Name: MIRAGE
Author: Sdfreeze
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
This story was last published on 6/18/10.
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Chapter: 9
Chicago
Jasper led me in through the back entrance to his house. I could see Alice with her back to me slicing apples at the sink. She didn't turn around and only yelled out to Jasper.
"How was your trip?"
"Boring," he said and walked up behind her to kiss her neck.
"Well, I'll give you an exciting night to make up for it," she purred.
He laughed and reached out to remove the knife from her hand and spun her around to face me. Her eyes widened as she screamed and lunged at me. She was still so tiny, but the force of her excitement almost knocked me to the ground.
She was jumping up and down and asking me question after question without waiting for a response. I laughed and kept nodding until a little girl walked into the kitchen to see what was going on.
"Alice," I interrupted loudly, "introduce me to your daughter."
She whipped around and ran over to take the little girls hand. "Camille, this is a good friend, Bella. I haven't seen her in….how long has it been?"
"Almost eleven years," I said. "Hello Camille, I brought you a gift, it's in my luggage."
"I'll get your bags," Jasper said.
"Are you staying with us?" Alice squealed, then her face changed to a worried expression and she looked at Jasper.
"Oh, I can get a room," I interjected.
"No, it's not that," she said uncomfortably.
"I think she means the guest room is full." A voice came from the doorway. I turned to see Edward leaning on the door frame wearing a pair of jeans and a tight t-shirt. The sight of him took my breath away.
I stared at him, unable to move or speak. Finally Alice suggested they get my bags and she took Camille and followed Jasper outside.
He walked toward me slowly and I finally moved to meet him half way. We hugged awkwardly and both looked away when we separated.
"How was the conference?" he asked.
"I didn't sell a single secret," I joked.
He nodded and smiled, "I'm glad you came."
I took a step toward him just as another little girl walked into the room. She froze and gave Edward a questioning look.
"You must be Aubrey," I said. "I'm a friend of your parents, my name is Bella."
She walked over to hide behind Edward's leg. "Your dad is getting my suitcase so I can give you the present I brought."
She smiled and peeked out at me causing me to laugh. Just then Alice came in the back door and she ran to her mother.
"I just met Aubrey," I explained.
"She's more like Jasper," Alice said as she picked her up.
"She can actually be quiet," Edward whispered.
Alice placed her hand on Aubrey's hair to flip Edward off without the child seeing. I picked up my travel bag and pulled out the gifts. Both girls immediately fawned over the bag and opened their suckers. "There goes the apples," Alice sighed.
"Let me give you a tour," Alice said as she looked at my suitcases.
I followed her, leaving the bags sitting in the kitchen. She took me from room to room as I gawked over her amazing decorating abilities. When she showed me the indoor pool I stared at it with a new determination. I was going to learn to swim, even if it killed me; which at that moment I was sure of.
When we got to the guest room, tucked in the back of the house away from the main area I noticed my suitcases sitting by the bed. She raised her eyebrows at me and I tried to ignore her. We turned around to find Edward standing behind us.
"You can stay here, I'll get a room," he said.
"No, don't be silly," I said, without offering any reason.
We stood silently, so Alice excused herself. "I have a serious question to ask you," I said as I stared into his eyes.
He blinked nervously and waited.
"Will you teach me to swim?"
His mouth opened and only a funny noise came out.
I laughed and watched him compose himself. "Are you serious?" he asked.
"Yes, and please realize it won't be easy," I added.
"Yeah, I would love to," he grinned.
"Okay, on one condition," I said with narrowed eyes.
He looked worried and I stepped toward him. His eyes lowered and I could tell he was staring at my mouth, exactly where I wanted them. I reached up and removed my gum. "You have to chew this," I said with a straight face.
He unconsciously backed up and I stepped forward again. "I just barely put it in my mouth," I explained.
His jaw tightened and his eyes looked determined as he reached out for the gum and quickly tossed it into his mouth. I laughed loudly and he nodded to the suitcase, "Put on your suit, and I'll meet you at the pool." It was my turn to sweat now.
I didn't have a swim suit, but I had a matching bra and panty set that could pass for one, so I put them on and covered it with a t-shirt.
The two little girls quickly joined in the fun, jumping and splashing, making me feel horrible and insignificant at the same time. Edward let me stay on the stairs until I got used to the rambunctious girls and then held out his arms.
