Hey guys! First of all, thank you to anyone who reviewed, you are all fabulous! Also, a piece on Simon. Well, I was listening to Backstabber by Ke$ha while writing this and so I decided I needed even more drama for our favorite shadowhunters and company. Simon gets to be the bad guy. Don't get me wrong, I love him, hes hilarious and awesome and I wish he was my friend, but I hate how he gets between Clary and Jace, especially for Clary, who feels guilty about him a lot. I think she deserves a break from constantly defending him. Oh, and there is a small conversation about the resemblance of Jesus that's slightly sarcastic. It is not meant to be religiously offensive to anyone, but if you think it offensive, then don't read it. Here we go!
Chapter 2: Secrets and Lies
"This chapter title sounds like a really bad soap opera," said Jace as Magnus began reading chapter 2.
We all gave him dirty looks. Now that he wasn't reading it was okay to interrupt? It was so Jace.
Magnus began reading, it was still from my point of view (ack!) and again, super embarrassing. I was thinking about a drawing that I had been doing and I was using words like sable and locks. I was starting to get looks from the table, but when I said his arm looked like an eggplant, Magnus brightened as everyone else chuckled. "Did I ever tell you about the time I caught a rather naughty demon dealing in child prostitution?" we all blinked at him, which he took as a no. "Well, to protect your delicate ears, I won't go into details, but I did turn part of him into an eggplant." He smiled evilly, "And it wasn't his arm."
Simon, Jace, and Alec all winced in unison while Isabelle and I busted up and high-fived each other at their reaction. Magnus surveyed his work with pleasure, then abruptly became serious and began reading again. It was more into my intimate thoughts of course, as I brooded about my failed drawing and lack of "creative juices." When I started thinking about my mom's beautiful paintings, the present me had to bite my bottom lip and blink several times.
Simon unexpectedly spoke up, "Well, someone's not at all suffering from self-esteem issues. Could this all be an elaborate plot on your part to steal your mother's talent and never again stand in her shadow?" I gave him an outraged look, but he was too busy looking around the table for a reaction to notice. Everyone mostly looked taken aback, which made Simon's shoulders tighten even more.
Wait….even more? He was still upset over me lying to him at Pandemonium!, I realized. I felt furious then, but didn't say a word. I figured my emotions were in the book enough without me adding to it.
Isabelle unexpectedly came to my defense, "What the fuck, Simon? I can't believe you just said something like that! You can be such a whiny bitch!"
Alec and Jace both burst into laughter and I allowed a smile to tug at my mouth.
Simon looked hurt, but I didn't feel pity for him this time, neither, apparently, did Jace. "And they say I'm an ass," he shook his head, "You just completely backstabbed your best friend." I looked at Jace in surprise, I hadn't expected him to defend me, what with him not sure if hated or loved me and all.
"As amusing as this episode of Days of Our Lives is, would you be so kind as to shut up and let me read?" asked Magnus. Isabelle looked confused.
"What's Days of Our Lives?" she asked in puzzlement.
"The most atrocious TV show ever made," I said, rolling my eyes.
Isabelle still looked a little confused, but I'm pretty sure she got it, for the most part.
Magnus read about the phone ringing and the voice identifying itself as a knife-carrying hooligan I had met last night in Pandemonium.
Alec looked surprised, "Which one of you called her?" he asked, glancing between Jace and Isabelle. Isabelle examined the ends of her hair and smirked, while Jace folded his arms behind his head, giving me an excellent view of his che- ok, stop right there!, the sane part of my brain shouted, he's your brother!
Thankfully, I was pulled off that particular train to places I didn't want to go by Magnus identifying the caller as Simon in the next paragraph.
I smiled a little, remembering when my life was no more complicated than getting grounded and prank calls. No swords, cups, angels, downworlders, crazy tattooed people, parents that were either comatose or evil, long-lost siblings that just happened to be gorgeous- Ok, again, shut up, brain!
I made a solemn pledge to myself to not think about Jace again and turned my attention back to Magnus.
He was reading about the phone conversation between Simon and me, when Simon had invited me to come to his friend Eric's poetry reading. When I said I didn't want to get in trouble with my mom on account of Eric's lousy poetry, Jace snorted, "It was pretty terrible, my ears were practically bleeding."
I laughed, "It wasn't that bad." At Jace's expression, I relented, "Okay, it was that bad."
