A/N:

This story turned out to have a rather different feel than I had expected it to have and I almost didn't post it. But after I read it to my sister, she disagreed with me and I found myself changing my opinion as well. So, here it is, in all it's "not quite how I wanted it" glory. :P Lemme know what you think!

Thanks to my 'lil sister for giving me so many of the ideas used to base this story on! :D

I Need You

What is it about little kids always needing somebody? I can't imagine I was ever this needy! It's not like the world's gonna end as soon as the bigger person walks three feet away…

Adam, age 14, winced a little in sympathy as the sound of Marie's dainty sneeze rattled around the hall. OK, so it was usually dainty, but not this time. Pa came out of the room with Little Joe, age 2, held against his shoulder. Joe was staring back at Marie, one chubby hand stretched out towards her.

Around Pa's back, Adam saw her smile at Joe, "Just go with Pa and be good, Joseph. You'll be back soon!" Then she sneezed again, clapping her hands to her face just in time.

"That's right Joe, we'll be back soon," agreed Pa. He turned and looked back at Marie, "Rest quietly while we're gone. Hop Sing will take good care of you."

Marie's gentle and playful smile flashed, "Of course. And you needn't remind me about Hop Sing. He always takes good care of me." She held a tissue to her nose as she waved to Joe and Pa began to shut the door.

Joe waved his hand slowly as the door obscured his vision of his mother, then dropped the pudgy hand with a sigh.

"Alright, you young scallywag," said Pa playfully, giving Joe's rear a gentle smack, "We're off to take your brothers to school."

"Wanna stay wif Momma," murmured Joe sadly.

"You can't do that today Joe. Momma doesn't feel so well."

"Pa, we'll be late!"

"Alright, alright Adam! Just hold your horses and we'll be out in a minute."

With a slightly frustrated sigh, Adam stalked out the door and plopped in the back of the wagon. Hoss, age 8, was already there, kicking his heels in a bored sort of way.

"When do 'ya reckon Pa'll let us ride to school on our own, Adam?" He asked when he saw that Adam came out alone.

"I don't know. He never gives me a straight answer when I ask him about it."

"Whut does he say?"

"He says, 'When you're old enough'."

"Whut's that supposed to mean?"

Adam shrugged, "I dunno. Ask him."

Hoss's brow wrinkled in thought and stayed that way until Pa and Joe came out.

"Everybody ready?" asked Pa.

Adam barely managed to contain a roll of his eyes (of course they were ready! Had been for half an hour!), but Hoss piped up cheerily, "Shore are Pa!"

"Alright then!" Pa stepped up on the wagon and for a split second Adam envied his long legs that allowed him to climb onto a wagon seat with dignity. Joe was on one of Pa's hips, but he set him in the back with Adam and Hoss after he sat down. As soon as the wagon began to move, Joe crawled on his hands and knees into Adam's lap. Adam eyed him with disapproval, but decided that it was probably safer for him to sit in his lap than to just sit loose in the wagon. With a sigh, Joe nestled his head on Adam's chest and began to run his finger over the buttons of his shirt. Adam gently pushed the baby's hand away, not wanting any damage to be wrought on his shirt buttons. Joe reached for the buttons again, but Adam pushed his hand away again. After a moment of Joe's sitting still, Adam allowed himself to look away towards Hoss. Hoss was sprawled out on the floor of the open wagon, running his finger through the thin layer of dust on the wood.

"Hoss, you'll get your clothes dirty."

Hoss shrugged, "It ain't that dirty, Adam. 'Sides, I kin jist dust off when we git to school."

Adam opened his mouth to point out that the color and quality of the dust would not allow itself to just be brushed away, when he became aware of a growing pressure on one tiny portion of his scalp. Immediately, he grabbed Joe's hand and pried the fingers off of one of his dark waves. "Joe! Leave my hair alone!"

Joe giggled softly and rubbed his curly head under Adam's chin.

Hoss eyed him carefully, "Joe's actin' funny today."

