Thanks for bearing with me. I didn't have internet for 20 days. Then exams and Holidays.
Hope you had glee filled holidays.
Thanks for reading!
Rachel didn't acknowledge the change at first, the fact that the anger, which had barely existed at all, had subsided. She smiled at Jesse the next day in class and relished in his compliments for her song. The next week passed without consequence, a little contact with Jesse in class and yet somehow, none with Finn.
Thursday arrived with no weekend plans. She hid away in the auditorium for lunch, she found Jesse on the stage, practicing a Sinatra hit at his 80% level of enthusiasm. He hardly was trying, but he hardly had to. He stopped at the conclusion of the song.
"Hey"
"I should go" she offered, her sheet music gripped to her chest in a star covered pink folder.
"Stay" he offered with a softness in his voice that she had learned to distrust.
"Maybe just to show you how the classics should be performed" she reprimanded with a reassuring smile. She came towards him on the stage.
"I'll be seeing you" she instructed to the pianist. He nodded and flashed her a smile, beginning the song. Jesse smirked to her, watching intently. Just as she opened her mouth to begin the song
"You deserve better" he interjected spontaneously. She missed her cue and turned to gape at him open mouthed.
"What?" she asked slowly, sounding the word out.
"You deserve-" he started again but she shook her head, breaking their gaze. The pianist played the instrumental in the background.
"Stop" she commented to Jesse.
"I'm sorry"
"And now you're going to say I deserve you?" she asked blankly and he shook his head.
"I'll deserve you soon" he commented. "Just you wait and see" he smirked and yet she couldn't take it lightly.
"Loosing the poodle skirt?" she asked and he laughed at the Grease reference.
"We'll go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong. I'll let you practice" he smiled. "But watch out" he smirked and left the auditorium, leaving her standing there breathless and in anticipation for more proof of how much he wanted her back. She belted out her song and tried not to think of what he had said and how much she had wanted to break into a care free duet with him.
Jesse had been ready for UCLA. He had checked the upcoming years' list of shows. Though he knew first years would rarely be cast in the productions, he also knew he would not have been an ordinary first year. He had spent days of the summer, in a cloud of depression, re-reading the program list, trying to convince himself that UCLA was better off without him, that he wouldn't make a phenomenal Fiyero in Wicked, or painfully perfect Seymour in Little Shop of Horrors or even rocked the plays that didn't need his windpipes: Medea, Addams Family,Unity 1918, Dracula and maybe even Six Degrees of Seperation. He lamented the loss of the year and was sure karma would serve him a god awful program for his delayed freshman year at University. He had spent days sulking in his room, on his computer, photo-shopping posters of the upcoming plays he wouldn't be part of, splicing himself in as the lead. Advertising a dream that couldn't really happen. Due to all this, Jesse could rock a mean photoshop poster.
As another week began and Monday arrived, he headed to Rachel's locker with one purpose in mind.
"Morning" he beamed to her. She was alone, surprisingly.
"Hi" she reeled suddenly, considering the interaction unexpected, not knowing what to make of the sudden greeting. It caught her off guard.
"Check this out" he offered and shoved into her hands a poster. He floated away just as quickly and she was left standing there gasping for air, confused and a little excitable. She glanced down to the poster. Instantly she guessed it was a real poster for a production of Little Shop of Horrors, but when she looked more thoroughly, she could undoubtedly see that the poster featured her and Jesse as the main stars. The poster looked so authentic, she was intrigued. Why had he made this? She let herself indulge the thought of thinking it took him hours. She flipped over the back of the poster to see scribbled in blue marker ink
Meet me at the auditorium for the full show. Tuesday after school.
She shoved the poster in her locker, but folded it before hand, keeping it in almost pristine condition. She guessed it had taken much work after all, she didn't want to ruin that handiwork for a little grudge and heartbreak.
