How to Overcome Jealousy

Written by The Lonely Serenade

Disclaimer : I don't own gakuen alice, it belongs to its rightful author and artist, Higuchi Tachibana.

To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.

—Anna Louise Strong

Chapter 2 — Think About What Jealousy is Telling You

He bit his tongue at first, but then flinched when he felt something like iron tasted on his mouth; it was awfully familiar somehow. He needed some rest, and fast for that too. The aching pain that was roaming all over his body was something not to be happy about; and thinking that somebody might have found him in a condition like this made his body moved even faster.

He found his room that was located on the highest building of the boy's dorm, the floor that was clearly meant for a special star like him. This time, he eyed the height between the ground and his room balcony's—cursing loudly on his mind on how unlucky that the special star floor had to be at the highest level. He will have Naru fixed this; he found it more efficient to get back and to go if his room was on the first floor.

The black cat of the academy jumped from one branches to the other swiftly, his move appeared to be in synchronize. It was flawless.

Despite having his body hurt by wounds and scratches, Natsume never shown how much pain he was suffering. Those damn pain killer pills that he had taken since he was ten made his body immune to those wounds, but of course, the effect was fatal to his body.

Sighing tiredly, he opened the door to his own room, ruthlessly luring him to faint after the cold air swayed to his body. He gripped his hand on one of the curtains, slightly ripping it because the thin layer couldn't take his weight. His hands searched for something on the wall, and when he found the switch for his room's light, he flicked it almost immediately; feeling a bit cautious of the dark.

It reminded him of his nightmares; where nobody would come for him and looked at him.

He walked towards his bed, agitated to sleep on it and to forget this horrible day.

That damn Persona was giving him an A-rank mission, and he never even bothered to tell him that the guards were all an alice-wielder. Sadistic Bastard!

Even if he's powerful, taking on enemies at the same time did make his body weakened; his alice was draining on his lifespan every time. He was hurt and tired of all. He just needed a rest; a simple and peaceful rest.

Natsume laid his body down on his bed, not even noticing the slight bump on the other side of it. He rolled his body over to the other side, but surprised that something was lying underneath the cover.

This made his suspicion rise.

The last time this was happening was when the spy from AAO came.

In one harmless pull, the cover of his bed had been thrown to the carpet, revealing a familiar brunette figure. Curling up there, was the oblivious nullifier, still sleeping soundlessly and he could hear her steady breathing.

Knowing that it was her, it made his body relaxed from its tensed situation.

Natsume's mouth formed a slight smile, looking at her innocent state, curling up so revealingly on his bed; and he felt bubbles stirring through his heart. The sight was overwhelming. But it didn't last for long, as Natsume narrowed his eyes; he noticed that stains of water were covering her cheeks.

She had been crying.

"Oi, little girl, wake up." Natsume shifted uncomfortably on his bed, shaking her fragile body a little. "You'll catch a cold."

Mikan's body stirred up gently, her eyes glittering open, revealing the most beautiful eyes that Natsume had always love to see. The tint of red that's painting her cheeks, messy auburn hair, and the moonlight that illuminated her body.

He was enchanted.

Stupid, stupid, damn moon.

His tongue was caught between his throat, and as she directed her honest gaze that could melt his heart, Natsume's breath hitched. Seeing her like this made him wanted to hold her on his arms, wrapping his arms securely on her little figure, whispering sweet nothings and vowed to protect her from any danger.

But instead, he was able to not strip his strongly built walls, hiding his emotions between his hearts and masked it with an immediate poker face.

Mikan's tears stung on her eyes again, and she gave him the smile that he loved dearly. "Natsume," she mumbled.

He avoided her gaze and spoke, "What?"

She grimaced when she noticed that he was being cold again; but totally brushed the blunt act off and said, "I'm glad you're alright."

That's when Natsume's brows lifted. "Of course I'm fine. Why would I not be fine?" There comes the smug tone again, and truth to be spoken, he knew that he was being useless at the time. "And what're you doing in my room? Are you stalking me?"

Mikan ignored the latter comment.

"Ruka-kun told me that you've gone to another mission," she bit her lips. "I'm worried that you might not come back here safely so I asked him to let me stay in until you came back."

He snorted. "I'm not a weakling."

"I know you're not. But I'm just afraid to lose you." Afraid that I can't see you again.

He sighed dejectedly. "Really? I thought you said that you hate me? Why would you care about the person that you hate?"

Mikan frowned at him. "I never said that I hate you."

"Yes you did, you said that you hate me after I kissed you."

Hazel eyes widened slightly and a flush crept to her cheeks. "I never meant it that way, I'm just . . . Ugh, never mind. Forget anything about what I've said earlier."

Natsume blinked, and his mouth curved on a smirk. "You're not angry anymore, are you?"

