Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twi-related. Sad really :) I'm just a Twi fan and writes nutty versions of Stephenie Meyer's characters.
Thanks to IZZZYY, my uh-mazing and ever-so-patient beta. She rocks my world with her editing skills. I'm in awe of her tbh. Love yah D :)
Sorry this chapter took so long. A bandaged right hand and crazy-hectic RL kicked me in the butt. It's hard to type with just your left hand available *whines* To those who pm-ed me and asked if I'm abandoning BHT, the answer is NO. I love BHT and I will finish it. And I love you guys too much to leave you hanging.
I have Twi buddies who love BHT as much as I do. So this chapter is for Jecks and Anne. No need for the cough syrup anymore guys, lol.
Chapter 14
"I wonder if Rose included stuffed pork tenderloin with mushroom sauce in the buffet? Oh, and the three-cheese ravioli..."
Edward hmm-ed but said nothing, his mind elsewhere. He still couldn't move past the reality of telling Bella he loved her and her totally misunderstanding. She fucking didn't get it! He scowled at the road ahead and his fingers tightened around the steering wheel. The universe must have hated his cockiness and punished him for thinking that making Bella love him would be as easy as pie.
Damn you, Anthony.
He had totally crossed the sane threshold, and he fucking didn't care. He blamed himself, his cocky cock, the fucking street sign that they'd just passed...hell, he fucking blamed God for ruining his moment with Bella.
Huh? What did I do, boss?
He mentally snarled at his oh-so-innocent dick. Yes, he could fucking snarl at whomever he wanted, even if it was his own fucking penis! You're a dick with a mind of your own, and your fucking mind is a sewer system! It's so dirty that I'm being punished for it, you bastard! I can't catch a break because of you, asshole!
Anthony was completely offended. I am cocky, 'cause I have the perfect cock to prove it! Don't go hatin' on me now, boss. I'm not the one who's cursed here, so don't go blamin' me. And please spare me the name calling - I'm a sensitive dude.
"I also hope Emmett has grilled an elephant. That would be so tasty. The trunk alone would be so filling. Yum, yum, right, Edward?"
I am not fucking cursed, fucker! "Yeah," Edward agreed, still too busy mentally fuming at his dick to catch what was being said. "Yum, yum."
Bella snorted and pinched his arm. The pain completely took the heat off of Anthony and made Edward transfer his attention to the most frustrating woman he had ever encountered in his life. "Ouch! What the hell, Bella? That hurt!"
See, boss? Cursed. I rest my case.
"I should be the one saying 'What the heck, Edward?' I told you I'd be feasting on an elephant and you agreed. Yum, yum my tush! What's going on? You've been too quiet since we finished eating breakfast. Actually, you looked like someone died this morning. Then, right at this moment, you resemble Hannibal Lecter. Actually, make that a starving Hannibal Lecter with a dash of Russell Crowe holding a telephone."
That's what happens to a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, proclaims his love and gets squat in return, Edward thought, blowing at the area Bella pinched to try to get rid of the stinging. "Nothing's going on." That's the fucking problem. With the rate things were going, either he'd be picking a fight or he'd be eating ice cream (he's a carnivore, not a cannibal) by his pathetic-and-lonesome self while listening to Barry Manilow songs. Then again, Bella hated violence and he didn't want to disappoint her. So, eating ice cream by his lonesome self and listening to Barry Manilow songs was his only real choice.
"Even now" on repeat. Or maybe "Weekend In New England"?
Boss, it's creepy that you know these songs.
Edward mentally scoffed. You're one to talk, bitch. You fucking love Marvin Gaye! Besides, Barry Manilow captured heartbreak better than any other singer.
Someone just turned into a drama queen. Need your tiara and sash, boss?
Fuck you! An ex-girlfriend told me that.
Right, an ex-girlfriend. Got it. See me do a wink, wink, nudge, nudge, boss, 'cause I totally believe you...not.
Bella reached out and rubbed a finger over his "injured" skin and sighed. "Sorry for pinching you. Did it really hurt?"
Taking a pause from his argument with Anthony, Edward grumbled "a bit."
She clucked her tongue and leaned down to gently kiss the very spot she pinched. "There. No more boo-boos."
Boss, if you set that up, wow. You just earned my full adulation, even knowing you have Barry Manilow on repeat while PMS-ing.
She just treated me like a child, dumbass.
Boss, this pessimistic vibe you're carrying is starting to affect my mojo. I needed positivity, man. I'll be old and wrinkly soon if you keep this 'tude up. Live in moments, dawg. Bella touched and kissed you, regardless of the reason behind it. Every mikkle mek a mukkle!