She could barely focus during glee on Tuesday, only thinking about Jesse. Hating that he was dominating her thoughts, trying to remember all the horrible painful things he'd done and trying to convince herself she wasn't over them. That she hadn't forgiven him and wanted to rush into his arms. She forced the painful memories and kept paying attention in glee, hating him for this resurge of emotion, hating him for being so handsome, still so cool. She wanted to tell him she was scared but wanted him back in her arms. Wanted to sing duets with him and spend days telling him how sorry she was for him with Vocal Adrenaline. She wanted to give in and sing a glorious duet with him and forget about Finn and Puck and pain and just live a Broadway dream. Most of all, she tried to bury all that she felt. She hated how him coming back had proven how much she had fallen for him, had brought all those feelings and memories up to the surface, and how no matter how hard she tried, she could not get him or his voice out of her head.
The bell rang. The end of school. She showed up promptly to the auditorium, brushing her hair back behind her ear, not letting herself think of how she looked. Very aware that she cared what he thought. She wondered how quickly she had gotten over Finn, when the change had come and if she had ever really gotten over Jesse at all. She tried not to focus on the thoughts now, as they scratched to get back into the center of her mind. She locked them back in the deep corners of her brain,and started walking towards him.
"What is this?" she came to the stage where he stood. He was hollering to someone backstage, but stopped abruptly as she made her way up to the stage. The set was mimicked as the Little Shop of Horrors Movie set and he already had a costume on.
"You came" he sounded surprised and she tried not to note the happiness in his voice and how it made her stomach clench.
"What is this?" she repeated, holding up the poster to him. She stood feet away from him, the gold lights from the lighting booth masking them in a romantic scene.
"Let me just perfo-" he began
"No, Jesse-" she began, shaking her head.
"Fine. Let me explain?" he asked, thinking it was a long shot. Hoping she would at least hear him out.
"No!" she denied "I should be explaining! I was horrible to you. I've been treating you so badly for no reason. I blamed my break up with Finn on you and-"
"It's fine" he smirked, glad at the direction their conversation was taking.
"It's really not, I should be pitying you-"
"Well, I wear pity horribly. I'm done with being the tortured artist"
"Revenge looks better on you" she responded with a sly smile. He wondered if he would even have to perform his ten minute speed version of Little Shop of Horrors to win her back. Maybe it wouldn't even require his performance at all. Rachel stepped closer to him.
He smiled with a breathy laugh. She couldn't help but noticed the light rouge in his cheeks.
"And that costume too..." she began with a smirk. "I'm sorry" she muttered, grabbing his lapels.
"You can make it up to me" he whispered, in disbelief that he was about to kiss her. About to win her back...
Sunshine was backstage, listening to their exchange, nauseated. She dropped the props she held in her arms loudly. Their lips were about to touch, Rachel's eyes flickered open at the noise and she pulled away abruptly. Still in an embrace, they turned their heads back stage to see what had caused the disturbance. Jesse cringed, cursing under his breath.
"SORRY" Sunshine hollered from stage left as she came to the stage. "Oh, Rachel, you're already he-..." she stopped short, acting as if she didn't know Rachel was there.
"Sunshine, Hi" Rachel responded, taken aback. She let go of Jesse's costume jacket and backed a few steps away. She didn't know whether to trust him, whether to scream and shout at him, or whether to leap back into his arms as if Sunshine wasn't there at all. Or even with her there. They did love an audience, after all.
"Just helping with set up" Sunshine quickly said, feeling bad for what she had just done. Jesse had practiced for weeks for this and he was entitled to a performance after all, wasn't he? She defended her actions in her mind, but was sure even he knew why she had done it.
"She's a friend" Jesse said aloud, cursing the words the second they came out.
"Right" Rachel nodded, not sure if she believed it.
"Well, I'm going to go" Sunshine cleared her throat. She smiled weakly. Rachel didn't return the gesture.
"I shouldn't be here" Rachel shook her head.