Pa twisted around quickly, "What was that?"

"I jist said that Joe's actin' funny."

"What makes you say that?"

Hoss shrugged, "I dunno. He's jist bein' all snuggly like. And he ain't so loud, neither."

"Thank God for that!" muttered Adam as he pushed Joe's hand away from his buttons again.

"Oh, is that all? Well, I think he's just tired, son." Pa turned back, somewhat relieved, Adam thought.

Hoss shrugged and went back to his patterns in the dust.

"Hoss, your shirt has dirty smudges on it."

"I know."

"But you don't care?"

Hoss sighed, "Seems to me that e'ry time I go outside I git dirty and there ain't no use in tryin' avoid the unavoidable."

Adam blinked in astonishment, both at Hoss's utter lack of care as to his appearance and at his fluent use of the word "unavoidable". He wasn't sure at first which surprised him more, but on second thought, the latter was a good deal more unusual.

When they got to the school yard, Adam set Joe down in the wagon bed and jumped out eagerly, anxious to make it to the school before the bell rang, which would be any moment now. Hoss thumped to the ground behind him and they trotted around to wave farewell to Pa, books held tightly under their arms.

"Adam!" whimpered Joe, suddenly and to everyone's surprise.

Adam stopped dead and turned around, "What, Little Joe?"

Joe threw his arms out wide in a meaningful gesture that made Adam wince.

Hoss whispered in his ear, "Go on, ain't nobody lookin'."

Adam cast him a grateful look and moved closer to the wagon, "See 'ya, Little Buddy."

Leaning over the railing, Joe clasped his arms around Adam's neck so tightly that the boy found it rather hard to breathe. Awkwardly he patted the baby's back and tried to push him away, "OK Joe, I've gotta go now." Joe didn't make a move to release his brother. "Joe, I've gotta go to school now. Let me go." Still Joe didn't move, but kept his face buried in his brother's neck. "Joe!"

"Joe, let go of your brother," said Pa. Joe didn't move.

Hoss snickered quietly, "Here Adam, lemme help you."

"That would be greatly appreciated," growled Adam softly, trying to push the baby away from his neck.

Hoss came up beside Adam and took hold of Joe's chest, "Alright now, let 'em go!" He tugged on the baby, but Joe's grip did not relax. "Joe! Let go of him!" Hoss pulled harder and succeeded in jerking the baby's feet out of the wagon and suspending him over the ground, his chest supported by Hoss and his head supported by his death grip on Adam's neck. Hoss grunted as he pulled, "Ain't never knew a kid this small that were this strong."

"He's- a- Cartwright!" gasped Adam, straining backwards away from Joe and Hoss's pulling, his neck aching with the strain. But Joe would not let go! Adam was by now very frustrated, but a thought struck him and he suddenly ducked his head down between Joe's arms, the tight circle of which had opened some since Hoss started pulling on him. The instant his head vanished under Joe's arms, Joe lost the pillar which he was holding on to and began to shoot backwards towards Hoss's tugging. Adam felt a rush of relief, then a sudden vicious rip on both sides of his scalp. He yelped and stumbled forward, automatically trying to save his skin from being jerked right off his skull. "Hoss!" he cried in agony as Joe clung to his hair with both hands. But his movement took Hoss by surprise and his forward momentum combined with Hoss's backward momentum of pulling on Joe brought them crashing to the ground, Hoss on the bottom, Joe squished in the middle and Adam on top. Pa was beside them, but darn it, he was laughing! Adam's face burned as he tried to sit up and was met with sharp pain on his head, inflicted by his baby brother still clinging to his hair. Now he was seeing how many of the milling kids were watching them with great interest.

"Pa, get him off!"

"I'm trying, son, I'm trying!" Pa was laughing so hard he could barely speak, but his hands shaking with mirth finally managed to untangle Joe's chubby fingers from Adam's dark locks.

Adam rolled off of Hoss and stood up painfully, shooting the baby a black look and running his fingers gingerly through his hair, simultaneously checking for injuries and straightening the ruffled tufts.

