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Izzzyy is my super awesome beta :)

Chapter 5

Bella took a deep breath, offered Edward a small smile, and started talking.

"One, thank you for doing this. For helping me move past Eric and my virginity. Believe me, I completely understand your concerns. It is a risk. It is a gamble. And I'm neither obtuse nor ignorant enough to not acknowledge the reality that there will be changes afterwards. It's inevitable."

She paused for a full minute, then reached out to hold Edward's nearest hand with both of hers. "So here's my promise. I promise that whatever happens in the future, after I lost my hymen, I mean, you'll still be my best buddy slash roomie. I won't let one night of sex change our friendship, Edward. I won't let anything come between us. Nothing will ever come between us. I guarantee you that." Then she fixed him a look. "You got that, right? I did not just enunciate words for the heck of it. I emphasized those words 'cause they're important. Those words affirm my assurances. Got it?"

Edward managed a nod even if he was dreading the final part of the talk.

"Good." Bella beamed at him then squeezed his hand before continuing. "Last of all, there's a huge possibility that I will call for a Buddy Break if and when a certain situation makes me feel uncomfortable during the course of my, erm, deflowering. I expect you to do the same. If something makes you uneasy or brings you utter discomfort, call a Buddy Break and I'll instantly oblige."

"A buddy break." Edward couldn't disguise the panic in his voice even though he was trying his damndest to act and sound cool. One minute she was sprouting off promises and fucking guarantees and assurances that she'd remain the same after all was done, and the next she brought out the idea of taking a break from each other?

The hell?

Fuck no!

Bella nodded. "It's like calling for a time out."

Time out? He started shaking his head and took his hand away from her grasp. "No. No time outs. No fucking buddy breaks. Just forget about our agreement, Bella. I will not take a fucking break from our friendship because of it."

Edward felt an incoming anxiety attack. Or it could hit just about now, he thought as he tried desperately to breathe properly.

Bella eyed him in confusion. "What's gotten into you? Sheesh, calm down Edward. You're seconds away from hyperventilating and you never, ever hyperventilate. I'm the emotional one remember? Not you. Never you. Breathe! Inhale...exhale. Edward!"

He inhaled.

He exhaled.

Yep, he still couldn't fucking breathe.

"Come on dude, you're scaring me! My first aid know-how just flew out the window seeing you like this. I am a complete moron! This is exactly why I needed to take notes!" Bella was in full panic mode now, alternately fanning him with her infamous notebook and rubbing his chest, which woke Anthony up.

Un-fucking-believable. He was about to die... with an erection.

Seeing Bella panicking and nearly in tears made him will himself to calm down if that was possible. Well, freaking out is not an option, dufus. You have to do it to stop worrying Bella to death. You have to make it possible! STAT!

Edward pushed the button to automatically open the windows and turned his face toward them. Feeling the cold air hit him he determinedly inhaled and exhaled again. After a couple of tries, he was breathing normally once more.

"Edward?"

He exhaled loudly. "I'm fine, Bella."

"For sure?"

Edward nodded, closed the windows then turned to face her. "For sure."

She sighed in relief. "I aged five years witnessing that. What brought that on anyway? One minute we were talking, the next you were gasping for breath..." Bella's eyes widened, "Could it be because of too much French kissing?"

"Bella, of course not."

"You're right, we kissed almost an hour ago, that's way too delayed reaction to make sense," the brunette continued with a shake of her head. "So what−"

Irritated sigh. "Stop dwelling. I just lost air for a minute there. I'm okay now so let it go."

Bella rolled her eyes. "You were dying in front of me minutes ago, Edward! That's−"

"I said let it go Bella! Fucking. Let. It. Go!"

Complete and utter silence.

Bella took a shaky breath, visibly upset. Edward ran his hand over his already messy hair, clearly agitated with what he'd just said. To Bella, of all people.

"First, stop interrupting me. It's deliberately rude. Second, raising your voice? At me? Totally inappropriate. Third, I'm used to you punctuating every single sentence you speak with the F word, but directly cursing at me? I don't deserve that," Bella coldly stated, then opened her side of the door and got out of the car without sparing him a glance.

Fuck!

Edward fumbled with the door in his haste to follow her, but his seatbelt and the door itself immediately failed to cooperate. By the time he walked – no, sprinted – inside the house, Bella was in her room already.

With Linkin Park's "One Step Closer" playing on repeat.

Loudly.

Never in the course of their three years of friendship and sharing a house had something like this happened. And if he'd been told years ago that Bella would listen to her angry song because of him and what he'd done, he definitely would have scoffed at the very idea. Wasn't gonna happen.

Except it just had.

Edward was at a loss.

Instinct wanted him to knock until Bella opened the door, but in his heart of hearts he knew that would never work. Aside from the obvious fact that she wouldn't hear the knocks, Bella would need some time to over analyze and over think things alone.

So he'd wait.