The fucker sounded Jamaican.
In translation: Every little bit counts. See, boss. I am smart, huge and perfect.
Edward shook his head as he parked the car in front of La Bella Italia. While he was frustrated, irritated and racked with hopelessness, his dick was in his own world where apparently Marvin Gaye was The Man and speaking on the third person, speaking in a Jamaican accent and hell, speaking, period, was normal.
When did my life turn to this kind of fuckery?
"Edward?"
He sighed. "Yep?" Since I realized I'm hopelessly, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with the Most Oblivious, Densest woman in the world, that's when.
"Are you sure you're okay? 'Cause honestly, I can feel that you're not."
Then how the fuck can you not feel what I feel, Bella? How the fuck could you have missed the meaning of my 'I love you' before? "Nah, don't worry about me. I'm just trying to make sense of some stuff that's been on my mind for...uh, weeks now."
Bella unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to give him a concerned look. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Yes! Tell her yes, boss! This is it! This is your chance to tell her about your feelings!
Edward looked at her, his heart starting to race. Bella looked back at him, serious and expectant. He cleared his throat. "If I do talk about it, um...erm, promise you won't lose your shit over it?"
"Does it involve me?"
Anthony twitched in anticipation. Yesyesyesyes!
"Uh, yes."
Bella nodded. "I promise I won't lose my quiddich over it. Whatever it is."
Edward took a deep, calming breath then faced his destiny. Cheesy, but true. "Bella. I've been—"
The loud knocking on his side of the window not only interrupted him, but distracted Bella as well. He watched her moved her head a little to the right to see who was knocking incessantly, and then a smile appeared on her face. "It's Emmett and he looks hungry."
This interrupt-my-moment shit is really getting old.
Anthony waved a white flag. I'll be on shut down mode, boss. I'm too depressed to function. Well, until further notice, anyway. Over and out.
He turned and glared at Emmett as he pushed the button to open the window. Why was it when he needed a fucking minute, everybody seemed to be conspiring against it? What the fuck?
"Wifey was getting antsy waiting for you. She's starving," his former teammate told him pointedly then smiled at Bella. "Happy birthday, Bella Mi."
Translation: Everybody was getting antsy waiting for Bella, because he was monopolizing the birthday girl. No wonder the universe hates you so much doofus. You're one selfish prick.
Edward nodded. "Tell Rose we're coming."
"In a minute, Em. We just have to finish—"
"No, Bella. We have to go," he cut in with a resigned sigh. "We can talk about it another time."
Bella gave him a calculated look. "Are you sure?"
He unbuckled his seatbelt and exhaled. "Yep. Come on."
They both walked towards the special entrance for the VIP room, with Emmett in front of them. Bella reached out to clasp his right hand, and then squeezed it. "We'll talk about it later, Edward. I promise."
Yep. Good luck with that ever happening. Fuck you, universe.
When Emmett opened the door, he coughed twice then glanced at Edward. Edward nodded slightly in acknowledgement and purposely walked ahead of Bella to block her from seeing the surprise, while still holding her hand. The first person he saw when he walked inside the room was Alice, who glared at him and tapped her watch for emphasis. He mouthed "sorry" at her then gently steered Bella in front of him.
"Surprise!"
The birthday girl's eyes widened as she saw her family for the first time. Her shocked eyes travelled from her bouncing and clapping cousin to her beaming parents and over to Uncle Phil and Aunt Vanessa, who were both grinning at her from ear to ear. Her other cousin, Nessie, stood next them, a guitar in her hands.
Biting her lip, her eyes went back to her smiling parents and she received a wink from her Dad. That did it. Bella burst into tears. "You're all here!" she wailed. There was a chorus of "awwwws" and "Happy Birthday Bella!"
Rose rolled her eyes at the crying celebrant but discreetly wiped the sides of her eyes when she thought no one was looking. Beside her, Jessica, giggled.
Edward moved to stand behind Bella, putting his hands on her shoulders and squeezed them a little. Then he leaned closer and whispered "Surprise" on her left ear before dropping a quick kiss on her neck. The wailer turned to him, chin wobbling and the tears starting to flow in torrents.
"Before everyone burst into tears like Big Baby over there and drowns her with hugs and kisses, we have to first get this special number over with," Nessie announced before glaring at her older sister. "Alice forced me to do this, by the way. So if I suck, blame her."
Bella sniffed. "I love you, Ness. I'm sure you won't."