Joe gazed at him longingly and put his arms out for him, but Adam took a hasty step backwards. "Oh no you don't!"

"I've got him, Adam." Pa was still laughing and it exasperated Adam to the extreme.

"I don't see what's so funny Pa! That hurt!" He didn't add how embarrassing and damaging to his dignity the situation was.

"I know it hurt son and I'm so-"

The bell rang and Adam spun on his heel, tossing over his shoulder, "It's fine Pa. I'm sorry I spoke sharply to you." He stalked off.

Hoss had risen from the ground and his face was red with the suppressed desire to laugh. "You shore are a funny one, Little Joe."

Joe was staring after Adam, but after a moment buried his face in Pa's chest.

"You'd better go with Adam, Hoss," said Pa, rubbing Little Joe's back.

"Yessir'," replied Hoss and trudged after his older brother.

"What has gotten into you, Joseph?" murmured Pa as he climbed onto the wagon, the baby clutching him tightly, "This isn't like you! Adam will be mad for a week."

Joe whimpered ever so faintly and Pa looked down at him with concern dawning on his face.

Adam's head was bent over his school books. He didn't trust that his cheeks weren't still flaming red, though he knew he could control his expression well enough (he had practiced in front of a mirror plenty of times when he went to be by himself after becoming frustrated or embarrassed). Suddenly there was a poke in his back. He started slightly and stiffened, then slowly and cautiously turned around. Marjorie Clarin, with her golden braids and pretty blue eyes, was smiling at him. He eyed her warily, then began to turn around but she leaned forward and whispered, "I saw your brother. He's real cute."

Adam stiffened again and shot her a carefully veiled look.

She giggled softly and added, "I can tell he really loves you. I would give anything for such a cute and sweet little brother."

Adam suddenly choked severely and could answer not a word.

When Pa came to pick them up from school, Hoss cheerfully hopped in the wagon but Adam climbed up slowly and with that air about him that clearly said, Don't mess with me right now. Pa was only slightly disturbed that Adam was still in an ill humor, this being a rather usual thing for him. It took his oldest son a while to work through his anger, but he always did in the end.

"Where's Joe?" asked Hoss.

"With his mother," replied Pa. "I thought it best he stayed home." He cast Adam a look, but Adam was looking away and did not seem to notice.

The ride home was quiet after that, with nothing but the tread of the horse's hooves, the creak of wood on the floor, leather on the harnesses and metal springs under the wagon seat. Hoss had clambered up beside Pa, but Adam sat alone in the back.

As they approached the house, Pa suddenly shaded his eyes, "Is that Joe?"

"How'd he get out, Pa?" asked Hoss in surprise.

"Beats me!"

They pulled to a stop beside the baby standing outside of the house, watching them steadily.

"Joe? What are you doing outside?" asked Pa.

Joe didn't answer, but put his arms up to be held. Obligingly, Pa bent down and swung him up into his lap, where he cuddled against his father's chest.

Hoss eyed him again, "Pa, he ain't actin' like he norm'ly does."

"You're right, Hoss." Pa felt the child's forehead. "He doesn't have a fever. But we should keep an eye on him, all the same."

Joe gazed up at his Pa and then his liquid hazel eyes slid back down and around Pa towards Adam, sitting with his back to them. "Adam?" he inquired, plaintively.

Adam slid off the wagon and jerked his books off the boards roughly, "Not right now, Joe."

"Adam!" Joe scrambled to get down from the wagon and Pa helped him so he didn't fall. "Adam!"

"Not now, Joe," growled the teenager.

Joe galloped after and flung himself towards his brother, catching hold of his legs.

"Joe!" exclaimed Adam in frustration, stopping to pry the boy off so he could walk without tripping. Joe's arms were peeled away and Adam moved back towards the house. Joe dove for him again, catching one leg this time. "Joe!" Adam's roar of fury made his father and both brothers start.

"Adam!" whimpered Joe, letting go of his leg and staring up at him from the ground, eyes welling with tears.