Edward leaned on Bella's door and then slid down until he was sitting with both of his legs stretched out in front of him. He looked at his watch and expelled a breath. Patience is a virtue, Edward. Especially if you're the one who fucked up. Big time.

An hour later, the song still played loudly and there was no sign of Bella coming out. Edward started to feel constipated and the tell-tale signs of an anxiety attack started again. No! I need to chill. Fuck you, Edward. Control yourself! Stop acting like a fucking pussy!

If the hovering anxiety attack was not enough, tears began to gather in the corner of his eyes, and he was not the type to cry. A dislocated shoulder, a knee cap injury that had hurt like shit, and even learning the news that he wouldn't be able to play football anymore – hell even his falling out with his own parents had not warranted any tears. But now?

Congratulations, Edward − you've just grown a vagina.

In sheer frustration he banged his head once, twice on the door. If the roots of his hair could talk, they would beg him to stop pulling.

When two hours had passed, Edward resorted to calling Bella's name, plus a heartfelt "I'm sorry." Out loud. He was pretty sure the neighbours would start banging on their front door and demand they quiet the noise. Truthfully he was waiting for that to happen. He could use reinforcements.

Three hours...Apparently no one cared about the loud music or his equally loud name calling.

Four hours...

Five...

Edward angrily brushed away the first few tears that fell down his cheeks. Fuck it, he was no emo kid! He opened his mouth to resume with his chanting of "Bella, I'm sorry," but his voice had gotten so hoarse all he could manage was a squeak.

He fucking squeaked. Oh God, I'm so pathetic.

He tried clearing his throat, but even after that he could no longer talk loudly. So he did the next best thing − he went back to banging his head on Bella's door. Continuously.

When he'd lost count on exactly how many times he'd banged his head already, and the feeling of dizziness had intensified, the loud music miraculously stopped. Edward held his breath, but continued with the banging.

"Stop doing that. You're gonna hurt yourself."

The voice sounded so near him. Could Bella be sitting on the floor, leaning on the door as well? Edward banged his head again to make her talk. Hopefully, she'd talk.

She did. "I mean it, Edward. Stop doing that."

And then she carefully opened her door slightly. He stood up so quickly that he wobbled. Note to self: banging one's head then moving fast...not a smart thing to do.

"Bella," he sort of squeaked slash croaked, "I'm sorry."

She gave him a calculating look, shook her head then walked out of the room, pulling his right arm as she passed him. When they reached the kitchen, she pushed him to sit on one of the stools then got him a glass of water.

Bella placed the glass in front of him. "Drink."

His parched throat was very grateful. When he'd consumed every single drop of its contents, he put the glass down. He looked Bella straight in the eye and said "I'm sorry." No more squeaking voice, just a bit husky.

Bella reached out and touched the back of his head, her fingers checking its condition. Satisfied that he didn't have any bumps at all, she dropped her hand. "Are you on repeat now?"

Edward solemnly shrugged. "If that's what it takes for you to forgive me, then yes."

"What exactly happened in the car? Help me understand Edward. Make me understand. You never, ever hyperventilate. But hours ago, back there you were seriously gasping for breath. What prompted that? Are you sick? I am really worried about you."

"I'm not sick. I'm healthy as a horse," he assured her then sighed. Fuck it, I'll just have to be honest here. "I freaked out when you brought up this Buddy Break thing," he admitted avoiding her eyes.

"What! Why?"

"It sounded...it...I felt...umm...fuck." He grimaced when he said the last word and glanced at Bella to see her reaction to his slip up.

She rolled her eyes at him. "For the record, I'm sorry for even thinking that you cursed at me. Deep inside, I know you'd never do that. I was shocked by your outburst and my brain focused on that, because I was hurt by the way you talked to me back there. But I'm not anymore, and I forgave you hours ago. So curse away."

Edward expelled a long sigh of relief. Bella forgave him. So don't fuck up anymore, dufus. "I'm sorry for interrupting you, yelling at you and even using the F word in that context. I will never deliberately disrespect you, Bella. You're one of the very few people I think highly of. Hell, there are actually times that you're the only person I think highly of. So please know that. My temper gets the better of me most of the time, but you're supposed to be an exception. You are an exception...I just..." he shook his head and failed to finish the sentence. He looked extremely disgusted with himself.

"I know."

"You are, Bella. You really are an exception," he insisted.

"I really know that."

"I respect you so much; more than I have ever respected anyone in my life."

"Yep. I know that too."

Hearing amusement in her voice, Edward looked at her. "I'm serious."

"I know."

He frowned, still looking at her. "Are you making fun of me with all of these 'I knows?'"

"Nope. I'm just stating a fact."

"So you're emphasizing that you know."

"Redundancy tires me." Wink.

"Obviously. You never repeat anything you say." Left eyebrow lift.

"You're weird."

"You're weirder."

"I know."

Edward burst out laughing soon followed by Weirder herself. After five hours of intense almost-fighting, the laughter and lightness felt great.

So fuckin good. "Permission to hug?"

Bella chuckled. "Permission granted."

All's well in the world, Edward thought happily as he enveloped Bella on a tight embrace, almost. After kissing her temple, he let go. There's one more issue to straighten. "Now what exactly is a Buddy Break?"

"A time out."

Breathe. "From what?"

"From the intenseness of my...erm, deflowering."

Edward's brow knitted in confusion. "Like while in the middle of?"

Tentative nod.

"Bella, trust me. When we're both in the middle of doing it, calling a time out will be the farthest in our minds. We'd be too busy feeling to think about taking a halt."

Biting her lip, Bella sat down abruptly on the nearest stool. "I might."

Recalling how in the beginning of them kissing she suddenly went back to writing her notes, Edward acknowledged the possibility that it could happen. And Bella, with her over thinking, prepared for it. "How will it work exactly?"

"I'm sure you've heard of BDSM, right?"

And I'm back to being confused again. "Yes?"

"So you also know that in a BDSM relationship safewords are used?"

And Bella knows this...why?

"Sheesh Edward, stop looking at me like that. I'm neither a Dom nor a sub. I'm a friggin' virgin − doing the missionary position will be hard enough as it is! Spanking, handcuffs and butt plugs? Come on, I couldn't even use a dildo! Besides, putting a plug in your butt? The oiled vegetables fiasco will forever be etched into my mind, and I vowed not to put myself in that kind of situation again."

Thank you God. "Then why know this much about BDSM?"

Bella shrugged. "A few months ago Jess liked this man who was a Dom. So she gathered every single scrap of information that she could find about BDSM, 'cause she wanted to be his sub. She's a researcher by profession, so she accumulated a lot. And Jess being Jess, she shared everything with me. She even showed me tons of pictures."

Jessica Stanley: despoiler of the unspoiled.

"I didn't know she'd joined that kind of a lifestyle."

Bella smiled a little. "She didn't. Floggers, whips and crops she said she could handle, but when she read about caning, and then discovered that her Dom was also a bit of a sadist, she changed her mind."

"So what's the BDSM connection with Buddy Break?"

"Well, in BDSM there are safewords. In Buddy Break, we'll have safewords too."

And just like that, things started to make sense again. Edward felt like a fool jumping to conclusions and reacting badly by the mere mention of the words buddy and break. He took it too literally. It would've saved them the five hour almost fight and him the stupid anxiety attack, if he only let Bella finished her talk.

And no, he wouldn't pull a Bella and dwell on why he reacted that way in the first place. Nor would he think about it again. He could live without the whys. Life would be simpler that way. What was important was that he and Bella were okay. The rest? Buried and forgotten.

"I was thinking your safeword could be 'touchdown' and mine would be 'manuscript.'"

Edward chuckled. "Let me get this straight. If, during sex, we feel a little uncomfortable or even a bit of discomfort or any negative feeling in general, you want us to call for a break by using 'touchdown' and 'manuscript?' Shouldn't safewords be colors?"

"Well since this is our own thing, I thought it'd be better to use the words that clearly define us as individuals. And what's more defining for an ex-football player and writer than those two?"

He considered her answer for a minute then smirked. "What about Energizer Bunny for me, Virgin No More for you?"

"Typical a-hole suggestion," Bella retorted. "Dude, the shorter the word the better."

"Cock and clit?"

"Edward!"

Energizer bunny burst out laughing while Virgin No More's face reddened.

"Cut it out!"

"Okay, okay..." he responded after a while, still chuckling. "Fine. 'Touchdown' and 'Manuscript' it is."

Bella nodded then stood up. "Now that everything's cleared, we better sleep. I don't know about you, but today has been epic and I'm tired."

Epic.

First fight. Well, first almost-fight anyway. First and last almost fight, Edward corrected himself as he followed Bella to her bedroom door. He wouldn't let that fuckery happen again.

They stood in front of her door and exchanged smiles. Before Edward could wish her goodnight, Bella put her arms around his waist and hugged him. "I hated almost fighting with you," she admitted, her voice slightly muffled by his shirt.

He kissed the top of her head and hugged her tighter. "Me too. I'm sorry for losing my temper, Bella. I'm so sorry for hurting your feelings."

"Enough with the apologies already!" Bella exclaimed releasing him, "I should've known better than to react that way. I should've kept my mouth shut and let the subject go when you told me the first time. And I should've not taken the cursing personally. What an idiot. I'm both insensitive and sensitive at the same time. So, I'm sorry as well."

"Okay I think we already established that we're both sorry," Edward commented making her smile. "Can we please not almost fight again?"

She nodded. "We can use the Buddy Break in that context too, you know. If and when we find ourselves in the beginnings of a heated argument that can turn into an almost-fight, either one of us can call in our safe words. Then, when we're both relatively calm again, we can talk about it. Just like what we did tonight, but without the loud angry music, calling out 'I'm sorry' at top of the loud angry music, and head banging. Crisis averted, friendship intact."

Crisis averted.

Friendship intact.

Edward loved the buddy break already.