Finally Eighteen Nessie sighed. "Yeah, yeah. Sappy much?"
Edward once again whispered something into Bella's ear and they exchanged looks and smiled at each other. Using his thumb, he wiped the tears from Bella's tear-stained face and dropped another kiss, this time, on her temple.
Curious Alice narrowed her eyes.
Mischievous Rose nudged Emmett.
Desperate Jessica wondered if James was invited.
The Oblivious Oldies (Phil, Vanessa, Renee and Charlie) were too busy prepping themselves for their special number to notice anything.
Too-cool-for-this-mushiness-Nessie wished she didn't know how to play the guitar, 'cause what they were about to do was really...lame.
Tone-deaf Emmett dreaded the number, so his wife's nudges were ignored.
Nessie stepped forward and glared at her sister before slightly raising the guitar. "Let's do this."
And boy, did they do it.
Cringing, Nessie started strumming and gave Papa Swan a slight nod.
Red-faced Charlie:
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go.
Teary Renee:
And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
Proud of his voice Phil:
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window.
Not so proud of her voice Vanessa:
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything.
Everybody (except Wailing Bella and Amused Edward):
Our wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold.
And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know everybody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is our wish.
Edward closed the small gap between him and Bella and put his chin on the crying brunette's head as he started rubbing her upper arms, from shoulder to elbow and back again, offering comfort even if he was sure they were happy tears. He felt her fully lean on him, her back touching his chest, as she continued to cry/wail/sniff. "Here."
Bella took her gaze away from her wonderful family and accepted the handkerchief gratefully. "Thanks." She kissed him on the chin (the only part she could reach without standing on her tip toes) then went back to watching the Von Trapps.
Wishing she was anywhere but here Nessie:
I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left.
Resigned to doing this Rose:
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get.
Inching to know what was going on Alice:
Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything.
The best singer among the group and that's why she wished James was here but could substitute Edward Jessica:
My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish, yeah yeah.
Everybody (except the cozy-looking pair, according to the ever-observant Alice):
Our wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this our my wish
(Our wish for you)
Hoping his wife would still respect him after this Emmett:
This is my wish
Compensating Jessica:
My wish for you
Even his balls were sweating due to nerves Emmett:
I hope you know somebody loves you
Pushing her abundant chest forward as she looked at Edward Jessica:
My wish for you
Glad it's over Emmett:
May all your dreams stay big
Winking at Edward Jessica:
My wish for you.
Nessie strummed the final chord and rolled her eyes at her family who clapped and hooted afterward.
Beaming proudly at her family and friends, Bella straightened and stepped away from Edward as her parents rushed towards her and enveloped their baby girl in a tight hug. Uncle Phil and Aunt Vanessa followed, and then Alice yelled "My turn, my turn, my turn!" and Bella went from hugging her Aunt to being crushed by her much-shorter-but-Hercules-incarnate cousin.
"C-can't b-breathe..."
"Sheesh Al, don't make today her last birthday," Rose snapped, pulling Miss Hercules away.
Nessie got an enthusiastic kiss on the cheek from her very impressed cousin while Jessica playfully asked Edward if he could give her one − for her effort − after hugging Bella. The buxom blond sauntered closer to him and pursed her lips suggestively.
Edward good-naturedly obliged, kissing her on the forehead then made a bee-line toward Bella. Hugs, kisses and man-hugs were showered upon him, as well. When it was Alice's turn, the petite brunette gave him a tight hug, unblinkingly gazed up at him for a full minute, glanced at Bella who was standing a few feet away from them, deep in conversation with her parents, and then went back to looking at him before he was finally released. "She's glowing."
"Who's glowing?" Warning bells started to ring in Edward's head.
"Emmett," Pixie replied sarcastically, then snorted. "Bella, of course."
O-kay. Tread with caution, Edward. "And that's a bad thing because...?"
Alice narrowed her eyes at him, reminding Edward of the look Bella gave him when he was in trouble. They shared the same chocolate-brown eyes. "She's glowing, and you're being evasive...hmm."
The hmm didn't sit well with him.
"Hey, Edward! What do you think of our t-shirts? Phil came up with the song – just so you know, I did suggest "Booty Music," but they nixed it, so I was like, whatever − and Alice made the number happen, but I came up with the shirts," Jessica chimed in, wiggling herself between Edward and Alice. Due to her size, Jessica could wiggle herself into most small spaces if she wanted to. Pint-sized but curvy, Bella's blond friend was merely a half-inch taller than Alice.
"Booty music?"
