Hey, I know I said that I would post on Wednsday, but I had a lot of things going on this week, but never fear, for the next chapter is here!
The Thirteenth Challenge
The lifeboat brought the eight castaways to a smaller island, about ten minutes away from the main island. They all disembarked and set their seasick legs on the beach.
"I hope we never have to do that again…" Kairi spluttered, holding her stomach.
"You would've been fine if you ate Reeses Puff cereal for breakfast. Reeses--for breakfast!" Demyx said, sounding like an infomercial.
"I hope you arrived here without much incident?" Ansem asked, as he approached the group.
"Well, halfway here, we lost Cloud to the sharks, but other than that we're fine." Zexion said sarcastically.
"Oh dear…" Ansem said, rubbing his chin as he noticed the absence of the blonde. "Well, we can't postpone the challenge for him. We'll just have to start right away."
"Why do we have to have the challenge on this island anyway?" Vexen asked suspiciously.
"Because of the potential collateral damage." Imogene said as she jumped down from a helicopter. Today, she was wearing a suit of armor that looked extremely heavy. She clanked her way over to stand beside Ansem.
"Um…Are we going to get hurt?" Riku asked warily.
"Most likely."
"Great. That's just lovely." the silver haired teen said, throwing his hands up as if asking for help from above.
The group began to feel the ground under their feet shake.
"Ohhh!" Imogene squealed, "They're coming!"
Out from the brush emerged…a giant Tyrannosaurus Rex!
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! Bloody Murder!!!" Everyone in the group screamed bloody murder. (ha, ha, I am so clever!)
Imogene leapt into action and pulled a hair straightened out of her armor and knocked the prehistoric creature unconscious.
"Dude…you can get out from behind me." Xigbar said to Zexion.
Zexion cleared his throat and emerged, straightening his coat.
"So you're afraid of dinosaurs?" Xigbar asked.
"Well, they do have big pointy teeth. And they're nasty vicious." Zexion explained in a muffled voice.
"How the hell is there a living breathing dinosaur here?!" Vexen shouted. "It defies all scientific logic!"
"Sorry about that--Tiny must have escaped from his cage." Imogene explained.
"Tiny?" Sora asked, reviving from his faint.
"Yeah, he's the runt of the litter. Isn't he adorable?" Imogene murmured fondly, stroking its scaly head.
Meanwhile out at ocean…
Cloud was still wrestling with the sharks.
"You'll never beat me, you stupid bloodthirsty maggots!" he shouted as he pounded one of them with his fist.
"What did you call us, you stupid gel head?!" one of the sharks exclaimed angrily. "Say that to my face, I dare ya!"
"I will!" Thus, the fighting continued.
Back on the island…
The ground began to tremble again.
"I hope that isn't a relative of Tiny's coming to wish us a happy Hanukkah." Demyx said with a tremor in his voice.
"Nope. This time, it's them." Imogene said with a devilish grin.
"Somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better." the Melodious Nocturne muttered.
Out of the thicket of trees emerged…an army of walking, talking marshmallows. And not just any marshmallows, but marshmallow gladiators! They formed a circle around the group and came to a halt, their marshmallow faces holding a stern expression.
"What is this challenge about, exactly?" Kairi asked fearfully.
"It's simple, really. You will all be working independently to try and survive the onslaught of my buddies, the marshmallow gladiators." Imogene explained.
"First one to the top of the volcano wins the challenge and immunity." Ansem added as Zexion handed the immunity bottle cap to the host.
"Where did you ever come across such strange creatures?" Vexen asked, taking a scientific interest in the gladiators.
"Well, you see, one day I was making s'mores by a nuclear power plant, and I left the bag of marshmallows there when I left. They mutated and now they obey me." Imogene replied.
The lead marshmallow gladiator growled threateningly.
"I kid, I kid. They don't really obey me, and they aren't really mutated. They're just aliens." Imogene corrected herself.
"So let me get this straight--we have to fight our way to the top of that smoking volcano, while we have some freaky marshmallow things trying to kill us?" Vexen asked, hoping this was all just some huge joke and his agent would come and save him.
