*face palm* I managed to eff up my reposting duty. Sorry.

Disclaimer: I'm too stupid to be Stephenie Meyer so yep, I don't own anything Twi-related.

Thanks to Izzzyy!

Chapter 2

"Why?"

Edward yawned at Bella who stood in front of him; arms crossed and wearing a slight frown on her face. He glanced at his bedside table, squinting to focus at the alarm clock, and saw it was four thirty in the morning.

"I mean why did you say 'hell no,' Edward?" the brunette continued. "You sounded and looked so against breaking my hymen. Well, newsflash – it's my hymen and I'll have the final say who will break it and I already chose you the moment I made that decision."

Edward sat up groggily. "And you just brought up the question now?"

He thought Bella had given up on her crazy "Hymen Theory" and his supposed participation in it a week ago when she calmly accepted his refusal. He certainly saw his housemate nod in acquiescence then spend the remainder of that night cooped up inside her room. Bella spent the next few days with Jessica finishing her latest manuscript or locked inside her room doing God knows what.

"Duh. I offered space, which gave you enough time to think things over before plunging in again!"

Therefore, she decided the right time was now. Bella actually barged inside his room, at four thirty in the morning, to have this follow-up conversation. Great.

"A week after and the answer is still no."

Looking very frustrated, Bella uncrossed her arms and sighed. "Believe me, Edward, if this was not important to me I wouldn't insist at all. I tried every darn thing I could think of to get rid of this... this hymen but nothing has worked. Jessica's suggestions−"

Hearing the researcher's name completely woke Edward up. "What exactly did Jessica suggest?"

Bella blushed. "Well...she gave me a few, um, interesting vegetables to experiment on."

So that's why she'd kept herself locked inside her room. She was busy shoving vegetables inside her vagina, hoping to miraculously break its "conscience" by herself. Edward wanted to pull all the hair from his head in frustration.

"And the cucumber failed." It was not a question.

"Yes." Defeated sigh. "And the eggplant," she grudgingly added. "Honestly, pushing those veggies inside me was a demeaning experience. Add embarrassing, and well, since I am being very honest here...itchy. Not that those vegetables went far inside me, anyway. They barely entered me and yet, um, erm, they scratched my skin. Down there. So I thought of covering them with oil."

Jesus Christ.

Bella cringed then shuddered. "I mean, oil would make it slippery therefore making it easier to slide inside my...umm, you know. But seeing those oil-covered vegetables made me realize how horribly disgusting and unsanitary they were. So, I threw them away."

Good thinking, Bella.

"When I told Jess that she then advised me to try...umm...sheesh, vegetables were weird enough but any elongated bottle? Inside my vagina? That's plain barbaric! I didn't even bother thinking about that one!"

It would have been funny if it concerned another person. But it was Bella and he would strangle Jessica Stanley the next time he saw her.

"Then she brought me a dildo. A purple, battery operated dildo that she assured me would work. Well let's just say I couldn't even put it inside me because..." Bella paused and made a face.

"Because?"

"It reminded me of Barney. Don't ask why, 'cause I couldn't explain it myself, but it just did. A children's book writer getting rid of her hymen using a Barney look-a-like dildo? No. That's wrong on so many levels. I couldn't do it. Besides, I really do prefer, um, you know...the real thing?"

"Penis," Edward supplied bluntly. "You prefer a man's cock."

"Yes," Bella confirmed as bluntly then swallowed hard. "Yours to be exact."

Edward cursed feeling the heat on his face. Great. Bella just made him blush. Of all the possible reactions to have...fuck. "For your sake, I'd rather not be the man−"

"You're blushing," Bella interrupted, moving closer to the bed to peer at him curiously.

Double fuck. "No, I'm not."

"Yes you are," the brunette insisted, sitting on the bed. "You are so red. It's even spread to your neck and ears. You are blushing! Sheesh no need to deny it, I have eyes you know."

Edward frowned at her in irritation. "Cut it out. I don't blush. Ever."

"Spare me the macho act, Edward," Bella replied rolling her eyes. "People blush; it's a normal human reaction. What's not normal is your reluctance to help me."

He rolled his own eyes at her comment. "You just have to insert that, huh."

"One night is all I'm asking, Edward, with no strings attached. Just free me from my vagina's conscience forever. Help me become the kind of woman that I am supposed to be. Help me become date-material, the type of girl who'd welcome groping and French kissing. Make me somebody fun. Make me a promising one-night-stand!"

The woman was actually glowing at the end of her speech, Edward noted in disbelief. If Eric dreamed of living longer, he'd better disappear. If that whacko hadn't cheated, Bella would still be her old, sensible self. Hymen intact and all. "I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

"Both."

"I thought we were friends." The hurt in Bella's voice was unmistakable.

Dammit. "Hey, we're actually more than that, we're family. I care a lot about you and you know that, Bella," Edward seriously replied hating himself for hurting her in anyway.

"Then why won't you help me?"

Edward gave her a measuring look. "Look, sex could ruin everything. What we have right now is too precious to gamble on, and taking your virginity is just that − a huge gamble. You're far too important to me to risk what we have. The truth of the matter, Bella, is that however willing you are right now, the fact is that you remained a virgin is because you treasured it so much. You are not a one-night stand and never will be."