Isabelle crossed her legs, and tossed her hair- again. I wondered idly if she was getting a neck crick yet. "Can we just read the damn story already?" she asked, then narrowed her eyes, "Since the vampire has apparently decided to stop being a backstabbing ass for the time being."
I really love Izzy. Looking amused, Magnus continued to read about our conversation until he got to the part where Simon said he wasn't taking me to an orgy in Hoboken. He perked up and said brightly, "That reminds me of the time-"
"We don't want to know, Magnus!" Isabelle and I shouted in unison. Everyone else at the table looked to be in agreement with us.
Magnus looked disappointed, but kept reading after muttering something about "prudish party-poopers." He read about our plans for Simon to pick me up later, then his claim of my mother's love for him and my reply that it was sign of her questionable taste. At that, a loud "HA!" came from the general direction of Isabelle, but when we looked at her, she was holding up a bottle of Steamy Jungle Red nail polish against her long fingers and looking entirely innocent. Isabelle, innocent? Ha.
Magnus looked like he wanted to strike up a nail polish conversation, but I knew we would be here all day if that happened. "Tear yourself away from Izzy's nail polish and read the damn book, please." I said sweetly. Magnus sighed in defeat and read about the general description of the living room, then he read the part about my father's picture being on the mantle.
Everyone looked astonished. "You had a picture of Valentine on your mantle?" asked Alec in a strangled voice. "It wasn't actually him," I explained wearily, "It was a picture of our neighbor's dead son my mom was commissioned to paint." No one had anything to say after that. "Keep reading, please," I said, my voice threatening to crack.
Magnus did, but unfortunately it went from bad to worse as I described the box with the JC initialed on it and the blond hair inside that my mom would take out occasionally. I snuck a glance at Jace, but his face was like stone, hard and impassive, which was how I knew he was affected. I didn't attempt to say anything; it would just make everything worse.
Luckily, Magnus was using his head for something other than an object to apply obscene amounts of glitter to and he kept reading. Next he read about me trying to hide from my mom by reading a book. Everyone grinned a little at that. The person coming in the apartment turned out to be Luke, however. I gave a little background history on Luke and how I used to call him Uncle Luke, until he said it made him think of Uncle Tom's Cabin. Everyone at the table looked confused except Jace, who chuckled and asked me jokingly, "What did you do to the poor man? Try and sell him into slavery?"
I stuck my tongue out at him, "Shut up."
Magnus interrupted, "Put away your crayons now, children, its story time." I stuck my tongue out at him, too. "My point, exactly," he said, triumphantly. I decided to let him read.
He read about me and Luke talking about packing boxes and a book called The Golden Bough, the book even had an excerpt from it, something about fairies and goblins still existing.
"Probably written by a Sighted mundane," said Jace to no one in particular.
"That was kind of a big hint," said Alec to me, "that you know, your mom's a shadowhunter and stuff."
Isabelle looked up from her half-painted left hand, "Oh yeah, Alec, huge hint, if I was a mundie, I'd definitely think my mother was a Nephilim warrior if she owned a fantasy book." Isabelle rolled her eyes at a defensively blushing Alec, then waved her unpainted hand, "Continue, Magnus."
Magnus did as she asked, until he read the line where Luke stared at an orange tape gun with "deep satisfaction."
Jace looked me, "Does Luke spend a lot of time staring at tape guns in deep satisfaction?"
"No," I said, "Sometimes he just stares at them in regular satisfaction."
Magnus ignored us and kept reading, while everyone else fought a losing battle with grins. Magnus read about me asking Luke what he would do if he could see something no one else could. When he dropped the tape gun, Jace chuckled, "Must have been pretty shocking for him to drop the precious tape gun." I ignored him, lost in my own thoughts of that day.
Magnus read how Luke had attempted to blow off my question by saying that I was an artist and artists saw the world differently.
"I resent being called an artist," said Isabelle.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked her, eyes narrowed.
"I prefer to think of myself as the badass female around here," she replied.
Jace chuckled, "No, it means Izzy just stuck her foot in her mouth and doesn't know how to get it out."
Isabelle smirked as she examined her Steamy Jungle Red nails, "Don't mind if I do put my foot in my mouth, these are brand new, three hundred dollar boots, I'm sure they taste delish."
Alec looked at Jace, "She used to chew the bars of her crib."
"Lead paint?"
"Apparently."
"They're just jealous of my natural feminine superiority," Isabelle mock whispered to me.
Magnus rolled his eyes at us and kept reading. Unfortunately. I felt my face turning redder and redder as Magnus read my comparison between my mother and I, which was rather unflattering towards me. When we got to the part where I said that I was a Raggedy Anne to my mom's Barbie doll, I put my head down on the table and groaned. The shadowhunters looked confused.
"What's a Barbie doll?" asked Alec. Thankfully, no one answered him.
When I said people watched my mother walk by, but only watched me when I tripped and went flying by, everyone laughed. I banged my head on the table once.
Thankfully, we got to the part where Luke and my mom announced that we were going on vacation for the rest of the summer. Then of course, we had to read through me having a fit over missing planning a party with Simon and my art classes. Which I had missed anyways, I would like to point out.
When my mom said that I couldn't stay in New York because something might happen and I asked her what, Jace had to comment. "Oh, nothing much, just demon attacks, the usual." I ignored him.
Next, Luke announced he was leaving and my mom followed him out to the entry way, where I overheard part of their conversation. That was when my mom mentioned Magnus being in Tanzania. Magnus threw his ringed fingers out dramatically and cried, "At last greatness enters!" We all blinked at him, except Alec, whose mouth was twitching with restrained laughter.
When Magnus finally got over himself, he read about Luke telling my mom that I wasn't Jonathan and that she couldn't lock me up at home. Jace's face went back into stone mode. Great.
Next, Simon opened the door just as Luke was going out, causing Luke to shout Jesus and Simon to reply that the resemblance was startling. Again, Jace had to comment. "Yes, what with your gawky appearance and lack of a beard, you look identical."
"I could look like Jesus did as a teenager!" replied Simon defensively.
That was one of the weirdest sentences I had ever heard in my life, to be honest. Jace and Simon were still arguing about how old Jesus was when he grew a beard and the exact date glasses were invented. I had had enough. "SHUT UP!" I screamed at them. Everyone in the restaurant turned to look at us again, but I didn't care. They were driving me insane.
Magnus, luckily, kept reading. He read about me and Simon leaving and Simon yelling good bye to my mom. A cough that sounded suspiciously like 'suck-up' came from Jace. Magnus ignored him and read about my apartment and Madame Dorothea. "More on her later," said Jace.
Magnus gave us another show when I saw him coming out of Madame Dorothea's shop. This time he attempted to stand up on the booth seat, but Alec and Isabelle managed to pull him down.
Next Magnus read a about me complaining about my mom to Simon at a Mexican food place. Then of course, I just had to mention the fact that my mom said that her life started when she had me. Jace went into stone face mode again.
Magnus then read about me and Simon arguing over whether my mom and scars or not. Isabelle looked like she was going to comment, but thought better of it. Then my mom called, I decided to go to the poetry reading and go back afterwards. Then we had an extremely awkward moment. In the book, my messenger bag strap slipped down, Simon pushed it up, his fingers lingering on my bare skin. Jace went all stiff next to me, his face most definitely not in stone mode. His eyes were shooting daggers at Simon and his lips were thin. I kicked him quickly under the table and he jerked a little, then settled, back in stone mode.
Magnus raised an eyebrow at me, but Simon and the Lightwoods had missed the incident, luckily. Magnus read about us talking about Simon's band. Everyone laughed and made comments at Simon's band names. Isabelle snorted when I wondered if any of them could actually play an instrument.
Then there was another awkward moment. Simon was telling me about his dilemma of being the last band member to not have a girlfriend. When he mentioned that he and the Windex-smelling janitor were the only single guys left and I told him he was still available, everyone laughed. Then we had to hear about Eric's girlfriend Sheila's thong.
I couldn't believe I hadn't seen that this was Simon's roundabout way of trying to tell him how he felt. Angel, I'd been stupid. Huh, I sounded like a shadowhunter now.
My mom called again and I decided to ignore her and go with Simon.
That was the end of chapter 2. I had a feeling I was going to regret this.
So… what did you guys think? Should I allow Simon back into Clary's good graces? Should any other characters show up to hear the story? Private message me any ideas you have and please review! Oh, and I stole the chewing crib bars/lead paint comments from some book, but I can't remember what book it was! If anyone can tell me what it was, you can be a Taki's waiter/waitress in a chapter. I wrote this story waaay faster because of reviewers. So please review, peeps!