"Yep. That's the whole idea." Imogene grinned.
"Get ready…go!" Ansem shouted, and the marshmallows began to advance toward them.
"Oh, my g-" Xigbar began to say before one of the marshmallows tackled him to the ground, beating him viciously. "Go! Save yourself!" the Freelance Shooter shouted to the others in a muffled voice.
"He's right. Let's save ourselves!" Vexen said, and without pretense, charged through the crowd of white warriors. With a moment of hesitation, the rest of the team followed him.
"Why does my life suck?" Kairi asked the sky as she ran.
"Look up ahead!" Riku exclaimed. Just ahead of the group was a row of catapults, ready to be used.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Vexen asked.
"That it is really suspicious that Halloween comes before Thanksgiving?" Sora asked.
"No, we should use these to escape." Vexen sighed at the boy's idiotic answer.
"Quick, before they catch up with us!" Kairi said. They all looked behind them and saw the marshmallow gladiators in the distance, running to catch up to them, all the while yelling various threats such as death by chocolate and vinegar sauce.
"At least they're slow." Demyx said.
"There is enough room for two people to a catapult." Zexion calculated.
The separated into the catapults: Sora and Riku, Kairi and Vexen, and Demyx all by himself.
"What about you, Zexion?" Sora asked, distraught.
"Someone has to stay behind to activate the catapults." the Nobody explained emotionlessly as he pulled the levers and released the rest of his teammates into the sky.
"Noooooo! Zexy!!!!!" Sora cried as he soared through the sky.
"Shouldn't you be a bit more worried about us?!" Riku shouted as he smashed into a passing pigeon.
Meanwhile, with Cloud…
Cloud had finally fought the sharks off of his tail and was swimming in what he hoped was the direction of the island.
"Argh! This would be a lot easier if that stupid shark hadn't bitten off my left bum cheek!" he growled.
Abruptly, he spotted land not far away. Filled with a new vigor, he swam toward it and climbed ashore.
"Hello?" he called, slightly wary.
"Oh dear, it seems you need help."
Cloud jumped and spun around. There stood an old woman holding a picnic basket.
"Where am I?" he asked.
"You are on the island of mysteries. You needed it, so it came." the woman answered.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you seem to be missing a butt cheek. This island can fix you all up, all for the price of one hair." she paused, looking at his spiky blonde hair then added, "And you seem to have enough of that."
Cloud deliberated. "Oh, alright." he sighed.
The woman led him to a small cave and sat him down. "Now just relax and you will be healed." she reassured him as she left, closing the stone door behind her.
"What? How is that--Hey! Don't lock me in here!" Cloud shouted, cursing himself for believing the old bat. He jumped up from his chair and banged on the door.
The old woman sat outside, listening to his banging, while eating a tuna sandwich.
"Let me out! Hey! Don't pretend you can't hear me!"
The woman grinned. "I hope I don't suddenly get impaled by scissors." she muttered, checking her watch.
"W-who are you? What are you--" he suddenly went silent.
--with Kairi and Vexen
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" Kairi was screaming as she and Vexen were launched from the catapult.
"Oh my gosh! Can't you shut up for just one second and help me find a way for us to land safely?" Vexen shouted.
"Did someone say Superman?" asked a dark haired individual in a red cape and blue tights.
"What the devil--you're flying!" Vexen exclaimed.
"I know. It's what I do." the man shrugged. Then, the strange flying man gathered the two up in his super steroid abused arms and landed them safely on the ground.
Kairi took one good look at him and grimaced in disgust. "Ewww! Put some real pants on--please!"
"Couldn't you have dropped us off at the top of the volcano?" Vexen asked.
'Superman' was about to answer when he suddenly put his hand to his ear and began talking to himself. "What? A kitten stuck in a tree? How awful! I'll be right there." And with that, he flew away.
"Great. We might as well start walking." Vexen muttered, disgruntled.
--with Demyx
Unlucky for the Melodious Nocturne, he had landed flat on his face in the middle of a nest of pelicans. After several minutes of squawking and biting, Demyx managed to fight his way out of the bird's lair and get away from them.
