If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. -Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

Chapter II: Mind Conversations

Popular kids didn't have friends, they had alliances. You were safe as long as you were the only person you trusted. At any moment, someone might make a laughing stock out of you because then they knew no one was laughing at them.

Ask a random kid today if they want to be popular. They'll tell you 'no' – even if the truth is that if they were stranded in the desert dying of thirst and had the choice between a glass of water and instant popularity, they'd probably choose the latter. See, you can't admit to wanting it because it would make you less cool. To be truly popular, it has to look like something you are, when in reality, it's something you make yourself. I wonder if anyone works harder at anything than kids do at being popular, I mean, air-traffic controllers and even the president of the United States take vacations. But take a look at your average teenage-student and you'll see someone who's putting in twenty-four hours a day for the entire length of the school year. So how do you crack that inner-sanctum? Well here's the catch: it's not up to you. What's important is what everyone else thinks of how you dress, what you eat and what you read. I've always sort of wondered, though: if everyone else's opinion is what matters, then do you ever really have your own?

People literally did anything and everything to get out of out, and into in.

But in only existed because someone had drawn a line in the sand, so that everyone else was out; and that line changed constantly. You might find yourself, through no fault of your own, suddenly standing on the wrong side.

Sirius' P.O.V.

He saw it all. He was a witness, a bystander. So why did he feel so guilty; as if he'd committed the crime himself?

Because you didn't do anything, His mind forced at him.

Exactly. I didn't do anything, so I shouldn't feel like I do, he thought back.

Maybe if you did something to help, you wouldn't feel this way.

"Shut up!" he yelled to no one in particular. People around him stared at his sudden outburst. Sirius shook his head, hoping to shake the recent event from his memory. He wasn't crazy.

He was hungry though, but he couldn't go into the Great Hall and see him sit there and pick at his food. The guilt would only grow. He needed to get away from the boy so that he could reconsider his decisions.

The Common Room would be the best choice, he decided. Almost everyone would be eating dinner, or in the library studying for some assignment (O.W.L's were only 7 months away, and some liked to hit the books early).

Sirius took long strides down the halls, ignoring any "hey!"s from his peers, and "hey..."s from the giggling girls. He climbed the stairs quickly and the Fat Lady Portrait was already in view. People exiting the portrait hole gave him strange stares, curious as to why he was going into the Common Room instead of the other way around. He brushed the looks away and ran so he could enter before the painting could close itself.

He looked around and there were only 7 students in the room: three seventh years sitting by the fireplace with books piled around them, two third years, and two first years playing with some chocolate frog cards. All the chairs were occupied with the younger students, so he headed straight to his dorm. He pushed open the door - empty, finally. His head was pounding so loud, he could practically hear it in his ears. He needed to think, but thinking would most likely give him a larger migraine.

Sirius flopped onto the bed, landing on his belly. He groaned in relief – oh, the comfort beneath him. He inhaled deeply, expecting to smell his own, sweet hair, but instead taking in the scent of...strawberries? He forced his head up from the pillow and took a good look at his surroundings. Third bed from the door - Remus'. He groaned again, but in frustration.

You couldn't escape that boy, he always got you …

Since his mind was already on the 'Remus' topic, he figured he might as well re-think what happened.

So, he was coming out from Transfiguration with James and Peter. James spotted Evans, whipped out a comb, and strutted over to fail epically (once again), Peter followed for the comedy show, and he'd wandered off. He was heading towards the Great Hall for dinner, until he heard a large thud. He turned left down another hall to find what had happened. Then he saw a large group of Slytherins jeering at a boy on the floor. He watched as each of them kicked him in his side, and flipped him off, laughing away.

It's not like there was much he could do … they'd already tripped him, and only if he ran to get someone would he be able to help...but they might have been gone by then, right?

Okay, what if he had helped him up? Would people assume he was gay too? Would they think he'd committed treason, and was now on Remus' side? It's not like people acknowledged Remus was on the floor, would they notice if he just lent a hand? What if he went and talked to them afterwards? Would they attack him like they did Remus?

All the possibilities swam in his head - all the possibilities that didn't happen.

Why are you so afraid? A voice asked.

"Because what if they do to me as they did to him?" he answered back immediately.

And you'd rather be what you're supposed to be than what you are?

"Well, what other choice do I have?" he argued to himself.

Come out - they won't treat you like Remus. You're a Black, you've still got a huge reputation, and you are the ultimate prank master along with James Potter.

"How does that affect my sexual orientation?"

Well, obviously it won't matter compared to those other things. Remus is just a small, flamboyant, gay boy. He's asking to be punched. You, on the other hand, can definitely stand up for yourself - you're pretty intimidating. They'll try to mess with you, but you're the bigger man.

"Won't that just make it worse for Remus? They'll be upset they can't beat me up, so they'll make sure he gets both ends of the stick."

Instead of worrying about how they'll hurt him, why don't you just solve that by defending him, too? If they won't attack you individually, why would they do it with both of you?

Sirius nodded to himself, happy that he'd figured all that out. It was a great plan – too bad it was never going to be followed out. He glanced at the clock hanging above the door; 5:57pm. Dinner would be clearing up any minute, which means the others would be up soon.

He had a few assignments to complete before he could go to bed, but he was really comfortable on this bed. He had completely forgotten it wasn't even his. He flipped on to his left side, and let his eyelids fall shut.

I'm just resting my eyes until the others get up. And before they enter the room, I'll wake up and we'll work on the homework …

But Sirius never realized that 'resting his eyes' would take so long. He first let his mind remember where he was and what happened before he finally opened his eyes. He didn't see James or Peter at all - where were they? Did he only close his eyes for a few minutes even though it felt like an eternity? Sirius sat up and rubbed his eyes and then he finally saw that he wasn't alone. On the dresser by the door, sat Remus Lupin.

His large gold eyes looked nervous at the sight of Sirius in his bed. Sirius tore his eyes away from him and onto the clock north-west to him; 8:28. Surprise hit him like a slap. Did he really sleep for more than 2 and a half hours? Was this perhaps – just maybe – all a dream?

As his eyes darted back to the tawny haired boy across the room, their eyes locked, and an awkward silence slowly filled up the room like smoke from a fire. It's not as if anyone was there; he could have made small talk with him, couldn't he? It's not like they would remember the unimportant conversation, anyway.

"Where are James and Peter?" Sirius broke all eye contact, and pointed his attention to the sheets - though he could still feel Remus' eyes on him.

"They're both in the Common Room..." his small voice echoed off the walls.

"Oh." Sirius breathed. He wasn't sure what else to say. Was there anything else to say? Sirius stood up and walked towards the door...he couldn't think of anything else. When he was passing Remus, he cringed at their proximity and Sirius felt even more penitent. He walked through the doorway as he heard Remus slip down from the dresser. He took his first step down the stairs when he heard a gasp from behind him.

Sirius bit his lip, cogitating whether he should just keep walking and pretend he didn't hear anything. He took two more steps, but he didn't think he could get all the way down. Because he did hear him - he could still hear him. It took all he had to make it down the rest of those stairs and into the common room. James and Peter were indeed, there, playing Exploding Snap.[1] They motioned for him to come over when they saw him.

"Whoa, what's up with you? You look terrible." Peter laughed at James' comment. Sirius took a shaky breath and forced a smile.

He sat besides James as they matched the pairs of cards and they randomly exploded in front of their faces. They all laughed together. The room was so loud that Sirius almost forgot what he'd heard upstairs. That is, almost.

Pathetic boy…, his mind said, and he wasn't sure if that statement was for Remus, or for himself.

[1]: Exploding Snap is a wizarding card game in which the cards spontaneously explode during games. The game is popular with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry students. In 1992, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were held back from investigating why spiders were fleeing Hogwarts because the twins Fred and George Weasley delayed them with such a game. In 1994, Ron singed his eyebrows while building a card house with Exploding Snap cards.

Versions
There are 2 variants of Exploding Snap. The first one, the "Classical" Game, is quite simple, however it requires some reflex. The rules are simple: when you see two identical pictures, hit the card with the top of your wand – one point is yours. The player with the most points wins the game. The hard part is, the cards shuffle faster and faster. The second one, the "Patience" Game, is a bit harder. You have 20 cards and you reveal them in pairs. You have to find two identical pictures. Cards explode soon after you reveal them for the first time (of course, if you don't find a pair before).

Compliment the wonderful spelling and .. everything making sense - to HPJellicleCat , me wonderfulz betuhh.