"I am not, I'm going for a truce with you," she exclaimed by beaming on him. "After all, we're friends!" Besides, grandpa once had told me that it's bad to hold grudges.

He scowled, feeling very furious on how forgiving she was. She shouldn't be that nice; people would take advantage of her.

And he also flinched at the word 'friends'. That's right, they were nothing but friends, what should he expect? Though that one simple word managed to send his thoughts on turmoil, his stomach was doing some flip backs as he drowned all of the conclusions that were swirling on his mind. They were friends, and they'll never be more than that.

Mikan blinked at him. "Natsume?"

"What?" The best answer he could let out sounded like a hiss.

"I'm sorry for saying that I hate you," Mikan vaguely walked to the door but stopped her hand on the knob. "Oh, and Natsume—"she smiled sweetly at him, "—If you're looking for me tomorrow, don't bother. I'm going on a date with Shima-senpai to Central Town. I do wish that you can come and join us; but Shima-senpai said that he will be nervous with you around. "

Whilst she said that, Natsume was still lost on his mind, not noticing that Mikan had long gone after she greeted a 'good night' to him.

She left Natsume on the door, her smoothing voice was still as clear as a whistle to him.

Natsume narrowed his eyes; a piercing growl was threatening to escape from his lips and devoured her retorts. But the person hand long gone.

I'm going on a date with Shima-senpai to Central Town. I'm going on a date with Shima-senpai to Central Town. I'm going on a date with Shima-senpai to Central Town.

The words that echoed through his mind were not amusing.

And damn that Shima. He was nervous with him around? Get real!

Natsume rolled his eyes. He just didn't want me to be around because he thought that I might ruin their date.

He should ask for some escape revelations, because a jealous and wounded Natsume was not humoring anyone in the academy. For the worst, all of the boys will be sent to hospital as a charge of his doings.

How he was pulled into the chaotic mess was beyond his interpretations, never in his life did Natsume ask for such miserable things to down upon him. The general reaction of a person when they found out that the person they loved —for nearly five years—were going on a date with another man was to act like a jealous banshee.

Back to the main problem: He will never ever admit that he was indeed jealous.

A part of his heart that yearned for her wanted to go to that Shima, confronted him, tortured him, and told him to stay back from the idiot. Conveniently enough, Shima was a special star too, so they're practically living at the same floor, what could be so hard? The reason was clear enough for him to know. Because she would hate him. Not just saying it, but meant it.

She'd hate him for burning the guy, telling him to not use his alice and drawled something that could make his heart ache and fluster. It's always like that.

He kept convincing himself that he didn't care about her, but she was too bright. She was always so bright that the dark him longed for her warmth, her subtle soothing and caring. He didn't love her. He looked at her as a friend, just like how she looked at him.

Nothing more, nothing less.

So if you're wondering what in the world was Natsume doing by picking up the book that Hotaru gave to him and actually tried to lower his pride by reading it was a mystery too. Natsume was a possessive person. His reason for reading this stupid book was to overcome possessiveness, not jealousy.

Though both possessive and jealousy were alike in many ways; he was jealous about friendship, not love. Yeah, that's it.

Leaning on the bed, he looked at the thick book on his hand in wonder and slight disgust.

He got some ominous feeling that was churning on his stomach, and his instinct told him that this was a bad idea. But the more he felt something bad was going to happen, Natsume will always be a part of that bad luck. He was a black cat; creatures who're feared to bring nothing but disaster. However, he didn't care. He didn't care about how he was feared anymore, because he got friends who will back up for him.

If there's a chance to control his emotion and jealousy, if there's a way to stop his true emotions from leaking out and hurting her; he'd have it no other way.

If he seemed to look gentler and not denying, that's because he was still suffering from the stupid mission.

God, he cringed when he opened the book. Even the title looked stupid.

How to Overcome Jealousy

Book made for dummies and idiots who have trouble on handling their emotions. Caution: Not a book for kids underage 10 years old.

Natsume twitched at the first line.

Stupid stubborn idiots out there, this book was a hundred percent proved enough worth it.

He's so going to burn the damn book later on.

Oh, and warning number one : The book was alice-proof.

Damn to hell you stupid book.

Jealousy and possessiveness are common emotions experienced by idiots, single dummies or rock-heads, or those who have been in a denial for a long period of time. Though sometimes it is not a problem and can in fact help a relationship remain passionate in moderation, these emotions often escalate into real, relationship-breaking problems. Overcoming jealousy and possessiveness is not easy, but it can be very amusing to do so.

Natsume snorted. 'Imai might be a genius, but she sucks at writing books.'

Step Number One — Think about what your jealousy is telling you.

This is an interesting and useful way to look at jealousy.

So thinking about what your jealousy tells you about yourself can help you to learn more about yourself, what you fear and how you may be fooling yourself. Think about what is reflected when you feel jealous of someone else.

