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Chapter 9
It was official. He'd fucking lost his mind.
Edward tried to snap out of whatever funk he was in and assure Bella that he just zoned out a bit, and that he'd gotten lost thinking over mundane things. Unimportant stuff, he'd tell her, No big deal really.
He couldn't.
One, there were now three voices yapping away in his head saying the same things over and over again.
"I don't think you belong to Bella, I know. I'm sure you belong to Bella." He heard Heidi's voice, all-knowing, cool and calm as she stressed the supposed fact after breaking up with him.
"To be blunt: you're so into Bella, I'm pretty sure in the deepest part of your mind you're already married to her." Jasper chimed in, all smug yet seriously determined to make him realize what was supposedly obvious to everyone except himself.
"You're the proverbial one-woman man. If I wasn't in the picture, I'm sure one of them had been it. One of them had been 'The One.'" Bella insisted she was the reason all of his relationships failed.
Two, one statement Bella made that offended him greatly: "I shouldn't even be in the equation." Why did it bug him to hear her say that? In some ways he completely understood why Bella would make such claim. She only wanted him to be happy and settled with someone, not losing them because he always defended her and chose her over them. But then again, didn't she know how important she was to him? Really Bella? Seriously? You have no idea?
Bullshit.
Three, he had to admit that when Bella started talking about "The One" the only person that immediately came to mind had been - well, her. Though there was never any romantic subtext with his version of "The One" compared to what Bella had been describing. Their relationship had been consistently platonic for three years, and yes - he dated a lot. He had a string of girlfriends, and even if the longest had been two months, he was faithful. He was a serial monogamist, truth be told. But there was always Bella. He would change girlfriends, but Bella remained, the only one who stayed. Simply put, Bella was "The One" for him because she would always be there with him.
Because I would never let her go.
Edward stared at the hand he was holding and took a deep breath. That sounded a bit romantic. Okay, a lot romantic, Fuck you Heidi and Jasper. This was entirely their fault. The reflecting and looking at things with an open mind was fucking wreaking havoc in his brain. Everything was simpler without it.
"Do not expect every single man to give in and leave Bella alone out of respect for you. Someone will eventually make a move - with or without you around. Bella's amazing and inevitably men will flock around her, no matter how much you try to intimidate them. If you continue doing this whole denial thing, you will wake up one day and it'll be too late. You'll see her in a relationship with a man named Jacob who'll sweep her off her feet and take her away."
Hello, Jasper's voice in his head. Edward frowned a bit. Okay, since he was doing this analyzing his alleged feelings bullshit, he'd go all out. If he was indeed in denial, what was in here that I am supposedly denying?
"Edward? I can't feel my hand anymore."
He loosened his hold and muttered an apology but her hand remained clutched in his. He couldn't seem to let go just yet. The inability to let go. Was that a sign that you were in love with someone? What does it mean when you do everything in your power to keep that someone with you, even choosing her over your present girlfriend, or in his case, ex-girlfriends?
And then there's his overprotectiveness. Was it really just that or he's masking a bigger reason? Perhaps jealousy? I did hover over Bella during our road trip. Edward smiled arrogantly to himself. That Alec fucker wasn't able to spend a single spare moment with Bella because he changed the itinerary. Job well done, Edward. He mentally patted his back.
So, if he really was just a bystander, and could see himself like Heidi encouraged him to do, what would he think of himself?
My head aches with this too much thinking and analyzing. Never-ending questions with no clear answers. I need a break.
Bella chuckled beside him and he sneaked a look. She went back to watching porn while chewing licorice with her free hand. The brunette most likely decided that there was no use asking him for information tonight and let him be. Well, knowing Bella, she'd open the topic soon enough.
When she burst out laughing, he looked curiously at the screen. Since when did porn become a comedy? Well apparently seeing a woman spread out in an almost split while her partner ate her pussy struck Bella's funny bone. She couldn't stop laughing.
"What's so funny about that?" he asked curiously squeezing her hand.
Bella dropped the licorice on her lap and wiped the tears in the corner of her eyes before picking up the candy again since her other hand was still occupied. "How could you not laugh at that Edward? Look at her. The veins in her neck are popped with exertion, trying to stretch her legs that far apart. I don't get it. Why spread herself like that? He's not even penetrating her. Besides, they should have taken a break first since the man just ejaculated anyway."
Anthony started to awaken hearing the words penetrating and ejaculated. The ever pervy, preeny peen. He ignored him. "Well some men would remain hard even after cumming."
"Really?"
He nodded, welcoming the change of topic. Sex he could talk about. Everything's clear cut when it comes to sex. There was no over thinking or analyzing needed.