"No seriously, nothings happening, I-" Sunshine tried to say.
"Ya, Sunshine's got the hots for Chang, right?" Jesse cleared and she nodded enthusiastically.
"Totally. He's got super asian abs, they say" she announced and Jesse held in a laugh. Considering he had never heard her talk about Mike Chang, she was reinforcing the lie perfectly.
"So, I'll be backstage" she muttered again, disappearing. Trying not to listen to every word that was being said on the stage. But that was impossible, for acoustic and romantic reasons.
She wondered if she would have to sit backstage as they rekindled their love, and then if she did, would she even be needed for the performance? As his director, stage and props manager? Should she just leave, she wondered. She seated herself on a chair backstage and grumbled to herself. Mike Chang? Seriously?
"It's all right Rachel" Jesse was saying when Sunshine tuned back in.
"What's all right exactly?" she asked back, taking up defense.
"If the moment's lost, which I get...I can put on the show" he smiled and she shook her head. Not wanting to think about how much he was making her feel. How much she wanted to jump into his arms.
"No" she whispered sadly. She wanted to tell him he lied to her, that he wasn't here for revenge, that he was just going to leave them all betrayed and her broken hearted again.
"I went through all this trouble for you" he confessed and she smiled sadly.
"You and Sunshine did" Rachel responded, unable to keep the sadness out of her voice.
"What's she-" he began but his mouth hung open. "There's nothing going on, I promise" he laughed. Sunshine's stomach clenched.
"Doesn't change the fact that she's Vocal Adrenaline" Rachel added bitterly and started heading away from the stage.
"Rachel!" he shouted after her. "Always a fan of the drama!" he yelled and she spun around. She faced him, standing on the aisle, four rows away from the stage.
"Drama?" she demanded and he laughed.
"You want to forgive me, You just love the drama too much to." he responded bitterly.
"No Jesse, I just don't want to get hurt all over again. I don't want to be the fool that trusts you when you run off to Vocal Adrenaline again" He shook his head.
"You keep looking for excuses not to trust me-"
"I hardly need excuses-"
"Rachel, honestly. I hardly think you cared about me that much to keep all that pain bottled up inside. I know I didn't mean anything to you, not in comparison to Finn. "
"Seriously?" She snapped, getting dramatic with each breath. "You think it didn't hurt when you left me? You expect to be able to trust you? I want to, I really do. But I can't. You want me to change? But you have to! You're Danny Zucko and I'm Sandra Dee but I am not changing for you!" she sighed.
"I thought you would get it. Imagine being stuck here. Know what it feels like to have your dreams teared away. You get how it is to be a star, you understand me-"
"I thought I did"
"-Don't you know I didn't want to do it? I didn't want to hurt you, I got too involved. I wasn't supposed to, with Shelby and Regionals-"
"It's in the past" she snapped.
"Then stop bringing it up."
"Well, history repeats itself" she snapped with a harsh smile.
"I can promise you I'm not going back to Vocal Adrenaline"
"We're not Tony and Maria. It's not about Vocal Adrenaline or the Sharks! You betrayed me!" She sighed exasperated.
"I'll make it up to you."
"We'll I'll see you in Glee then" she responded. He shook his head wordlessly.
"I'm not going to stop until you trust me" he promised.
"Let's just see how long that takes" she responded, not wanting to let on that she already wanted to. She already had pushed all the hurt away and let her heart open a little for Jesse St James. Ages before he even showed up into her life again, she knew she had forgiven him.
The door of the auditorium slammed loudly and Jesse kicked over the prop chair beside him with an angry scream.
"All for nothing" he shouted and Sunshine came out of the shadows.
"Sorry" she responded and he looked at her with pain in his eyes.
"You could hear us perfectly" he accused and she shook her head.
"No! And If I could, still I didn't know you were going to kiss..." she bowed her head, not going on with the lie. "You shouldn't be friends with me anymore. It's the only way she'll trust you" she offered and he nodded. "Want to do the performance anyway, for me?" she asked and he nodded, smiling.