Is it a fear of rejection? Or is it of not being good enough?

'Both.'

Or a fear that you will lose something/someone/some part of yourself you feel very attached to? If so, why are you feeling so attached?

'Because she was the light that helped me escaped from my darkness. She was the one who kissed me with her tooth; she was a stupid idiot who wears printed panties and loved to show it to the whole world. Because she is her.'

For whatever fear or belief within you that you think is making you feel the jealousy. Ask yourself: what can the jealousy reveal to me? How can I grow from this insight?

'Jealousy is driving me insane.'

It was like a rainbow.

Koko thought that the most possible substitution for his four friends were simple-colored rainbows. Natsume could be substituted with the color red; whilst Mikan, the cheerful and energetic one could be substituted with yellow. Ruka would pair up with blue, and Hotaru, she could probably substitute herself with purple.

They were missing the color green, and he'd be happy to fill in the position.

After all, he had always liked the color green. It seems so fresh, calm, and composed. Green was a mature color, the divine intervention that nobody would ever notice. But he liked it just right.

It was the color that separated red and yellow from blue and purple. But it was also the color that joined the four colors as a complete rainbow. It won't be a rainbow if there was no green—it could be a separator, or a connector. It synchronized altogether.

Of course, if he could do something to make Natsume feel better, then he would be glad to fill in the position as the green.

He didn't expect anything irrational from Natsume; he'd just consider him as his leader, the person he looked up to. So when he was busy reading other people's mind in the cafeteria, snickering the thoughts of the lunch lady that was utterly preposterous, he was surprised when he saw Natsume suddenly slammed the door of the cafeteria wide open, eyes flashing dangerously.

The cafeteria went silent; everyone not daring to make a move as the heat on the room suddenly rose higher. But with a simple glare from Natsume, telling everybody to just continue whatever they're doing—everybody just do what he said.

Koko noted his expression from head to toe, then back to head again. A confused brow was lifted from the mind reader's face.

Natsume looked . . . depressed.

He heard Ruka, who sat beside him, sighing. Well, that was weird.

Natsume slide the chair rudely, sitting with one of his legs folded up, and he heard him said through his gritted teeth, "What is that damn stupid bastard Shima's alice again?" Colorful language.

Koko blinked. Ruka gulped. Kitsuneme laughed. Mochu smirked.

Natsume himself was dumbfounded; why in the world was everybody showing him a different expression? He didn't know whether he should read it as a bad sign or a good sign. He sighed once again, and stood up abruptly.

"Ruka and Koko, come with me." He pointed at the pair, "Mochu and Kitsu, searched whatever information that was obtainable about Shima. I want it to be handed on me tonight, fast."

Ruka and Koko nodded, while the other two shook their head, telling him that they'll do their job perfectly. And that was all Natsume needed.

The threesome walked towards the doors, slammed them open again and disappeared from the sights of the students who were busy eating and chatting.

"Hey, if you want to know about Shima's alice, then you should ask me," Koko offered. "He has the clone and clairvoyance alice."

Natsume stopped walking. "He has two alices?"

"Yes he does so will you please reconsider your act and let's get back peacefully. You should know any better not to mess with him, he is the council president, and if you damage him from any sight, I bet the academy won't let you off easily." Ruka cut them and gave an answer.

"But he is a damn bastard."

Ruka snorted. "Even if he is going on a date with Mikan, that doesn't make him a damn bastard, Natsume."

Koko grinned; his speculations were correct. It was connected to her after all. That was no surprise, Natsume would lost his rational thoughts and controls, better yet, threw them out of the window. Probably.

"I can say the same thing to you, Ruka. The girl you fell in love with is going out with another man, don't you feel like you should feed his dead body to your birds or something?"

Ruka rolled his eyes. Aren't you talking about yourself? "Natsume, I got over my crush on Mikan since, I don't know, two years ago?"

Natsume cursed under his breath.

"And besides, my birds don't eat human meats."

"Ouch! Hey, watch it Natsume!"

Kokoroyome glared at Natsume for the third time that day, rubbing his butt that was still fried from the hot ground. Natsume glanced at him, and smirked tauntingly. That only made him pissed even more.

"You know, you should direct your anger to something else, not Koko's poor butt." Ruka commented while Koko smiled in agreement.

Natsume grumbled something that Ruka and Koko didn't quite catch, and continued his spying sessions on his little idiot.

Truthfully, he had a hard time handling his anger today. First, he was glad that he brought Ruka and Koko to accompany him. Ruka could stop him from going berserk, and he could ask Koko about what Mikan's thoughts and that Shima's too. Second, he was unhappy of the fact that Mikan and Shima were laughing happily; bright smiles decorated their faces while the only thing that decorated Natsume's face was a scowl.

Third, last of all, was the way Shima touched Mikan.

He of all people should know his places. But with Shima touching Mikan's hand, cheeks, and lips, how could a guy not burst in fury?

