In Which Avis and Sarvy Discover Something Suspicious

Avis and Sarvy, upon Watson's invitation into the lovely, charming, and somewhat orderly, due to the never-ceasing efforts of the long suffering landlady, house, pranced through the door, yowling triumphantly at their thwarting of Holmes's design to keep them out of 221B. This involved much of the "MUAHAHA"ing along with a few ephemeral bouts of "We're BaaAaAAck". Watson was far too awed at the fantastical happenings to much regard the ladies' conduct. The prospect of visitors from the future, and what they might give to the science of medicine, rendered him blind to the frighteningly obvious and painfully abundant evidence that the two "fourth dimension hoppers" were hardly going to give him copious amount of useful and even slightly valid medicinal information.

Holmes on the other hand, who had been experiencing something almost slightly resembling regret at having cast such interesting persons away to the cold dark streets of London, was remembering, upon their return to his abode, the reasons for which he had expelled them. Although they could potentially add much to his understanding of…well everything, he doubted that they would stay focused long enough to say anything useful. Moreover, it was unnatural, and unexplainable. Such things may have made common men descend into a state of panic resulting from fear of the unknown, and scientists wary of complications, but Homes was neither. He was a consulting detective.

Determined to understand the strange phenomenon he attempted to keep patience when dealing with the girls. As you can imagine, this was somewhat unbearable.

Sarvy had pulled an encyclopedia off a shelf and was now roaring with laughter over the misinformation of the 19th century. Avis was now poking around the room, and occasionally shouting out things like, "Let's save Lincoln!", or "Let's go invent Jell-o!", and the like. She was also pointing out things that 'could kill you'.

"They can't really be from the future, can they?" Watson asked Holmes; half hoping he would say that the two girls were raving lunatics, and that their glowing rectangle had been an elaborate ruse, easily explained by science. 19th century science, that is.

"It seems like the most logical explanation, my dear Watson." Despite his apparent lack of awe, Holmes was actually just as fascinated by their visitors from the future, though he was not fascinated enough to enjoy their presence after they had mocked him so profusely. Indeed, Watson held similar sentiments, as Sarvy began to ridicule the science of medicine.

"Well, what is it then, exactly?"Watson asked, after hearing Sarvy's despairing comments about a kind of fungal infection.

"Can't tell you, my dearling, for fear of causing universe-destroying paradoxes!"Avis sniggered behind her hand as Watson scowled.

"Bloody irritating, aren't they?" Watson uttered this in a much softer voice, for fear of offending the girls and propelling them into a fit of rage. "They can't be thinking we'll let them stay! For one thing, it would be quite improper. For another, there's little room to accommodate them. For yet another -"He gesticulated widely toward the two girls, one of whom (Avis) was blatantly stealing random objects from the room and replacing them with foreign money , as if to say, 'Just look at them!"

"Good thing we took the bags in this time, eh Sarv?" Avis had taken an empty bag and was filling it with the items she had "bought".

"Huh? Oh yeah. Is that a stamp box or something? Weird. But anyway, listen to this: living organisms differ from nonliving things as a result of possessing a life force -"

"Don't make fun of the lovely primitive people, Mangle. It's rude. It's also funny, but I digress."

"No you don't. You've never digressed in your life."

"Whatever. Hey, let's go to the capital and give the president an iPod!"

"Let the battery run out first?"

"You're evil!"

"Do we even have an iPod?"

"Besides Mypod? IDK."

Avis and Sarvy began again to search the bags in hope of finding an eye-Pod, whatever that was. The bags, which before Watson had not paid a second glance, were filled with all of a manner of strange, futuristic things, which included, but were not limited to, exceptionally odd clothing, mostly similar to that which the girls were wearing, many pieces of square and rectangular metal, of varying shapes and sizes, and one bright red bag appeared to be filled with lethal looking objects.

Avis, who was looking through the bright red bag, pulled out each of the objects, naming them, and sounding astounded.

"Whoa, lookie, Sarv! It's a ghaddam, flame thrower!"

"You mean to say these weapons are not yours?"

"Oh, cluck no! What do think we are, some kind of homicidal mani-"

At this point, Avis was cut short by Sarvy's screams of terror. They looked over at her, and saw her clutching five identical copies of a book, which was entitled,

"How to Survive a Horror Movie? I loved that book! Wait….Oohhh…That can't be-"

"No! Nonononononono! Look, on every copy the mover- I mean, the word movie, is crossed out replaced by," Sarvy, trembling with fear at this unknown terror, somehow managed to gasp out the last word. ", Fic."

"How to survive a Horror Fic." Avis's eyes were as the size of small moons as she uttered the title of the book in a voice so soft it wouldn't wake a dormouse.

As she stood stock still, shocked into a state of stillness that was otherwise unthinkable, Holmes and Watson glanced at each other, bewildered.

Holmes began to speak. "Girls, I hardly think-"He was cut off by both Sarvy and Avis, who were now lovely shades of green.

"No, Holmes, you don't understand-"

"STFU, sir. I'm sorry, but SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. We're all-"

"We can get through this, if we stick together, or something idiotic like that. Hey, If Jude Law-"

"Don't you understand, Ave? Can't you see our impending doom on these laminated covers? It's a fic, Ave, it's sosososo much worse than a movie. They have an unlimited budget. Are you hearing me? An unlimited budget! To make Watson Jude Law all they have to do is write, Watson looked like Jude Law! No paying for the f'awesome actor. No copyright infringement! They don't have to pay for anything or be qualified or do anything other than sit at a computer and (deep breath). I mean, look!" Sarvy ran over to furniture and pulled open a drawer, which was filled with papers and the like.

"So none of the ejector seats…?"

"NO, Avis, a genre-switch will not save us!"

"And jarringly good dialog is a good thing!"

"Yes!"

"What's the rating?"

"I don't know!"

"This is bad."

"This is veryveryvery bad. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod."

"Ohhhhhh…"

"Hey! I have an idea!" Sarvy said to Avis. "Let's leave!"

"I don't know how to! All the other fics don't even say anything about that! I just thought we'd stay here for like a week, mess with Holmes and have a good old time-"

"And leave! Wasn't that part of the plan? LEAVING?"

"Well, we can't now! Deal with it."

"We're all going to die. I'm going to die. I'M GOING TO EFFING DIE YOU DUMB BI-!"

"Pull yourself together!" Avis snapped. She pulled out one of the copies of the book that had caused all this fretting. "We're in a Horror Fic. This is the situation. We just have to deal with it. If we're smart, we'll live. And we have Sherlock Holmes on our side, Sarv. We can do this. We can do this. OK? OK. I'm going to look in the book now, and see what's coming to kill us. Sarvy, calm down. You're no good to us all panicked. Okay. So, we're in England. The natural assumption would be werewolves, and-. OOoooh My god."

"What now?"

"Don't freak out."

"What?"

"All the Undead pages are torn out."

"ERK!"

"Ok, in the red bag we have weapons and stuff, so it can't be ghosts. No holy water, so it can't be vampires. That only leaves-"

Simultaneously, Sarvy and Avis took in a deep breath, and said, mostly to themselves, "Zombies."