"I'm going to miss you" he smiled, acting as if he didn't know how she looked at him.
Rachel had slammed the door loudly but stayed in the theatre. She watched as he gloriously performed a speed version of Little Shop of Horrors. Sunshine shared in the duets with him, which was, as Rachel guessed correctly, what she would have been meant to do if she stayed. He finished the last song and ended with a bow, Sunshine clapping and hooting loudly from the first row.
"We're gonna lose without you" she yelled loudly, coming to the stage and hugging him. Even from the back of the theatre in the shadows, Rachel could tell Sunshine couldn't lose him, because he had never been hers.
Puck, Finn, Artie, Mike and Sam clamored together before glee in the choir room.
"We got to do something about this guy" Puck suggested.
"Haze him a bit before he's in the team" Artie agreed, getting more and more like Puck since their community service inspired hanging out.
"Any ideas?" Mike interjected just as the door swung open to Rachel.
"Glue and feathers?" Artie interjected.
"Am I the only badass?" Puck asked
"So you'll say no to Shaving Cream in his locker or-" Sam started
"You guys aren't even trying-" Puck continued.
"What's up?" she asked and it was Finn who spoke up.
"We're hazing Jesse"
"Don't" she demanded instantly. "He's on our side" she offered but Artie shook his head.
"Of course you would say that" Artie said.
"No, I'm the last person who would say that. Do you know how much I have to work to trust the guy? Seriously, don't do anything. Please?" she asked.
"Whatever, I don't care that much" Finn said, standing up and walking to the other part of the classroom.
"So anyone catch Hawaii 5-0 last night?" Sam changed the conversation and Rachel nodded, with a broad smile.
"Thanks" she offered, but no one responded. She took her seat in the front of the class. Surprisingly, Puck didn't seat himself beside her.
It was two days later that Rachel realized they had not listened to her. She spotted Jesse in the morning and gave him a wave. He smiled back before opening his locker. He opened his locker and tried to pull out of his books. Even from where she stood Rachel could tell something wasn't right. She came forward and towards him.
"Everything ok?" she asked, trying to forget how he smirked to her.
"My books are glued to my locker and covered in honey" he answered and she stared at him. The whole contents of his locker were immovable. He slammed it sticky shut with a forced smile and the bell rang. Rachel shook her head sadly and disappeared, wanting to talk to Finn or Puck and yell at them already.
When Jesse arrived to glee after school, his hands were covered with black grease.
"Mechanics instead of math?" Rachel asked when he sat beside her. She didn't dare tell him he also had grease smudges all over his face.
"No, my sheet music was covered in grease. The notes were traced in car grease. Now I can't read my sheet music or get the grease off my hands. It didn't even look different, so much effort. Can't use that sheet music."
"You've got some here" she offered, reaching up to rub some off his cheek. It was to no avail and the black smudge remained perfectly intact. They locked eyes. She took her hand down, blushing.
"Well, suits you?" she asked lightly "Always did like a grease monkey" she tried to add to make him laugh. He smiled weakly. "It's very Grease, very Kenickie"
"Except Ray Charles sheet music and It's not the only thing they've done" he muttered and she nodded.
"I asked them not to" she offered and he smiled.
"Is this what they call the turning point in a story? You're asking things for me?" he joked and she smiled. He tried to suppress the urge to kiss her. They were in glee after all. He could still feel the imprint of her finger on his cheek and he knew his emotions shouldn't be running so wild. He should be able to keep them in check, wasn't he a trained actor after all?"
"I stayed back the other day. I can rock a fake storm out too. I heard you and Sunshine talking" she explained.
"Ah. Well that's done. She was really sweet. Only one pleasant to me in Vocal Adrenaline. But you're right, I'm part now of this team now. I will be, after the hazing" he forced a smile.