I was shaking and had to give myself a strong tongue lashing to move toward him. He pulled me against him and my legs automatically wrapped around his waist as he moved into deeper water.
He lowered his mouth into the water and blew bubbles, "Remember this?" he asked.
I nodded and followed right along. He smiled wildly causing my body to react and tighten against him. "Now, I'm going to kiss you and we're going under," he said softly.
"Literally or metaphorically," I asked without thinking.
His smile faded and he looked away and cleared his throat. I knew with the girls in the pool we couldn't have a deep discussion, so I smiled and said, "I'm ready."
He leaned in and put his lips to mine and began to bend his knees. I quickly pulled away. "I'm sorry, it is just a reflex," I offered.
"How about this, I will kiss you and count to three and then we will go under quickly."
I nodded and he put his mouth back onto mine as he counted against my lips. On three he pulled me under and tightened his lips against mine. I went completely stiff so he rubbed my bare back with his fingers.
We shot back out of the water and I gasped for air. He was grinning and said, "Wow, Bella, that was great, you didn't even try to surface."
I was aware of his hands continuing to move on my skin and I said, "Again," just to get him to kiss me.
He moved to my mouth and counted. This time I tried to forget the water around us and concentrated only on the feeling of his mouth against mine. I wasn't sure if the movement was purposeful, or attached to the attempt to keep us submerged, but his lips began moving against mine.
When we came back up I pulled away slower, but still had to gasp for air. The little girls clapped loudly for me and I felt perverted for using an innocent activity just to get more of Edward.
"Okay," he said with a very stained voice, "This time you bring us up."
I tried to lower my legs, but he grabbed my thighs with his hands and shook his head. "Just push your legs against me and I will stand."
He leaned in and forgot to count, taking us right under the water. We were no longer working on water skills and our kiss deepened quickly. He held my head firmly in his hands and when he finally stood I realized I never panicked or tried to rise from the water. He stood just because he needed air.
Only this time we didn't pull apart. I took a deep breath, still attached to his lips, and he continued holding my head as he kissed me so passionately the little girls screamed and covered their eyes.
"Alice," Edward yelled never looking away from my eyes.
She opened the door and peeked into the room. "Help me out here," he said.
"Girls, come eat and let Edward teach Bella to swim," she insisted.
They covered themselves in a towel and ran from the room. "I didn't know swimming was not for children's eyes," I laughed.
"Of course," he smiled, "we just never got this far before."
He pulled me to his lips again, but instead of going under he backed me up to the side. I was anchored between him and the wall as my body began screaming for him. I had not been with a man since Edward and I had absolutely no control.
"God, Bella," he cried out as he lowered my body to connect with him. I wanted to strip his suit off of him and not give a damn what child could possibly walk in. He moved to my neck and I quickly grabbed a fist full of hair and pulled him back.
"Don't," I yelled at him.
He laughed and finally pulled back to look at me. "I told you I don't do that anymore."
His comment hit me wrong and I pushed back on his chest to back him up a bit. I didn't know if he had moved on over the years, which I was sure he had, or if his body was longing for me too.
"I'm sorry," I said to his sad eyes. "I lost control."
"You weren't alone," he admitted.
"I guess swimming wasn't the best idea right now. We should probably talk first," I offered.
He backed up and began carrying me to the stairs and his mouth formed into a smile.
"What?" I asked.
He shrugged and then laughed loudly.
"Come on, share," I pushed.
"I just wondered if I should teach you to swim before the talk, so I won't know if I should drown you or not," he laughed.
"You try to drown me and I swear I will pee in the pool," I teased back.
His laughter quickly stopped and he shuddered, causing me to laugh loudly.
He sat me on the stair and then sat next to me. "Where should we start?" he asked.
"I was so young, Edward," I said as he nodded quickly in agreement.
"I see that now, I didn't then," he said.
"Having me come take care of Jane and then sending me away was cruel, to both Jane and me."
"You see it as a woman, that was exactly why they sent a man," he explained.
"I know it is a job to you, and maybe you're right, women have a harder time separating the emotion, but if I had to choose between you or a job, it would have been you every time."
"I learned in therapy I have tangled my view of relationships with my job. I saw relationships as something temporary, something you don't get too attached to, because they end. Marrying Tanya didn't help any," he said with disgust. "I clung to my job because it was something I felt successful with, relationships never worked for me."