"Like you?"
Aaaand Anthony was back. "Well, not always, but most of the time." Cocky much? Well Anthony sure was and since the cocky cock was attached to him...welll...Edward smiled.
Bella considered his answer for a second then grinned teasingly at him. "So the Energizer Bunny Legend was true after all, huh?"
He just smirked.
"Do I have to take vitamins in preparation for Thursday?" she inquired, obviously joking. "So let's see, I have to take my usual pill then some supplements as well."
Forget the supplements! "You're on the pill?"
"Since high school."
"Why? It's not like you have an active sex life."
Bella paused the video again and turned to face him. "I don't know how to tell you this Edward, but I'm an addict. Pills in particular give me the kind of high that I really, really crave," she deadpanned, then rolled her eyes, "For my periods, Edward. It helps regulate them! Pills have other uses, too you know."
"Oh."
"Yes. Oh," she mimicked then peered at him, "You okay now? Back from wherever you went to awhile ago?"
Am I ready to talk to her about this fucking subject? Hell, I'm not even ready to deal with it myself – whatever the fuck this is anyway – so why pull Bella into this mess? "I just zoned out a bit. I'm fine."
Bella hmm-ed, obviously unconvinced. "Dude, I know I zone out, but you? Never. I'm more prone to do that, not you, and what's up with the hand holding? Are you into PDA now Edward Anthony Masen Cullen?"
Anthony twitched hearing his name. I swear to God my fucking dick thinks he's a person just because I named him. "Do you mind me holding your hand?"
"Nah, I think it's sweet. Holding hands while watching porn. As I said, sweet," Bella answered with a perfectly straight face. Then they exchanged looks and both burst out laughing.
When the laughter subsided, Bella squeezed his hand then cleared her throat. "You know you can always talk to me about anything right?"
Nod.
She nodded as well, then let go of his hand to reach for her notebook. "Right. Since obviously there really is something on your mind that you're not yet ready to tell me, I'll let you off the hook. I have some questions to ask you anyway and I think its best we discuss them now."
Breathing a sigh of relief with an enthusiastic Anthony on the side, Edward shifted positions a little then gave her an encouraging smile. "Ask away."
Bella took a deep, calming breath and frowned at her notebook. "This is sort of awkward."
"I've read them," he admitted seeing her discomfort, "I couldn't help it. Sorry."
"When?" Bella's face started to redden.
Edward's ears started to heat up. Fuck. "When you went to the kitchen to get us drinks."
She rolled her eyes then hit him once on the head using the notebook. "What a snoop."
"Well when I saw my name in bold letters I couldn't help it. Come on, let's go through your questions one by one and be done with it. Thursday is just around the corner," he reminded her, trying to act like everything was normal in an attempt to make her comfortable.
Thursday. Can't wait to feel Bella's wetness surrounding me. Oooh the tightness during the initial slide in. The suction and pressure when pulling out. The slide back in...
Edward shifted again. Shut up, Anthony. Just fucking shut up or I'll change your name to Gollum and we both know he's one freaky looking dude. You wouldn't want to be associated with something like that right, my precious?
Did he just threaten his own dick? Yep, he'd definitely lost his mind.
"Fine," Bella agreed completely oblivious to the mental turmoil the man beside her was having since she was on the verge of having a conniption fit herself. With a sigh, she raised her notebook and cringed at her first question. Just ask the frankfurter question Isabella! "Umm...which do you prefer a hairy...-" She coughed, "vagina or a completely bare one?"
Edward scratched the back of his head then shrugged. "I'm not really particular. Honestly Bella, I don't care either way."
"Really?"
"Yeah. As long as Anthony's getting pussy, all's well with me." Fuck! Did I just...?
"Who's Anthony?"
I did. Fuckfuckfuck. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. How could he tell Bella that he named his dick? Edward hoped to God she wouldn't figure it out by herself. He glanced at her and could actually pinpoint the exact moment when she did. God hates me. He covered his face in embarrassment and muttered fuuuuck.
"Anthony's huge," she commented then burst out laughing.
The pervy peen preened some more, lengthening and hardening within the confines of his jeans. Edward wished the floor would open and swallow him whole. He was so embarrassed - he was blushing like a girl. "Thanks for not laughing at me."
Wiping the tears from her eyes, Bella patted Edward's left cheek. "I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at the situation."
He scowled. "You're laughing at the situation that I am in. So basically that's still laughing at me."
"No," she denied, with a shake of her head, "I was laughing at the situation that we're both in."
Huh? "Huh?"