Enthusiastic nod. "Rose said it was a stupid idea 'cause it had no connection to Bella's birthday, etc., etc. But if you listen closely, it does mention 'It's your birthday' a lot of times. Hel-lo, the song even has zodiac signs!" Then, to further prove her point, the blonde started swaying from side to side and began singing. "Go, Leo. It's your birthday. Go, Virgo. It's your birthday..."
Alice hung her head. "Just focus on the t-shirt, E. Cullen."
Thankful for Jessica's presence for a change (she did distract Alice from grilling him further), Edward did give his attention to the shirt. In bold letters it stated: Team Bella. He chuckled, amused that he hadn't noticed it before. His eyes swept the room and saw everyone was wearing the same thing, even Charlie and Phil.
A pink personalized T-shirt with glittery wording. He had to hand it to both men – that took guts. Now, if only Emmett had worn one (skipped that privilege 'cause he was the one asked to check on them) − that would be a handy material for blackmail in the future.
"Wait! There's something written on the back, too!" Jessica bragged, turning around (and jutted out her butt in the process, still swaying and humming the same song a bit). Too bad Edward's eyes were glued on what was written on the back of the shirt instead of her ass. It says: Forevah.
"I also came up with the words." She winked at Edward. "Team Bella, Forevah. It rhymed. Clever, huh?"
Alice muttered "Oh, brother" while Rose joined them and voiced her opinion. "Yes, soooo clever." She gave Jessica the mother of all eye rolls then faced Edward. "For the record, I only wore this fucking joke for Bella. After lunch, I'm burning it. I hate pink!"
Edward laughed at the look of pure disgust that crossed the pregnant woman's face.
"Pink is the new black, Rosalie."
"What-the-fuck-ever. I'm gonna eat."
They watched Rose waddle towards the buffet table where Bella was still chatting animatedly with her parents.
"Gosh. Good thing she's having a boy, huh?" Jessica commented with a shudder.
Edward spotted Emmett, also walking towards the buffet table, and he quickly excused himself before Alice could latch onto him again. Or worse, Jessica. But instead of approaching Emmett like he'd claimed he was going to, his feet had other ideas. He found himself standing beside Bella whose entire face lit up upon seeing him.
He wanted to kiss her right then.
Renee, who had the same hair color and eyes as her daughter, beamed at him too. "I hope our voices didn't make you lose your appetite, Edward."
He grinned. "You guys actually made me like that song. I don't usually listen to country music."
"It was all Phil. He suggested the song and we were lucky Ness knew how to play it or we were going to be stuck singing acapella." Renee shuddered then smiled at her only child. "But we'd do it, with or without accompaniment, for our baby girl here."
Bella blushed. "Mom, I'm hardly a baby anymore. I'm twenty-five."
Renee reached out to hug her. "You'll always be our baby."
Baby.
Bella's eyes drifted to Edward and caught him looking at her. For some unexplainable reason, both couldn't look away. If not for Renee letting Bella go, they would continue to stare dazedly at each other.
Cheeks pinking, Bella pretended to be preoccupied with the array of food in front of her, whereas Edward went back to staring, even if the only thing he could see was Bella's back. And her shapely butt. Now that deserved some booty music. What about 'I like big butts and I cannot lie'? He grinned to himself. Anthony was definitely rubbing on him.
And we both want Bella and Marie to rub on us. Repeatedly. He practically giggled to himself like an idiot at the naughty thought.
"You're coming with me."
Uh-oh. Edward felt more than saw the hand that clamped like an iron vice on his left wrist, and the next thing he knew, he was being dragged by Shorter towards the hallway leading to the bathroom.
When they were finally inside the ladies room, Alice released his wrist and glowered at him. "Bella was glowing 'cause she freaking got laid! And you're evading 'cause you slept with her!"
Alice had superpowers. Either that or she really was a 21st century witch. How she was able to deduce that, in such a short amount of time, freaked but impressed Edward. "Ali—"
"You pervert! She's a virgin and she trusted you!" Alice shrieked, tiny fists clenching on her side. "Hell, we trusted you, Edward Cullen! How could you take advantage of her that way?"
"It's not—"
"Don't you even think of denying it! I've seen the way you're acting around her. You were protective before, but now you're downright creepy and possessive! What was up with the whispering, rubbing and kissing? Those moves were way too intimate even for best buddies! You did those things so unthinkingly that someone would think you've been doing it for a long, long time. Have you? And the heated looks? I wonder how the others missed the way you salivated over my cousin, ogling her ass like that, as if she's a piece of meat or something. You're disgusting!"
