Chapter 18

"I'm confused." Santana gazed up from her magazine to look into Brittany's deep ocean blue eyes.

"About what?"

"You said…"

"Shhh!" The librarian was coming over to keep them quiet. Brittany nodded as the librarian walked off then took a seat in front of Santana.

"You said that you quit." She said in a whisper.

"Yes, that is true." Santana said, flipping a page of her magazine.

"So then why do I feel like you didn't quit at all?"

Santana sighed, "Don't know."

"So, did you not quit or am I just completely lost?"

"Brittany, I…"

"Shhh!"

Santana sighed before she spoke, "Brittany, I told you I quit so I quit."

"But I don't believe you."

"I don't know what you want me to say…"

"I want you to be honest with me."

"I've always been honest with you."

"You're not being honest now."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, but I know you."

"You don't know me Brittany." Santana got up to put away her magazine, Brittany followed.

"How can you say I don't know you? I've known you since freshman year, Santana…"
"That doesn't mean you know me, that doesn't even mean I know you." Santana moved along the racks looking for another magazine.
"What are you talking about? Of course you know me."

"No, I don't. Because the Brittany I knew wouldn't have picked Wheelie MacWheeliston over Hottie MacHottie."

"Are you talking about you and Artie?"

Santana sighed and grabbed a random magazine off the rack, "Who else would I be talking about, Brittany?"
"I don't know, maybe you bought a hamster."

Santana's upper lip lifted up as her eyebrow rose.

"Why are we even having this conversation?" Santana asked putting the magazine back and walking around to the other aisle, Brittany close on her heels. "You had plenty of time to choose between me and Artie and yet you didn't…"

"I was…"

"You were what, Brittany?" Santana stopped walking and turned to face her, "Confused? Lost?"

"Well, yeah…"

"And that's what I don't understand; I've been there for you the most Brittany. I have loved you more than anyone can honestly say that they have loved anyone else…"

"But…"

"I have given you all of me. I have let my walls down just for you Brittany, not for Puck, deff not for Sam, and not for Finn or any other random useless boy. Only you, what has Artie done for you? Has he proved that he loves you? Sure, he sings a few songs to you and smiles sweetly but there's more to love than that. Way more…"

"Like what?"

Santana picked up a magazine and slammed it back down, "I don't know! I've never been in love until I met you!" Santana sighed eyeing Brittany's hurt expression. "I'm sorry, okay? I just…I don't know." Santana began to walk again, "I just figured that you'd want to be with me the way I want to be with you."

"Who says I don't? I never said I didn't Santana."

Santana picked up a magazine, "But you said…"

"I said if it wasn't for Artie I'd be with you, which is true. But I don't even think me and Artie are even a couple anymore…"

"I see…"

Santana flipped through the magazine put it down and began to walk down another aisle.

"And did you ever stop for a second and think about what it might feel like for me?"

Santana paused, "For you?"

"Yes, for me. You are going through this whole 'I'm in love with a girl' thing and it's hard for you, I can tell…" Santana shifted her weight from her left foot to her right and folded her arms, "And Artie is so focused on 'winning' me that no one has stopped and thought about how I feel. I have to pick between you and Artie, Santana. Two people who mean more to me than my duck slippers…"

"More than your duck slippers?" Santana asked in amusement yet shock.

"More than my duck slippers."
"Wow…I didn't know we meant that much to you."

"If its not you two, its Rachel…"

"Berry? What does she have to do with this?"

"She's been trying to make me chose between you and Artie and I thought I had made my choice but now I'm not so sure…"

"Brit…"

"What if I think I'm choosing the right person only to be ending up in a relationship I'm not really ready for or that I actually enjoy? I mean Artie is great and so are you but how do I know I'll really be happy with either one of you?"

"If you have to ask then maybe it's not meant to be…"

Santana picked up a magazine and flipped through the pages before eyeing a quiet Brittany.

"The way I see it Brit is that the ball is in your court, you can do whatever you want with it. But I don't want you to take the easy route and make the lay up instead of risking it all and taking a three-point shot…"

"Uh…"

Santana smiled, put down the magazine and took Brittany's hand.

"I don't want you to take the easy way out, take a risk. Love someone who is worth loving, someone who will risk everything just to be with you. Because Brit…" Santana dropped her hands, "If you keep taking the safe way out of everything sooner or later you'll forget what risk is. And by the time you remember, it'll be gone."

"I didn't know risk could leave someone…"

Santana snapped her fingers, "Just like that."

Santana turned around to look through another magazine, Brittany smiled at Santana.

"Hey San…"

"Hmmmm…?"

"Would you love me no matter what?"

"No if, ands, or buts about it."

"What if I cut off all my hair?"

"Sexy."

Brittany smiled.

"What if I couldn't read?"

"You can't read, Brit."

"And you still love me?"

"Basically." Santana flipped through another magazine.

Brittany paused before asking her finale question, "What if it took me years and years to decide if I wanted to be with you and Artie? Would you still love me?"

Santana thought for a moment, she put her magazine neatly where she found it and looked into Brittany's eyes.

"I'd wait a lifetime to be with you, Brittany."

"A lifetime? But that's like…Your whole life."

Santana smiled, "Nothing gets passed you, Brittany…" Santana began to walk off, "Nothing."