Bella chuckled. "I laughed at the fact that we both have names for our private parts."
What.
The.
Fuck.
"You called your penis Anthony. Well, I named my vagina Marie."
I want Marie! I want Marie! I want Marie now!
Blatantly ignoring Gollum, Edward expelled a breath. "Let me get this straight - your pussy has a name?"
"Marie," Bella confirmed.
Wow.
"See, Edward? How could I laugh at you? We're the same!"
He cleared his throat. "This conversation better not reach Rose, Jessica and Alice's ears, Bella."
"Of course, I promise," Bella assured him with a smile, "Just so you know, you're the only person I've shared this particular information with. So I better not have Jasper or Emmett or any of guys at the bar know about Marie either."
"I would never discuss you and Marie to anyone, much less to them. I promise." Hell freezes over first before I let any pervert picture her pussy, especially Jasper "On and off feelings" Whitlock. And that fucker Jacob better not show himself or he'll truly regret it.
"Good," she said then went back to her notebook, "I think I'll be bare on Thursday. I wanted to try new things and I haven't done that before. So Brazilian wax it is." She wrote something and smiled to herself a little.
A bare Marie on Thursday. Gollum was salivating. Well, leaking pre-cum anyway. I am so not Gollum, Edward! He's old, wrinkly and ugly as fuck. I'm perfect.
He mentally scoffed at his egotistical dick, even if the cocky cock was right.
"Blowjobs."
Yes please. "What about them?" His dick was totally monopolizing this conversation.
Like you don't want one, Edward.
He could actually picture Anthony rolling his eyes at him, if he had one.
"Do you want me to, erm, do it? To you? On Thursday?"
Yes! Say yes Edward. Pleaseee! I promise I'll rein in the cockiness just make her blow me! "Do you want to?"
Bella sighed. "I don't know how to do it, Edward. Jess said that blowjobs were essential to set the mood and that all men prefer to have them before intercourse. I've seen how it was done thanks to our porn marathon today, but watching it and doing it are totally different. I don't want to injure Anthony by my lack of knowledge and experience."
Porn marathon. That's what she did at Jessica's. That's why she blushed so much when they were talking on the phone that afternoon.
I don't care if she bites me - just let me in her mouth! Edward closed his eyes in frustration. Anthony was never this assertive before. His fucking dick won't shut up and as much as he preferred hearing Anthony than the Crazy Trinity- Heidi, Jasper and Bella - in his head, good God he needed silence.
"Edward?"
"Hmm?"
"Can I...can I practice on Anthony?"
Yee-haw!
"Are you sure you wanted to?"
"Yes. I wanted to learn and I want you to teach me."
Edward swallowed audibly. "Now?"
"Now."
He looked at her closely, searching for any signs of uncertainty, but Bella merely looked back at him wearing an expression of sureness and determination. So he nodded, took the throw pillow and jacket from his lap and tossed them aside. Then, with a resigned sigh, he released the top button of his jeans, unzipped and together with his boxers pulled everything down to his knees releasing Anthony.
Bella whistled. "He looks bigger, compared to this morning."
"Anthony's really excited," he lamely explained as the woman beside him continues to stare in fascination at his twitching dick.
"Can I ask you something?"
He willed himself to focus and calm down. I'm way too aroused and she's not even touching me. Fuck! Anthony if you cum now, I swear to God I'll call you Gollum forever. Premature ejaculation is never a fucking option! "Ask away."
"How big is Anthony?"
Calm the fuck down Edward! "Eight in a half..." he paused, swallowing hard, "when aroused. Nine when..." he took a deep, unsteady breath, "really, really aroused."
Bella bit her lip. "Wow. He's huge today. You must really, really be aroused then." She straightened a little, then without any warning reached out to tentatively touch Anthony. "Hi, big boy," she whispered as she stroked it once, her hand too small to envelop Anthony entirely.
Edward groaned when she repeated the stroking. "Both hands Bella." He squeezed his eyes shut. "You can use both hands."
She scooted closer until her left leg touched Edward's right, then put her other hand on Anthony as well. "Like this?"
Puffing a breath, Edward nodded.
Bella continued rubbing, continuing the up and down strokes while looking curiously at the glistening wetness on the tip of Anthony's mushroom head. She contemplated for a second then shrugged, leaning closer to lick it a little. Hmm...A bit salty but not too much. She licked again, this time sweeping her tongue around the head. Salty, yet sweet. Interesting. She wasn't grossed out so she put the entire head inside her mouth and sucked.
Edward grunted. "Fuck, Bella. Fuck!" Anthony was leaking a river of pre-cum.