Edward's ears started to redden. "Now look here—"
Alice snorted. "No! You look here! Bella would never be the one-night-stand type. She's pure and kind and sweet and perfect! She deserves better than being someone's one-time lay and you should know that, since you've lived with her for three years! I didn't know what kind of trick you pulled to—"
"There was no fucking trick, Alice!" he yelled, interrupting Shorter's ill-placed diatribe, tired of hearing about the misconceptions. Its one thing to not catch a break and fail every single time he attempted to tell Bella his feelings, but it's another to be thought of as a manipulative dick. "I fucking love her. I fucking love Bella!"
Alice's eyes widened and her mouth opened but nothing came out. Her facial expression went from shocked to doubtful to suspicious and back to shock again.
"I'm in love with her," Edward admitted in a softer voice, fingers running over his hair. "I'm in love with Bella." He reddened. Pussy whipped bastard.
A loud gasp punctuated his admission and both turned to see Jessica standing a few feet away, one hand still holding the door knob while the other covered her mouth. Her eyes were wide as saucers.
Edward face palmed. He went from keeping his feelings to himself to letting two people know about it in dizzying speed. And Jessica as one of those two? He must really be cursed.
Snapping out of her shock, Alice groaned aloud. "Don't just stand there, Jess. Come in and close the door!"
The accidentally-added witness came in, with her eyes fixed on Edward.
"Seriously?" the researcher squeaked.
Edward sighed. What the hell? As if he could deny it now. "Seriously."
Alice whistled. "Damn. Since when?"
"Most likely the first time I saw her," he admitted, finger combing his hair. "But I just realized it weeks ago."
"Again, damn!" Alice exclaimed.
"Like I'm-so-in-love-with-Bella-I'd-probably-marry-her kind of seriously?" Jessica prodded.
"I'll marry her today if she'll have me." Wow. Shock yourself to epic proportions why don't you, Edward? Well, he did add Cullen to Bella's name often enough. So, there's nothing remotely shocking about that anymore. "She's it for me, no one else."
Dead silence. Both women too stunned to say anything. Alice was staring at him as if he'd grown another head while Jessica kept on fidgeting, too agitated with this newly-discovered information to stay put.
Edward's face and neck were all red now, partly from the intense scrutiny. Never in million years had he thought of falling helplessly in love with someone, and then have that someone's cousin and friend know about it before her.
And to reveal said feelings inside the fucking ladies room?
I am cursed.
The sound of toilet flushing sealed his acknowledged existence.
Alice glanced at Edward in alarm.
Jessica muttered "busted" in a singsong voice under her breath.
Edward was freaking out but tried to remain cool. If sweating profusely and a face that changed color from blushing red to ghostly white in seconds could be considered cool that is.
When the door to the last cubicle opened, he swallowed audibly and braced himself for the inevitable confrontation.
"I knew it!"
All three turned to see a smirking Rose walked outside the last cubicle. Edward's color went back to blushing red. He warily watched the pregnant woman wash her hands and braced himself to what was about to come.
After drying her hands, Rose faced the three of them, smirk intact. Then she pointed a finger at Edward and chuckled. "You slept with Bella. No – you actually popped her cherry. If my fucking intuition was right - which it always was, mind you − it happened last night. No wonder you were wide awake in the wee hours of the morning, getting instructions on how to bake croissants. You were on a sex high!"
"What?" Jessica exclaimed. "You fucked Bella? Dang it, I only heard the love confession."
"Shhh! Geez, Jess, lower your voice! We don't want Uncle Charlie to end up behind bars." Alice paused then grimaced. "Or my Dad for that matter. There's no way they'd be able to keep from kicking Edward's ass."
"I didn't fuck her. I made love to her," Edward corrected a bit irritated.
Rose burst out laughing. "Look at Edward, turning all sappy."
Alice grinned. "Yeah, I noticed. Aww." Then she reached out and pinched Edward's left cheek.
Fuck my life.
"Happy birthday indeed for Bella," Jessica grudgingly commented. "I love her to death but I must admit, I'm so jealous right now! Talk about luck. She got Edward Cullen not only in her bed, but also made him fall in love with her." The blonde face palmed. "That must be the reason why she'd been more curious lately! She asked a lot about blowjobs and sex..." She turned to smile lasciviously at Edward. "Was she that good to make you all I'm-seriously-in-love-with-her-I'll-marry-her-today-if-she'll-have-me?"
All three pairs of eyes settled unblinkingly at Edward.