Adam immediately regretted his outburst and bit his lower lip in shame and indecision. If he apologized, Joe might cling to him for the rest of the day. If he let it go, he might have some peace and quiet. He made a quick calculation, spun on his heel and stomped into the house without a word.

Adam is good at making calculations. He always has been. But this time, he made a serious mistake by leaving out an important factor in his calculations. His heart.

He was in the room Hoss and he shared, trying to distract his guilty thoughts by planning how, in the house he was going to build, everyone would have their own rooms and maybe even have individual locks on the doors. But it was no use. The peace and quiet he desired seemed too quiet. Too empty. Too full of his own thoughts and the sharp feeling that he had not handled the situation well at all. Sitting on his bed, he leaned his elbows on his knees and put his forehead in his hands. The door of the room opened softly, but Adam heard it squeak on its hinges. He didn't turn around. Hoss was probably upset with him for making Joe cry and Adam didn't want to see the look on his face. Someone climbed on the bed, but he still didn't turn around. Hoss was probably waiting for a moment before he began to try and make Adam see why Joe didn't mean to make him mad. Someone was crawling across the bed and Adam leaned away, not wanting Hoss to come near him. Then someone was creeping into his lap and Adam lifted his head in surprise.

"Adam?" whispered Joe. "I sorry."

Adam suddenly whisked his baby brother into a tight hug and his eyes watered with the threat of overflowing. "I'm sorry too, Joe."

Joe snuggled close to Adam's chest and sighed deeply, relaxing his tiny body so much that Adam had to hold him tightly so he didn't just melt off his lap. Laying his head on Adam's shoulder, he closed his eyes and sighed again. Adam suddenly realized that this was the reaction of a baby who had been waiting all day for this moment. He rubbed Joe's back gently, wondering why on earth the baby had been so anxious to be held by his older brother and feeling sharply guilty all over again about speaking so harshly to him earlier. Joe murmured something Adam couldn't quite make out and shifted, leaning his forehead against Adam's throat. The teenager started and quickly put a hand to his brother's head, finding it suddenly burning with a raging fever.

"Joe!" he exclaimed, but got no further because the baby suddenly arched his back and gagged, heaving the contents of his stomach all over Adam's chest, shirt and pants.

Adam cringed and closed his eyes for a moment, but stood and lifted the baby with him. Joe was whimpering, gagging every now and then and heaving, but nothing more came out. Adam rubbed his back as he moved across the room, stopping only to open the door and resuming as he walked through the house. "It's OK Joe," he murmured, "It's alright."

The baby whimpered and buried his face in Adam's neck, smearing it with the throw-up on his chin.

"Pa!" called Adam, "Hop Sing!"

Pa came out of his room with a serious look on his face, but stopped dead at the sight of Adam and his brother.

"Pa, Joe's not feeling too good."

Without a word, Pa made a move to pick Joe up, but Joe squealed (in Adam's ear) and clung to his brother's neck.

Adam sighed and weakly shrugged his shoulders, "I guess I'd better wash him and put him in bed?"

"Yes Adam, I think so."

Not long afterwards Hoss walked into his room and was startled to find Joe asleep in the bed he and Adam shared, Adam standing beside him and softly stroking his forehead. A bowl of cool water was on the nightstand and several cloths were draped over the edge.

"Adam, what's wrong with-" he stopped short as Adam turned to him. Adam had not had a chance to change out of the soiled clothes. Hoss was thunderstruck and he just stared for a long, long moment.

"Well?" asked Adam, a faint edge of annoyance touching his voice.

Hoss suddenly burst out into hearty belly laughter.

Adam glared darkly, "And just what is so incredibly funny?"

"You-! You're-!" Hoss fell against the wall laughing hysterically and finally managed to choke out, "You're dirty!"

"You're laughing because I'm dirty!"

Hoss nodded, the tears trickling down his cheeks he was laughing so hard.