Startled, Bella pulled her mouth off of him and look up in concern. "Are you alright?"
He opened his eyes and bit his lips. "I'm fine. Just extremely worked up."
"I'm doing okay then?"
"More than okay," he assured, gulping down a much needed breath. "I told you, it's all about instinct, and you have very good ones. You're a natural. Just do what you think is right."
Bella beamed, then went back to licking and sucking Anthony's pre-cum covered tip. Edward took a deep breath as he watched her go at it. He hardened even more when Bella started licking not just the tip, but the veiny sides as well. Her tongue and the inside of her mouth felt wonderful, as well as the hands that continued stroking him. Bella's enthusiasm and spot-on intuition were a deadly combination. Any man would be lucky to experience this.
No way.
No dick will ever enter Bella's mouth and Marie except Anthony.
Damn straight, boss!
Edward blinked when his thoughts caught up with him. He could have reacted to those thoughts if not for the delicious sensation of Bella's throat engulfing Anthony completely. He watched in disbelief as Bella indeed deep throated him without gagging.
Bella pulled off with a popping sound, then looked at him in wonder. "I had Anthony in my mouth! All of him!"
He couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm. "Yes, you did." He almost patted her head as well. Almost. She wasn't a child.
"I have to do it again!" she exclaimed, then moved to kneel in between his legs, parting them. "I didn't gag, but breathing was hard."
"Breathe through your nose," he suggested and took a deep breath himself in anticipation. He watched as Bella took him in, slowly but surely. God the image of her doing that...fuck. He swallowed hard. When she reached the hilt, she looked up at him and winked. He closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation. The warmth...and the wetness.
He opened his eyes. Bella started to bob her head, up and down and up again. She was watching him for reaction and he nodded his approval. In reality, her head movements were totally out of sync with her tongue and hands, a show of inexperience. Sensing something was amiss, one of her hands let go of his dick and reached out for one of his own, then put it on her head.
"Teach me how to do this, Edward. Guide me," she asked before putting Anthony inside her mouth again.
I am really doing this. Fuck. "First, more licking," he started, voice slightly shaky when she did, "From tip to all sides and tip again. Fill your mouth with saliva Bella. The wetter the better." He moaned. "More tongue. Swirl it around the head and suck. Yesss," he hissed.
In a ragged voice he continued. "Take Anthony deeper. Yessss...like that. God, you're amazing. More spit Bella, flood him with it. Fuck! Yesssss." Edward took a handful of Bella's hair with his right hand and began to move her head. "B-breathe through...fuuck...your nose." He couldn't stop his hips from moving.
His other hand took one of Bella's and guided it to his balls. "Massage them. Gently. As you suck...fuck." He leaned back to the couch and sucked in a breath as Bella followed every direction he gave her to a T. He could no longer talk, overcome by various sensations surrounding his dick. Anthony was in heaven, too blissed out to be his normal obnoxious self for a change.
Warmth...wetness...the suction...fingers on his balls...the strokes...over and over again.
Edward grunted and closed his eyes. "Bella...Bella...I'm close. Pull him out..."
She did, but to his surprise, she came charging back in, redoubling her efforts - intent to make him cum.
"Bel...la...please...pull..out," he gasped as he moved his hips in time with her mouth's up and down motion.
She didn't. Opening his eyes, he tried to focus on Bella. "I'm about to cum..." he warned, gasping.
Bella looked around, searching for a tissue or anything she can use to cover Anthony to avoid making a mess, with him still locked deep in her throat. She spotted Edward's jacket, rejected that idea – imagine explaining that to the dry cleaning guy, or worse his wife! - then groaned in frustration.
The groaning did it for Edward.
"Bellaaa...I'm cumming!"
Resigned, Bella nodded her head in encouragement, raised both hands and gave him two thumbs up then sucked and licked him vigorously.
Oh God. She's swallowing my jizz.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Edward totally lost it. He could hear himself make sounds that were foreign even to him. He could be loud, but not this loud. And the combination of grunting/groaning/moaning noises was not the only new thing he encountered. Stars literally exploded in his peripheral vision and breathing was difficult. His heart felt like it'd burst and the ringing in his ears wouldn't die down. These reactions had never happened to him before. Heidi had been very experienced, but it was never like this with her. Ever.
He was blown away. Pun intended.
He grinned like a dork.
Bella released a now soft Anthony and smiled to herself. Judging by Edward's noises and his goofy smile, she'd done well. Blowjob 101: B+. Not bad for an amateur fellatio-er. She stood up, stretched and sat down beside a recovering Edward. "Dude, you okay?"
