Chapter 9: Walls Come Tumbling Down

Tony pulled himself up with the bar that hung over his bed. He grunted out surprised at how difficult it was. He definitely needed to work on his upper body strength. He tried to rotate himself around so that he was able to get in the wheelchair beside his bed. His body fell with a thud to the mattress.

Tony cursed loudly before slamming his fist in frustration against the mattress.

Nurse Stinette had been making her rounds. "Hey. A little early for that, Tony." She reprimanded.

He glanced up. "I don't want someone wiping my…." He knew the kind elderly nurse preferred no foul language. "BUTT for me."

"Yeah. Well, that's my job." She laughed. "And with a cutie like you. It is a perk to my job."

Tony tried to smile. He even faked a chuckle.

"You don't have to put up a façade for me, young man." The nurse helped move Tony back up in bed. "I know you're scared. I also know you hate this."

"Yeah." Tony admitted. "I can't show the team though. I mean Gibbs would feel guilty for not having the surgery done. Ziva is already feeling guilty I got shot and not her. I'm a big enough burden not to put more on them."

The nurse studied Tony's expression. "You're kind of mad though."

Tony knitted his brows together. "Yes. I would have had that operation. I …" He stopped. "I don't want to be an invalid. I'd rather have died."

"You're not an invalid." The nurse pushed pillows behind Tony. "That kind of insults a lot of people that have to live like this. You may not have to."

"But we don't know that. Do we?" Tony stated angrily. He sighed out apologetically. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Nurse Stinette smiled genuinely. Tony half expected her to say that it was a sign of weakness. But he felt weak. Very weak and hated every second of it. He also hated himself for feeling self pity. He wanted the old Tony back!

"I just want to punch something. To cuss someone. To …" Tony balled up his fists.

"Go ahead." Nurse Stinette shrugged. "I've heard it all. However, I've never seen someone care as much about their friends as to pretend all is perfect for them."

"I don't want their pity!" Tony yelled out. "Especially NOT HERS!"

"Well now." Nurse Stinett grinned as she checked Tony's vitals. "Doesn't that feel better?"

"Not really." Tony exhaled as he placed his arm over his eyes.

Nurse Stinnett wrote down the information on Tony. She then checked his IV. "She doesn't pity you."

"What?" Tony removed his arm from his face.

"Ziva." Nurse Stinette continued to talk. "She doesn't pity you. She cares. There is a difference, Tony. So be very careful to not push her away. I think that girl needs you right now. More than you know."

"I don't think that's it." Tony adjusted himself to sit straighter. For some reason, that made him feel manly. Something that he didn't feel much lately. Manly.

"Trust me." Nurse Stinette patted Tony's shoulder. "Her walls are crumbling down. You are going to be the one that catches her when she starts crumbling too."

"I'm the one that will…I mean…I'm not much to lean on considering." Tony motioned to his legs.

"Please." Nurse Stinette walked towards the door. "The self loathing isn't pretty. Nor is self-pity. You're allowed to feel it. But honestly, you seem stronger than that."

Tony shook his head. "You tell me I'm allowed to feel what I feel. Now you are chastising me for it."

"Not at all." Nurse Stinette winked. "I just know things are going to get worse on days. Better on others. The thing is I've been in her shoes. Pity isn't something we feel. We just want to help."

"You're talking from a nurse's point of view." Tony told her.

"No." Nurse Stinette stopped and peered at Tony. "I've never told this to anyone. I don't know why I'm even telling you. However, I'm talking from a lover's. My boyfriend committed suicide after he was badly injured in a car wreck. He was paralyzed. We were only teens in high school. He was a big football jock. He thought his life was over. He had no idea what that did to me. I wanted so bad to help him. He never let me in. Don't push her out. Because she needs to be there for you as much as you will need her to be."

Nurse Stinette left on those words. Tony closed his eyes

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Two weeks later

"I was thinking…" Ziva paced back and forth across the bullpen.

McGee leaned on his elbows looking up at Ziva. "Tony would answer that in 'Trying something new'."

Agent Welling laughed but stopped immediately when Ziva glared at him.

"As I was saying." Ziva glared again just to warn Tim not to interrupt. "I think Tony should stay at my home. I could help him as well as exercise with him. As you know, I am far more in shape than you, McGee. And well, Gibbs has stairs…and Abby has the coffin. Tony would not like that."

"Maybe you should ask me about that first." Tony wheeled up in his wheelchair with Gibbs following.

"I thought I was getting you from the hospital?" Ziva smiled broadly at seeing Tony.

"I was already there, Ziver." Gibbs walked to his desk. "Tony was ready to get out of there."

"Hey. I'm Agent Tom Welling." Tom stuck his hand out towards Tony. Tony shook it but stared at him. Too handsome. Did Ziva notice that?

"You're my replacement?" Tony squeaked out.

"NO!" McGee, Tom, and Gibbs all stated simultaneously. "He's your substitute."

Tony glanced over to Ziva. She shrugged. "I like that word better."

Author's Note: Thanks again for readers and reviewers. An answer to one reviewer, I don't plan on Tony taking it all well..all the time. (=