Could he turn any redder? Fuck blushing. "That's private and just between Bella and I."
Rose snorted. "Fuck privacy! Come on dude, spill!"
Alice giggled. "OMG, E. Cullen! Your face, neck and ears are super red!" And she did this clap-bounce-clap thing that didn't make sense, at least to Edward.
Edward finger-comb his hair and scowled at the three vultures.
No, boss. They're more like The Three Hoochies.
Ironically, hearing Anthony in his head while facing his current situation relaxed Edward, instead of annoying him even more. I thought you'd signed off.
I tried, boss. But I couldn't possibly stay quiet while you were being surrounded by Bubbly, Snarky and Hoe. Prick and Dick stick together.
Thanks. I think.
"This blows. We're talking to the wrong person about this!" Jessica complained.
Alice smiled. "I honestly commend Edward for refusing to talk about it."
"It may happen rarely, but I agree with Jess. This blows," Rose commented, then scowled at Edward. "You suck."
Jessica giggled. "Well, Bella obviously did both. Right, Edward?"
Miss Hoe may be my female counterpart, boss.
The three hoochies burst out laughing when all he could do in reply, fucking pussy whipped that he was, was blush even redder.
"Imagine: if we were talking to Bella about this, Edward's size and performance would had been disclosed already. Repeatedly and oh-so-vividly. With illustrations!"
Rose high-fived Miss Hoe. "Again, I agree with you, Jess."
Alice glanced at Edward and sobered a little seeing his unamused face. "Why do I get a feeling that there's more to this than meets the eye, E. Cullen? I mean, I totally understand if you want to be all hush-hush about it. But...I dunno. Wait. What do you mean by 'I'll marry her today if she'll have me' anyway? Why if?"
Edward shuffled his feet but said nothing.
Rose peered at Mr. Uncomfortable then snapped her fingers. "You haven't told Bella about your feelings!"
Was this what they called woman's intuition? It must be if Rose could figure that out immediately. So what the fuck happened to Bella's? She probably didn't have any. Or at least, she doesn't have any when it was comes to me. Edward scratched the back of his head. "Uh..."
"Why?" Jessica interjected. "You chicken or something?"
"Bad case of nerves?" Alice suggested.
"Sheer cowardice?" Rose supplied. "Lost your balls?"
Jessica giggled. "Probably lost his balls 'cause Bella sucked him dry."
Boss, kindly inform them that your balls can still produce jizz easily. And that your recovery time after each orgasm is super fast. I should know. Oh, and that you're a horndog, not a chicken.
Edward sighed. "I did tell her. Twice." Anthony, that's TMI. Shut up.
"And?" The Three Hoochies spoke in unison then giggled at each other.
He shifted from foot to foot. This could be considered TMI as well. He expelled a breath. Then again, he did need reinforcements, and who was most suited to help him crack Bella than these three? "The first time, she wasn't able to hear it 'cause she passed out. The second time, erm, she thought I was saying I loved God."
Alice blinked but remained quiet.
Jessica looked one hundred percent confused.
Rose narrowed her baby blues at him. "Bella passed out; I would say from blissed-out, I-got-fucked-so-well exhaustion. Not that I'm questioning your expertise in sex. You've got quite the rep, Edward. The second part didn't make sense. At all."
Jessica nodded. "Heidi Bradley considered you a Sex God. Well, she didn't exactly say that but the implication was there. "
Anthony did the Moonwalk, proud pervert that he was.
Alice folded her arms in front of her chest and tsked at Edward. "Lesson number one, E. Cullen: proclamations of love must not be done post-orgasm! Sheesh."
Snarky and Hoe nodded in agreement.
Anthony joined them as well.
Edward felt like an idiot. A heavily outnumbered idiot. "Noted."
"And for fucks sakes, check first if the one you're proclaiming your deep abiding love to was awake."
"I know that now, Rose." He glared at Snarky.
"Yeah, yeah. Lay off, bitches. Give Edward the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes our emotions tend to be so overwhelming that we just have to blurt it out," Jessica defended.
"Profound." Rose sneered.
Alice sighed. "Jess is right, Rose. We need to lay off." Then she focused on Edward again. "What about the second time? Why would Bella think that?"
I have never been this embarrassed in my entire life. "Believe me, I couldn't figure out myself."
"What exactly did you say?"
Edward frowned at Rose. "I told her 'God, I love you'. That's it." He braced himself for the incoming insult or if not, the incessant mocking.
He did not expect the reaction he got.