He nodded. "That was amazing, Bella."
"Really?" I am so fishing for compliment but what the heck. I deserve it. I friggin' swallowed! Super proud of her accomplishment, she circled the word swallow in her notebook then drew a happy face beside it.
"The best."
She beamed and reached out to grab a drink of water. Afterward, she smiled at Edward. "Hey stud, want to pull up your boxers and jeans now? I think Anthony's asleep."
Edward pushed himself up and pulled both boxers and jeans until it covered what needed to be covered, then zipped them up. He didn't bother with the button, too languid for extra movement.
For the record, I'm not asleep, I'm content. For now. I'll be back for you, Marie.
He couldn't help it, he burst out laughing. Now Anthony was into communicating with Bella's pussy. Creepiest dick around and it's his. Go figure.
"What?"
Edward chuckled. "I'm just happy that you did that. To me. I'm honored Bella."
"Pfft. I should be the one thanking you. Letting me practice on you, that's a big deal Edward. It's hard to be a guinea pig to a virgin."
Yep it's big, and definitely hard.
Ignoring his dick's pervy mind, Edward gazed curiously at Bella as she wrote something (most likely about giving blowjobs) on her notebook. Again it was long and detailed, judging from the brisk way she was writing. "Bella?"
"Yes?"
"How come you never had any physical reactions to sexual situations?" That really boggled his mind. The first time they Frenched, she felt sleepy. When he showed her Anthony this morning, she remained unaffected. And now with the BJ...nothing.
Bella stopped writing. "What do you mean?"
"Well, usually when we do sensual stuff, like kissing and making out, our bodies respond as well. To us men, a normal reaction would be we became hard. To women, they became wet and their nipples tighten." I sound like a fucking Sex Education teacher.
The brunette considered the question for a long time, looking at nowhere in particular, but obviously thinking hard about his observation. Edward left her to her thoughts and turned off the porn completely, then attacked the tiramisu. After five sticks of licorice, he felt Bella's eyes on him.
"I'm too busy learning and analyzing everything to feel," she concluded then sighed. "I wouldn't have really thought about it if you hadn't brought it up. It's like, I'm in a middle of an experiment and all I'm doing is gathering and collecting information to study later."
"No amount of note-taking could be enough Bella, you have to experience it. Sex relies on the senses; feeling every bit of stimulation done to you by your partner." Edward gave her notebook a pointed look. "On Thursday, that must stay outside the room. No taking notes, no over thinking and definitely no over analyzing of every single thing we do. It's just you and me, Bella."
She nodded then glanced at the last two questions. "What time are we gonna do it?"
"I don't know. I honestly want some spontaneity. We both know it'll happen on Thursday night, but can we at least leave something unplanned?" he asked, sounding a bit exasperated.
Bella bit her lip. "Well, the time I would leave that up to you, but the location..." she paused then blushed. "I wanted it to happen in your room Edward."
Edward's heart went back to its abnormal thumping. He stared at Bella a minute too long without saying anything, making the brunette hesitate.
"Erm, if you're not comfortable with-"
"No!" he interrupted, blinking. "It's okay. I'm glad you chose my room. I wanted it there as well."
He honestly did. Granted that prior to this conversation he never even thought about where they'd do it, but now that Bella had brought it up...it was perfect.
Perfect and right.
Bella would lose her virginity in his room. The one area of his that he never let any woman enter, except Bella. Well, Heidi invited herself in, but that didn't count. At all. He reminded himself to change the sheets immediately. There's only one woman who deserved to be in his room.
Bella Swan.
Why?
A slideshow of images came flooding in: meeting Bella for the first time, sharing the house with her, their adventures, the infamous conversation when she'd found out Eric cheated, their conversation a week after in his room at four thirty in the morning when he finally agreed to be her hymen breaker, that night in La Bella Italia and the first time they kissed, their first almost- fight, Bella showing off her babydoll this morning, Bella on her knees giving him the most intense blowjob he'd ever known...
In a moment of absolute clarity, he knew.
I am fucking in love with her.
Heidi and Jasper had been right all along - even Emmett and the other guys at the bar. He made choices, putting Bella front and center of his consideration. She was the exception to his every rule. She was the only equation. She was the one he was willing to stay and keep around. She mattered the most.
Edward glanced at the still oblivious woman beside him and forced himself to stay seated, even if God knows he wanted to reach out and kiss her. He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to admit that she was right, that he was a one-woman-man and had been for three years.
By the end of Thursday night, Bella will not only be a full-fledged woman, she'll also be my woman.
Mine.