Chapter 3: Here We Go!
Ron mumbled to himself as he felt his bed shifting around him. He was not going to move, ever. Or, until Harry calmly dropped his conjured soaking wet polar bear on top of Ron. The massive weight and plethora of hair muffled the shrieks perfectly.
With another wave of his hand the baffled bear disappeared back to his seal hunting. Ron launched himself off of his bed to tackle his as of now ex-bestfriend.
"You promised to stop doing that!"Ron screamed.
"Did I?" asked Harry vaguely and turned to dig thru his trunk.
Ron was shaking with shock and anger, but managed to satisfy part of his frustration by imaging just how he would get Harry back. Ron ignored the fact Harry noticed every single one of his pranks before they happened. One day, just wait.
Harry popped back up to quickly blow an airhorn which brought the rest of the room to life dramatically. Blaise Zabini made a mad dash for the bath room only appearing as a streak. Ernie McMillian moaned something about stupid Gryffindors and stuffed his head under his pillow.
Ron looked questioningly at Harry and asked, "Why are we up now?"
Harry grinned and cackled before controlling himself, "We must get prepared."
Severus Snape reached blindly for his tea cup in front of his plate and tossed it back like the shot he wished it was. First day of classes was always deplorable. All those crying children. Thinking of children, where were his odd first years. Scanning the Slytherin table Snape did a double take. The snort of laughter to his right told him McGonogall had noticed the boy first years too.
Severus gathered his snakes' schedules and stepped down to sort them out. As he neared the youngest he braced himself and decided to question the sanest one.
"What are you five doing?" he asked the quintet sitting clothed completely in black with little hoods and masks. The masks were making eating very difficult, but they were sticking with their disguise.
The excitedly yelled answer straight in his face sent him reeling backwards. Little Potter and Weasley had leapt up on the bench and bellowed happily in his face, "WE ARE BEING SNEAKY, SIR! Ninjas are the stealthiest people ever, so now we are too! We are going to be the bestest Slytherins ever!"
To demonstrate all five rolled off the bench and out of sight. The grace and speed at which they did so was actually mildly impressive to the professor. Severus stood calmly and asked, "Would you like your schedules today?"
In answer a small dark hand popped up from under the table and waited to be handed the schedules. Snape handed them down and then four other hands replied with a thumbs-up in thanks. Apparently the ninjas were then on the move as all of the older students on the bench were shifted out of place as the children crawled by under the table. Severus waited to see what would happen when they reached the end and was unsurprised when they jumped out complete with summer saults in mid-air. They were ninjas after all.
Unfortunately, the "enemies" of the ninjas were approaching in the entrance hall. Severus cringed at the thought of what confrontation they might come up with. The Gryffindor first years were also strangely attired. Every male was shirtless and painted either red or gold. The girls were in cheerleading outfits with perky pigtails bouncing as they high kicked their way down the main stair case.
The Gryffindor children formed a tunnel with their hands and cheered loudly as the ninja boys somersaulted between them. Any worry about a possible confrontation disappeared as the ninjas just disappeared at the end of the tunnels. Severus shook his head vaguely hoping the boys were still alive and turned to walk back to the head table.
Before taking a step he was stopped by a persistent tug on his sleeve. With a snarl he whirled around to face his female Slytherin first years.
Pinching the bridge of his nose Severus asked, "Why are you not in your school uniform?"
Daphne looked at him with pursed lips and pushed her small reading glasses up her small nose. "Sir, we are wearing our power suits. The subjugation of women starts in school and we refuse to be stopped by any glass ceiling. We are going to dominate the pathetic male species and will use any tools necessary to do so."
Parvati Patil straightened the shoulder pads on her bright red power jacket and impatiently tapped her fingers on the leather briefcase before snapping, "Professor, if we may have our schedules? We have a meeting to get to."
Severus carefully handed over the schedules, since he was a member of that despised pathetic male species, and watched in astonishment as the trio clicked rapidly away in their high heels. He heard the muggleborn, Granger perhaps? exclaim, "Honestly, men!" and saw them all shake their heads.
Quickly Severus escaped to his seat and began gulping down another cup of tea. Minerva shortly joined him looking quite ruffled. Her hair was flecked with gold glitter and her hat had a miniature lion prowling around the brim. She looked at Severus in confusion, "They are only first years! What is going on? So much enthusiasm to learn. When I left they were already discussing their learning styles."
Next to them Pomona Sprout looked up as she saw one of her new Hufflepuffs approaching. Draco Malfoy was walking carefully and hiding something behind his back as he shyly looked at his head of house over the table. "Professor," he said quietly, "I made something for you last night."
"Oh, dearie, that is so sweet of you. You did not have to do that," said Pomona.
Draco nodded excitedly, "I wanted to, because you look really nice." Carefully twisting he lifted an exact replica of Hogwarts castle on to the table.
Pomona gasped happily before pausing, "Is that made out of q-tips?" she asked in confusion.
"Oh yes, I love building q-tip sculptures," said Draco than he abruptly turned and walked away. Pomona looked over at Severus, and awkwardly asked, "I know he is your godson, but is he okay? Like mentally I mean?"
Severus was looking equally as lost. "I have never seen him act like this before, it is like he has never met his parents."
Draco beamed happily, as Harry winked at him from within a suit of armor in the entrance hall. If the other first years noticed that their eyes were suspiciously shiny no one commented. Perhaps because they looked the same way.
Filius Flitwick looked concerned that his first years had not made appearance yet. He hoped they were not lost somewhere in the castle, scared and confused.
He felt a sense of relief as he saw another small group of children stride into the entrance hall. This feeling was short lived though as he realized each child was carrying a towel and dressed haphazardly.
He slipped out of his booster seat and went to deal with whatever the little ones were up to. Arguing it seemed, as Lavender Brown got up in Seamus Finnegan's face and said, "I believe someone owes me."
Seamus began to shell over galleons when Filius intervened. "Ahahah, no betting is allowed here at Hogwarts."
His students turned and gave him aghast looks. "But how are we supposed to settle deals?"
"Well, what are you settling now?" Filius asked.
"Seamus bet that we would not all go skinny-dipping this morning in the lake and we so totally did, so he owes us," rattled off Lavender triumphantly.
"You did what?" Filius asked blankly.
"Skkiinnnny-diipppppiiinnnngggg," slowly pronounced Seamus. "It is when you take off all of your clothes and go swimming, naked."
"Have you never been, Professor?" queried Theodore Nott in concern. "Maybe you should go with the professors sometime. It is really a quite free feeling."
"Children, skinny-dipping is completely inappropriate. You are all young adults now and need to learn to be more modest," lectured the professor.
Seamus shook his head, "But none of the girls even have any boobies yet, why would we want to look at them?"
Greg Goyle added slowly, "It is just a penis, my mother said it is nothing to be shy about."
"I have one!" cheered a small ninja that popped up suddenly before vanishing again.
"So do I," Professor Dumbledore as he walked by.
Professor Flitwick looked lost at this sudden support for public nudity, but managed to stammer something about inappropriateness, that they were only eleven, and to stop betting before he beat a hasty path back to the staff table with a maroon face.
The four head leaned in so their heads were close for a quick war meeting. "All right, I do not know what we are dealing with, but lets just try to contain the chaos for now," counseled Minerva.
"They are all such good friends already, it is like they all know each other." Said Pomona.
Yells of giddy-up snapped their attention to the Hufflepuff table where the first years had somehow conned the sixth years into giving them piggy back rides. Wild yells of "Faster" and "Kick him where it hurts" echoed in the room as students began clearing out for classes.
"At least they are not fighting," said Severus in a questioning tone of voice as though he would actually prefer if they were fighting.
Up in the transfiguration classroom the Slytherins and Gryffindors were settling into their seats. Minerva was unable to watch from the desk in her feline form as they had already beaten her to the classroom.
Minerva figured she would have to rely on the "turn the desk into a pig" trick to get their attention and save her animagus form for the future.
With a flick of her wand the pig was rooting around on the stone floor and making distressed waffling noises. A brief silence was all that got as suddenly loud shouts of excitement and disbelief rebounded through the room.
"Fucking hell, look at that"
"Bloody hell!"
"Saggy tits!"
"Elephant balls, I want to try!"
The explosion of profanity made Minerva gasp at the appalling behavior. That was nothing though to what they did next.
"I think it was like this," said the smallest ninja, and flicked his wand at his desk. The small piglet he was suddenly holding and cooing at froze Minerva behind her pig.
One by one she watched each kid turn their desk into a small piglet. When one struggled their partner would demonstrate again and soon the room was packed with squealing piglets, hyperactive children, and one massive mama pig. Minerva surveyed the disaster her orderly classroom had become and with a sharp upward jerk of her wand she canceled all of the transfigurations in the last three minutes. Clattering furniture tumbled to the floor and students yelped as they were smacked by desk legs. Another firm sweep of her wand flipped everything upright and slid the desks back into place.
Turning to face her students she just stared at them before faintly dismissing the class. She hoped there was still some catnip in her desk drawer she could cuddle with until her third year class arrived.
The first years grinned at each other. Now they had some free time before potions started. Uh oh.