"But I could be, Edward! I could be as hot and, and... spontaneously sexual as, ummm, Heidi! I just have to get rid of my virginity," Bella insisted. "I am twenty-four years old. I lived a closeted life, so to speak, and heck – you're aware of that! The very reason why I chose you to be my first was because you are part of my safe, dependable life. You are safe and dependable period. I've never wanted some random man, Edward, and come to think of it not even Eric, who I dated for a year. I want you. My hymen deserves that; it deserves someone familiar who I trust completely. You got me, right?"

He did not answer.

"Are you worried about Heidi?" Bella tentatively inquired.

"No."

"Good, because you don't have to worry. I am not a threat, Edward. I never, not even once, have looked at you that way. I meant of course I love you, but I'm not in love with you. You're not my type at all. You're just gonna help me change my life. Consider deflowering me as strictly platonic."

Edward snorted. "Now I know you're totally crazy, Bella. There's no such thing as platonic sex! Two people fuck because they want to. It's more than trusting a person. Hell, most times trust doesn't even enter the equation, sadly. It's all about animal attraction and pure unadulterated lust. The urge to hump, pump and consume someone, and vice-versa. Trust me; passion can never be platonic." He shook his head. "Not possible."

Bella pondered on what the man beside her said then took a deep breath. "You're right. You're not even remotely attracted to me so why have sex with me? Without attraction, there will be no erection: The Golden Rule of Sex. I may want my hymen broken but just because I want to get rid of it, there's never any guarantee that I could actually arouse you to get the job done. Or vice-versa." She grew pensive for a full minute then snapped her fingers. "I think I got it!"

"Got what?" Edward asked warily. His head was still processing Bella's last words about the Golden Rule of Sex and here she was about to blurt out another one. Wherever she got these thoughts truly boggled the mind. His mind, specifically.

The virgin philosopher grinned excitedly at him. "I have to find someone I am truly attracted to - who's also attracted to me, by the way - then sleep with him! A man I really want to have sex with, who will definitely make me want to French kiss him senseless. The mere fact that he could arouse me would mean that my vagina trusted him enough to let him do sexual things to me. No offense meant to you, of course."

Of course. Edward scowled as he watched Bella happily gaze at nothing in particular. He would bet his bar and everything he owned that she was already in the first stages of putting her idea to work. Like mentally skimming a list of everyone she knew and the people that they could set her up with. Someone attractive enough to get a response from her vagina and whom she would French kiss and fuck senseless.

Because apparently he wasn't her type. Sexually or otherwise.

He couldn't understand why, but he was completely offended. God, ever since Bella had brought up her crazy theory nothing made sense anymore. Fuck you, Eric Yorkie.

"Hey Edward, is Jasper still unattached?"

"Jasper? Jasper Whitlock? My bar manager, Jasper Whitlock?" He was close to yelling and he didn't even know why. Again. This uncertainty and inability to comprehend things was seriously pissing him off.

"Yes. Whenever I saw him, he always seemed to check out my sickeningly robust butt. However, he did not appear disgusted at all. He actually looked like he enjoyed staring at it."

Edward gritted his teeth. What the fuck? Jasper ogled Bella that way? Effective immediately Jasper was going to take an extended leave. He'd definitely make sure of it.

Totally clueless about her housemate's present mood, Bella continued rambling on about her potential deflowerer list. "What about James? James Tucker, I mean. Does his band still play at the bar?"

This losing her virginity thing was getting out of hand. No, Bella was getting out of hand, Edward decided. She was so adamant to be rid of it that she was now considering his crowd as potential hymen breakers! James? What the fuck was she thinking? James would fuck a pole dressed as a woman for heaven's sake! He'd also fuck anyone stupid enough to love his trashy music! No way in hell!

"Or Tyler−"

Bella just named one of his bartenders. His bisexual bartender. Imagine her face if Tyler proposed a threesome and the third party was another man. Or another woman, for that matter. Sheltered Bella would be scarred for life.

Edward snorted. If he didn't put his foot down, Isabella Marie Swan might even ask about his DJ, and her hooking up with the fastest zipper in Seattle was just plain unacceptable. He really had no choice.

"I'll do it."

Bella glanced at him. "What?"

"I said I will do it." Resigned sigh.

"Do what?" she asked in confusion, her mind obviously focused on listing his remaining male employees.

Edward frowned in annoyance at the thought. "I will fuck you."

"What!"

"Yes. I will be your hymen breaker."

"Really?" Bella looked so hopeful and happy, no longer hurt and dejected.

Good. "Really."

"Yes!" she exclaimed then gave him a tight hug muttering never ending words of gratitudeas she squeezed him with all her might.

Edward hugged her back. Yes, he would fuck her senseless if it was the last thing on earth he'd ever do. Bella would be aroused all right. She'd be so fucking aroused she'd forget about Jasper, James, Tyler and even that sonofabitch Eric Yorkie.

The thought of those other men doing Bella made him see red. They couldn't possibly make deflowering Bella a meaningful experience. They were a bunch of man whores and no good bastards. Bella's first time had to be treated as highly important. It had to be special. Bella might be solely focused on just getting rid of it now, but he knew better. She would not have remained a virgin for so long if it didn't matter to her. And she would end up regretting it if she lost it over some random fuck...however attracted she was to said random fucker. No, it's for the best that he be the one to do it. He would break Bella's hymen – not Jasper, James, Tyler or Eric.

Him, only him.

And fuck it, he'd make it a special experience for her to remember with a fond smile and without any regrets. At all.

Satisfied with his final decision, Edward smiled at Bella. "So, when are we going to say goodbye to your hymen?"

The virgin philosopher beamed.