"I don't see the slightest humor in that," commented Adam, beginning to fold his arms but thinking better of it at the last minute. "You need to stop your racket though, at any rate. I just got Joe to go to sleep." He glanced back at the baby, who was beginning to stir.

Hoss kept laughing, beginning to slide to the floor because his knees were weakening. "S- s- sorry Adam! I c- c- can't s- s- stop!"

Adam jumped for him and clamped his hand over Hoss's mouth, but Hoss just kept right on laughing, even as he added his hands to Adam's to try to muffle the sound.

"For cryin' out loud, Hoss…" growled Adam softly and, with his hands on Hoss's mouth, hauled him towards the door, shoving him out it and shutting it behind him as Hoss collapsed to the floor weeping with cachinnations.

"Adam?" whimpered Joe, "Wha'so funny?"

"Nothing Joe," Adam moved to the bed and pushed the baby back under the covers.

Joe put up his hands and Adam took hold of them in both of his own.

"You should be asleep."

"Hoss were lafin' too loud so's I wakes up." Joe looked into Adam's face with a strangely intent expression that made Adam feel very slightly uncomfortable.

The door cracked open and Adam spun around to glare at Hoss to get out, but it wasn't Hoss.

"The doctor's been sent for, Adam," murmured Pa as he slipped in quietly.

"Pa?" Joe was looking at him.

"I'm right here, Joseph." Ben put his hand on his youngest son's curly head. Joe gazed up at him with his liquid eyes the color of old winter ground studded with the promising sprouts of green spring. Ben smiled and glanced towards Adam, taking in the condition of his clothing. "You can go clean up now, Adam," he commented with a twitch of his lips.

"Thanks, Pa." Adam released his hold on Joe's hands, turned and headed for his dresser to find a change of clothing.

Immediately, Joe began to whimper loudly.

"I'll be right back, Joe. Pa's here and you don't need me now."

"Yes I do! Don't go Adam! Pweese don't go! I need you!"

Adam froze on his way to the door with the clothes in his hands and looked over his shoulder hesitantly.

Ben rubbed his chin to wipe the smile off his face and looked at his eldest. "On second thought, I don't think you can go change after all. Joe needs you."

"No he doesn't Pa, he's just being dramatic."

Joe gave a wail and Adam found himself being drawn to the bedside. "Darn you, Joe!" he muttered, "OK, OK, I'm staying."

Adam sat on the bed and stroked Joe's curly head. The baby had finally fallen asleep after the doctor left and Adam had just returned from changing his soiled garments.

The door opened softly and Adam turned to look as his Pa walked in.

"The doctor said Joe should be fine in a couple of days."

Adam nodded and looked back towards Joe. "I guess we should take him to his own bed while he's sleeping. There isn't quite enough room for him and me and Hoss to sleep in this all together."

Ben gazed at his eldest son, his lips twitching faintly. "Adam?"

"Yeah, Pa?"

"Earlier today, you gave the distinct impression that you were upset with Joe."

Adam flinched, but said coolly enough, "I was, Pa."

"What changed your mind?"

Adam didn't answer right away. He watched Joe's peaceful face for a moment, then turned to his Pa and smiled softly, "I realized that I too hasty in gettin' mad like I did. I made a mistake, Pa, and I'm sorry. He didn't mean to-" an image of the staring children made him shudder "-to be annoying… Like he said Pa; he needed me today. I don't know why, but he did."

Ben smiled gently and laid a hand on his eldest son's shoulder. "He needed someone strong to hold onto while he felt less than his best. That someone was you."

"But he had you!"

Ben shrugged, "That part I can't explain. What is obvious is that he wanted you to be his protector while he was ill."

I can tell he really loves you. I would give anything for such a cute and sweet little brother.

Adam's face softened suddenly into a warm smile and he bent his head as he stroked Joe's hair. Joe stirred and murmured something that made Adam bend down closer to hear him.

"No Adam… Don't go… I need you…"

"I'm right here, Little Buddy. I'll always be here. Whenever you need me, I'll always be right here."

The End