"I still want the same things I wanted before, Edward. I want a family, a husband who comes home at night and interacts with the kids. I didn't get that as a child, so it is important to me. But real life is messy; you can't control everything and keep it clean."
He nodded and said, "I'm aware that is what terrifies me, what if I promise you real life, and I can't deliver."
"Nobody gets a guarantee; you just have to work like hell. I can see your side now, I know you can't just let go of the success and grab onto empty air. I just need to know you are willing to work on letting go."
"What if…." He stopped and looked at me with a pained expression.
"What if we are just caught up in the excitement of seeing each other again?" I finished for him.
He nodded and looked guilty for even having the thought.
"That's easy, you know where I live, come to me or stay away," I said painfully.
He looked at me with sad eyes and I put my arms around his neck. "Let's have a great weekend, and then separate, and see how we feel."
"You would do that?" he asked in shock.
"Only for you," I said, and kissed him like he was mine to keep.
Getting Some
We dressed up for the evening and went to a club with Jasper and Alice. Edward was so affectionate and sat with his arm around me all night. We caught up on each other lives and teased about Jasper being my husband.
"He was a southern gentleman, until we got on the flight to Chicago," I teased.
"Did you join the mile high club with Bella?" Alice yelled.
Edward stiffened and gave Jasper and fake glare.
"A gentleman never tells," Jasper said and blew me a kiss.
"He wouldn't let me sit by the window," I explained.
"That's my fault," Alice admitted. "I can't sit still through an entire flight and he doesn't like to let me out every twenty minutes."
"You realize every woman is different, right?" I said to Jasper.
"Remember the junior high meeting, well, we have one of our own," he said and took a swig of his drink.
"You can have him back, Alice, I just divorced him," I said shaking my head.
"Let's dance," Edward said pulling me from the booth.
I realized I had never danced with him and my heart began to race. He pulled me close and led me in an expert fashion. I wondered where he learned to dance so well, but was afraid some starlet or trust fund honey taught him.
The music slowed way down and he began rocking me back and forth gently as he tightened his hold. "You're a great dancer," I said in his ear.
"You feel incredible in my arms," he moaned.
I could feel the numbing effects of the alcohol and melted against him. He chuckled and held my lower back to help me feel every part of him.
"I missed you," I admitted with liquid courage.
He exhaled loudly and said something but I couldn't understand him.
"What?" I asked and pulled back to look at him.
He put his forehead against mine and shut his eyes.
"Edward, what did you just say?" I asked again.
"I said, don't let go," he said keeping his eyes closed.
I stopped moving and he finally opened his eyes to look at me. "I was talking to myself," he admitted.
I smiled softly and ran my hand into the back of his hair, "I hope you listen to yourself."
"I'm usually a stubborn ass," he sighed.
"I happen to miss your stubborn ass," I laughed.
He hid his face and I knew there was something he wanted to say but was terrified to say it. I took his hand and led him from the dance floor to a dark corner. "What's going on, Edward," I smiled.
"I got a call, a new assignment," he said without looking at me.
"We don't get our weekend?" I asked trying not to sound like my world just ended.
"Yeah, I report next Thursday," he admitted.
I nodded and stared off at nothing.
"Was I right to tell you?" he asked painfully.
"I'm just surprised you made your decision so easily," I said and tried to swallow the lump in my throat.
"I don't know that I'm going to report, Bella."
"And I'm supposed to try and convince you to stay? You'll leave and it will destroy me, Edward. Don't do that to me," I begged.
"I haven't even returned the call, my entire focus is on us this weekend," he explained.
I nodded and bit on my lip as I tried to keep the tears from forming. He pulled my face up to look at him and said, "I am so afraid to let everything go for us, but more terrified of going back to how I was a week ago. "
"Then turn it down, Edward, just this once. Come to Boston with me and let's give it a shot. You don't have to completely quit, just say no this one time."
He took a shaky breath so I quickly added, "I know what it feels like, it is jumping into deep water, and I will do that for you. I will go completely under for you."
"Why is life so easy for other people and we are so terrified by it?"
"Because you are afraid to lose control and I'm afraid I'll drown, let's swim in the piss, Edward," I cried.
