WIP
"Past Sins"
Copyright 2008 Penn O'Hara
T
Usual disclaimers apply.
LOCI Timeline: During Season Seven.
MY LOCI Timeline: Post "Conversations".
A/N: I made another photostory to get myself immersed in this chapter, called "Trust". Email me for the link if you're interested in seeing it. It's solely Logan/Barek and based on the episode, "Diamond Dogs".
oOo
Chapter Four
Entering their apartment, Carolyn was immediately aware Mike had beaten her home. His leather coat was hanging on its hook against the wall, his shoes neatly paired on the shoe stand and the window was opened to the three inch gap through which she liked to allow the still crisp early Spring air into the living room. She smiled to herself, heartened that she had been able to cure Mike of some of his bad habits, namely throwing his coat onto the couch, kicking his shoes off in front of it and relying on the reverse-cycle air conditioner for his climate needs.
"And they say you can't change a man," she said proudly as she went in search of him.
The sound of running water drew her to the bathroom, but filled her with apprehension. They needed to talk, and Carolyn couldn't afford to be diverted by a Mike Logan freshly showered, damp and tousled, and minimally dressed. Pushing resolve to the fore, she breezily called to him as she entered the bathroom.
"I'm back, hon. I was with Alex. It took me a while to negotiate the traffic."
She saw him move, his silhouette distorted by the frosted glaze of the shower door. Steam rose and broke over the cubicle, misting the full length mirror on the wall opposite.
Carolyn bent down and retrieved his shirt and trousers, discarded on the floor at her feet, acceding there were some housekeeping battles she hadn't yet won. The moist air in the bathroom was laden with the deep scent of the Jaguar Pure Instinct shower gel she bought for Mike but it mingled with a lighter sweeter perfume. Carolyn brought Mike's shirt to her nose and inhaled deeply. It was perfume. She didn't recognize it, but it was unmistakably feminine. Her heart tripped and jolted to a stop, before burdening her chest with a sickening off-kilter beat.
The shower ceased and the cubicle door opened. Carolyn slowly lowered the shirt and turned her head to catch the flash of resignation on Mike's face.
"You'll smell her on my shirt, but nowhere else," he said, reaching for a towel, his eyes not meeting hers.
"You just showered—"
"That's got nothin' to do with it."
Hissing in a breath, Carolyn turned away. "We gotta talk, but put some clothes on first. I don't need the distraction." Dumping his shirt and trousers back onto the floor, she left the room.
Seething, she headed for the kitchen, where she poured herself a glass of red wine, determined to dull the knife edge that was twisting in her chest and get a handle on her emotions before she saw him again.
Don't fire off, she told herself. That's what Mike does. You're the calm one. Get all the facts, then kill him.
She grabbed a beer for him and took her glass into the living room where she settled onto the couch to wait. Gulping wine, she forced herself to blank her mind and not to jump to conclusions. She looked up as he joined her on the seat, dressed in low-slung blue jeans and a black T-shirt, an appealing combination that made her look hastily away. He might as well have stayed naked. Carolyn couldn't help but want him no matter what he wore or what he'd done and it made her angry, both at him and herself.
"Where were you?" she asked, her throat hurting with the effort.
"I went to see Liz."
No prevarication. No hesitation. He hit her with it up front.
"Olivet?" she gasped. "Just like that? She just opens her door to you any hour of the night."
"That's right, Carolyn. She's a friend."
"A very good friend," she snapped.
"Yes. She is."
Carolyn pressed her fingers against her forehead, massaging the ache between her eyes. She took another gulp of wine, giving herself the courage to calmly face him.
"I got you a beer," she said, pointing to the sweating bottle on the coffee table, buying time. Ignoring it, he remained watchful and waiting.
"Why?" she asked. "Why go and see her?"
"I wanted to make sure she was all right."
She watched him push his heavy silver ring across his knuckle, his tell that he was thinking deeply and carefully.
"Because you're a loyal, devoted friend," Carolyn scoffed, feeling hysteria bubble up within her and unable to prevent it, "…who cares so much about your friends that you drop them for a decade and then suddenly… suddenly you're so close to them, their perfume is all over you!"