Alice shrieked. "Whaaaaat!"
Jessica face palmed. "Epic fail, Bella. Epic fail."
Rose huffed. "Of all the times to lose a brain cell, Bella..."
Edward looked from one woman to another and scratched the back of his head. He watched as they exchanged looks, shook heads and converged in the middle of the room, a few feet away from him. All three formed a semi-circle and began to have a conversation that he couldn't hear. There were a lot of hand gestures from Alice and giggles from Jessica that annoyed Rose. Then the pregnant blonde started shaking her head but got shushed by diminutive Alice, making Jessica giggle even more.
And the tribal council has convened to decide on your fate, boss.
Edward ignored Anthony. He was too busy observing how women react to things in groups, for starters. Second, he was really curious to know what they'd say after their weird "meeting." When Alice stopped gesturing wildly and faced him, he straightened and waited for the verdict.
"In a nutshell, you're in love with Bella and you tried to tell her that, but failed both times."
"Epically," Jessica chimed in.
Alice nodded in agreement. "Failed epically, yes. Way epically. But first things first, and the most important if you ask me: does Bella feel the same way about you?"
Rose rolled her eyes. "Of course she does. For the fucking nth time, she does!"
Edward looked at Rose expectantly. "Really?"
Jessica grimaced. "I'm not sure about that, Rose. From what I know, Bella considers Edward to be her BFF. She's never talked about him in a romantic context. Ever."
Edward finger combed his hair. "That's depressing."
Alice tapped her chin using her index finger. "True, but that was before. She carries a different vibe now."
"Well, I hate to be the devil's advocate here, but that's probably because she got laid – and well – by him. That could just be post-orgasmic Bella," Jessica said with a shrug. "It was her first time. She had a memorable experience, thanks to Edward. You couldn't fault her for looking at him with stars in her eyes a day after that supposedly fantastic sex."
Ahem. There's no supposedly about it, Miss Hoe. Tell her, boss.
"You really think, after a couple of days, she'd move on and would lose the stars-in-her-eyes reaction?" Rose asked in disbelief, raising a brow at the Devil's Advocate. "Pfft! What-the-fuck-ever."
Edward felt nauseous at the discussion happening in front of him. It didn't sound good.
"Honestly? Yes. Sorry, Edward."
Alice clapped her hands to get their attention. "Well, I personally think that Bella likes E. Cullen as more than a friend. It was just buried in her somewhere, too deeply buried for her to see. My cousin can be daft sometimes. I love her, but really Bella? She thought the man loved God just because he used his name and 'I love you' in the same sentence."
You didn't know the half of it, Edward thought.
Pixie rolled her eyes. "But I also admit, Jess has a point. Bella never did talk about him in a romantic way. And Bella cherished her virginity, big time. To lose it to someone like E. Cullen – who, judging from the way she glowed and blushed today, gave her a night and an experience to remember, well, it would be understandable to see her react that way to him." She took a significant pause. "You have to do something to get answers, and it won't be easy."
"I'll do it. I'll do anything," he replied earnestly.
Rose made a face. "I'm not a fan of this suggestion, Edward. But I was outvoted, 2 to 1."
Edward turned questioning eyes to Alice. "What exactly are you suggesting?"
Alice and Jessica exchanged looks.
"How important is sex to you, E?" Bella's cousin asked, looking a bit frantic.
Anthony twitched. Duh. I'll say, very very important! Boss, you and I? We're true blue dudes. We needed our Bella and Marie all day, every day. Then his dick followed that prick-ish comment with an Elvis hip-gyrating move.
Be quiet, Anthony! "Do you really have to ask that, Alice? You saw me salivate over Bella's butt minutes ago. "
Alice took a deep breath. "Well, better put your libido in check for the next few weeks."
"Better yet, get used to blue balls for the time being," Jessica put in, giving him an apologetic smile.
"Why?" Yep. He did ask that question on a squeaky voice. Like a boy hitting puberty. He was too agitated to care anyway.
"Well, in order for you to get a solid answer to the 'Does Bella like me beyond the BFF way?' question, you have to take sex completely out of the equation. Jess could be right. There's a possibility that the reason why my cousin is looking at you differently is because she's still post-orgasmic. And trust me, post-orgasmic confessions and realizations are rarely reliable."
Edward recalled his own post-orgasmic confession and how it was misinterpreted. And how Bella admitted to herself (and Marie) that she was horny for him this morning. Horny. Just fucking horny. Fuck. They could be on to something.
Horny's good, boss.
Not if I want more, Anthony. Of course I love the fact that she wants me physically. But that's not enough. I want her to love me, the way I love her. I want Bella to see me as someone beyond the trusted buddy and the man who gave her mind-numbing pleasure. I don't want to be stuck as that in her head. I want more.
Jessica nodded in agreement. "One time, I agreed to blow this really hairy guy, 'cause I was still in lalaland from his Grade-A pussy eating talent. But ewww, he was too hairy for my taste."
If this planned cockblock wasn't too upsetting, I would totally give a crude comment about that, boss.
Edward expelled a breath. "So, no sex." Not that he'd be getting any to begin with. Bella asked him once. The blow job this morning was just a thank you. So, yeah, he could deal.
"Don't talk about it with her," Alice acquiescence with a nod. "Not even subtle hints. No smoldering looks, gazing, or touches like what you did earlier. And for the love of God, lust after her when she's not around! She must not sense your sexual interest for the time being, Edward."
Resigned sigh. "Okay."
Rose looked at him in disbelief. "You're actually agreeing to do this?"
"I didn't have much choice, Rose."
"Bullshit! You could just tell Bella directly that you're in love with her, period. Look her straight in the eye, enunciate the words 'Bella Swan, I am in love with you' and be done with it!"
Go Snarky! Listen to her, boss!
"And then what, Rose? We both know Bella's propensity to over think and over analyze. She'd either question the validity of that confession or chalk it up to hormones and not take it seriously. I needed to prove to her that I really am in love with her. And I need to know if she feels the same way about me, without the aspect of sex clouding her judgment." Edward turned to look inquiringly at Alice. "How do I do that? I need help, Ali."
"You just have to step up, E. Cullen."
"How?"
Jessica walked over to him and patted his back. "It's time to woo Bella, Edward."
Alice clapped-bounced-clapped cheerfully.
Jessica giggled at the dumbfounded look on Edward's face.
Rose grunted. "Good luck, blue-balled Prince Charming."
Anthony huffed and did a talk-to-the-hand gesture. You just made Mr. Kegel looked like my best buddy, and you are now the enemy, boss.
Edward crossed his arms in front of his chest and sighed. Great, now my own dick hates me. Good thing I'm getting no sex for the indefinite future then, as I wouldn't know how to explain erectile dysfunction to Bella.
Try Viagra, man-formerly- known-as- boss. The same man I thought had my back all the time. But, alas, he agreed wholeheartedly to cockblocking. He blocked me! Willingly! It hurts, like being kicked in the nuts...my frozen nuts. Which are now going to be blue.
Now who's being a drama queen?
Pfffft.
Anthony, it's not a permanent set up.
*crickets*
Edward got offended. Are you seriously questioning my ability to woo Bella?
...
Fu-
"E. Cullen! Hey!"
Jessica giggled. "Stop looking at your crotch, Edward. A few weeks without sex won't make it shrivel up and die! You can jerk off, you know."
"Moving on..." Alice rolled her eyes. "We can talk about how you'll court Bella later, E. But right now, we really need to get back outside before anyone notices our absence. My sister, for example. Keenest kid I know."
Edward nodded. "Thanks."
Jessica high-fived him before leaving, Rose rolled her eyes at him then followed Jess, who was muttering "Go, Edward! Go, Edward," out. Alice gave him a tight hug. "I'm officially welcoming you to the Dwyer-Swan family, E. Cullen! If this wooing thing fails, knock on wood, I'll help you kidnap Bella and even organize your elopement."
Edward smiled. "Promise?"
Alice nodded enthusiastically. "Promise."
Hel-lo reinforcements. Cockblockers but reinforcements just the same :)
I want to say a big HELLO to the new readers. Welcome to the quirky world of BHT. It's all about laughter and silliness here so feel free to lol anytime.
Oh and my wonderful beta Izzzyy is nominated for a Golden Lemon award. Yay! Please vote for her. She's nominated under the category: Best Zombie or Horror Lemon. Here's the link.
http : / www (dot) goldenlemonawards (dot) com/nominations/best-zombie-or-horror-lemon/
Voting ends on August 30, 2010 so please vote now. Anthony wants you to :)
Songs mentioned/used in this chapter:
Even Now and Weekend In New England (both Barry M. songs, if your feeling sentimental try listening to these songs)
My Wish - Rascal Flatts
Booty Music - Git Fresh
Next chapter is Bella's bday at Edward's bar. It'll be Open Mic Night cuties so brace yourself. The entire gang will be there. Bella's girls and Edward's boys + singing = crazy night.