I would have to get back into a boat; it was the least of my heartache right now.
I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a note to Edward. I was going to hide it somewhere in the room and hoped he would find it after I had moved from his house.
Dear Edward,
Thank you for giving me your heart for awhile. It was precious to me and I wished I could have held it forever. You are an amazing man who made me laugh harder than I ever had before, who made me love deeper than I ever had before, and made me feel more special than I ever had before. Thank you.
I will miss you so much and I will pray for your safety. Please be careful in your assignments, the world needs brave men like you. I am moving into an apartment closer to campus and wish you all the best life has to offer.
I love you, and I always will,
Swim on,
Bella
I placed the letter under his socks, counting back far enough that I knew he wouldn't find it for a couple of weeks. Edward always wore his socks in order. I headed to the table to play Hungry Hungry Hippo with him and Jane.
I took my time putting Jane to bed and read her two extra stories. I was going to miss her so much and it hurt to think about it. I was glad for this experience, because it gave me a firsthand look at how it never would have worked with Edward.
When her breathing became even and steady I kissed her cheek and left the room. Edward was waiting in the hallway and I burst into tears when I saw him. He pulled me to him and I could feel his back shake with his silent cries.
"Thank you, for everything," I managed to say. He shook his head in my neck and held me tighter.
For a moment I almost believed he would beg me to stay, but the sound of an approaching boat caused him to pull back. He picked up my two bags and I followed him to the dock. He buckled my life vest as I sobbed loudly.
"Here's your ticket," he said handing me an envelope. I took it with my wet shaky hand and tried to mumble something but actual words wouldn't form. He suddenly leaned in and kissed me hard, holding the back of my head to keep me steady, then quickly let go and jogged toward the house.
I climbed into the boat and shut my eyes to block out the darkness of the ocean and wallowed in the darkness of my heart.
I was working in the lab covered from head to toe in a clean suit when I saw my boss enter the conference area on the other side of the glass. He pressed the button and said, "Dr. Swan, do you have a moment?"
I looked up at him peering down at me. "Do I really need to come out there? I don't want to suit up again," I said in irritation.
He turned to speak to someone I couldn't see and finally said, "Hold on."
My assistant looked at me questioningly and I only shrugged. I went back to work and soon heard a southern voice say, "Get your ass out here Dr. Swan."
My head snapped up to see Jasper smiling down on me. I screamed and ran to the rinse off area and began taking off all my gear. It was a good fifteen minutes before I ran into the upper conference room and into Jasper's waiting hug.
"How are you darling?" he said with his sexy drawl.
"Great, how's Alice?" I laughed.
"We have two little girls for her to shop for constantly," he said rolling his eyes. My heart ached in my chest at the news, but I was happy for them.
"Have you seen Rose and Emmett?"
"Yes, they have four children," he laughed.
I couldn't force myself to say the words I wanted so desperately to say but he could read my face. "He's fine, Bella."
I nodded and looked away from his searching eyes. "What brings you here, Jasper?" I asked.
"You're working on some pretty nasty stuff, Bella," he said with a serious face.
I looked at my boss nervously and then back to Jasper, "I assume you'll be escorting me to the conference."
"I get to be your husband for a weekend," he said with a huge smile.
"Shit, who is threatening us?"
"Not for you to worry about; I'll be by your side at all times and others will deal with any threat."
"I see," I said, "You're my guarantee I can't be framed for selling secrets."
He wouldn't confirm or deny anything and only smiled at me.
"So when do we become hitched?" I said, trying not to show my irritation.
"Now, I'm heading home with you, after I buy you a drink."
"That's the least you can do for being such a useless husband," I teased.
He held out his arm and I took it and led him to my car. We stopped by a small bar and sat in the back corner to chat.
"So, Dr. Swan, that is pretty impressive," he said holding up his glass.
I tapped mine with his and smiled. "PhD, not MD, I found it easier to bury myself in school. I had to find a passion to replace Edward," I admitted.
"He was never the same after you left," Jasper told me.
"I was never the same either."
"Can you believe it has been ten years?" he said shaking his head.
"Is he married?" I asked with a dry mouth.
"No," he just works constantly.