Mike's jaw clenched against her tirade, his eyes diamond-cold as his mouth chewed back a retort.
She'd gone too far, but it was too late to reel back the words.
Sucking in a breath, Mike leaned back onto the couch and folded his arms, building a barrier between them, his gaze spearing her. "You, Carolyn," he said, ominously low, "have my loyalty, my devotion and my love. If you didn't know that before, know it now." He paused, giving her time to interrupt, but she had nothing to say. "What I have with you, I'm not gonna throw away by doin' whatever it is you think I did. What's between Liz an' me is between us and doesn't affect how I feel about you."
Carolyn's eyes dropped, unable to hold his direct gaze. These were the words she wanted to hear, but she feared he knew that and used that knowledge to add credence to his argument.
"What's in the past," he continued, "doesn't affect how I feel about you. You can choose to believe me or not, but I can't say it plainer. I was concerned about Liz and we talked. She hugged me before I left. That's it. Maybe we both needed that hug, but that's all we did."
Carolyn's limbs were locked with tension as she tried not to imagine them in each other's arms. "Why did you need it?"
He threw his arms wide, his face incredulous, as if he couldn't believe she hadn't worked that one out for herself. "I felt…under attack… back at the restaurant. I was concerned about Liz but all you were concerned about was beatin' me over the head with a past relationship."
Nausea grabbed at Carolyn's stomach, her head spinning from relief. She believed him, and she realized how dangerously close she had come to pushing her man onto another woman.
Mike leaned forward and took her hands in his, searching her face. "What is it about me you don't trust?"
Carolyn's eyes fell. She knew he was demanding an honest answer, but she had none to offer.
Dropping her hands, Mike erupted from the couch. "Do I have to prove myself again?" He whirled around, frustration pulling at his face. "I thought the barriers were down when I admitted to myself that I loved you… told you I loved you. I thought I proved somethin' when I agreed to move in here." Bending down, he leaned a hand either side of her, pinning her to the couch and thrust his face into hers. "What's next? What more will it take to convince you? Marriage? Will that be enough?"
Her heart leapt at the thought, but she couldn't speak. Couldn't move.
"Or will you want more again?" he continued through her silence. "Kids? But where do you go from there, Carolyn? What further act of proof after we have kids together?"
Still she said nothing, not daring to push him on that one and he flung himself away with an exasperated shout.
"Fuck, Carolyn, I get this feelin' you're just waitin' for me to slip up."
Forced to give him some sort of explanation, she pathetically grasped at a clinical one. "Case studies have shown… that boys… abused by their mothers become men with issues. I guess… I've been watchin' and waitin' for those issues to materialize."
"Fuck!" Mike punched his hand into his open palm, swinging around again as if desperately seeking a bolt-hole. Freezing, he turned back to her. "It's come to that again! You torpedoed me with that on our first case together and you're doin' it again." He swooped in on her again, his face twisted, pushing her back hard against the couch. "I could have throttled you that day. Did you know? Did you guess? I understood why you did it… to get that kid onside. To alienate him from his mother and break 'im and get the confession. But I still felt like squeezin' the life out of you for doin' it to me."
Carolyn turned her head away. She deserved all of this. She guessed at Mike's repressed violence even then, but she gambled he'd hold it in during the interrogation and he did. To get the job done. She agonized over doing that to him so early in their partnership, but they both moved beyond it, worked as successful team afterward.
Even became lovers.
But acknowledging that she deserved it, didn't make his attack of her now any more palatable nor acceptable. Needing to gain some ground, an unbidden survival instinct forced her to turn on him.
"Then do it now!" she snarled, whipping her face round and throwing the words at him, meeting anger with anger. "Try it now, hotshot! Let's clear the air. I'll take you on. Don't know if I'll win, but I'll get a lot of satisfaction tryin'!"
Mike's head jerked back in shock, then a grin slowly spread across his face, morphing into full-blown laughter. Straightening from her, he bent over double again with an amused whoop.
Carolyn moved.
Throwing herself at him low, she took him down. They landed on the floor, the element of surprise splaying him helplessly under her and she straddled him, her hands pinning his shoulders to the floor.
Her advantage lasted mere seconds.