"This has got to be the worst time of my life." he muttered to himself.
"Great. Now I'm talking to myself."
"Hello? Can anyone hear me?" he called out.
Silence.
"Anyone? Riku? Sora? Vexen? Kairi?"
A twig snapped.
Demyx spun around and peered through the dense foliage.
He laughed nervously. "Vexen? That's you, isn't it? You're just trying to scare me."
Another twig snapped and the sound of breathing could be heard.
"Right?" the blonde squeaked.
The bushes were pushed aside, revealing…
--with Riku and Sora
The two keybearers had landed relatively safely in a fluffy mango tree. As they were climbing down, Sora chuckled, earning a weird look from Riku.
"You find our situation funny?" he asked disbelievingly.
"No, not really. This just reminds me of the days before we tried to leave on the raft. Remember? You always had me climb the trees to get the random eggs for our rations storage." Sora replied.
"Wow. That sounded like it came from the old, non-add Sora." Riku commented.
"I guess the tree knocked some temporary sense into me--sense which will probably be gone within the next few minutes." Sora answered wisely.
"That sucks. But anyway, yeah, I remember. And if I recall correctly, you couldn't climb the trees worth crap. You would just throw yourself at the damn trees and I would have to push the 'O' button on the Playstation remote over and over again because you wouldn't grab on to the freaking tree."
They both sighed simultaneously.
"Good times."
As they reached the bottom, they heard a piercing scream come from a little ways away.
"W-was that Demyx?" Sora asked nervously.
"I don't know, but I'm not sticking around to find out!" Riku shouted, already running on ahead.
"Good plan!"
Meanwhile, with Cloud…
Cloud woke up slowly and realized that he wasn't in the cave anymore. He was lying on the beach. Sitting up abruptly, he felt a pain and looked down.
"Aw, damn! They took my freaking kidney!" he exclaimed, seeing a stitched up wound. Feeling for any other internal organs he was missing, he noticed that he did indeed have a new bum cheek. That, however, did not keep him from swearing death to that old lady if he ever saw her again.
"Did you miss me?" asked the old lady.
"You!" Cloud growled, getting ready to pounce. However, the lady was quicker and she grabbed him and threw him into a catapult.
"I've got to thank my son for this. Nice boy, even if he is a little obsessed with Destiny." she said as she pulled the lever and launched Cloud into the ocean.
"Son?" Cloud asked. It was something to ponder on a rainy day. Or a day when you were sailing through the skies, waiting for impact.
--with Kairi and Vexen
After walking upwards and gaining more blisters than a corn farmer on Halloween, Vexen and Kairi were approaching the top of the volcano.
"You do realize that I'm gonna win this game." Vexen challenged Kairi out of the blue.
The redhead laughed. "You? Frankly, even a rabid squirrel has more chance of winning than you do."
"What?! And why do you think that is?" the chilly academic inquired with a curl of his lip.
"Because you're an old man and you can't hope to outdo all of the young people around you." Kairi answered simply.
"Well, let this old man show you what he can do!" Vexen shouted as he picked the girl up, and heaved her off the path.
She shouted the whole way down and finally landed in a pond of mud. She stood up and waved her fist at the Nobody.
"I'll get you for that, you damned pig smeller!" she screamed.
"I'd like to see you try!" he shouted back. Chuckling, he turned to continue on the path, when his back popped with the sound of an iceberg cracking.
"Owww…my back!" he muttered, and hunched over in pain.
Suddenly, he heard a scream from down below. Glancing back over the edge, he saw Kairi being taken into the shadows of the trees by a group of the marshmallow gladiators.
He broke out in a sweat and began to run as fast as his injured old man's back would allow him.
"Hey!" he shouted, protesting the use of 'old man's back'.
The author changed the term to 'somewhat pained back'.
"That's better." Vexen said smugly.
He glanced up and saw that Riku and Sora were closing in on the top of the mountain, and his prize.
"Oh noes they didn't!" he shouted, and broke into a full out run, ignoring the fact that his back was nearly being sawed in half by pain.
The two boys spotted Vexen's approach, and yelled in panic at the deranged expression on his face and began running themselves.
"You'll never beat me!" the scientist shouted from behind them.
"Riku, I'm scared!" Sora cried.
"Just keep running!" Riku shouted, panting.
They had almost reached the top when it happened. Sora, in a fateful step, tripped on a pink gumball and sprawled out on the ground. He in turn tripped Riku, who tripped Vexen. They recovered from their daze and looked up.
In front of them was a throne next to the volcano's crater. And sitting in the throne was none other than Zexion.
"What took you so long?" he asked smugly. Next to him sat two marshmallow gladiators with Kairi, Demyx, and Xigbar held hostage.
"B-but…" Riku started.
"H-how…" Sora murmured.
"Did you…" Vexen growled.
"Simple my friends. I am the Cloaked Schemer, after all. I persuaded these guys to give me a lift to the top of the volcano when they caught up to me at the catapults." Zexion answered.
"How did you do that?" Riku asked.
"That's for me to know and you to find out." the stoic Nobody answered.
"Now that you're all here, we have been instructed to return you to the beach where you started." the marshmallow gladiator leader said in a gruff voice. He signaled to his minions. They all shouted "affirmative!" in high squeaky voices and roughly grabbed the surprised people. (With the exception of Zexion, who was carried down the volcano with an air of great care--hey! That rhymed!)
Once they were all back at the beach, the marshmallows threw the team members down, and after biding goodbye to Imogene, boarded their UFO and took off into the sunset.
"It looks like you won again, Zexion." Ansem said, congratulating him with a pat on the back.
Zexion was about to say his prepared emo and angst filled acceptance speech, when he suddenly turned around and saw a figure approaching the island from the water.
"Cloud?" he murmured.
"Cloud! You're alright!" Sora cried, running out to help the injured man to shore.
"What can I say? I'm a survivor." he muttered, before he collapsed, holding his saltwater-infected wound.
"We need paramedics, stat!" Imogene shouted into her radio.
A medical helicopter appeared and landed. The doctors in clown suits jumped out (Sora fainted) and rushed Cloud away to live another day. (I'm a regular little poet today, aren't I?)
At Council Fire…
Imogene was still wearing her suit of armor and the visor had developed a problem where it just would not remain open. Every few seconds, the girl would pull it up again, until she finally got fed up and took the helmet off then chucked it at Riku.
"Ow!" he gasped.
"Look at all of their nervous faces, Ansem." she giggled to the host.
"Yes. Are you ready to announce the two who are going home?" the man asked.
"Ansem." Cloud interrupted, finally deciding to ask what was bugging him.
"What?" he queried.
"Is you mom still alive? Because I think I may have met--"
"That's it! Destiny has decided you loose!" Ansem shouted, pointing his finger at the startled blonde. The trapdoor opened underneath him and he fell into its dark depths.
"Your mom? She's even still alive? How old are you?" Kairi asked, scrutinizing Ansem's face.
"You're next, sweetheart!" Imogene said, pointing at her.
"Noooo!" she screamed as the door swallowed her alive. It closed with a satisfied burp.
"How old are you?" Demyx asked, curiosity aroused.
"You are going to go too!" Ansem shouted, but Imogene held him back.
"Sir, we've already filled the quota for this chapter." she reminded him regretfully.
"I've got an idea! Maybe he's like a tree and all we have to do is count his wrinkles to determine his age! Remember, one wrinkle equals one year!" Xigbar exclaimed.
"I hate you all and I hope Destiny smites you!" Ansem wailed as he stormed off.
Imogene sighed. "Now look what you've all done. I hope you're happy, cuz now I'm going to have to read him bedtime stories until he falls asleep."
"Sorry." the group mumbled.
"Whatever. Zexion, you can take the immunity idol and the rest of you, take your complimentary prize baskets." Imogene instructed as she walked off to follow Ansem.
"Yay! Prizes!" Sora exclaimed.
Review please? (And send me inspiration while you are at it)