Shima touched Mikan's hands with a reason that he did not bring a glove and his hands were freezing cold, so he asked her if he could hold her hands to keep his hands warm. Everybody should know that it was a lame reason.

But Mikan just had to believe him.

It was these kind of times that he wished for Mikan's innocence to disappear for a while. She could only be innocent in front of him, and not other guy. Those guys' intentions were probably poor and perverted. God knows what she would be if he wasn't there to keep her innocence.

When he saw they were happily eating fluff puffs and some of the cotton candy was plucking on the area of her lips, he had the urge to grab Mikan and wipe those fluff puffs from her lips, just so he could actually feel her warm lips on his fingertips.

But the damn bastard Shima was too cocky to even think that he was in the position to do it for him.

And he just had to kiss her on the cheek—making her blush. That kind of stuff was an authority that was clearly meant for him only. Not Shima.

But when Natsume's crimson eyes snapped from his reasons and constant thoughts, he wielded the sight he could never forget.

It was a nice scenery. The winds were blowing; perfect enough to calm everyone's soul. Except for one person.

He could no longer heard Ruka's taunts and protests when he saw Shima's hands crept up to her waist, smoothing and moving on a seductive motion. He could no longer hear Koko's shrieking about his thoughts, purposely about murdering someone alive when Shima leaned in and stroke Mikan's cheek gently. He could no longer see anything because all he saw was red when Shima made another move.

He was going to kiss Mikan.

Again, his mind was flooded with thoughts from last night. Was he really jealous? Did he love her? Or was it just another act of possessiveness?

He didn't care; but one thought did slip his flooded minds.

Think about what jealousy is telling you.

Lips curved up a smirk, he swiftly slapped Koko and Ruka's hands that were holding him. His consciousness was being overwhelmed by something he had never experienced before.

The crowd that was watching Mikan and Shima's intimacy moment was making a way for the flame caster instantly, recognizing the deadly aura the lad's producing. When he had locked his target, he made his way to the two people.

Mikan gasped when he saw Natsume was approaching them. She started to struggle from Shima's hold and warily squeaked when he was not giving her any sign to release her. And the trigger was pulled.

Natsume's strong hands tapped lightly on Shima's leaning built, and it was beyond him too on how the tapped light turned into a deadly grip.

With a low husky tone, he spoke, "Excuse me, but my inner voices are telling me to burn you."

She was hurt by his strong grip that pulled her. It was not gentle and lovable, but it was demanding and strong. Just like him. She knew that it was his nature to be harsh and she understand it quite naturally.

His grip on her arm was tight, and she bet it'll probably make a bruise. But she blamed herself for all of this. It was not just her that was hurting.

The look of anger on his face that she saw when Shima-senpai was going to kiss her was heart-wrenching. His eyes look so sad; he needed some company. He looked lonely and sad.

She didn't want him to be sad. She didn't want him to be hurt. Even if he swayed her away; even if he told her to leave him alone, she just couldn't.

She couldn't because of a reason.

She couldn't because Mikan Sakura cared for Natsume Hyuuga.

So when he grabbed her away from Shima-senpai, away from the murmuring crowd, she didn't have any protest. She was worried that the more she struggled from him, it was either he used his alice on Shima-senpai, or used his alice on the crowd. She didn't want him to hurt Shima-senpai and the others, and she didn't want him to use his alice too.

But he liked to use his alice basically on everything. He was so stubborn.

She was not surprised when he brought her to their Sakura Tree.

"Mikan." His tone was bitter.

Knowing the meaning of his tone, she answered him. "Shima-senpai didn't do anything to me, Natsume."

And that was all Natsume needed.

He released her from his strong grip, pulling her away. But it was not a matter of time before he grabbed her waist and crushed her fragile body to his strong chest. His hands travelled to her hair, burying his fingers and feeling her soft textures. His other hand rested on her back, gripping the fabric of her clothes.

Even his embrace was possessive.

He needed her presence; he needed her to be close so he knew that she was not with that Shima, but with him.

The alluring scent of strawberries was a thrill to his senses. When her little hands trailed to hug him back, he tightens on his embrace. He felt that with his little friend hug him back, he felt complete. When she, his little friend, rested her head on his chest, he rested his head on hers.

That was all he needed.

Reluctantly pulling back, he muttered to her ears. "I'm sorry."

And after the affection he had given her, he posed his cold demeanor to her again. Their embrace was enough to fill his rational senses. Now she could do anything, and he wouldn't care less. She was just a friend.

He left her, alone and confused.

A/N : Natsume will soon past on his denial; and Mikan will soon notice that she didn't just care about Natsume. I'm so sorry that it took so long for me to update.

Thanks for reading, and please review. Your reviews are giving me the courage and confidence to continue this story, so please?

The Lonely Serenade