He laughed loudly and spun me around by the waist. "Let's get out of here," he said and pulled me toward the exit.
"What about Alice and Jasper," I asked, having to run to keep up with him.
"They'll be fine," he called back to me.
He hailed a cab and when I noticed him looking at the sticky floor of the backseat I pulled his chin up to me. "Kiss me," I smiled.
He leaned over me pushing me back as he practically laid on top of me and kissed me until I was almost panting. The cab pulled in front of Jasper's house and Edward tossed some cash in the front seat and pulled me quickly to the house.
"What should we tell the sitter?" I asked.
He hesitated for a second and then said, "We'll tell her Alice and Jaz will be home soon and then goodnight."
We walked in and Edward headed to the loud television to talk to the sitter and I headed to the guest room. I removed my heels and was just pulling my dress over my head when Edward walked in. He caught me with my hands over my head and pushed me onto the bed.
"Did you lock the door?" I asked him.
He stood and checked the door and then hit the light. The room was completely dark and I gasped when I felt his hand run up my stomach. I pulled his shirt off and sat up to remove his pants. Our breathing was loud and only guttural sounds were coming from our mouths. He pulled me onto his lap and held me tightly against him as he sat up too.
I was on autopilot and couldn't think coherently as we moved as one. His hands and mouth were everywhere and just when I thought it couldn't get any better he would take it to another level. My body exploded as I screamed out his name. He fell onto his back as his own body erupted in convulsions.
I fell against him as I struggled to catch my breath. His chest was heaving and his arms laid limply sprawled out on the bed. "Oh my hell," he laughed.
"Sorry, It's been awhile for me," I said in embarrassment.
"I know the feeling," he gasped.
I scooted up his body to be even with his face. He held my head with his hands and kissed me gently as he slowly rolled me onto my back. He moved my hair out of my face and began moving tenderly and methodically, building the passion all over again.
I woke up the next morning on my side with my hair covering my face. Edward was wrapped around me with his leg over my hip. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and turned to look at Edward's sleeping face.
I watched him sleep as I studied his features. He had a light cover of stubble and I touched it lightly with my finger. His mouth smiled but his eyes remained closed. "Happy?" I asked him.
"Mmm, deliriously," he murmured.
"How much energy do you have," I asked as I kissed his chin.
"What do you have in mind?" he asked as his eyes remained closed.
I moved right up against him and began kissing my way down his chest.
"Bella," he warned, "you put that in your mouth and I will never kiss you again."
"You realize you are the only man in the world who would turn that down," I accused.
"I doubt that," he said as he stretched and yawned.
"I'll just get you drunk, and then you won't mind," I threatened.
He pulled me up to his face and shook his head, "You're over thinking it, just get me in the shower and I won't mind," he winked.
"Oh," I laughed, "I see."
"I'll race you," he said as he jumped from the bed.
When we finally left the room for the day we ran into Alice in the kitchen. Edward sat on a chair and pulled me to his lap. We were giggling and whispering causing Alice to pretend to gag.
"You guys need to get a hotel, your love is sickening," she said rolling her eyes.
"We need your pool," Edward said and I tensed a bit.
"User," she accused.
"Hey, do me a favor and take Bella shopping," Edward said to Alice making me gasp.
"You need a swimsuit," he said to my appalled face.
"You can't take me?" I asked him, not wanting to be out of his sight.
"I have some stuff to take care of," he said looking down.
"A phone call to return?" I asked as my heart broke.
"No, not that," he said softly.
I climbed off his lap and poured us both a cup of coffee, as Alice began going on and on about where to shop.
"Thanks," I said to Edward angrily.
He picked up his cup and asked where Jasper was, and then left the room. I watched him go and felt like we constantly took one step forward, two steps back.
I spent the afternoon with Alice and the girls and found a simple racing suit for the pool. I was glad the girls were with us so Alice couldn't ask the questions she was dying to ask. I had no idea how to explain what was going on between me and Edward.
When we got home I put on the suit and went to the pool. I sat on the stairs and watched the girls swim with Alice. When Edward came in she quickly ushered the girls out.
"Great choice," he smiled, looking at my suit.
"I want to look stylish for the coroner," I said without smiling.
He got in the water and stood in front of me holding out his hands. I reluctantly took them and he walked into deeper water.
"You know how Superman flies," he said.
"No," I answered thinking he was telling me a joke or something.
"Yes, you do. You know how he puts his hands out in front of him," he clarified.
"Oh, yeah."
"That is what you are going to do, put your arms out, your head down and kick, like this."
He began kicking his way across the pool.
"No way," I said in fear.
"I'm going to hold you up," he clarified. "If you get scared just lift your head."
He put his arms out and said lay on your stomach in my arms. He easily held me but my hands wouldn't let go of his arm.
"I won't let you go under, Bella, I promise."
After way too much coaxing I finally did what he wanted me to do. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be and noticed how he would let his hands hold me lighter and lighter as we continued to work on it. On the last try he told me to head to the stairs. He walked along side me but removed his hands the entire way.
When I came up he was beaming. "You did it, you were swimming," he laughed as he pulled me into a hug.
I tried not to get too excited since I knew it wasn't really swimming, but it was a huge stride for me.
Edward looked at the clock and said, "Jasper is wanting to barbeque, is that okay or do you want to go out?"
"It's fine, I really don't feel like going out."
"Are we okay, Bella?" he asked hesitantly.
I laughed and took his hand, "When have we ever been okay?"
We made our way to the kitchen to see enough food for a party. "Alice, why so much food?" I asked her.
"Oh, Jasper invited some people," she said angrily.
"Do you want us to leave?" I asked.
"No, I want you here," she said as she worked frantically.
"Okay, give me a job, how can I help."
She handed me a knife and a bowl of fruit so I began cutting away. Edward went outside to help Jasper and Camille came running in to say, "Mom, Hillary is here."
"Tell them to come in and meet somebody," Alice instructed.
I went to the sink and washed off my hands and turned just in time to see Rosalie walk through the door. We both stared at each other in stunned silence and then screamed and ran into each other's arms.
Emmett walked in, holding a toddler, and laughed loudly. I moved to hug him and saw Edward smiling largely at me. "Is this what you had to take care of?" I asked with tears.
"Nope, this was all Jaz."
"This is my oldest son, Will," Rose said pointing to the large boy standing in the doorway.
I covered my mouth, remembering Rose being kicked in the stomach and flying through the air. The boy smiled shyly and headed back outside with Emmett. We were talking and laughing so loudly I didn't hear Edward call my name.
He yelled louder and I looked over to see him standing with the door open. "My surprise is here," he said with tears in his eyes. I began walking toward him and felt my legs become weaker with each step. A young woman, with long blonde hair stood next to him, her face was thin and chiseled but I would recognize her anywhere.
"Jane," I whispered, too emotional to speak.
She smiled, mesmerizing me with her beauty, and ran to meet me half way. I was trying to see her through my tears and we slid to the floor as we both ran our hands over each other's face.
Deep
We had a great evening. I kept Jane right by my side as we sat with Alice and Rose sharing stories from the years. They were giving me way too much credit for my career, so I finally admitted the truth. "It helped me forget Edward. I never planned to become a scientist, it just sort of evolved."
Jane squeezed my hand and I looked at her. "After you left, I could hear Edward crying sometimes. I would lie in my bed and cry along with him."
I hugged her tightly and kissed her head.
"Are you guys going to live in Boston or Seattle?" Rosalie asked.
"Um…we are only committed to this weekend," I admitted painfully.
"What?" Alice yelled.
"He has a new assignment that starts on Thursday."
"Don't put up with that Bella," Rose demanded. "Make him man up or sleep alone."
"I am so stupid," I admitted as I wiped my tears. "I really thought I could change his mind."
"There has to be tons of men chasing you," Jane said.
I laughed and took a deep breath, "My heart only wants Edward."
"You haven't dated anyone interesting over the years?" Alice asked.
"I haven't dated at all," I admitted, looking down so I wouldn't see the pity in their eyes.
"You haven't been on one date in ten years?" Alice said in shock.
I shook my head and the group was stunned into silence. I finally raised my head to see Edward standing in front of our small table holding two drinks. His face as showing the shock he felt at what he just heard.
Jane stood and said something quietly to Edward, and then jerked the drinks from his hands and walked away angrily.
I went back to staring at the table top and wished the awkward silence would end. Rose finally stood and mumbled something about checking on the kids and Alice followed her. Edward came over and sat in the chair Jane had been in.
"Thank you for the surprise," I said, still looking down.
"Bella," he said softly.
"Don't Edward, please, just don't."
"Look at me," he said softly.
I finally looked up to see him smiling at me. "I love you," he mouthed.
I smiled and nodded to the kitchen, "They are most likely doing something to your food."
He jumped up and ran into the kitchen as I shook my head and laughed to myself. He came back confident his food was pure, and was holding two more drinks and handed me one.
"What did Jane say to you?" I asked.
"You know her propensity for drama," he teased.
"I didn't hear any screaming," I laughed.
"She called me a dumb fuck," he said looking away.
I laughed harder, "Boy, she has grown up."
"I dated two women, I didn't fall in love with either one," he stated bluntly.
I felt my heart twist in my chest. I didn't want to hear what he was telling me so I decided to confront him about something.
"Edward, maybe this weekend isn't enough time, but I have been waiting for you to tell me something."
He looked at me with wide eyes and I could tell he was trying to think of what I could possibly be talking about. I finally said softly, "The hospital."
His eyes dropped and his face went pale. I reached out and placed my hand on his as I waited for him to speak. He shook his head a couple of times, and finally sat back and let his head fall back, as he stared at the sky.
"You need to move on," he finally said.
"Stop it," I said forcefully.
"Jesus," he sighed. "You have no idea how messed up I am."
"I am the one person who knows exactly how messed up you are. I knew the moment I wiped dressing on your mirror how messed up you are, and I love you in spite of it."
"I spent three months on assignment with the most god awful woman. She was the wife of a Senator and void of all morality. When I finally took her home he was so happy to see her, I couldn't understand that. Horrible people were able to have relationships, and I had an angel in my arms and I ruined it."
"You didn't ruin it, Edward. We just wanted different things," I corrected him.
"Why do I want this life, it isn't normal to want this," he said in disgust.
"Because you have total control, you're a tough guy," I laughed. "The fear you feel deep down scares you, you think it should be controlled too. So you take bullets and live on the adrenalin to prove the fear can't control you."
"I'm too old for this, I should be coaching little league and fighting my daughter for the phone."
"Then walk away," I said pointedly.
He leaned over very close to my face and said, "You'll end up leaving me." I could hear the shaking in his voice and knew he was sharing something very raw with me. I held his face in my hands and kissed him hard. When I pulled back he dropped his head onto the table and I ran my fingers through his hair.
"I would never leave you, Edward. I would count the moments until you came home every single night. The life I want is with you, not only part of the time with you, don't you understand that?"
A ball came bouncing across the table knocking over our drinks. Edward jumped up in horror as the soda sank into his shorts. Will came running over with an embarrassed look, "I'm sorry," he said.
"It's okay," I laughed. "No harm done."
"I'll go change," Edward said and I reached out to stop him.
"I want you to go on a walk with me," I said.
"Okay, let me change and we'll go."
"No, I want you to go on a walk with me right now," I pushed.
"This will get sticky," he said pointing to his shorts.
"So." I took his hand and began pulling him from the deck.
We walked almost half a mile with him staring at his shorts the entire time. "Do I need to strip to get you to notice me?" I asked.
He looked up and smiled, "Try it," he challenged.
I took his hand and pulled him to me. He stuck his butt out, so his shorts wouldn't touch my sundress, so I grabbed his ass and dragged him forward.
He smiled and kissed me as I chuckled against him. "See," I whispered when he let go, "we can work stuff out together."
His phone rang at that moment and he glanced at it and put it back in his pocket. I could tell by the look on his face it wasn't a call regarding mediation. We turned and headed back to the house. We arrived just in time to eat. Jane sat between me and Edward and I felt at home among the families around us.
We had a great evening and all of our problems seemed to disappear. I found out Jane was going to attend NYU and made plans to have her come to Boston before school started. Life was so perfect, for one evening.
At ten we took Jane to her aunt's house, where she was staying, and stopped along the lake to talk in the car. I turned to lean against the door and face him. "Edward, you don't have to promise me anything. Let's just have a great night and both go home tomorrow. If you want to come back, you know where to find me."
"Come here," he whispered. I climbed onto his lap and let him hold me as the radio played softly in the background. There was nothing he could say to make me believe he would come to me, because as his grasp tightened I felt his heart slip further away.