Jack-knifing, Mike flipped her over, pressing his body full-length to hers, his weight immobilizing her and forcing the breath from her.
"That's one helluva way to ask me to make love to you," he snarled.
Her lip curled. "Don't flatter yourself, Logan. I was just tryin' to shut you up."
"I got a better way," he gritted, swooping down on her with a hard kiss.
Carolyn put her best efforts into struggling, but she knew it was a lost cause the instant his lips touched hers. Muffled protests in her throat and attempts to toss her head only incited him and made him more insistent. Their bodies mocked the emotional undercurrents scoring the air, responding with the attraction that combusted whenever they came in contact.
His fast, hard kisses were stealing what little breath she had left. Carolyn gasped. "I…can't…breathe…"
Rolling onto his back, Mike took her with him, and she pushed against his chest, victorious.
"Sucker!" she crowed.
"Get those pants off an' I'll show you how much!" he muttered, eyes glinting.
Carolyn playfully slapped him. "Crude as well as gullible. Logan, you have no class."
"An' you love it!"
Carolyn sighed, her shoulders dropping in defeat. "You're right. I do. I'm sorr—"
Scooping a hand behind her neck, he dragged her down to him, murmuring against her lips. "No apologies. We don't need 'em. This is the way it is between us, Carolyn. Okay? The highs an' the lows. The gems an' the thorns. This is the way I want it."
She straightened and smiled, feeling the love radiate out of her and hoping that he could see it. "Okay, hon. I get you." Bending down, she placed a tender kiss against his mouth, breathing into him as it deepened and she melted under the drug that was the taste and feel of him.
Pulling back again, her eyes misting, Carolyn sighed again. "I love you, Logan."
"Then quit jawin' and do somethin' about it, Barek," he said, his teeth snapping.
"Fuck you, cowboy," she said amenably, grabbing the hem of his T-shirt and ripping it up over his head before he could blink. Tossing it across the room, her fingers went to the zipper on his jeans.
"Race you to the finish!" he laughed.
A tussle ensued as they each tried to gain supremacy in the stripping stakes. Carolyn tried to get Mike's zipper down with one hand while her other tried to prevent him from doing the same to her. They battled each other, scuffling and laughing, until they both lay on their backs, exhausted on the floor, arms splayed over each other.
Carolyn's shirt was stretched and askew but her trousers intact, while Mike's zipper was only semi-down. She turned her head to gaze at him as he stared at the ceiling.
Lifting an arm and flopping it down again, he acceded defeat. "Ladies first."
"That's better," she grinned. "'Bout time you accepted the natural order of things." Pushing herself up onto her elbow, she circled a finger around his zipper, teasing him with her intent. "You put these jeans on deliberately, didn't you?" she mused.
He turned to look at her. "Yeah, I'm generally deliberate about puttin' on clothes. I get to work without gettin' arrested that way."
She pouted at him. "You know what I mean. You know how these jeans make your buns look totally edible."
He frowned. "Now, how would I know that?"
"Because every time you put them on, I can't help myself." She bent down and feathered her lips along his jaw. "I gotta take 'em off you again."
"Barek…" He pulled back his head to look at her in confusion. "Are you gonna talk about it? Or do it?"
"And that's another thing!" She sat up, hands on hips, in mock reproof. "You know it makes me hot when you call me 'Barek', and you did it before too! When I was gettin' all mushy and lovin', you went and turned up the heat."
His eyes opened, innocent-wide. "Hey, I'm all for mushy and lovin', but right now, I could do with a little action."
Mike's hands went for her shirt, popping every button, and bunching it behind her, trapping her arms in the sleeves. Holding the effective straight-jacket with one hand, his other went for her trousers, deftly pushing the button through and dragging down the zipper with fluid, practiced movements.
Carolyn found herself flipped onto her back again, immobile, with her trousers pooled around her ankles. Mike's hand zeroed in onto her panties, one finger hooked into the lace.
He slowly dragged them down.
"Barek, you gotta know you take the challenge out of it when you don't wear a bra," he chuckled, then lowered his head to hers.
Lips almost touching, he stopped.
"By the way..." he said softly, "...I win."
oOo
Finis.
… until the next 'little idea'. :grin: