Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight.
So I reposted today, big time *rolls eyes*. It was just supposed to be for the first eight (8) chapters that were unedited but then I'm an idiot and I messed everything up :( My ever patient beta, volunteered to clean up my mess (that's why I love her so effin much!) so for now, kindly ignore the fact that chapter 1 had a chapter 8 title. That's all me. Now you know why BHT was only posted here, I didn't know how to post this story to other sites. So I'm sorry for flooding your inbox with alerts upon alerts upon alerts. It will never happen again *crosses fingers*
This update was made possible by my super fast beta. So to Speedy Izzzyy (don't hate me for calling you this), THANK YOU! She's also my source of info for all the liquor references, so a double thank you to you Iz. You're awesome :) Enjoy this update everyone! *hugs*
Chapter 16
What was up with Bella? What did Ness tell her? What did they talk about? Why was she so distracted this afternoon? Edward ran a hand over his face in exasperation. Fuck this. I'm back to having unanswered questions again. On top of that, I've got this fuckery to deal with. He glared at the little blue notebook and opened it in annoyance. The title mocked him in bold letters.
COURTSHIP: BELWARD STYLE
1. Impress her with a new skill.
2. Be spontaneously sweet.
3. Reveal one personal thing she didn't know about you.
4. Make her feel special by doing something you don't or won't normally do, but will, just because she says so.
5. Show her you remember the little things by surprising her with one of her guilty pleasures that most people don't know about.
Mr. Frustrated closed the notebook and cussed under his breath. I am way over my head with this courtship thing. How in the world can I fucking do these things without Bella thinking I'm doing them because I'm her best buddy? And frankly, some of the suggestions look familiar. Number three, for instance. Bella knows almost everything about me. He took a deep breath. Well, okay, Bella still has no idea what really happened between me and my parents, but that's something I want to spare her from. However shitty my relationship is with the good old Doc and Mrs. Happy Homemaker, Bella likes them a lot. And the feeling was very mutual. Go figure.
"Woman trouble?" asked an amused voice in front of him.
Edward grunted.
"Definitely woman trouble," Tyler Crowley cheerfully concluded. "Why not swing the other way, Edward? We're more fun and there'll be no more woman trouble for you...if you know what I mean."
Insert wink, double nudge and another wink here.
Edward looked up. "Hmm." He regarded his bartender with open curiosity. "How did you turn into a bisexual, anyway?"
Tyler paused from wiping a wine glass and gave him a calculating look. "I'm gay, Edward, not bisexual."
"Oh. Right. Sorry, "He blinked. "So, how did you turn into a homosexual?"
"How did I turn into a homo?"
"I mean, what made you gay?" Edward clarified, straightening from his hunched position.
"What made me gay?"
Edward nodded, a bit confused about why his bartender felt the need to repeat his questions.
Tyler dropped the small towel he was holding on the counter, placed the wine glass none-too-gently beside it then crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I was bitten."
Huh? "What?"
"I was bitten," the bartender reiterated, narrowing his eyes at Edward. "It happened during my freshman year in college. I was alone and heading back to my dorm – from a study session at the library with some friends – when suddenly this crazy looking homo jumped in front of me. I was taken by surprise; I didn't expect him to appear like that! The next thing I knew, he was standing behind me, breathing down my neck. Just when I thought he was going to bite me there, he leaned lower and bit me on my left butt cheek instead. I was wearing jeans, but somehow this Superhomo's bite still stung. Oddly enough though, I could feel the imprint of Superhomo's teeth in my butt cheek, but when I checked it later, there were no bite marks at all. Weird, right? So anyway, I tried fighting him off, but he disappeared just as quickly as he'd come. The attack was kind of traumatic for me, but I did my best to move on and not think about it anymore. I thought I was okay, but then after a couple of weeks, I started noticing changes in me. At first, these changes were subtle: the urge to color-coordinate my clothes and shoes, the uncontrollable need to braid my roommate's girlfriend's hair, the desire to put flowers in my dorm room, which I arranged myself. Sometimes I even clipped them into my hair then took pictures of myself, 'cause I looked mighty fine with flowers on my head. There's also the unconscious way I added a sway to my hips when I walked that did wonders for emphasizing my bubble butt. Kim Kardashian who?" Tyler paused to turn sideways and spanked said bubble butt once in front of Edward.
"Then these urges turned intense. I started craving silk boxer shorts until I found myself standing in front of Victoria's Secret, buying a dozen silk panties. Panties! Ohhhh Eeeem Geeee! But I couldn't stop myself; it felt like I needed those panties to live. It was also during that time I discovered how using mascara made my eyelashes appear spectacularly long and thick. But what really sealed the deal for me and confirmed that I was gay was when I found myself jacking off five times a day to a Johnny Depp poster. Or Daniel Craig, whoever was available at the time the need to beat off hit me."
Tyler paused to give Edward an enquiring look. "So what do you think? Want to become one of us? I am now capable of turning a straight man queer since I've successfully turned three people already. I actually won a hair dryer for that accomplishment."
Jasper, who was standing a few feet away, cleared his throat. "Ty..."
"I'll just be at the opposite side of the bar, Jazzy, filing my nails." With a flick of his imaginary long hair, the affronted bartender walked away.
"Way to offend, dude."
"I didn't do it on purpose." Edward answered, irritably. "I never meant to insult him. I don't even know how I offended him in the first place."
Jasper shook his head. "Do yourself a favor and stop asking Ty dumb questions about his sexual orientation. And you owe him an apology."
"Later," Edward answered absent-mindedly, glancing at the bar's entrance then at his watch, and then back at the door.
"Is Bella here yet?"
"Why? Are you that anxious to see her?"
"Stop scowling at me, man. I told you already, I will not pursue whatever feelings I may have for her out of respect for you."
"So you still have feelings for Bella."
Jasper sighed. "I like her. Everybody likes Bella. Well, with the exception of your long line of ex-girlfriends, minus Heidi, that is."
Edward eyed him in suspicion but said nothing.
"Never mind," Jasper muttered. "Her group just arrived. There's Rose and Em."
Edward's eyes immediately went to the bar's entrance where Felix DuGray stood, arms crossed, looking every bit as intimidating as he was. Rose was there, shrugging off her coat and giving it to Emmett to reveal a black dress that made her look like she was only on her first trimester of pregnancy. The husband and wife high-fived Felix in greeting before walking away. Behind the McCartys, laughing for whatever reason, was Jessica, who wore a red sleeveless dress that ended just a few inches above her knee. It looked kind of tame compared to her usual choice. The blonde, in turn, winked flirtatiously at Felix before following Rose and Em.
His heart promptly skipped a beat seeing Bella walk in with Alice.
Anthony twitched in acknowledgment, but refused to say anything. His dick had been in mute mode since the bathroom incident with the Three Hoochies that afternoon. Anthony was stubbornly giving him the silent treatment, proving that the prick was indeed that upset with him.
"Damn. Bella looks hot."
Edward growled at Jasper's awed comment, but his eyes didn't leave Bella. He saw her introduce Felix to Alice, who waved cheerily at the bouncer. Then Felix said something to Bella that made her strike a ridiculous pose with her hands on each side of her waist, an obvious attempt to do her own version of the infamous Blue Steel that made Alice and Felix burst out laughing. Fuck that dress. I'll strangle Bubbly, Snarky and Hoe with my bare hands for making my Bella wear that tonight.
The three crazies had taken Bella to a "girl's afternoon out" as Jessica called it. Apparently, Alice had scheduled a spa appointment for them, which included full-body massages, waxing (Bella had visibly paled hearing that), mani/pedis, and whatever other stuff women do on their "spa days." Charlie, Renee, Phil, Vanessa and Nessie had left for Forks after lunch. They would be back tomorrow. Phil had joked that they would only cramp their styles if the oldies (as Bella's uncle called him, his wife and the Swans) attend tonight's "shindig."
Nessie was forced to leave with them at Alice's insistence.
No wonder Nessie wasn't invited. The three hoochies planned to slut up Bella. Edward eyed her and the erection-magnet dress she was wearing with disdain. It was sparkly, it was extremely short and it was strapless. The tops of Bella's breasts were visible for every pervert to ogle.
And his bar was Perv Central.
Dammit to hell! "Look away, Jasper. Just look away," he snarled, his fists opening and closing as if itching to punch someone. Try everyone with a dick, gay or otherwise. Edward took his eyes off Bella for a second and scoured the premises. James and his band were on stage, supposedly doing a sound check, but they were all frozen on the spot – gawking like idiots – in Bella's direction.
Mike Newton, his DJ, was at The Mez, the DJ booth, an area a few feet higher than the stage and enclosed by glass. However, instead of warming up, which was his usual M.O, Mike was holding his headset inches away from his right ear and was staring unblinkingly at, again, Bella.
And don't get him started about the wait staff. His head waiter, Ben, the same Ben who had been celibate since God knows when thanks to his girlfriend Angela's decision to not put out, stood in the middle of the round tables a few feet away from the entrance door, mouth gaping open. Behind him, Garrett and Benjamin, also known as Ben 2.0, completely forgot about the tables they were supposedly wiping as they mimicked their head waiter's mouth-gaping-open-struck-dumb-drooling-over-Bella expression.
Jaw clenching in irritation, Edward looked behind him to see Jasper swallowing repeatedly while his gaze was still fixated on Bella, and Tyler, who seemed to have forgotten his bad mood, joined them and started snapping his fingers then yelled out "Damn B, you look sizzling, girl!" Sam, his other bartender, materialized from out of nowhere and offered a very enthusiastic-sounding wolf whistle.
Why did I hire an all-male staff again? Edward frowned. Brilliant marketing move, my ass.
Alice bounced in front of him, throwing a curious glance at Jasper. "Hi, E. Cullen!" She was wearing a dark blue dress that fit her like a glove, yet she somehow made it look classy, not slutty.
Before Edward could snarl a comeback, Bella was already there, standing beside her cousin. She grinned at the calls of "Happy Birthday!" across the room, waved at the guys on stage, even Mike, nodded hello to Ben, Garrett and Ben 2.0, and even reached out to hug Tyler. She gave Sam a two-finger salute while still hugging Ty. Edward narrowed his eyes at the expanse of skin that showed when she did that. The bar that separated the bartenders from the customers was a bit higher than most, and for Bella's height she needed to rise in tip toe just to be able to reach Tyler. Pair that up with her extending her arms and that pulled the hem of her already short dress even higher. If not for the tightness at the butt area...fuck, I'm getting a hard-on just by thinking this...she would be showing whatever she was wearing underneath. Which brought two major facts out in the open, well, at least to Edward's keenly perverted mind.
1. There were no visible panty lines.
2. Bella hated wearing thongs. She'd rather go commando than...
Jesus Christ, she's not wearing anything under that fucking dress!
Anthony twitched. Twice.
He moved slightly behind the brunette to cover the vision from the others, in case these perverts put two and two together and guessed that Bella wasn't wearing any underwear tonight. Not that they knew about her hatred for thongs − that info was for him and him alone... He shook his head and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he glared at each and everyone inside the bar, including the three hoochies and Emmett, who looked extremely entertained.
"Happy birthday, Bella." Jasper was about to reach out and hug the celebrant himself, but Edward's throat-clearing made him pat Bella on the shoulder instead.
"Thanks Jasper."
When Bella turned and faced Edward, he scowled at her. "Hey, grumpy."
"I'm not grumpy."
"Oh, so that's a happy Edward mentality you're projecting now? All scowly and huffy? That's a happy Edward?"
Grumpy Edward didn't respond. He just stood there, arms crossed, and looking pointedly at Bella who just gazed back at him.
Shaking her head, Rose waddled to the nearest stool and sat down. "I'm too thirsty for this. Hey Ty, I was told tonight was open bar and open mic night. Can I enjoy the open bar part right now?"
Tyler smirked. "Sure, Rose. I've got the right drink for you, Momma."
Alice turned to smile up at Jasper. "Hi, I'm Alice. We talked on the phone this afternoon?"
Jasper nodded. "Yeah. You're the one who reminded me a hundred times about extra microphones and spent a very long time telling me where to put the finger foods and birthday cake, considering you haven't even been here before." The irritation in his voice was obvious, coupled with the fact that Alice's smile was not returned.
Now, I'm intrigued. "I'm kinda ODD about things like that." Alice offered by way of explanation, batting her eyelashes a little.
"You mean O-C-D." The tall blonde looked completely disgusted by that mistake.
He didn't find it cute, which was a first. That usually earned a short laugh and a flirty correction! Damn, this hottie is tough to crack. "Oh, yeah, OCD. That's what I meant."
"Right." That was definitely a patronizing tone he used. "Anyway, about the food and the cake, Ben, our head waiter, will be the one to assist you. If you'll excuse me, I have other things to do." And he was gone.
Alice was left, confused as hell. What did I do? Why the instant dislike?
"If your name isn't Bella, Jasper won't give you the time of day."
Bubbly lost a little of her bubbliness. "What do you mean, Jess?"
"I used to stalk him. I mean, could you blame me? That man, with his blonde hair, blue eyes, Texas twang...he's delicious! But he never, ever gave me the time of day. He told me he wasn't interested. I guess he dated a couple of times, but nobody really made him commit. Oh, and he's a bit friendly with Rose, but there's no denying that he's super nice to Bella."
Alice moved closer to Jessica then whispered, "Super nice like, he-wants-to-date-Bella super nice?"
Jess nodded and whispered back, "He never admitted it, but he gave her these looks when he thought no one was watching. Back then, I was a bit addicted, so I observed and watched him a lot. He could be really reserved and detached, but when Bella was there, he was open and they'd laugh a lot."
Both turned to look discreetly at Edward and Bella who still stood eyeing each other without exchanging any words.
"Most likely he's not pursuing Bella because of Edward," Alice mumbled.
"That makes perfect sense." Jessica agreed then she straightened and winked at Alice. "Speaking of pursuing, I have James to pester."
Alice giggled, wished her good luck and shooed the petite blonde away.
"Hey Ali, I ordered a Cosmo for you. Come here and meet Tyler and Sam, the best fucking bartenders in town!" Rose called, raising a martini glass and waggling her eyebrows suggestively.
With a shrug, Alice went and joined Rose and Emmett at the bar. This is so not the end, Jasper. I'll get back at you. Soon! She gave the "best bartenders in town" a friendly smile.
"My eyes are starting to get dry."
Edward huffed. "Nobody asked you to not blink."
"I thought that was the game we were playing, since you weren't blinking at all."
He snorted. "We're not playing anything, Bella."
"Dang it! I really thought we were having a staring contest or something."
"Happy Birthday, Bellaaaaaaaaa!"
The non-game forgotten, both turned to check who was the bearer of such screamy greeting, and Bella promptly burst out laughing when she saw who it was. "Aro! You're here! Wow, I'm so honored!"
Arogenius Volturi (he claimed his parents were mentally unstable when they named him, and then changed his story. Once they let him have it for sullying their good names, he told the truth – they were just a pair of sentimental idiots who merged the place where he was born, the Airport Reservation Office, with the name of the private jet his grandfather owned in an effort to commemorate his badly-timed entrance in the world) was the notoriously eccentric owner of Volturi Publishing, the company that published all of Bella's books. Aro was the one who believed in her and had made an offer on her very first manuscript when no one else would give her a chance. She had been with them for three years now, and was happy and content.
Aro was known to live like a hermit ever since his wife had died two years ago. He seldom went outside his home and more or less left the overall handling of the business to his only daughter, Jane. His son, and Jane's twin, Alec, sometimes helped out in Marketing and PR but he was more inclined to do "field work" of discovering new writers. Or, on rare occasions, book tours like he'd done with Bella.
"Thank you, Aro," Bella exclaimed as she hugged her boss tightly.
"For my favorite author? Anytime, darling. Anytime."
"Happy birthday Is!" Jane was next, kissing Bella on both cheeks. "You look absolutely amazing. I love the dress!"
"Thanks, Jay. This is all Alice, Rose and Jessica. I have no say whatsoever in how I look tonight."
The three hoochies are definitely going down, Edward thought irritably.
"Finally, my turn." Alec joked with a grin then reached out to squeeze one of Bella's hands. "Happy birthday, beautiful Is."
Edward frowned at the hand-squeeze, the nickname with the compliment, and the way the bastard said it in a breathy voice. He especially hated the way the fucker's eyes travelled from Bella's hair down to her feet. She's mine, fucktard! Mentally, Alec Volturi was already sprawled on the floor, passed out with a black-eye and a bruised cheek courtesy of Edward's fist.
Bella squeezed his hand back then let go, smiling at Alec. "I can't believe the Volturi family is here! I feel so special."
"You are special." Alec stated clearly and surely, giving her an intense look.
Jane mock-coughed then mumbled "subtle" at her twin.
Aro smirked.
The People In The Know (A.K.A. two hoochies, amused husband of a hoochie and three Masen's employees who were watching the scene with avid interest) all turned to look at Edward.
"Sheesh. Thanks." Bella said, obviously embarrassed by the compliment and uncomfortable with Alec's laser-beam stare, taking a few steps backward until she felt Edward's body heat, which somehow relaxed her. She turned to smile at her very own safety blanket, in hunkified and yummified form, and linked an arm around his.
The People In The Know exchanged secret smiles. Alice in particular started bouncing on her stool.
"Edward generously closed Masen's for my birthday and proclaimed tonight as open bar slash open mic night, so be sure to drink to your heart's content and sing until you lose your voices."
"The song you perform MUST be Bella-related, though," Alice quipped, still bouncing.
"Thank God for the open bar then," Jane replied, laughing. "I'll need some major liquid courage."
On cue, Ben appeared and ushered the Volturi to their table and asked for their preferred drinks. When they were gone, Bella turned to Edward and grimaced. "Dude, what was up with Alec?"
"Blame the dress." Edward answered gruffly. In all honesty, it wasn't really the dress but Bella herself. Alec had been carrying a torch since that sorry excuse for a road trip last year. It was so obvious. A man wouldn't spend that much time planning a road trip if there was no hidden agenda. Of course there was. The fucktard wanted alone time with my woman. Hell freezes over before I let that happen.
Bella looked down at herself in surprise. "Why? Alice said this is from a very famous designer."
"Well, for one thing, this famous designer forgot to use more fabric. Hello, boobies." And to prove his point, Edward eyed the tops of her breasts in exaggerated lewdness.
Marie tingled.
Bella blushed. "Don't be crude, Crudeface." She raised her right hand and covered Edward's eyes.
"I will have my hands full warding off perverts tonight," Edward predicted then removed the hand that was covering his eyes. "Or, I can make everybody wear blindfolds and call it a party theme or something."
"Lame." Bella rolled her eyes. "Dude, these people are our friends. They will not look at me like that!"
Edward gave her an incredulous look. "Seriously? Have you seen yourself, Bella? All that creamy skin, long legs, cleavage and hell, even your freaking collar bone looks hot! You are hot! Anybody with a dick will appreciate your beauty and effortless sexiness, Bella. Friends or not, as long as they've got eyes, they'll acknowledge it. Masen's is definitely Perv Central tonight, because of you."
Bella grew silent then blushed some more. "Even, erm, you?"
Edward hesitated for a full minute then nodded. "Let's just say, I'm the king of the Perv Pack."
Behind them Rose let out an uncharacteristically cheerful "Hooraaay" while Emmett giggled like a pre-schooler being tickled nonstop. Alice pretended she wasn't eavesdropping, but for someone who supposedly wasn't listening, and the one who suggested to Edward to lay-off from giving any sexual innuendos, her ear to ear grin and bouncing said otherwise.
Bella glanced at them in confusion, ignoring the way her heart fluttered hearing Edward admit how she looked tonight affected him, especially knowing it was enough to make him think perverted thoughts!
Me likey pervy Eddie!
Bella ignored her ever-impudent brain. I promised myself I wouldn't dwell about Babe A and Babe B tonight. Maybe later, when I'm in bed and alone, but not now. God, not now! "What was that 'hooray' for, Rose?"
"She's just giddy, 'cause I brought her another glass of my irresistible Shirley Temple," Tyler answered for the pregnant woman, who raised her glass in agreement. "And I may be gay but I do acknowledge your effortless sexiness, B."
"Forget about private conversations, huh?" Bella joked good-naturedly.
"Sorry, too juicy to pass up. Want the same drink I made for Rose? It's alcohol-free so you're safe."
"Okay." Bella agreed, disentangling her arm from Edward's to sit beside Alice. "Thanks, Ty."
Edward, in turn, sat beside her. "Tell me when you feel cold so I can give you my jacket."
Marie tingled again. The offer was not even remotely sexual, Marie. Sheesh. You're turning into the queen of the Perv Pack, little missy! "Okay. But I have my own–"
"But my jacket's closer." Edward interrupted her with a wave of his hand.
"Fine, Dad."
"Good, Mom."
Jasper grinned at the exchange as he sat on the stool beside Edward. He was about to tease Dad and Mom when someone announced Bella's name behind them, just a decibel or two lower than Aro's previous greeting.
"Bella Marie Swan!"
Everyone seated at the bar gave the latest guest a look. He was a tall – around six foot five, an inch taller than Felix – and enormously muscular Native American, grinning at Bella. He-Man had long, black hair, super white teeth and a brown skin that emphasized the whiteness of those teeth even more.
Not gonna lie, Jasper thought, the dude makes me want to stay away from whitening toothpaste from now on. Creepy.
"Jacob! I'm so happy you're here!" Bella exclaimed, beaming.
No freaking way! Of all the possible coincidences...Geez. Jasper glanced at the man beside him in concern and saw Edward's entire face, neck and ears started to redden. Shit.
Besides the reddening, Edward's fists, placed on top of the bar, were clenched so tightly the knuckles had turned white. He was also trembling with barely concealed anger.
Edward, in Jasper's opinion, looked like he was only three seconds away from transforming into the Incredible Hulk.
This is bad. Really bad.