We drove back to Jasper's and found them all playing cards. The kids were sprawled out all over the family room floor and we stayed up to three in the morning, not wanting the reunion to end. We promised to get together again soon and finally said our goodbyes.
I was packing my bag when Edward came to the bedroom. "What time is your flight?" he asked.
"Eleven, out of O'Hare."
He nodded and began taking off his stained shorts. I watched his movements, noticing the way his arms flexed and his shoulders rolled. His legs were so long and taut and his calves bulged as he walked. He noticed my stare and stopped moving. I looked at his eyes and knew in that moment he would never change.
It wasn't anything he tried to convey. It was the set of his eyes. He was fixed and the ability to change was not something he possessed. I would love him forever, but I needed to find a way to move on. He turned and headed to the shower and I looked at my swimsuit hanging from the back of the door.
I didn't know what came over me, but I suddenly had to prove I could let go of my own fear. I headed to the pool and walked to the deep end. I stared at the stairs and felt my knees begin to shake. I had to act before I could think too much, so I closed my eyes and jumped.
I sunk deeper than I thought I would and began to panic. There was nobody to help me and I knew I had to save myself or drown. I rolled onto my back, like Edward taught me years ago, and took a big breath. I flipped over and stuck my arms out straight and kicked like crazy.
The chlorine stung my eyes, but I watched the stairs come closer and closer. When I couldn't go without a breath another second I lifted my head and was surprised when my feet bumped the bottom of the pool. I stood and spun around to look how far I had come.
I was totally alone but I threw my arms into the air in celebration and cried for joy. I faced my fear, without holding onto Edward, and felt like I could do anything. I wrapped my towel around me and went back to my room just as Edward emerged from the bathroom.
"You got in the pool?" he asked in surprise.
I grinned and nodded as I passed him and got in the shower. He stood at the shower door, waiting for me to say something, but this triumph was just for me. I didn't feel the need to share it with anyone, most of all Edward.
He finally left the bathroom and began getting dressed and packed. I took my time, since I was already packed and didn't meet him in the kitchen for almost an hour.
"Can we say our goodbyes and go to breakfast?" he asked me. I nodded and went to knock on Alice's bedroom door.
"Come in," she called, and I entered to find her and Jasper trying to get some sleep before the girls woke up.
"We just want to say goodbye and thank you for everything. It was an amazing weekend," I said.
She held her arms out and I walked over to give her a big hug.
"It was nice being married to you," Jasper laughed.
"I'm glad somebody thought so," I said, and wished I could control my mouth.
Edward kissed Alice and shook Jasper's hand. I heard him say softly, "thank you, Jaz, I owe you big time.
We drove in silence to a nearby pancake house and waited for our coffee to arrive before either one of us spoke.
"I feel like we're back on the island," he said.
"Really, because I feel like I just broke free from a chain I had been dragging along."
He raised his eyebrows and I shrugged. "I'm okay with you taking the assignment," I said, and really meant it. "I have my job which is very rewarding, and I realized I like me…"
"Are you saying I don't like you?" he asked in confusion.
"No, not at all, I know you love me," I smiled at him. "I also know you can't be with me and you know what? That's okay."
He took a drink of his coffee and shook his head, "I don't know what the hell you are talking about."
I giggled and leaned closer across the table. "I jumped in the deep and swam to the stairs, all by myself. I'm going to be just fine, so don't worry about me."
He stared at me in shock, "Why didn't you let me watch?"
"It wasn't for you, it was for me."
Our food arrived and we ate in silence. I could tell Edward was becoming very agitated and I tried to make small talk on the way to the airport. When he pulled up in front of the terminal I opened my door and walked to the back of the car.
He finally got out and came back to get my bag from the trunk. When he shut the lid he slammed it hard and then pounded his fist on the metal. I reached out and put my hand on his back, "Edward," I said softly. "Please, find a way to be happy. You deserve it."
He spun around and hugged me, burying his face in my neck. I rubbed him gently and told him how much I loved him. He kissed me several times on the neck and cheek before saying, "You will always be the only woman I have ever loved."
"Thank you," I whispered and then turned and walked away.
I checked in, made it through security, and found my gate before heading to the bathroom to cry. I grabbed some tissue and cried in a stall until I got it all out. I made my way to a sink and looked up at my reflection in the mirror.
I saw the huge mark on my neck and vowed to kill Edward Cullen.