I nodded, knowing his job kept him surrounded with plenty of female companionship.
"Tell me about your girls," I said.
"Camille is eight, and Aubrey is five. They both take after Alice, smart, sassy, and worship the ground I walk on."
I laughed and took the picture he pulled from his wallet. "They're beautiful," I said as tears formed in my eyes at the sight of his family smiling back at me.
"After the conference you have to come for a visit. Alice would love to see you," he said looking hopeful.
"I would love that."
"I also have to give you this," he said a little embarrassed as he handed me a fake wedding ring. "You can keep your name; I'm very much a renaissance man."
"I remember Alice saving your ass with an arrow," I teased.
"It was all part of my plan," he winked.
"Give it to me straight Jaz, am I in danger?"
"No, this is just to keep your reputation clean, the lab is in danger, not you," he said in honesty.
"Okay then, lets head home so I can nag you to death and you can expel various gasses," I said as I threw some cash on the table.
"Man, just like home," he laughed.
I took him to my condo in downtown Boston and was happy I didn't have underwear thrown around the place. I showed him to his room and gave him a few minutes to get settled before I asked him what he would like for dinner.
"Nothing complicated, Bella, a sandwich would be great."
I made him a grilled chicken breast and rice and noticed how much he ate. We got comfortable in front of the television and watched a little news before heading off to bed. I dreamed of Edward for the first time in years and woke up feeling depressed.
I showered and packed a small bag for the conference. When I was dressed and ready to go I smelled coffee and wanted to kiss Jasper for being so thoughtful. I poured a cup and sipped it before moaning loudly.
"You are a saint," I yelled out with my eyes closed.
I heard him chuckle and turned to smile at him. I dropped the hot cup and it crashed to the floor when I saw Edward sitting on my couch.
Mrs. Whitlock
I was frozen to my spot and noticed how Edward's eyes couldn't stay away from the coffee working its way around the tiled floor. He looked exactly the same; his hair was shorter and his eyes had sexy little lines next to them, but other than that time stood still for him. I looked around for Jasper but didn't see him anywhere.
"Can I help you clean that?" he asked, most likely having heart palpitations.
I grabbed some paper towels and he stood to help me, but I held out my arm to stop him. "I've got it."
I wiped it up and then began wetting some towels. Edward finally came over to help and I tried my best to ignore him. He reached out and took my shaking hand and I let the towel fall into his palm.
I picked up the broken cup and tossed it in the garbage. When the floor was clean enough to eat on we both stood awkwardly across from each other.
"Jaz called me," he finally said.
"Bastard," I mumbled under my breath.
Edward laughed and motioned for us to sit down. I followed him to the couch and sat down stiffly.
"Bio Chemist, I'm really proud of you, Bella," he said with a smile.
"Thank you, I had a need to prove I wasn't stupid," I admitted.
He gave me an odd look and asked, "Did I ever say you were stupid?"
"No, my heart did, over and over again, for years," I said and then wondered why I was spilling my guts to him.
We sat quietly as the tension mounted.
"You were right about Jane," he chuckled. "She had a meltdown that would rival Three Mile Island."
I put my hand on my heart in ache. "Poor thing," I said painfully.
"I hear from her every Christmas, she just graduated from high school."
"Wow, that makes me feel very old," I laughed.
"You looked incredible, you haven't aged a day," he said and then took a deep breath.
"Thanks," I said softly.
"Can you swim?" he said with a huge smile.
"Don't make me spit on you," I retaliated.
"Are you happy, Bella?" he said with a strained voice.
I decided to be completely honest. "I'm as happy as I can be," I answered. "How about you?"
He sat quietly for a moment and then looked at me with wet eyes. "I just, I don't know, time passes."
I shook my head, not understanding what he was saying. He began playing with his hands and I reached out to pull his chin back to face me. He looked at me and then shrugged. "I spend a lot of time wondering 'what if.'"
"What if I had stayed?" I asked him.
"All of it, what if I gave up my job, what if I married you, what if I would have kept you on the island."
"What if I run into him years later," I added.
His eyes snapped up to mine and he nodded in agreement. I kept going, "Would I fall into his arms, would I beg him to take me back…"
"Would I tell her I made the biggest mistake of my life letting her walk away," he added.
We stared into each other's eyes until a soft knock interrupted us. Jasper walked in to tell me it was time to go. I looked at Edward with a feeling of panic.
"Will I see you again?" I asked.
"I'm going to Chicago, Jaz said you might come," he said hopefully.
"Oh, yeah, great, I'll see you there." I stood and wasn't sure what to do.
Jasper picked up my bag and my briefcase and Edward stood and pulled slightly on my sleeve, holding me back as Jasper walked out the door. "Have a good trip," he offered.
"Thank you," I smiled.
He leaned in to kiss my cheek and I placed my hands on his forearms. He pulled me in and I moved to wrap my arms around him to hug him tightly. He buried his face into my neck and inhaled. He kissed me a couple of times lightly and then stepped back.
I smiled and turned to lead him out the door. I suddenly gasped and ran to the bathroom to check my neck. "What's wrong?" Edward asked in fear.
"Sorry, I just had to check," I said embarrassed.
"Check what?"
"For a Cullen special," I accused.
"Oh," he laughed loudly. "I grew out of that. I'm not even sure if I can do that anymore."
"Let's not find out," I said in warning.
"What are you doing in Boston, working on a case?" I asked him as we walked out the door.
He smiled and stammered a bit, "No, Jasper called last night and I drove up from Washington."
I looked at him in shock and felt hope beginning to build in my chest. "Washington…are you still negotiating by ignoring clients?"
"I told you I'm a genius, it works every time," he added with a chuckle.
"Except one," I said under my breath. I could feel him looking at me, but I refused to meet his gaze. I wanted to smack myself for acting like a scorned lover. I needed to let it go and stop lashing out at him.
We got to the car and he reached out to hug me, "I really hope to see you in Chicago," he said into my ear.
"If Jasper can keep me out of jail, I'll be there," I teased.
When he pulled back he kissed me lightly on the lips and I had to look down to keep from crying. I got in the car without looking back at him. Jasper talked to him for a moment and then climbed in the driver's seat.
"Okay, let's head to New York," he smiled.
"This is really going to be a boring conference for you, I'm afraid," I said to stop the subject of Edward from arising.
"I'm not as stupid as I look," he joked.
"I'm not as smart as I pretend," I joked back.
We spent most of the drive talking about his girls and Rose's three boys and one girl. It made me miss Jane and I hoped to contact her after getting information from Edward. She was the closest thing to having a child I had ever experienced.
When we got to the hotel I checked into our room and laughed when the reservations said, 'Dr. Isabella Swan-Whitlock.' "I thought I got to keep my name?" I ask Jasper.
"You do, but I'm from the south and not as renaissance as I pretend," he said with a wink.
We got into the elevator with the bell boy and I said, "Honey, find something to do while I work, and I'll buy you something pretty if you're a good boy."
Jasper glared at me and said, "No wonder Edward couldn't tame you."
I felt like he had slapped me across the face and I had to bite my lip not to cry. He noticed my reaction and hesitantly wrapped his arm around me. "I was only joking, honey."
When we were settled in our room Jasper began apologizing. I raised my hand to stop him. "I'm just feeling at little sensitive, don't worry, I know you were just kidding."
"Can I ask you what happened or am I prying?" he asked gently.
"I couldn't handle his job. I was too young to deal with him being gone so much and spending time with other women. When I was with him on the island, with Jane, we felt like a family. One night I spent an hour hiding in a closet, worrying if Edward was being killed and staring at the sweet face of Jane, and wondering if I was going to be able to protect her. It was too much."
"Don't feel guilty for that Bella, those are very valid concerns," he said to comfort me.
"I am still angry he chose his job over me, how do I deal with that"
"I think you need to consider the fact he may have been scared too. Maybe he spent an hour wondering if he was getting the woman he loved killed?"
"So, why wouldn't he quit?"
"Only Edward can answer that," he said sadly. "Now, for real business, you have a history of running, am I going to have trouble with you?"
"I have a huge presentation to give, I'm not going anywhere," I laughed. "Plus, I am in on the plan this time."
We sat through an evening of presentations and Jasper seemed fascinated by the conference. He was becoming more understanding with why he was there and how it related to national security. After a presentation on the ability to age ink after it has already been used by bending light rays he was downright giddy.
I tried to concentrate on the conference but I only heard a fraction of it. My thoughts were on Edward and if there was any way we could work things out. Was I mature enough to handle his lifestyle now, or was my desire for a family still too much for us to negotiate?
The following afternoon during a break I dragged Jasper to the conference gift shop and made him help me pick out gifts for his daughters. He kept begging me to call Alice, but I made him rise to the challenge. I found a little purse with the statue of liberty on it and when he informed me it didn't have a cell phone compartment I was stunned.
"Your daughter is eight," I pointed out.
"She is the eight year old daughter of Alice," he laughed. "She has a cell phone and coordinating face plates to go with it."
We finally settled on tote bags with the New York skyline and I insisted on purchasing two princess suckers.
That evening was my presentation. I talked on the chemical compound that keeps cluster bombs held together and releases after being exposed to certain altitude. It is a gel like substance used by the military, but science is looking into ways it can be used in the medical field to transport gene therapy into the body.
Jasper set up my slide show and only handed me my written material right before I headed onto the stage. I was relieved when it was over and he packed up the slides and ran my notes through a shredder. When we headed to the room he pulled me away from the elevators.
"We leave tonight, your bags are in the car," he said to my stunned face.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because we are registered to leave tomorrow evening, nobody will expect us to leave tonight."
"I won't be very good company," I admitted, "I'm exhausted."
"You sleep and I will drive," he smiled.
We got in the car and I was out before we made it clear of the city. I gasped and jumped, grabbing the arm next to me and yelled out, "Edward."
Jasper spoke quickly, "Bella, you had a dream. We're driving to Boston."
I was shaking and it seemed so real. We were back at the cabin and Edward was walking toward me as the forest became saturated with people aiming at him. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my racing heart.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. "Just all the stress from preparing for the conference."
"Presenting in your pajamas?" he teased.
I chuckled and thought how much easier that would be than working things out with Edward.
"Jaz, how's Rose handling her decision to quit?"
"She's so busy with kids; I don't think she gives it much thought."
"Do you worry about your daughters?"
"I do little field work, Bella. My responsibilities are very different from Edward's. I don't know if I am supposed to tell you this, but your father's job is a lot more dangerous than Edward's."
"And I haven't seen my father in years," I admitted. "I don't want my kids to be able to say that. Why doesn't Edward do something different, but remain an agent," I asked.
Jasper shook his head for a minute. "Other agents have gotten involved with the women they are protecting. Edward only got involved with you because he didn't know you were the package. He remains professional, so he is one of the best."
"I think he is able to compartmentalize," I suggested. "He sent me away from the island knowing how much it would hurt Jane. He saw her as a job and that was it. That scares me."
"I think he is just so trained to think that way. He needs someone to open his mind a little, get him a little dirty," he laughed, knowing what that metaphor would mean to Edward.
I laughed and shook my head, "I'll let you in on a little secret, when girls enter junior high we have a worldwide meeting and they tell us to always remember one rule….boys never change."
Jasper doubled over in laughter, "And we thought it was about buying bras and tampons."
"Oh no, women are very competitive. We all want to be the one person who was able to change a man and receive national recognition. We all try desperately, but the crown is unclaimed."
"No wonder Edward misses you so much," he said as he wiped his eyes.
"He does?" I asked.
Jasper stared out the window and drove in silence for a bit. He finally looked over at me debating whether to share something. I waited anxiously until he finally spoke.
"Edward has been hospitalized for depression. That is why I called him and asked him to come to Boston. He needs you, Bella."
I couldn't swallow and felt sick to my stomach. My mind was racing and I felt horrible for walking away from him. I realized at that moment Edward was locked up inside his own mind by his need for control in his life. It wasn't just a germ thing, and I had teased him so badly.
I could imagine exactly what he felt inside. I felt that when I got near water. It is a fear so consuming it is easier to ignore it. He tried to have a relationship but he couldn't walk away from his job, it was the structure he needed and life with me was the unknown.
Jasper was right, Edward needed to get dirty, so to speak, and I was the only one who could help him.