"Hang in there. Life's a Cabaret old chum" she quoted. He got her gaze and her lips twitched into a smile. She bit her lip, staring into his eyes.
"So, anyone have this week's assignments yet?" Shu asked from the front, distracting them from each other. Rachel turned back to the face the front, starting to blush and aware that Jesse was still looking at her. He scoffed lightly before turning to face the front. Her heart increased it's beating and she was sure he could hear it.
The next day, Jesse didn't get hazed at all. He had successfully washed off most of the car grease and arrived to glee with a smile.
"I think they stopped" he told Rachel and she smiled weakly, unsure if they really had.
"Looks like it" she agreed, but didn't know if she trusted it.
However, the next day. Jesse was no where to be seen during school.
"Does anyone know where Jesse is?" Shu asked at the beginning of glee. No one responded.
"I tried to call him. No answer" Rachel offered.
"He's probably embarrassed to come to school" Finn interjected, unable to hold it in. Rachel whipped around to face him from her seat.
"What did you do?" she asked and he grimaced in return.
"Nothing" he responded easily.
The next day, he also was absent from school. Sue breezed passed Shu in the hall.
"Surprised you're still here William. Thought when you get depressed, another appointment at Save and Shave" she mused.
"Stop it Sue" Shu responded determined.
"Well unlike you and your little glee vermin, Sue Sylvester knows how to turn bad publicity into good publicity. William, today is Tator Tots day, maybe they have lard left over. For you hair. Or do you need it by the galon?" she commented and breezed past him. He fumed.
"Rachel, can I talk to you?" Shu approached her after school at her locker.
"Come to my office" he offered and she followed, wondering if she was in trouble.
"What's going on? If you're here to offer me the lead solo for our PTA performance next week, I couldn't be more than happy to accept. Mercedes is good, but I'm performance prepared!" She smiled and he didn't answer.
"Rachel, I think you should see this" he offered and opened his computer. She sat down and he rotated the screen towards her.
The youtube video open was titled The Real Jesse st James. She could see it already had 234,000 hits and the thumbnail of the photo was bad quality and quite dim, yet it was still obvious that it was a much younger Jesse St James.
"This is audition footage of Jesse from about 4 years ago"
The old video of Maria From West Side Story was bad quality. The lighting was dark and the audio was poor as well. Rachel watched and then it dawned on her the instant he started to sing. Some notes, notably the most important and hardest ones had been seriously modified. The tone and pitch were off and it looked, convincingly so that Jesse St James did not know how to sing at all. It was painful to watch.
"Oh my god" Rachel stared at the screen in shock.
"It's an old video. My guess is some of the guys found it and decided to haze him. Tampered the voice and posted it online."
"It's not him though! It's not!" she shook her head.
"Rachel it's his voice altered. The video quality, the audio quality, it almost makes it believable. It's an old copy"
"Almost believable!" She reassured. "That's not even fair!" she demanded, before he could comment.
"Rachel, I wanted to show you. Do you you have any idea who may have done this?"
"I think I know exactly" she responded, bitter. "But no one going to believe this, anyone who knows Jesse would know that it's not him!"
"These 200,000 people don't know Jesse. Rachel, UCLA doesn't know him. They just see his failed math grade and this video."
"But UCLA wouldn't have seen it!" she countered and Shu shook his head.
"It's not only on youtube, it's everywhere. The internet these days and it's been up for a while, it's already viral-"
"Excuse me" was all she said before she slammed the door and rushed down the hall.
In twenty minutes she was in front of the door to Jesse's house, still in disbelief, awe and wanting more than anything to make him feel better. She knocked a second time on the door. She had to make him feel better, had to make him the star he was meant to be, let him soar back to UCLA where he belonged. So he could get out of her mind before she fell for him all over again and had a broken heart all because of a trusting naiveté. For now, all she had to do was make things right. Even if it meant showing him how much she wanted him back. Even if it meant murdering Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman.